the STRUGGLE

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

Esther shrugged. “I don’t know. Guess I’ll have to wait and see how it all goes.” She reached over and touched Bonnie’s arm. “Speaking of weddings, have you and Allen set a date for your wedding yet?”

  “Not a definite one, but we’re hoping sometime in the spring.”

  “I’ve never been to an English wedding before, so I hope I’ll get an invitation.”

  “Would you be allowed to go? I mean, it’s not against your church rules or anything, is it?”

  Esther emitted a small laugh. “No, it’s not.”

  “Then you’ll definitely get an invitation. In fact, I’m sure Allen will want to invite all our Amish friends.”

  “Will Allen sell his house and move here to the bed-and-breakfast, or will you sell this place and move into his house with him?”

  “We haven’t actually discussed that. And you know, until this minute, I hadn’t even given it a thought.” Bonnie’s forehead wrinkled as she mulled things over. “I sure would hate to give up this place, and I do hope Allen doesn’t ask me to.”

  “I don’t think he will. He knows how much you enjoy running the B&B.”

  “That may be so, but some men expect their wives to do things they don’t really want to do. Take Hannah, for instance. She didn’t want to move to Kentucky, but Timothy insisted.”

  “And with good reason,” Esther said. “He had to get Hannah away from her mother in order to make her see that her first priority was to him.”

  Bonnie’s lips compressed. “Hmm…I wonder if Allen will make me choose between him and the bed-and-breakfast.”

  Hannah had just sent Marla and Leon off to school when she looked out the kitchen window and spotted Suzanne’s horse and buggy pull into the yard. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

  “Brr…It’s cold out there,” Suzanne said after Hannah opened the door and let her in.

  “Do you think it’s going to snow again?” Hannah asked.

  “I don’t believe so. The sky’s clear with no clouds in sight, so that’s a good thing.”

  “After that blizzard we had, I don’t care if I ever see another snowflake,” Hannah said.

  Suzanne laughed. “I’m with you, but I think the kinner might not agree.”

  “So what brings you by here this morning?”

  “I need to go to the store to pick up a few things, and since Samuel’s place is right on the way, I decided to stop by and see how you’re doing.”

  Hannah could hardly believe Suzanne would ask how she was doing. No one else seemed to care—least of all Timothy. “I’m okay,” she murmured. “How about you? I heard you’ve been having some morning sickness.”

  “That’s true, and I felt nauseous when I first got up today, but after I ate something and had a cup of mint tea, it got better.” Suzanne removed her shawl and black outer bonnet then placed them on an empty chair before taking a seat.

  “Would you like something to drink?” Hannah asked. “There’s some coffee on the stove, or I could brew a pot of tea.”

  “No thanks. I’m fine.”

  Hannah was tempted to start washing the dishes but figured that could wait. The idea of visiting with Suzanne a few minutes seemed appealing, so she also took a seat. “I remember when I was expecting Mindy, for the first three months I felt nauseous most of the day. After a while, it got better though.”

  “Speaking of Mindy, where is she right now? She’s so sweet. I was hoping I’d get to see her today.”

  “She’s still sleeping, and so are Jared and Penny.”

  “Now, that’s a surprise. I figured they’d all be up, running all over the house by now.”

  Hannah frowned. “Those kids of Samuel’s are just too active.”

  “They do have a lot of energy,” Suzanne agreed. “But then I guess most kinner do.” She placed her hand against her stomach. “I know I have seven more months until the boppli is born, but Titus and I can hardly wait for our little one to get here.”

  “Are you hoping for a bu or a maedel?“

  “I think Titus would like a boy, but I don’t really care what we have; I just want the baby to be healthy.”

  Hannah cringed, remembering the miscarriage she’d had last year. I wish the baby we lost would have gone to full-term and been healthy. I wish I was pregnant right now.

  CHAPTER 27

  Get your coat; there’s something I want to show you,” Timothy said to Hannah one Saturday morning toward the end of January, when he entered the kitchen and found her doing the dishes.

  “What is it?” she asked, turning to look at him.

  “It’s a house I want you to look at.”

  “Is it for sale?”

  He nodded. “Samuel and I spotted the For Sale sign yesterday on our way home from work.”

  “How come you didn’t mention it last night?”

  “Because I knew we couldn’t look at it until this morning, and I didn’t want you bombarding me with a bunch of questions I couldn’t answer till I knew more about the house.”

  She flicked some water at him. “I wouldn’t have bombarded you with questions.”

  “Jah, you would.” He dipped his fingers into the soapy water and flicked some water back in her direction, enjoying the playful moment—especially since things were so up and down between him and Hannah.

  She moved quickly aside. “Hey! Stop that!”

  He chuckled. “I figured if you wanted me to have a second shower of the day, then you’d probably want one, too.”

  “I don’t think either of us needs another shower, but I do want to see that house. So let me finish up here, and we can be on our way.” She paused, and tiny wrinkles formed across her forehead. “Will Samuel be able to watch Mindy, or do we need to take her along?”

  “I’ve already talked to him about it, and he said he’s fine with watching her, since he’ll be here with his kinner anyway.”

  “Okay, great. I’ll just be a few more minutes.”

  Timothy leaned over and kissed Hannah’s cheek. She’d been so sullen since their move. It was good to see her get excited about something. He just hoped she wouldn’t lose her enthusiasm once she saw the house he was interested in buying.

  Bonnie had just finished feeding the chickens when she spotted Allen’s truck coming up the driveway. She’d spoken to him on the phone several times but hadn’t seen him for a while because he’d been so busy with work and bidding new jobs. It was amazing that he’d have so much work to do at this time of the year, but she was glad for him, as she knew many others were out of work.

  “It’s good to see you,” she said when he stepped out of the truck and joined her near the chicken coop.

  He leaned down and gave her a kiss. “It’s good to see you, too. Are you busy right now? I’d like to talk to you about something.”

  “I’ve got the time, but let’s go inside where it’s warmer.”

  He smiled and took her hand. “That sounds like a plan, but I’d like to talk to you in private, and I know Trisha’s still with you right now, so I thought maybe we could go for a ride.”

  “Trisha came down with a cold and is in her room resting.”

  “Sorry to hear she’s not feeling well.” Allen flashed Bonnie a look of concern. “I hope you don’t get sick, too. You’ve been doing extra duty taking care of her since she broke her ankle, so your resistance might be low right now.”

  “I’m fine,” she said as they strode hand in hand toward the house. “I take vitamins, eat healthy foods, and try to get at least eight hours of sleep every night.”

  He squeezed her fingers gently. “That’s good to hear.”

  When they entered the house, the smell of something burning greeted them.

  “Oh, no…my cookies!” Bonnie raced into the kitchen and opened the oven door. The entire batch of oatmeal cookies looked like lumps of charcoal. “That’s what I get for thinking I could multitask,” she muttered. “I figured I’d be finished feeding the chickens in plenty of time before the cooki
es were done.”

  Allen stepped up behind Bonnie and put his arms around her waist. “It’s my fault for keeping you out there so long.”

  “It’s okay. I have more cookie dough in the refrigerator, but I’ll wait until after our talk before I make any more.” Bonnie turned off the oven and took the burned cookies out. “I think I’ll set these on the back porch so they don’t smell up the house more than they already have. I can crumble them up later for the birds. I’m sure they’ll eat them.”

  “Here, let me do that.” Allen picked up another pot holder, took the cookie sheet from her, and went out the back door. When he returned, Bonnie had a cup of coffee waiting for him, and they both took seats at the table.

  “So what’d you want to talk to me about?” she asked.

  He reached for her hand. “Now that we’re officially engaged, I think it’s time we decide on a wedding date, don’t you?”

  She smiled. “Yes, I do.”

  “So how about Valentine’s Day?”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “Oh Allen, I could never prepare for a wedding that soon. Valentine’s Day is just a couple of weeks away.”

  His shoulders drooped. “I figured you’d say that, but I’m anxious to marry you, and you can’t blame a guy for trying.”

  She giggled. “I’d really like to have a church wedding and invite all our friends—Amish and English alike. Of course, my dad and your folks will also be invited, and we’ll need to give them enough time to plan for the trip.”

  “That’s true. So how long do you think it’ll take for us to plan this wedding?”

  “How about if we get married in the middle of May? The weather should be pretty nice by then, and we could have the reception here—maybe outside in the yard.”

  “That would mean a lot of work for you, making sure everything looks just the way you want it.”

  “I’m sure some of our Amish friends will help me spruce up the yard, and I’ll ask Esther to make the cake and help with all the other food we decide to have.”

  He leaned closer and kissed the end of her nose. “Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out.”

  “Not really, but I’m sure it’ll all come together as the planning begins.” She paused and moistened her lips, searching for the right words to ask him a question. “There’s something else we haven’t talked about, Allen.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Where we’re going to live once we’re married.”

  “Oh, that.” He raked his fingers through the ends of his thick, dark hair. “I’m guessing you don’t want to give up the B&B?”

  She shook her head. “This place has come to mean a lot to me. But I suppose if you don’t want to live here—”

  He put his finger against her lips. “I have no objections to living in this wonderful old house with you. After all, I did have a little something to do with making it as nice as it is.” He winked at her.

  “Yes, you sure did.” Bonnie tapped her fingers along the edge of the table. “But what about your house? I know you built it to your own specifications, and—”

  “It’s just a house, Bonnie. I can be happy living anywhere as long as I’m with you.”

  She gently stroked his cheek, not even caring that it felt a bit stubbly. “I’m a lucky woman to be engaged to such a wonderful man.”

  “No, I’m the lucky one,” he said before giving her a heart-melting kiss.

  “How far away is this place?” Hannah asked when she stepped outside and found Timothy standing beside their horse and buggy. “I figured we’d have to hire a driver to take us there.”

  “Nope. It’s just a few miles from here.”

  “That’s good to hear.” Hannah wasn’t thrilled with the idea of living too far from Timothy’s brothers and their families. She figured Timothy would be excited to hear that from her, but for some reason she wasn’t ready to share those new feelings just yet. She had to admit, if only to herself, that since she’d gotten to know Esther and Suzanne better, she wanted to be close enough so they could visit whenever they wanted to.

  “We’d better get going,” Timothy said, helping her into the buggy. “I told the real estate agent we’d meet him there at nine o’clock.”

  With a renewed sense of excitement, Hannah leaned back in her seat and tried to relax. If they could get this house, they might be able to move out of Samuel’s place within the next few weeks.

  As they traveled down the road, Timothy talked about how much he was enjoying painting with his brother, and then he told Hannah that the place they’d be looking at had fifty acres, which meant he could do some farming if he had a mind to.

  Hannah knew he’d enjoyed farming with his dad in Pennsylvania, but if he was going to keep working full-time for Samuel, she didn’t see how he’d have time to do any farming. Maybe they could lease some of the land and only farm a few acres for themselves. She kept her thoughts to herself though. No point in bringing that up when they didn’t even know if they’d be buying the house.

  A short time later, Timothy guided the horse and buggy down a long dirt driveway with a wooden fence on either side. A rambling old house came into view. It looked like it hadn’t been painted in a good many years, but Hannah knew Timothy could take care of that. What concerned her was that the shutters hung loose, the front porch sagged, the roof had missing shingles, and several of the windows were broken. If that wasn’t bad enough, the whole yard was overgrown with weeds.

  “Ach, my!” she gasped. “This place is an absolute dump! Surely you don’t expect us to live here!”

  CHAPTER 28

  Timothy’s mind whirled as he groped for something positive to say about the house before Hannah insisted that they turn around and head back to Samuel’s place.

  “Listen, Hannah,” he said, clasping her arm, “I think we need to wait till we’ve seen the inside of the house before drawing any conclusions. Let’s try to keep an open mind—at least for now.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “If the inside looks even half as bad as the outside does, then I’m not moving here.”

  “Well, let’s go inside and take a look. I see the agent’s car over there, so he’s probably in the house waiting for us.”

  Hannah sighed. “Okay, but where are you going to tie the horse? I don’t see a hitching rail, which probably means this house belongs to an Englisher.”

  “That may be, but if we buy the place, we can put up a hitching post, and of course we’ll have to remove the electrical connections.” He directed Dusty over to a tree. “I’ll tie my horse here, and he should be fine for the short time we’ll be inside the house.”

  When they stepped onto the porch a few minutes later, Timothy cringed and took hold of Hannah’s hand. There were several loose boards—the kind that looked like if you stepped on them the wrong way, they’d fly up and hit you on the back of the head. The porch railing was broken in a couple of places, too.

  “I know this porch looks really bad right now, but imagine if the boards and railing were replaced and it was freshly painted,” Timothy said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. “And look, the front of the house faces east. Think of all the beautiful sunrises we can watch from here on warm summer mornings.”

  “I guess that’s one way of looking at it,” Hannah said in a guarded tone.

  Timothy was about to knock on the door when it swung open. Tom Donnelson greeted them with a smile. “It’s good to see you both again. Come on in; I’m anxious to show you around.”

  As they entered the living room, where faded blue curtains hung at the window, Tom explained that the elderly man who’d owned the house had recently passed away, and his children, who lived in another state, had just put the place on the market. He then took them upstairs, through all five bedrooms, each needing a coat of fresh paint, and pointed out that there was an attic above the second story that would give them plenty of storage. The wide woodwork around the floor base, as well as the frames around the doors, were impressive, bu
t they were badly scratched and needed to be sanded and restained.

  When they got to the kitchen, Hannah’s mouth dropped open. Timothy was sure she was going to flee from the house in horror. Not only did it need to be painted, but the sink was rusty from where the faucet had been leaking, the linoleum was torn in several places, the counter had multiple dings, and some of the hinges on the cabinet doors were broken. An old electric stove and refrigerator sat side-by-side and would need to be replaced. Most of the rooms had been wallpapered with several layers that had been put on over the years. So before any painting could be done, the walls would have to be stripped clean.

  “I think this old house has some potential,” Tom said. “It just needs a bit of a face-lift.”

  “A bit of a face-lift?” Hannah exclaimed with raised brows. “If you want my opinion, I’d say it needs to be condemned.” She turned to Timothy and frowned. “Don’t you agree?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “I know it’s hard to see, but if you could just look past the way the house looks right now and imagine how it could look with some remodeling—”

  “But that would take a lot of time, and probably a lot of money, too,” she argued.

  “I’ll bet with the help of Samuel and Titus we could have this place fixed up and ready to move into by spring.”

  “The beginning of spring or the end of spring?” she questioned.

  He turned his hands palms up. “I don’t know. Guess we’d have to wait and see how it all goes.”

  Hannah’s dubious expression made Timothy think she was going to refuse to even consider buying the house, but to his surprise, she turned to him and said, “If you really think you can make this place livable, then let’s put an offer on it.”

  “Are you sure?”

  She nodded.

  “All right then.” Timothy looked at Tom. “Can we do that right now?”

  Tom gave a nod. “There’s no time like the present. Let’s head over to Samuel’s house, and we can discuss a fair offer, and then you can sign the papers.”