by C. A. Rene
“So here I am five years old and I enter the gym, imagine it, I have on some thrift store pink tutu my mother found and I am standing in the middle of a room full of grown men sweating and grappling.” My aunt softly chuckles and my uncle’s eyes are full of humour.
“I tell them all that, this is the class I want to take. Most of them look at me in my tutu and outright laugh. But there was one guy, his name is Juan, he came right up to me. He bent down to my level and said, ‘if you’re serious, I expect you here every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.’ I was so excited.” A small smile plays on my mouth, “when my mom picked me up I told her I quit ballet but I found another dance class I like. She was always exhausted so my proclamation was only half listened to, she patted my head and said, ‘sure honey.’
“So, for the next few years that’s what I did, I trained in MMA. And I was good. Juan is an amazing teacher and he’s my coach now. He didn’t teach me like he did most of his students, obviously. I’m a girl and it’s different, I will be the first to admit that, but I have my own strengths because I am a girl. I’m fast, so fast they call me Blur.”
“What are you? A vigilante?” My uncle asks his eyebrow raised. That’s fucking funny, he has no idea.
“No, I compete here in New York. Sometimes legally and other times not so much. But the pay out is really good and it supports us so my mother only has one job instead of two or three.” My aunt gasps, her poor tender heart. I fight really hard to keep in the snort.
“You fight in rings?” She whispers.
“Or parking lots.” I shrug, “I usually win because I’m always underestimated. But there have been times I’ve lost, badly. That’s how I learned, get knocked down but make sure you get back up. Then you learn how the hell you got down in the first place, and never make that mistake again.
“Wow.” My uncle breathes. “That’s impressive.”
“I will be honest,” my aunt says, “I don’t like it, but I’m curious to see you fight.”
“I’m glad you said that. Since I have a fight tomorrow night.”
“What?” They both ask in unison.
“Totally legal, and it will help center me and get my mind off things. Would you like to come with me to see my coach today?”
“Yes, we would.” My uncle answers looking to my aunt. “Right Debby?”
“Okay.” She says quietly.
Juan looks confused as I walk into his office with my aunt and uncle in tow.
“Ember, I didn’t expect you here today.” He says placing a hand on my shoulder. “I’m really sorry about what happened.”
“I need to fight, Juan.” He covers his face with his hands. “It’ll help.”
He knows exactly what I’m referring to and he knows it will help.
“Or you will make a mistake and get seriously injured.” He says, “who are they?”
“This is my mother's sister Debra and her husband Scott, my new guardians. I told them everything and they… ah… want to see me fight.”
His eyebrows shoot up, “Seriously?”
“Yes, so let’s go hit the mats and get some practice in before tomorrow.” I nod.
He looks like he wants to argue more, but Juan knows me better than anyone else-next to Tommy anyways-and arguing would be futile.
I am fighting a UFC prospect tomorrow. She has six inches on me and about seventy lbs heavier. I’m not worried, I’ve taken down a lot bigger. My legit fights are only against girls for obvious reasons but my illegal ones are both male and female. Sometimes gang members needing to be put in their places but Juan pretends not to know that.
Since my opponent is larger than me, Juan decided I needed to work on submission holds instead of a knockout. Little does he know I’ve knocked out larger without breaking too much of a sweat but I humour him. Plus, I love submission holds.
We practice the toe hold. This one can be extremely painful if executed correctly. By cranking the ankle and putting pressure on the foot just right you can break small joints if the opponent doesn’t tap out. So, Juan does some evasive moves while I must quickly take him down into that hold. By the tenth time he’s taken out I’m declared a pro with the toe hold, fucking right I am.
Next up, we work on the triangle choke. This one is simpler since I’m not scrambling to grab legs or feet. It’s an upper body move, which leaves the opponent strangled between their own shoulder and my arm. Since this woman tomorrow will be taller than me I’d have to bring her to her knees first.
We finish off with some neck cranks and armbars. I can feel my body flowing into each move like water. Therefore, at the tender age of five, I thought this was dancing. I’m a mess of sweat when we are done but Juan knows me and I’m always amped after grappling.
“Go take thirty and run it off. I want to have a chat with your aunt and uncle.”
“Yes coach.” I reply as I jog over to the treadmill.
I set the treadmill to a medium jog and watch the three of them converse through the mirror in front of me. My aunt has a permanent shocked look on her face and my uncle looks like he might be grilling Juan. I grin to myself knowing Juan is one tough SOB, if he’s being grilled I’m sure he’s giving it right back.
I finish my run at fifteen minutes and head over towards Juan. Looks like my new guardians headed outside.
“What were they saying to you?” I ask him.
“They wanted to know about your life here, Ember. I told them what I could but I didn’t lie, I also told them I suspected you were involved with some shady shit and if they can take you away from here it would be for the best.”
“What? Why the fuck would you say that Juan?” I start to feel my face heat. “Our training would stop and you wouldn’t see me anymore!”
“That breaks my heart, it really does but you deserve a better life and those people look like they can give it to you.” His eyes gather moisture. “If I had the means to give you better I would fight it. But this is your best shot.”
“I can’t believe you’re saying this.” A tear slips down my face and I angrily brush it off.
“Look around you, Ember. This place is falling apart, the children that come here have nothing and this neighbourhood is teeming with gangs. You are so far in with the East Rampage, it’s only a matter of time before something bad happens to you. Your mother would want better and God rest her soul but she worked way too much to keep tabs on you. These people can provide proper schooling because I know how smart you are and they can further your acting with their contacts.”
Right, my acting. The thing my mother absolutely loved watching me do. She hated the fighting but took on an extra part time job so we could afford summer acting camp and extra acting classes.
“Come here kid,” Juan pulls me in for a hug. “This is for the best, think of your mother and how much she’d want this for you.”
I nod and return his hug. I know he’s right, but deep down I can’t help but think, if my mother could provide this life with her family, why didn’t she? I can’t dwell on that thought because the anger starts to swell and I have done so well controlling it.
I head to the back showers passing by people congratulating and professing sympathies all in one. My fight will be here tomorrow night, it’s not some star-studded event. My opponent Carly Hader has heard some rumblings about me through the circles and has said she wants to 'practice with me.' Whatever, I’m not too bothered since I will kick her ass. At least this way Juan can charge admission and yeah, we may be some ghetto Bronx gym with some ratty no good patrons but we support our own. There will be a lot of people here tomorrow night.
I meet the guardians outside by their parked car, some kind of Mercedes. I’m not good with cars, we couldn’t afford one and public transit is readily available here.
“There’s Blurry! The current undefeated champ!” My uncle screams out, his hands in the air. This pulls a chuckle from me. Juan of course told them that. “Let’s get some chow! You must be hungry after all that.
”
“Oh God,” I moan, “its Blur! I can take you to some pretty sweet Chinese take outs if that’s something you like?”
“Is it all you can eat?”
“He’s a machine,” my aunt says with obvious affection, “you’ll learn soon enough.”
“Yeah, there is one around here. I gotta keep it light though, can’t over carb it before a fight.”
“That’s all good, you eat the veggies and I’ll take care of the rest.” He says patting his flat stomach.
My uncle is on his third plate when I decide to broach the subject of where I’ll be living.
“So, I know you now have custody of a sixteen-year-old, congrats. Where will I be going? Do I have cousins?”
“Right, we were trying to figure out when the best time to talk about that would be.” My aunt begins, “we actually live in Ontario, Canada.”
Shock settles over me, Canada? I know it’s not on the other side of the world but that’s a whole other country!
“I know, it will be an adjustment. We live in a town called Whitsborough which is about forty-five minutes outside of Toronto.” She continues. “So, all great shopping and city living is close by!”
Shopping? I don’t give a fuck about shopping. I’m going to be a Canadian. Forty-five minutes from the city? So, like in the country? Will I live in a log cabin?! I’m starting to hyper ventilate again.
“In through the nose, Blurry and out through your mouth,” my uncle soothes, “there you go.”
“Ember, it’ll be okay. Your coach told us about your acting. And he says you are good, the high school near us is focused on the arts. You could go there and get extra training.” My aunt says.
I know everything they are saying is true, Mom and I lived in a rough neighbourhood and I didn’t get all the things I wanted. Yes, more than fighting I wanted to be an actor. It was the one thing that put pride in my mother’s eye when she spoke about me. The fighting made her anxious but she never took it away for the simple fact that it calmed the constant hurricane inside me.
“It’s not… like a log cabin in the middle of the woods though, right?” I ask with trepidation.
“No, no!” My uncle laughs, “it’s actually an igloo.”
“Is it snowy all year?” I nearly choke on my food.
Both start laughing heartily at my ignorance. I have never been out of New York; how would I know what it’s like in fucking Canada?
“The weather is pretty much how it is here. We’re only like eight hours drive away.” Aunt Debra says, still chuckling.
“Oh, okay that’s not so bad.”
“No, you could still come visit friends on some weekends.”
“You spoke to Juan and I know he told you what I’ve been messed up with here. The only friend I have is Tommy.”
“He also runs with this bad crowd?” My uncle interjects.
I just nod and continue to finish my meal. I’m not going to speak any further on Tommy’s gang affiliation, it’s not my place and these are not his guardians. Tommy’s only family has been the East Rampage, me and his younger foster brother. His mother was a crackhead who overdosed when he was twelve and he doesn’t know his father. I have to make sure him and I keep in touch. I make a mental note to text him to confirm he’s coming to my fight. I may not get another chance to see him before I leave the country.
When we get back to the hotel I send the text to Tommy. I also remind myself to talk to the new guardians about cousins, that seemed to be skipped over during dinner. Then I crawl up into bed try to sleep thinking of my mother and how much my life is about to change.
Before I know it, it’s time to load up the car with some clothing my aunt bought me and a few pictures of my mom and I that wasn’t destroyed in the fire. The day and night flew by, I stretched most of the morning and did a quick run through of routines with Juan before the fight. He also let me in on the fact that he signed an agreement that guaranteed I wouldn’t knock Carly out and not to hit her face, something to do with public image.
Bullshit, I know.
I did end up getting her in the toe hold fairly early and she tapped out but not before she left me with a shiner. Which pisses me off to no end but I did leave three grand richer.
Tommy assured me after my fight that he would keep in touch with Skype sessions. I would miss him, just not his lifestyle. He told me the gang was already trying to figure out who their next “collector” would be. I wasn’t sad to be leaving that behind.
I’m looking around soaking in the last of New York I’ll see in awhile. I have my mother’s ashes with me, my aunt picked them up this morning. We are foregoing a funeral because there’s no one here worth celebrating her life with. My new guardians have assured me if I want a funeral, there are many people back in Whitsborough who loved her. Even though I have an urn full of ashes, I still feel like I’m leaving her spirit behind.
“Hey Ember?” I turn to look at my uncle, “she’s with you always, she is watching us now, and I bet she’s wanting to kick my ass right now for letting you get that black eye.”
I laugh out loud at that, he sure does know how to brighten up a mood.
“Bro, I’ve had worse.”
“Bro? Naaaaaah B! I’m Unc to you!” He says while throwing up some weird ass hand signs. “Wait… what do you mean by worse?”
I snort and get into the car. My aunt is sitting at the front, she turns to give me a small smile and I can also see the unshed tears in her eyes. She feels it, too.
I end up dozing off and wake up about three hours later. My aunt is now driving while my uncle snores softly beside her.
“Need a restroom?” She whispers from the front.
“Sure,” I reply. “I’m also a bit hungry.”
“Burgers it is.” She says. “We’ll let him nap while we go inside for a bite.”
We find a 24-hour burger joint and I use the restroom while she orders my chicken burger combo. We find a table in the back of the empty restaurant and eat in comfortable silence.
“I know you asked about cousins and we really didn’t settle on that topic.”
Oh, thank God I didn’t have to bring it up again.
“The thing is, there are no cousins.” She looks off to her right, sadness clouding her features. “I’m unable to have children.”
“Oh.”
“We were planning to try medical measures but I have a volatile uterus and would require a few procedures ahead of time. Scott just didn’t like the risks involved. So, now we have started discussing adoption.” She starts ripping apart the napkin on her tray. “I know what happened to my sister was a tragedy and my heart will never be the same, but I’m glad you’re here. I’m not replacing your mom but I will mother you to the best of my ability.”
“Yeah, sixteen is a little bit older than what I imagine you were thinking of adopting.”
“True, but I’m totally in sync with angst and puberty.” She laughs. I join her until I feel a tear slip down my cheek. That’s been happening too much in front of people lately.
“I’m glad you showed up.” I tell her honestly.
“I’m glad you exist.”
Chapter two
“Home sweet home.” I hear my uncle sing-song.
I sit up and rub the crust out of my eyes. I need a shower and my stomach makes some atrocious noise alerting me to the fact that I’m starving.
I look out the windshield and see a set of gates opening in front of us. Gates? Where the hell am I? I see about a fifty-foot driveway leading up to a huge seven door garage. Who needs a seven-car garage?! We near the top of the driveway and I see the house rise up behind the garage. Okay, now it makes sense, this looks like a twenty-room house, of course it needs seven cars.
“This is it.” My aunt turns to look at me, “I know, it’s absurdly much but your uncle loves his cars.”
My jaw feels like it has disconnected. This is how the other half of my family was living? While we struggled with rent and food? I
t’s hard not to feel resentful but I also know these people had no idea I existed.
We round the top of the driveway and stop in front of the huge double front doors. I step out of the car and notice it is a bit chillier here, there are way more trees and large lots full of grass and flowers. In New York, especially where I’m from it was mostly concrete.
“Let’s get the bags and get you inside. We didn’t really have time to set you up a room here since we left so suddenly, but you can pick whichever room you want and we will make it over.” My aunt says with a small smile.
“Sure.” I’m fucking speechless. I follow her up to the front door and she puts her thumb-her thumb!- to a touch pad. The door beeps and I hear the bolt slide back. Holy shit, this is some next level rich.
“We’ll get you set up with that, too.” She says. “I also ordered you the newest model iPhone because yours is too old for that app.”
Of course, insert eye roll. I don’t actually eye roll obviously, because my jaw is still hanging and my eyes look like they may pop from my skull.
“Thanks ladies,” my uncle huffs as he brings in our bags. “No need to help or anything.”
I snort, his sarcasm has brought me out of my stupor.
“What? Your telling me you don’t have a butler?” I retort.
“That would just be pretentious…” My aunt starts.
“He lives in the garage! We could never live with the common folk!” He cuts her off, waving his hands on the air. “Debra! Call Maria! This place needs to be cleaned ASAP! I can smell the three-and-a-half-day-old dust!”
He puts his hand to his forehead, “oh it’s making me faint, is this how poor people feel?” He turns to ask me, a gleam of mischief in his eye.
“Har, har.” I roll my eyes. “This is way more than I’m used to. I think your garage was bigger than our whole house.”
“The garage is our temple, that’s where we go to give thanks.” Uncle Scott says, with his hands steepled.
