by C. A. Rene
Through the Pain
Whitsborough Chronicles Book 1
C.A. Rene
Copyright © 2020 C.A. Rene
All rights reserved. This book, or any portion thereof, may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental, The characters and story lines are created by the author's imagination and are used fictitiously.
No copyright infringement intended.
No claims have been made over songs and/or lyrics written. All credit goes to original owner.
Cover Design By: Macy Chow
For all the Embers out there... You are not alone. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are strong, I believe in you.
Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Playlist
Prologue
Chapter one
Chapter two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Epilogue
About The Author
Whitsborough Chronicles
Playlist
"Megatron" ------Nicki Minaj
"Drunk in Love" -----Beyonce
"Clique" ---- Kanye west, Jay-Z, Big Sean
"Lullaby" ------Niykee Heaton
"The Beautiful People" ---- Marilyn Manson
"SICKO MODE" ---- Travis Scott
"Bodak Yellow" ---- Cardi B
"Can't Nobody Hold Me Down" --- Diddy, Mase
"Bodies" -----Drowning Pool
"Tennessee Whiskey" ---- Chris Stapleton
"I Can't Make You Love Me" ----- Teddy Swims
"In Bloom" ------ Nirvana
"Dangerous" ----- Kardinal Offishall, Akon
"Blood // Water" ----- grandson
"'Till I Collapse" ----- Eminem, Nate Dogg
"In the End" ---- Linkin Park
"Stronger" ---- Kanye West
"One Last Breath" -----Creed
Prologue
The front of my house is engulfed in flames. I stand transfixed as I watch the orange and red flame lick towards the sky. My mother is home… My mother! I break out from the hold the flame has over me and run for my front door. I can see the heat radiating in waves from it.
I can’t go through here.
I run around the side of the house and hop the gate into my backyard. Smoke billows out of the screen door but the fire hasn’t reached its way back here yet. I pull the neck of my hoodie over my face and rush headfirst through the smoke.
“Mom?” I yell out, there’s no answer. “Mom!”
Our bungalow is a hot box, everything my mother took pride in is burning to the ground. Our very first house we worked so hard for, putting our sweat and blood into, is burning down to ash. I look left to the hallway that leads to the kitchen and see flames licking its way towards me. I look right to the hallway leading to our bedrooms, the pictures of me as a baby and family photos with my mom are burning and melting to the ground. The floral wallpaper I despised but helped my mom put up is curling and burning, the flakes of ash floating towards me.
Where the fuck is she?!
I think I hear a faint voice from the kitchen. I rush to my left and start to feel heat on the parts of my face exposed. The smoke gets thicker and my lungs are screaming with every breath.
“Mom!”
I crouch down to my hands and knees where the smoke is thinner and try to make my way to the kitchen. The black and white checkered linoleum floors are turning brown and curling in front of my eyes.
“Mom!” My voice is hoarse and my throat feels like it’s on fire, my eyes water and tears run down my cheeks in a steady stream.
I must get to her, she’s all I have, my only family. If she dies I might as well die too. She’s the only one that grips the darkness and holds it back. Without her, I will lose myself.
I start to crawl but my legs and arms won’t move as fast as I need them to. The floor in the hallway starts to get hotter and I look towards the ceiling to see flames burning away drywall exposing insulation and wood beams. Still I push forward, I can no longer keep my eyes open they sting so much from smoke and heat, my breaths are coming in quick pants and I feel lightheaded.
I open my eyes to see a wall of flame and watch as everything goes dark. I let it take me.
“Ember!!” I hear my best friend, Tommy. “Ember please! Oh God! I was too late. Help!!!” I can hear him screaming my name over and over. I try to lift my head but it’s just so heavy, I open my mouth to answer him but no sound comes out. My lungs and throat burn like the fire is inside me, trying to push its way out.
I push to open my eyes to tell him I’m here but they won’t cooperate. Fuck, I’m just so tired.
“Emberlise, baby look at me.” It’s my mother, she’s standing in front of me with a serene smile on her face. Her white blonde hair blowing in the wind. “You’re going to be okay baby.”
“Momma? Are you okay?” I ask her. She continues to smile and nods her head.
“Good. I’m so tired.” I tell her.
“Rest baby, I’ll be here.” I nod and let the darkness take me again.
Chapter one
I hear an insistent beeping noise and it pulls me from my deep slumber. I don’t sleep deeply ever, what the fuck happened last night?
I mumble something and reach out to slap at my cellphone on my side table. Fuck school today, I’ll tell them I got my rag. My hand hits a bar and I feel a tearing pain.
“Ember?” My eyes fly open when I hear Tommy’s voice.
“Tommy?” I croak out, “fuck.”
My throat feels like sandpaper and all I see is a plain white ceiling. I turn my head towards the beeping and see a hospital monitor. The fuck? I groan as all the memories flood my brain. My house burning and me trying to get to my mother… My mother!
“Hey Blur, look at me.” I hear Tommy say, using the nickname I’ve had for over ten years. I slowly turn my head to him and see his dark brown, almost black eyes wide and staring at me.
“How are you feeling?”
“Mom…” Fuck, it hurts to speak.
“Hey, it’s okay I called the nurse she’s going to come check on you.” He says, brushing some hair off my face. My brow tenses as I look at him, this is unlike Tommy, he’s never affectionate. I’d get a half hug or a hair ruffle but never tenderness.
Something was wrong.
“Water.” I say.
I need to wet my throat before I lose my fucking shit. Tommy scrambles to his feet and grabs a cup filled with ice chips.
“They said to only give you this.” He places an ice chip in my mouth.
“My mom?” I ask in a hoarse whisper. I sound like I smoked a whole carton of cigarettes.
“Just wait for the doctor, Ember.” He says sadness bleeding into his voice.
It’s bad, it’s really bad. I can feel it. I start to tremble, feeling the anger building and sliding down my limbs. My chest feels like it’s on fire as it spreads up my t
hroat. I’m thankful as the blackness takes me again.
“When will she wake up?” I hear a woman’s voice.
“Her body has been through serious trauma and she has severe smoke inhalation. Her coming in and out of consciousness will be normal as her body is resting and healing.”
He sounds like a doctor. I wish I could fucking grill him right now.
“I can’t believe this is how I meet my niece, damn you Rebecca.” Niece? Who is this woman and why is she talking about my mother?
I hear quiet sobs and another soothing male voice. Who are they? I struggle to open my eyes but my brain is refusing. I can feel the blackness coming over me again.
I wake up once again, to the sound of beeping. My head feels clearer and my chest is a dull ache compared to the roaring heat I felt before. My throat is still dry but not hurting as much. I open my eyes and see the same ceiling as before. I turn my head to the right and I see Tommy fast asleep in the armchair with his arms and legs thrown out wide.
“Tommy…” I strain to speak. He stirs and his eyes open slowly.
“Ember?” He rubs his eyes and sits up.
“Here, you must be thirsty.” He brings me a cup of water. “Drink slowly.”
The cool water feels good against my parched throat. I close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing. A technique I learned over the years when I feel myself losing control. Tommy-who knows me so well-senses this. I need some fucking answers.
“Blur, you’re an animal. You can do this. You’ve taken down men twice your size. I watched you fight two men and look for more. Just breathe it out.”
“That last cage fight, the one with The Bishop, why did shit get so quiet? I could feel the tension in the room.”
“Raphael is out of jail. He showed face at that fight. You decimated his best fighter.” His grin lights up. “Like I said, an animal.”
Raphael is the Kingpin of the East Rampage, a gang that runs the Bronx with drugs, guns and illegal ring fights. He was put away for fifteen years on trafficking, racketeering and money laundering charges. Tommy says they were never sure who the informant was, but to rest assured Raphael would find them.
Tommy is right, I’m strong and I’m a fighter. I’ve trained for years to be this strong and the anger that feeds that strength is a constant struggle to control. That must come from the father I never knew because my mother is as sweet as pie. Couldn’t even hurt a fly.
My eyes snap open and I investigate Tommy’s face.
“My mother, tell me now.”
His face contorts into pure agony and he opens his mouth to speak, just then the door to my hospital room opens and in walks a woman who looks too much like my mother to be real.
My mouth opens and shuts as I try to figure out what to say. She saves me the time though.
“Hello Emberlise, I am your aunt Debra. I’m your mother’s sister. Younger sister, by a few years…” she’s rambling, just like my mother does when she gets nervous. “I didn’t know you existed… I didn’t know anything. I tried to find her for years. She disappeared.”
“Who the fuck…” I croak out but she cuts me off.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t start off with all that. I’m just really glad you’re okay and to have found you. Even under these circumstances.”
What circumstances? Before I can voice my question Tommy stands up.
“I gotta get home for a bit, Jason is there alone. You know how he gets.” He says, “I’ll call you tomorrow before you’re released.”
I do know, Tommy’s fifteen-year-old foster brother is a train wreck.
“Wait.” I demand, “I need you to tell me…” I am cut off again.
“It’s okay Tommy, I will take it from here.” This lady who claims to be my aunt needs to watch who she’s talking to. Tommy nods and leans down to kiss my forehead.
“I promise I’ll call tomorrow.” Then he’s gone.
“Why are you here? Where is my mother?” I ask her, fuck she looks so familiar but foreign at the same time.
She moves slow and sits in the chair that Tommy vacated.
“I was listed as yours and your mother's next of kin.” She has tears rolling down her cheeks as she hiccups into her hand. “I didn’t even know you existed. I spent a few years after she left looking for her, but I was young. After those few years of nothing I became angry. I just stopped looking but I thought about her often. I missed her but I was so angry.”
“Where is my mother?” I demand again slowly.
“Honey, I’m so sorry. She’s not here. Oh God, I don’t even know how to do this.” She’s now sobbing into her hands.
Not here? Like not here in this hospital? Why not? Where did they send her?
“If she’s not here, where is she?” I say slowly, enunciating each word, it’s like she should be laying here and not me.
“Oh God.” She groans through her hands, “It’s not good Emberlise.”
She’s using my full name, looking distraught and avoiding my eyes.
I know.
My mother didn’t make it.
I hear a high pitch scream and realize it’s coming from me. My whole body erupts with pain and I scream out all the air in my lungs.
“I’m so sorry!” This woman says and she grabs my hand. “We will do this together. You are not alone.”
I am so alone. My mother was all I had. Now it’s just me and the darkness. I scream again as the nurse rushes in the room.
“Okay dear,” she says soothingly, “you are one strong girl.”
I watch as she injects something into my IV and my eyes instantly become heavy. Great, I’m drugged.
“No… drugs... I … hate this…. feel…”
“Just to help you sleep dear, no matter how strong you are, your body needs rest.”
Her voice fades along with the sound of my mother’s sister's sobbing. I welcome the blackness, it’s easier than reality.
The next day I am released into the custody of my Aunt Debra and Uncle Scott Williams. They are the typical cookie cutter married couple, all loving and shit, they look at me like they might’ve won the lottery.
They don’t know shit.
I am standing in a hotel bathroom staring at my reflection. My dark brown hair is hanging to my mid back, looking limp and dull. My usually warm olive skin tone is looking slightly green and my pale turquoise eyes-my mother's eyes-look back at me lifelessly. My features belong to my mother like my eye colour, pert nose and full cupid bow lips but my skin tone, almond shaped eyes and beauty mark under my right eye belong to the father I’ve never met. My body feels completely worn out and it hurts to take deep breaths still. I place my hand over my left breast and feel my thundering heartbeat, fuck I’ve lost weight since being in the hospital. I’m toned and I have very little body fat but I can see I’ve lost some muscle mass.
My breasts aren’t like big ass, up to your chin pillow tits but they are more than a handful. Now my ass has always been just a little too thick for my body and by looking at it now I definitely lost weight. At 5’8 I’m a little more than average height for a female and where most girls are watching what they gain, I’m picky about what I lose.
I throw my hair up into a messy bun and splash water on my face, I need to figure out my situation with these new people. I leave the bathroom and go to sit on a chair by the window. I see a bus below deposit a group of people scattering around to their jobs or if they are like my mother their second one of the day already. There’s a hole in my chest and every time I think about her I have a hard time breathing.
Like right now.
“Hey Emberlise, in through your nose and out your mouth.” My shiny new uncle says soothingly while rubbing my back. The touch makes my skin crawl but I deal.
“Ember.” I say once I catch my breath. “You can call me Ember.”
“Ember it is.”
We are sitting in a pretty impressive suite in a pretty expensive hotel while my aunt settles my mother’s estate. How
rich are these people? They’ve already decided to replace my whole wardrobe and my aunt says you can never have too many shoes. Typical rich bitch.
I just want my mother. No amount of money, shoes or clothing will ever replace her.
Tommy called today as promised. He reminded me of a few engagements I had planned before this whole mess and he also brought up a good point, where do these people live? And where will I be living? He doesn’t think it’s New York obviously because my aunt said my mother disappeared from home. So, where the fuck is ‘home’?
My aunt returns looking tired and sad, it’s not hard for me to fathom how she’s feeling. Today they concluded the formal investigation into the cause of the fire, gas leak. It was an old house and the gas lines hadn’t been inspected in years. To think we saved and worked so hard for that house and just like that, it destroyed our family. We should’ve just stayed in the ghetto.
My mother was all I had but I certainly wasn’t all she had. This woman very clearly loved her and is feeling her loss as well. I feel a familiar burn in my stomach when I think about it. I swallow down the anger. My whole childhood I was practically alone. I never blamed my mother because I knew without her having two jobs, we’d be living on the streets. And trust me, we never lived anywhere fancy. The sidewalk in front of my house was always occupied with someone sleeping in a sleeping bag. So, I knew it would be easy for us to go from a one room apartment to the sidewalk. But we very clearly had family, who-by the looks of it-could have helped us.
Breathe Ember.
“My mother decided when I was five to put me in some ballet classes at the community centre. It was a free program and certainly helped a lot of the less fortunate children. I went for maybe two and a half lessons. Wasn’t my thing. It was in the middle of that third class when I came upon the gym. I looked inside the window and watched mostly grown men fighting. To me this was a dance. They looked like they were dancing.” I’m not sure why I’m telling them this, but they both look curious. So, I continue.
