the STRUGGLE

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “Shoulda, woulda, coulda,” she murmured, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. “There’s always more than one direction a person can take. I guess there’s no point in pondering the ‘what if’s.’ ”

  It had taken Hannah awhile to get the children settled down after they’d gone back to Samuel’s. They’d clearly been upset by Timothy’s outburst. After they’d had silent prayer before lunch, Leon looked up at Hannah and said, “How come Uncle Timothy’s mad at us?”

  “I don’t think he’s mad at you,” Hannah assured him. “He was just upset because we went over to the house when he was really busy, and when the can of paint got spilled, he was left with a mess to clean up. I think he was more upset with me than anyone,” she added.

  “When we first moved to Kentucky, Daadi used to yell at us like that,” Marla spoke up, putting her hand inside the sleeve of her dress.

  “He did?”

  “Jah. Esther said it was because he missed our mamm so much, but we thought he didn’t love us.”

  “But you know now that he loves you, right?” Hannah questioned.

  Leon bobbed his head. “Daadi got better after I ran away from home. Maybe you oughta run away, too, Aunt Hannah. Then when ya come back, Uncle Timothy might be nicer to ya.”

  Hannah smiled despite her sour mood. “Sometimes I do feel like running away, but it probably wouldn’t be the answer to our problems.”

  “What is the answer?” Marla asked.

  Hannah shrugged. “I’m not sure. I guess I just need to let your uncle Timothy work on the house and not bother him when he’s there.” She reached over and wiped away a blob of peanut butter Mindy had managed to get on her chin.

  Truth was, when Timothy snapped at her like he had today, it made her long to be back in Pennsylvania, where she’d have Mom’s love and support. That wasn’t likely to happen, though—especially now that they’d bought a house. Hannah figured she’d better make the best of things and try to stay out of Timothy’s way when he was busy working on the house. That would be easier than quarreling all the time or being hurt when he said something harsh to her, which seemed to be happening a lot lately. She knew Timothy didn’t like to argue either, but they seemed to do it frequently.

  Maybe he thinks I’m hard to live with, Hannah thought.

  The children had just finished their lunch, when Hannah heard the sound of horse’s hooves coming up the driveway. When she went to the window, she was surprised to see Timothy’s horse and buggy pull up to the hitching rail. I wonder what he’s doing back so early. Maybe he forgot a tool. Or maybe he came to lecture me some more.

  Fearful that Timothy might say something to upset the children, Hannah told them to go upstairs to their rooms.

  “What about our schissel?” Marla asked. “Don’t you want us to clear them first?”

  Hannah shook her head. “That’s okay. I’ll take care of the dishes.” She lifted Mindy from her stool and told her to go upstairs to play with Marla and the others.

  When the children left the room, Hannah started clearing the table. She’d just put the last dish in the sink when Timothy entered the kitchen.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked over her shoulder. “I thought you planned to work at the house all day.”

  “I do, but I had to come home for a few minutes.” He stepped up to Hannah and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Es dutt mir leed.“

  “You’re sorry?”

  “That’s right. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry about the spilled paint and spouted off like I did. Will you forgive me, Hannah?”

  She nodded, feeling her throat tighten. “I’m sorry, too,” she murmured. Hannah couldn’t believe he’d come all the way home just to say he was sorry, but it softened her heart. She felt more love for her husband than she had in a long time. Did she dare hope that things would be better between them from now on?

  CHAPTER 33

  By the middle of March, Timothy and Hannah were able to move into their home. Not everything had been fixed, but at least it was livable. Since Esther was still in Pennsylvania, Hannah had agreed to watch Samuel’s children at her house, which meant he had to bring them over every morning, but he seemed to be okay with that.

  One sunny Monday, Hannah decided to take advantage of the unusually warm weather and hang her laundry outdoors, rather than in the basement. As she carried a basket of freshly washed clothes out to the clothesline, she wondered if they’d made a mistake in buying this old house. So much remained to be done. Several upstairs windows needed new screens. Some screens were broken, and some were missing altogether. The barn needed work, too, which was important because it not only housed their horses, but also Timothy’s farming tools, painting supplies, and many other things, including hay and food for the animals. Then there was the yard. Hannah didn’t know if she’d ever get the weeds cleared out in time to plant a garden this spring. The fields behind the house looked like they hadn’t been cultivated in a good many years, and they’d need to be plowed and tilled before Timothy could plant corn. It was all a bit overwhelming, and having to take care of Samuel’s children during Esther’s absence only made it worse for Hannah. However, she’d agreed to do it, and the money Samuel insisted on paying her was nice for extra expenses.

  Hannah shifted the laundry basket in her arms. On a brighter note, soon after they’d moved in, Timothy had mounted the covered-bridge bird feeder he’d given her for Christmas on a post in their backyard. Hannah glanced at the feeder and smiled when she saw several redheaded house finches eating some of the thistle seed she’d put out. She found herself humming and enjoying the joy spring fever always brought.

  Redirecting her thoughts, she set the laundry basket on the ground and turned to check on the children. Penny, Jared, and Mindy sat on the porch steps, petting the pathetic little gray-and-white cat that had wandered onto their place the day they’d moved in. The kids had named the cat Bobbin because he bobbed his head whenever he walked. The poor critter had trouble with his balance and sometimes fell over when he tried to run. Hannah figured he’d either been injured or been born with some kind of a palsy disorder. One thing for sure, the cat had been neglected and was looking for a new home. While Hannah wasn’t particularly fond of cats, she couldn’t help feeling sorry for Bobbin, so she’d begun feeding him, which of course meant the cat had claimed this as his new home. For the sake of Mindy, who’d latched on to the cat right away, Hannah had allowed Bobbin to stay. But she’d made it clear that he was not to be in the house. She didn’t want to deal with cat hair everywhere, not to mention the possibility of fleas.

  As Hannah hung a pair of Timothy’s trousers on the line, she thought about how hard he and his brothers had worked on the house. Looking around, she had to admit they really had accomplished a lot in a short amount of time.

  She giggled to herself, thinking back to the day when their new propane stove had been delivered. When they were moving the appliance into place, part of the floor gave way, and the stove became wedged halfway between the kitchen floor and the basement ceiling. Everyone stood with looks of shock until someone had the good sense to suggest that they secure the stove before it fell any farther through the floor. Then they worked together to get the stove hoisted back up in place. Apparently, the wood floor had weakened in that area from a leaky pipe, because originally the sink was located there. It wasn’t funny at the time, and it set them back a few days, but Timothy, Samuel, and Titus managed to get the floorboards replaced and a nice square area inlayed with brick for the stove to set on. Except for a few scratches on her new stove, which Hannah wasn’t happy about, it had all worked out.

  “Frosch schpringe net.”

  Hannah looked down, surprised to see Jared standing beside her, and wondered what he meant about a frog not jumping. She was about to ask when he pointed to her laundry basket. A fat little frog sat looking up at her.

  Hannah screamed. She hated frogs. Even the sight of one sent chills up her spine. “Get th
at frosch out of there!”

  Jared looked up at her like she was a horse with two heads as he picked up the frog.

  “Put it over there,” she said, pointing to a clump of weeds near the barn. She would have told him to take it all the way out to the field, but she didn’t want him going that far from the house.

  As Jared walked off, Hannah shook her head and continued to hang up the laundry. That boy is really something, she thought with a click of her tongue. I hope Esther knows what she’s getting herself into by marrying Samuel.

  She’d just finished hanging the last of the towels when she spotted a car coming up the driveway. When it pulled up next to the barn, she realized it belonged to Bonnie.

  “Guder mariye,” Bonnie said as she joined Hannah by the clothesline. “That is how you say good morning, isn’t it?”

  Hannah nodded, surprised that Bonnie knew some Pennsylvania-Dutch words.

  “It’s so nice out today, and I decided to take a ride and come by to see your new house. Oh, and I brought you a few housewarming gifts.” Bonnie motioned to her car. “They’re in there.”

  “I’d be happy to show you the house, but you didn’t have to bring me anything,” Hannah said.

  Bonnie smiled. “I wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood. You know, my B&B isn’t too far from here, so feel free to drop by any time you like.”

  “Thanks.” Hannah bent to pick up the empty laundry basket. “Let’s go inside, and I’ll show you around.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll get your gifts from the car and follow you up to the house.”

  Hannah skirted around the weeds and stepped onto the porch. “You all need to come inside now,” she said to the children.

  “Can’t we stay out here?” Penny asked in a whiny voice. “We want to pet the katz.”

  “You can pet the cat later. I need you inside where I can keep an eye on you.”

  Penny’s lower lip jutted out, and when Mindy started to howl, Jared did, too. Their screams were so loud Hannah feared their nearest neighbor might call the police, thinking something horrible had happened. She held the laundry basket under one arm and against her hip then put her finger to her lips. “Hush now, and come inside, schnell.“

  But the children didn’t come quickly, as she’d asked them to do. Instead, they sat on the porch step, with Mindy still holding the cat, and all three of them crying.

  Just then, Bonnie showed up carrying a wicker basket. She placed it on the little wooden table on the porch, reached inside, and handed each of the children a chocolate bar. Even though Hannah didn’t normally allow Mindy to have candy—especially so close to lunchtime—she offered no objections, because Bonnie’s gift to the children was all it took to stop their crying.

  “You can eat the candy, but only if you come inside,” Hannah said, opening the door. The children put the cat down, and as he bobbled off to chase after a bug, they followed Bonnie and Hannah inside.

  Once inside, Hannah instructed them to go to the kitchen to eat their candy bars, while she gave Bonnie a tour of the house.

  “This is a nice-sized home,” Bonnie said when they stepped into one of the bedrooms upstairs. “Plenty of room for a growing family and extra room for any company you may have.”

  “Our family’s not growing at the moment,” Hannah said. “Unless you count Bobbin, the cat.”

  “I assume you and Timothy will want other children?” Bonnie asked.

  Hannah nodded. “I had a miscarriage last year, but I haven’t been able to conceive since then. Timothy says it’s because I’m always stressed out, but I think my womb might be closed up.”

  Bonnie gave Hannah’s arm a gentle squeeze. “I’ll pray for you.”

  “Thanks, I appreciate that.” Hannah was surprised to see such compassion on Bonnie’s face. It made her think maybe Bonnie might want children, too.

  “The men did a good job painting all the rooms,” Bonnie said, as they moved on to another bedroom.

  “Yes, they did. It took them awhile to strip off the wallpaper, but it turned out nice. There’s still some work that needs to be done up here, though.” Hannah motioned to the windows. “Some of the screens are missing, and some are old and loose, so they’ll all need to be replaced. But considering the repairs that have been done since we bought this place, we’re fortunate that we could move in so quickly.”

  “There were a few missing screens at the B&B when I first moved in,” Bonnie said. “But between Samuel and Allen, those were taken care of before the warm weather arrived last year.”

  “Hopefully, Timothy will get all the screens replaced here soon. With nicer weather on the way, it will be good to have fresh air circulating through the house.”

  Hannah left the room and stepped into the hall. “I think we should go downstairs now and see what the kids are up to in the kitchen.”

  “Oh yes, and I want to give you my housewarming gifts, too.”

  When they entered the kitchen, the children were gone. Hannah checked the living room and found them sitting on the floor with a stack of books. “Go to the bathroom and wash up,” she instructed. “You probably have chocolate on your hands, and I don’t want that getting on any of Mindy’s books.”

  The children did as she asked, but they didn’t look happy about it.

  Hannah turned to Bonnie and said, “Those kids of Samuel’s can sure be stubborn.”

  Bonnie chuckled. “I guess all kids can be that way at times.”

  The two women continued on into the kitchen, and Bonnie removed a carton of eggs, a cookbook, several dish towels, and a loaf of homemade bread from the wicker basket she’d set on the table. “The eggs are from my layers,” she said. “Oh, and Trisha made the bread, I made the dish towels, and the cookbook was put together by some of the women at my church. I have one, too, and all the recipes I’ve tried so far have been very good.”

  “Thank you for everything,” Hannah said as they both took a seat at the table.

  Hannah thumbed through the cookbook and stopped when she came to a recipe for Kentucky chocolate chip pie. “You know, I was planning to make this pie for Christmas, but I didn’t feel like doing any baking. I really do need to try it sometime though. Timothy likes anything with chocolate chips in it, and I bet he’d enjoy the pie.”

  “It does sound tasty,” Bonnie agreed. “If you try it, let me know how it turns out. I could even be your guinea pig,” she added with a gleam in her eyes.

  “I might just do that.” Hannah laughed. “Would you like a cup of tea?” She offered, feeling cheerful. “It won’t take long to get the water heated.”

  “That sounds nice, but I really should get going. I need to drive Trisha to her physical therapy appointment this afternoon, and if we get an early start, I may try to get some shopping done while we’re in Hopkinsville.”

  Bonnie was just starting for the door when a fat, little frog hopped out of the sink onto the counter, then leaped onto the floor by Hannah’s feet. She screamed and jumped up. “Jared Fisher, did you bring that frosch into the house?”

  Wearing a sheepish expression, Jared shuffled into the kitchen. Hannah pointed at the frog. “Take it outside, right now!”

  Hannah was relieved when the child did as she asked but embarrassed that she’d made a fool of herself in front of Bonnie. “I’ve had a fear of frogs ever since my oldest brother put one in my bed when I was a little girl,” she explained. “And I sure never expected to see a frog this early in the year.”

  “It must be the warm weather that brought it out.” Bonnie smiled. “And believe me, I understand about your fear. I think we all have a fear of something.”

  “Not Timothy. I don’t think he’s afraid of anything.”

  “Most men won’t admit to being afraid because they want us to think they’re fearless.” Bonnie chuckled and moved toward the door. “It was nice seeing you, Hannah, and thanks for giving me a tour of your new home.”

  “Thank you for stopping by and for all these nice th
ings.”

  Hannah stood at the door and watched as Bonnie walked out to her car. It had been nice to have an adult to visit with for a while. Even though Hannah kept busy watching the children, she often felt lonely and isolated. Oh, what she wouldn’t give for a good visit with Mom.

  CHAPTER 34

  As Esther’s driver, Pat Summers, turned onto the road leading to Pembroke, Esther’s excitement mounted. Here it was the first Saturday in April, and she could hardly believe she’d been gone two months. But her help had been needed in Pennsylvania, and she’d stayed until Dad was well enough to take over working the stands at both farmers’ markets. It had been good to spend time with her family, but as hard as it was to leave, she knew her place was here in Kentucky with Samuel and his children. She would stop by the B&B first to drop off her luggage and let Bonnie know she was back, and then she would head over to see Samuel and the children.

  “I hope the woman you work for at the bed-and-breakfast will have a room available for me to spend the night,” Pat said as they neared Bonnie’s place. “If there are no vacancies, I’ll have to look for a hotel in Hopkinsville. I’ve done enough traveling for one day and need to rest up.”

  Esther smiled at her. “When I spoke to Bonnie on the phone a few days ago, she said she didn’t have any guests coming until next weekend. So unless things have changed, I’m sure she’ll have a room for you.”

  “I’m anxious to see the B&B,” Pat said. “From what you’ve told me, it sounds like a real nice place.”

  Esther nodded. “It is now, but you should have seen the house before Samuel and Allen fixed it up. Both men are good carpenters, and Samuel’s an expert painter, so Bonnie was very pleased with how it turned out.” Esther motioned to the B&B sign on her right. “Here we are. Turn right there.”

  Pat drove up the driveway and parked her van on the side of Bonnie’s garage. When they got out of the van, Cody leaped off the porch and ran out to greet them.