the STRUGGLE

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  Hannah looked down at Mindy and stroked her soft cheek. Well, at least I have you, she thought. That’s something to be thankful for. Mindy, you are my one constant blessing.

  CHAPTER 5

  Wake up, sleepyhead.” Timothy shook his wife’s shoulder.

  “I’m tired. It can’t be time to get up already.” Hannah moaned and pulled the quilt over her head.

  Timothy nudged her arm through the covers. “It’s Monday morning, and Samuel and I need to get an early start because we’ll be working out of the area today. Allen will be coming by to pick us up soon.”

  Hannah just lay there, unmoving.

  “Hannah, please get up. I was hoping you’d fix us some breakfast and pack lunches for us to take to the job.”

  She pulled the covers aside and yawned noisily as she sat up. “Oh, all right.” Her long, tawny-brown hair hung around her shoulders in an array of tangled curls. Hannah’s thick hair had always been naturally curly—which meant she had to work hard at getting it parted down the middle, twisted on the sides, and pulled back into a bun. When she took it down at night, she spent several minutes brushing it out. During the first year of their marriage Timothy had often brushed Hannah’s hair. That had been a special time for him, when he felt really close to her. He hoped they could bring those days back again now that they were making a new start.

  Timothy leaned down and kissed Hannah’s cheek. It was warm and soft, and he was tempted to forget about going to work with Samuel and stay here with Hannah. But he knew he couldn’t do that. He had to earn a living and provide for them.

  “I’ll see you downstairs in the kitchen,” he said, before giving her another quick kiss. Then he moved away from the bed and stopped for a minute to gaze at Mindy, sleeping peacefully on a cot across the room, her golden curls fanned out across the pillow. She looked like an angel, lying there so sweet. Mindy could have shared a room with Penny, of course, but Hannah had insisted that their daughter needed to be close to them—at least until she felt more familiar with this new place. Timothy figured it was just an excuse. Hannah, following in her mother’s footsteps, was too clingy and overprotective where their little girl was concerned.

  Mindy’s so sweet and innocent, he thought. She’s always smiling and full of curiosity. Timothy hoped in the years ahead that he and Hannah would have a few more children, whom he was sure would be equally special. His stomach clenched as he thought about the baby Hannah had lost last year and how hard she’d grieved after the miscarriage. It had taken some time for her to pull out of her depression, but with the help and encouragement of several family members, she’d finally come to accept the baby’s death, although he didn’t think she had ever fully understood why God had allowed it.

  Of course, God’s ways aren’t our ways. Sometimes it’s better if we don’t try and figure things out—just accept life’s disappointments and trust God to help us through them, because He’s in control of every situation anyhow, Timothy reminded himself as he slipped quietly out of the room.

  After fixing breakfast for Timothy and Samuel and packing them both a lunch, Hannah, still feeling tired, was tempted to go back to bed. But she knew she couldn’t do that because Samuel’s children would be up soon, and then she’d have to fix them breakfast and see that the two oldest were off to school. Esther had been caring for Samuel’s children, but since Samuel hadn’t mentioned Esther coming over, Hannah assumed she’d be watching them. She’d been worried that it might be expected of her, but now that she was here, she’d changed her mind. Truth was, she thought she could do a better job with the kids than Esther, not to mention with keeping the house running smoother. Good habits began at an early age, and as far as Hannah was concerned, Samuel’s children needed more structure.

  After Leon and Marla left for school, she would find something for the little ones to do while she unpacked some of her and Timothy’s clothes and got things organized in the bedroom they shared with Mindy. Hannah had suggested that Mindy sleep in the bed with her and Timothy for a few nights, but he’d put his foot down and insisted that she sleep on the cot. Didn’t he care that Mindy was being forced to adjust to new surroundings and needed the comfort of her mother?

  With determination, Hannah forced her thoughts aside, knowing if she didn’t keep busy she would feel even more depressed. “Maybe I should organize around here today,” she muttered as she put away the bread. The whole house, while clean enough, seemed quite cluttered—not nearly as tidy as she’d kept their home in Pennsylvania.

  “Who ya talkin’ to?” a small voice asked.

  Startled, Hannah whirled around. Seven-year-old Leon, still in his pajamas and barefoot, stared up at her, blinking his brown eyes rapidly.

  “No one. I mean, I was talking to myself.” She suppressed a yawn.

  “Are ya bored? Is that why you were talkin’ to yourself?”

  “No, I’m not bored, I was just…. Oh, never mind.” Hannah motioned to the table, where the box of cold cereal she’d served the men for breakfast still sat. “Would you like some cereal?”

  He shook his head.

  “Would you rather have eggs?”

  “Don’t want no oier. I was hopin’ for some pannekuche.“

  “I don’t have time to make pancakes this morning.”

  “Esther fixes us pannekuche whenever we want ’em.” Leon, who had his father’s light brown hair, made a sweeping glance of the entire room. “Where is Esther, anyways? She’s usually here before we get up.”

  “I don’t think she’ll be here today.”

  He tipped his head and looked at her curiously. “How come?”

  “Because I’m here, and I’ll be fixing your breakfast this morning.”

  Leon studied her a few more seconds then shrugged. “So can we have pannekuche?”

  Hannah shook her head. “I said no. I don’t have time for that this morning.” This child is certainly persistent, she thought.

  He pointed to the battery-operated clock on the far wall. “It’s still early. Marla, Penny, and Jared ain’t even outa bed yet.”

  “The correct word is aren’t, and I’m not going to fix pancakes this morning, so you may as well go back upstairs and get dressed. By the time you come down, I’ll have a bowl of cereal and a hard-boiled egg ready for you to eat.”

  “Don’t want an oi,” Leon mumbled, shuffling toward the door leading to the stairs.

  “Make sure you wake Marla,” Hannah called after him. “I don’t want either of you to be late for school.”

  Leon tromped up the stairs.

  Hannah cringed. She hoped he didn’t wake Mindy. Like Hannah, Mindy wasn’t a morning person, and if she got woken out of a sound sleep, she was bound to be cranky.

  She listened for a few minutes, and when she didn’t hear her daughter, she went to the refrigerator and took out a carton of eggs. She’d just gotten them boiling on the stove when both Leon and Marla showed up.

  “Leon said Esther’s not comin’ today. Is that true?” Blond-haired, nine-year-old Marla, asked, casting curious brown eyes on Hannah.

  Hannah nodded. “I’m sure that’s the case, because if she was coming, she would have been here by now.” She motioned to the table. “Have a seat. You can eat your cereal while the eggs are boiling.”

  “I told ya before—I don’t want no boiled oi,” Leon said. “It’ll get stuck in my throat.”

  Hannah grimaced. Was there no pleasing this child?

  “Just eat your cereal, then,” she said, placing two bowls on the table.

  The kids took a seat and bowed their heads for silent prayer. Hannah waited quietly until they were finished; then she poured cereal into the bowls and gave them each a glass of milk. She’d just turned off the stove when she heard Mindy crying upstairs. “I’ll be right back,” she said to Marla before hurrying up the stairs.

  Hannah was about to enter the bedroom she and Timothy shared with Mindy when three-year-old Jared and Penny, who was five, padded down the hall. />
  “Wu is Daadi?” Penny asked. Her long, sandy-brown hair hung down her back in gentle waves, and she blinked her brown eyes as she looked up at Hannah curiously.

  “Your daddy went to work,” Hannah said. “Now go downstairs to the kitchen. I’ll be there as soon as I get Mindy.”

  “Kumme, Jared,” Penny said, taking her blond-haired little brother’s hand.

  As the children plodded down the stairs, Hannah went to see about Mindy. She found the child curled up on the cot sobbing. No doubt she was confused by her surroundings. After all, they’d only been here two nights, and waking up and finding herself alone in the room probably frightened her.

  “It’s okay, my precious little girl. Mama’s here.” Hannah bent down and gathered Mindy into her arms. Truth was, she felt like crying, too. Only there was no time to give in to her tears right now. She had to feed the little ones and get Marla and Leon off to school.

  When Esther stepped into Samuel’s kitchen, she was surprised to see Marla and Leon at the table eating cereal.

  “Where’s your daed?” she asked, looking at Marla.

  “He and Uncle Timothy went to work.”

  Esther glanced at the clock. She knew she was running a little behind but didn’t think she was that late.

  “Daadi left early this mornin’,” Leon explained. “Had a paint job to do up in Marion.”

  “Oh, I see.” Esther smiled. “So did you two fix your own breakfast?”

  Marla shook her head. “Aunt Hannah fixed it for us.”

  “I guess that makes sense. Where is Hannah?”

  “Went upstairs ‘cause Mindy was cryin’,” Leon answered around a mouthful of cereal.

  Just then, Jared and Penny entered the kitchen, both wearing their nightclothes. As soon as Penny caught sight of Esther, she grinned and held up her arms.

  Esther bent down and scooped the little girl up, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Penny was such a sweet child—easygoing and so compliant. Her little brother, on the other hand, could be a handful at times, but he was still a dear. Esther loved him, as well as all of Samuel’s children, as if they were her own. After she and Samuel got married, these little ones would be hers to help raise, and she could hardly wait. It would be wonderful to leave the guesthouse where she’d been staying on Bonnie’s property and move back here to the home where she used to live with her parents. The best part of moving back would be that she would finally be Samuel’s wife.

  Esther had missed her folks dearly after they’d moved to Pennsylvania to help care for her brother, Dan, who had multiple sclerosis. Her family was never far from her thoughts.

  Esther removed her shawl and black outer bonnet, placing them on a wall peg near the back door. Then she returned to the kitchen to fix Jared and Penny’s breakfast. She’d just gotten them situated at the table when Hannah, carrying Mindy, stepped into the room.

  Hannah blinked her eyes rapidly. “Ach, you scared me, Esther! I didn’t expect to see you here.”

  “I come over every morning to watch the kinner while Samuel’s at work. I assumed you knew.”

  “I did hear that, but since we’ll be living here until we have a home of our own, I figured I would be watching the children.” Hannah shifted Mindy to the other hip. “It only makes sense, don’t you think?”

  Esther couldn’t think clearly enough to say anything. It probably didn’t make sense for them both to care for the children, but Samuel had been paying her to watch them, and she enjoyed being here. Besides, some of the money Esther earned went toward her brother’s medical expenses, so it was important that she keep working right now. Should she speak up and say so, or let Hannah take over? Maybe it would be best to wait until Samuel got home and let him decide who would watch the children. In the meantime, she was here now, and she planned to stay.

  CHAPTER 6

  Marion, Kentucky

  This is my first time in Marion,” Samuel said as he, Allen, and Timothy worked on a storefront Allen had been contracted to remodel. “It’s really a nice little town.”

  “Yep, and there’s a lot of interesting history here,” Allen said while sanding around one of the large window casings.

  Timothy listened with interest as Allen talked about the Crittenden County Historical Museum, which had been built in 1881 and was originally a church. “It’s the oldest church building in Marion, and the interior includes original wood floors, pulpit, balcony, and stained-glass windows,” Allen said, pushing his dark brown hair under his baseball cap. “The church held on for over 120 years, until it was finally forced to close its doors due to a lack of membership. Soon after that, the building was donated to the historical society. Now it houses a really nice collection of memorabilia, pictures, and many other things related to the history of Marion and the surrounding communities that make up Crittenden County.” Allen looked over at Timothy and grinned. “Guess that’s probably a bit more than you wanted to know, huh?”

  Timothy smiled as he opened a fresh bucket of paint. “Actually, I thought it was quite interesting. Anything that has to do with history captures my attention.”

  “My brother’s not kidding about that,” Samuel chimed in. “I’m anxious to show him the Jefferson Davis Monument, because I’m sure he’ll be interested in that.”

  “Titus told me all about it,” Timothy said. “He said the view from inside the monument is really something to see.”

  “He’s right about that,” Samuel said with a nod. “Maybe in the spring, we can go there and take our kids. I think they’d get a kick out of riding the elevator and being up so high.”

  “I’d sure like to go,” Timothy said, “but I don’t know about Mindy. She’s pretty young to enjoy something like that, and Hannah might not go for the idea either.” He paused long enough to grab a paint stick and stir the paint in the can. “As you probably know, my fraa tends to be pretty protective of our daughter.”

  “Fraa means wife, right?” Allen questioned.

  Timothy nodded. “How’d you know that?”

  Allen motioned to Samuel. “Between him and Esther, they’ve taught me several Pennsylvania-Dutch words.” His face sobered. “There was a time when Samuel thought I was interested in Esther because I talked to her so much.”

  “But you set me straight on that real quick,” Samuel said, winking at Allen. “And now everyone knows Bonnie’s the love of your life.”

  Allen’s face reddened. “I hope it’s not that obvious, because I haven’t actually told Bonnie the way I feel about her yet.”

  Samuel snickered. “Well, you’d better do it quick, ‘cause if you don’t, someone else is likely to snatch her away.”

  Allen’s dark eyebrows furrowed. “You really think so?”

  Samuel shrugged. “You never can tell, but I sure wouldn’t chance it if I were you.”

  Timothy grinned as he continued to paint while listening to Samuel and Allen kibitzing back and forth. The two men had obviously become really good friends.

  I like working with both of them, he decided. In fact, so far, Timothy liked everything about being in Kentucky. The countryside where Samuel lived, as well as here in Crittenden County, was nice, and the land was fertile—just right for farming. Now if Hannah will just catch on to the idea, we might make a good life for ourselves here, he thought.

  “How does Zach feel about you moving to the Bluegrass State?” Allen asked, looking at Timothy. “I know you used to work for him.”

  “Zach’s fine with it. Since I only painted part-time and mostly farmed with my dad, I don’t think Zach will miss having me work for him that much. Besides, he’s employed several Amish men.”

  Allen smiled. “Zach’s been my good friend since we were kids. I was hoping he might move his family here, too, but I guess that’s not likely to happen.”

  “I’d be surprised if he ever did move,” Samuel said. “After being taken from our family when he was a baby and then spending the next twenty years living in Washington State without even
knowing his real name or who his Amish family was, once Zach got back to Pennsylvania, he vowed he’d never leave.”

  “I can’t blame him for that,” Allen agreed.

  “I know our folks are glad Zach’s staying put,” Timothy said, “because Mom hasn’t taken it well that three of their other sons have moved out of state.”

  Paradise, Pennsylvania

  Fannie had just entered Naomi and Caleb’s general store when she spotted Hannah’s mother, Sally, looking at some new rubber stamps.

  “Wie geht’s?” Fannie asked, noticing the dark circles under Sally’s pale blue eyes.

  Sally sighed and pushed a wisp of her graying blond hair back under her white head covering. “I wish I could say that I’m doing well, but to tell you the truth, I’m really tired.”

  “That’s too bad. Haven’t you been sleeping well?”

  Sally shook her head. “Not since Hannah and Timothy left. I’m concerned about how my daughter is doing.”

  “How come? Is Hannah grank?”

  “She’s not physically sick, but when I spoke to her on the phone Saturday evening, she said she already doesn’t like Kentucky and wishes she could come home. I’m not sure that’s ever going to change.”

  Fannie wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t any happier about Timothy leaving Pennsylvania, but it was what her son wanted, and if getting Hannah away from her mother strengthened their marriage, then it probably was for the best. Hannah and her mother were too close, and Fannie knew from some of the things Timothy had shared with her that Hannah’s unhealthy relationship with her mother had put a wedge between the young couple. It was a shame, too, because Timothy really loved his wife and wanted her to put him first, the way a loving wife should.

  “Don’t you miss your son?” Sally asked. “Don’t you wish he would have stayed in Pennsylvania?”

  Fannie glanced at her stepdaughter, Naomi, who stood behind the counter, and wondered if she was listening to this conversation. She had to be careful what she said, because if Naomi repeated it to her father, he’d probably lecture Fannie about letting their children live their own lives and tell her not to discuss Timothy and Hannah with Sally.