Hollywood Dead

by Richard Kadrey

  Brigitte says, “It restores spoiled meat to an edible condition.”

  I look at Candy and back to them.

  “You’re saying I’m a ham sandwich?”

  “Exactly,” says Brigitte.

  “I can live with that.”

  Vidocq comes over and Carlos follows with something in a rag. He holds it out to me.

  “I guess we got a little distracted. We forgot your stuff in your coat.”

  “The scroll too?”

  “Yeah. Sorry, man. This is all we could salvage from the fire,” he says, handing me the rag.

  It’s the black blade, and it’s perfect. No fire on Earth, even a hoodoo one, was ever going to hurt it. I wrap it back in the rag.

  “Thanks a lot for everything. Really. Everyone.”

  People nod and murmur.

  Flicker taps me on the shoulder.

  “So, Stark, that really is Mustang Sally over there?”

  “Yeah. I’ll introduce you.”

  Sally drops her cigarette and stubs it out as we go over.

  She looks me up and down in my bare feet and my stolen robe.

  “You look like a rakish hobo,” she says. “It suits you.”

  I put a hand on Flicker’s shoulder.

  “Sally, this is Flicker. This is her place.”

  Sally smiles at her.

  “Nice theater you’ve got here. There aren’t enough driveins left in the world.”

  “I totally agree,” Flicker says. “You’re welcome here anytime, Sally.”

  Flicker pulls some theater passes out of a pocket in her overalls.

  “These are for you. Please come back. Whatever you want to eat or drink, it’s on me.”

  Sally looks the passes over.

  “I might just do that. What’s playing here next?”

  I say, “It’s seventies week, right?”

  “That’s right,” Flicker says. “Starting with Foxy Brown and The Getaway.”

  Sally thinks about it.

  “I might just come back for that.”

  “Anytime. Really. It would be an honor to have you.”

  “That’s sweet of you.”

  Sally turns to me.

  “I changed my mind about the car you owe me.”

  “You don’t want a Catalina?”

  “I want a 1958 Chrysler Dual Ghia L6.4.”

  “That’s a very specific car. Why that one?”

  “Frank Sinatra gave me one once. It was a lovely ride,” she says.

  “You knew Sinatra?”

  She gets into the wrecked Bugatti. Starts the engine.

  “Everybody who drives here long enough owes me,” says Sally. “Have a good night, lovelies.”

  Sally backs out of the theater and does a one-eighty without stopping. Hits the gas and is gone.

  “Thanks for letting us make a mess of your place,” I tell Flicker.

  She claps her hands together.

  “Thank you for introducing me to Mustang Sally. As far as I’m concerned, we’re even.”

  We go back over to the others.

  Candy looks me in the eyes and says, “You look tired.”

  “I kind of am.”

  “Where were you planning on sleeping?”

  I think for a minute.

  “Abbot said I could use the UFO place. I’ll head back there.”

  “It’s all shot up and the food is lousy.”

  “I gave all my money away so I can’t stay in a hotel. Besides, I don’t think they’d let me check in wearing just a robe.”

  “Come on with us. You can crash on our couch at Max Overdrive tonight.”

  I look at Alessa.

  “That’s okay with you?”

  She nods.

  “We talked it over.”

  “Okay then.”

  There’s not much left to say, so with one last look around, Candy, Alessa, and I pile into Ray’s Honda and he gives us a ride back to the store. It’s right around dawn.

  When we get out he says, “Come by Bamboo House tonight. I’m making tamales.”

  “We’ll do that,” says Candy.

  I guess they go that night. When I finally wake up, Candy tells me that I’ve been out for twenty-four hours.

  It’s the best sleep I ever had.

  NEW CLOTHES ARE waiting for me on the kitchen table when I wake up. Boots. Leather bike pants. A new coat. And a clean Max Overdrive T-shirt. There’s a note too.

  There’s coffee in the pot. Just heat it up.

  I get dressed and turn on the coffeemaker. Candy comes in just as I’m pouring myself a cup. I start to pour her one too, but she shakes her head. I take a sip of mine.

  “Holy shit.”

  “You can taste again?” she says.

  “Yeah. It’s strange. I was just a couple of days without taste or touch, and now that all my senses are back it’s like they’re all new again.”

  “That sounds exciting. It almost makes me wish I could do it.”

  I drink some more.

  “Figure out another way than the one I used. It wasn’t worth it.”

  Candy takes my hand and pulls me over to the couch. We sit down. There are coasters with cute anime creatures on the table. I set my cup down on one of those.

  “It’s good to have you back,” Candy says.

  “It’s amazing to be back. But listen, I’ve got to know. What ever happened with Audsley Ishii? The last thing I remember is you jumping him.”

  “Yeah, that. It was a big mess,” Candy says. “Alessa was freaking out and someone called the cops. I managed to get clean clothes on before they got here. You gave me Thomas Abbot’s number, so I called him and—I don’t know how he did it—but he fixed everything with the police. No one got arrested. Then they took your body away in an ambulance.”

  “And that was that?”

  “And that was that. We never heard another word. I suppose Wormwood must have known about things right away. When I called the morgue about your body they said they couldn’t find it.”

  I pick up the coffee and drink a little more. The heat goes through my whole body.

  “Wormwood kept me on ice until they wanted me back.”

  “What happened to Howard?”

  I don’t want to look at her, so I look at the floor.

  “It was stupid to leave with him. He tried to fuck me over, just like you said he would, but Sally saved me. No one is going to see him again.”

  Candy moves the coasters around for a few seconds, then says, “Were you really going to kill yourself back at the drive-in?”

  “I don’t know. I was a little crazy right then.”

  “You didn’t look crazy to me. You looked like you knew exactly what you were doing.”

  “You don’t get it. I went against everything I ever believed in when I threw in with Wormwood.”

  She leans back against the sofa pillows.

  “I would have done the same thing.”

  “Really?”

  “If I was in Hell and away from you and Alessa and everybody else? I would have done anything to come back.”

  I pick up the hot mug and hold it until I can’t stand it anymore.

  “I’m having a real hard time with this.”

  “I can tell,” Candy says. “But you’ve had this bigger-than-life idea of yourself ever since I’ve known you. You were super-special Sandman Slim for so long you think you have to be that all the time forever.”

  “You really think that’s what I’m like?”

  Ignoring the question, she goes on. “And then there’s what happened to Alice. You’re still guilty about that.”

  “I always will be.”

  “I bet she’s forgiven you by now.”

  “Maybe. I saw her when I was Downtown this last time.”

  “Alice is in Hell?” says Candy.

  “No. She came there with some other angels. She is an angel, I should say. She and her friends helped keep the rebel angels off our backs. I don’t think we
would have survived without them.”

  Candy puts her hands together.

  “That sounds like forgiveness to me.”

  “Still. Her death is my fault. So are all the things I’ve done to you and Kasabian and everyone else. I don’t know anymore if I go looking for monsters or I just bring them with me.”

  Candy puts her hand on my back.

  “You need to go to Allegra and spend some time with her. She said before you went away this last time that you’d agreed to try medication for your PTSD.”

  “I did. Now I’m not so sure about it. What do you think?”

  “I think you should take a chance on anything that might make you happy.”

  “I know that makes sense, but I don’t know. I’ve been me for so long, what am I going to be if that’s gone?”

  “Wouldn’t it at least be interesting to find out?”

  She takes her hand away. I miss it already. We sit for a minute, and I soak that in—taking what I can get—until Candy says, “What was Hell like this last time? It must have been horrible being back.”

  “It was strange. Stranger than anything I went through down there.”

  I tell her about the Magistrate and his mad crusade. And about the weapon that was supposed to save Heaven but turned out to be nothing but a carny gaff. Last, I tell her about almost going to Heaven.

  “See?” she says. “After all that, of course you jumped at the chance to come home.”

  I drink more coffee and use the mug to point downstairs.

  “I like what you’ve done to the store.”

  “Oooh. Nice deflection,” she says. “I take it we’re not talking about you anymore?”

  “I can’t right now. I just can’t.”

  “It’s okay. I get it.”

  She looks at the door.

  “The store is doing really well now. Did Kasabian tell you that we have bands in sometimes?”

  “He did. Do you and Alessa still have a band?”

  “Yeah. We’re really good now. You should come and hear us.”

  “I’d like that.”

  Candy screws up her lips a little bit.

  “Alessa thinks we need a logo, but I have no idea how you get something like that.”

  I pat my pockets and then remember that my other coat burned up in the bonfire, along with just about everything else.

  “Across Sunset from an antiques store called Angelic Bazaar is a café. There’s a cute waitress inside named Alyx. She showed me some of her designs. She’s really good. And I think you’d like her. Tell her the bodyguard sent you.”

  Candy raises her eyebrows at me.

  “My. You do work fast, Mr. Stark.”

  I wave a hand at her.

  “It’s not like that. I was wearing a glamour. She thinks I’m some pretty boy from central casting.”

  “Still. You charmed her.”

  “The face charmed her. Everybody likes that damn face. I have to get another one.”

  “Or maybe figure out something to do so you don’t have to wear glamours anymore.”

  I finish the coffee and put down the mug. I want more, but it doesn’t feel right asking.

  “How are you with still being Chihiro?”

  Candy shrugs.

  “I’m pretty used to it. I don’t think of her as quite me, so when Alessa and I go clothes shopping it’s like we’re buying stuff for our crazy friend.”

  “I almost forgot to tell you, Abbot said that when the Golden Vigil disbanded last year, all of their cases were closed. There’s no warrant out for Candy anymore. You can go back to being you.”

  She frowns.

  “But the Golden Vigil is back. Doesn’t that mean their old cases are back too?”

  “I don’t know. Can they do that?”

  “I think they can do anything they want. I’m going to stay Chihiro for now. It’s what everyone is used to at the store and in the band. Having her just disappear would take more explaining than I want to do right now.”

  “I can understand that.”

  I touch my coat and feel the black blade inside. Even though I don’t want it to, it feels comforting.

  I say, “It might sound weird to say, but I’m glad that you and Alessa got together before I disappeared.”

  “Before you were murdered,” says Candy.

  “I’m glad there was someone to take care of you.”

  Talking about Alessa, I can see her relax.

  “She really saved me. Kasabian tried his best to help, but he’s just not the nurturing type. But he bought us a lot of beer.”

  “He bought himself a lot of beer and let you have some.”

  Candy wags a finger at me.

  “You really need to ease up on him. He’s changed a lot since you’ve been gone.”

  “I’ll try.”

  Candy takes my empty, pours more from the pot, and brings it back to me.

  “So. The other thing,” she says.

  “The other thing?”

  “You, me, and Alessa.”

  “Right. That.”

  I move around a couple of the coasters.

  “I don’t want to get in the way. I’m not going to get in the way. I’ll walk out of here right now if you want.”

  Candy looks at me.

  “You would, wouldn’t you?”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  “See?” she says, a tone of exasperation in her voice. “You’re playing the hero again. Stop it.”

  I pick up my hands and drop them in my lap.

  “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do right now.”

  “Listen,” she says. “The three of us were figuring things out when you were killed. I want to go back to that. I want to figure out how we can make this work.”

  “Alessa has had you to herself for a year. How’s she going to feel when some dead guy suddenly appears and you go off with him?”

  “First of all, I’m not going off with you. And I’m not going off with her. You and me were together for a year or so when I started seeing Alessa. If you were okay with me seeing her I’m sure she’ll be okay with me seeing you.”

  I swirl the coffee around in the mug.

  “That sounds complicated.”

  “You and me were always complicated. Now it’s the three of us. That’s only one more. Between us, we can figure out the complication.”

  I set down the mug.

  I don’t have to go away. My gut unknots itself.

  “Okay. I’m in if you are.”

  “I’m in.”

  She smiles and bumps her shoulder into mine.

  I say, “Kasabian won’t be happy. He wants me long gone.”

  “No he doesn’t. He missed you. Just not the guns and monsters.”

  “I’ll try to keep them to myself.”

  “Try to not keep them at all.”

  “Even better.”

  Candy turns on the sofa and sits on one foot.

  “What are you going to do now?”

  “I’ll see if Abbot will let me stay at the UFO place. I know it was kind of a wreck, but maybe I can do something about that in my copious free time.”

  “That’s good, but I meant do you know what you’re going to do with your life?”

  “Not a clue. Kasabian said I could have some movies.”

  “I think we can let you have movies whenever you want them.”

  “Good. I have a year to catch up on.”

  The door from the store below opens and Alessa comes in. She smiles at us.

  “You’re finally awake,” she says.

  I take a last sip of coffee and get up.

  “Yeah. I should get going. Thanks for letting me crash here. I’m sorry I stayed so long.”

  “It was no problem,” Alessa says. “After all the craziness at the drive-in it seemed smart to make sure you were all right.”

  “I really am. See you later.”

  Candy jumps up and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

  �
�I’ll call you.”

  “Sure.”

  For once, I leave the store by the front door like a normal person. Kasabian nods to me as I go out. I nod back. When I’m outside, I go around the short alley at the side of the store and walk through a shadow by the Dumpster.

  Come out in Eva Sandoval’s office.

  The place is a wreck. Bullet holes in the walls. Chairs and tables knocked over. Blood has soaked into the green felt on her pool table. Her desk lies on its side. I push it out of the way and pick up the rug underneath.

  Howard might have been a murdering necro-prick, but he wasn’t lying about Eva’s safe. There’s a square door and keypad just a half inch below the level of the floor. I listen for footsteps or any other sounds in the house. When it stays quiet I whisper some Hellion hoodoo to check for any magical traps, but whatever curses Sandoval had around the place were used up last night.

  I bark a bit more hoodoo and the safe door slams open. I don’t really know what I’m looking for, so I grab everything and stuff it into my coat pockets.

  When the safe is empty, I close it, replace the rug, and push the desk back where it was. I’m tempted to steal some other stuff, but what? There are paintings, sculptures, and expensive carpets everywhere, but none of it is anything I’d want. But I can’t leave the place entirely unlooted. I go back to the desk one more time and paw through the drawers.

  Lucky me. I find a few more packs of Shermans. I squeeze those into my pockets with Eva’s other loot. On my way out, I take the only other thing worth having: a bottle of her very good bourbon.

  A SUB ROSA cleanup crew must have been to the UFO mansion while I was asleep. The place is put back together again just like the first time I saw it. No bullet holes. All the windows intact. I go into the kitchen and open the refrigerator. Yep. Same boring food as before. But right now, all food is exciting, and soon I’ll go to Bamboo House of Dolls and have Carlos’s tamales.

  I unload my pockets on the kitchen island.

  There’s fifty thousand dollars in cash in five ten-thousand-dollar bundles. There are stocks and a pile of bearer bonds, which, according to Die Hard, are very valuable. Abbot will know about them. There are boxes of diamond earrings, pearls, and other shiny stuff. I’ll have to have people over and let them figure out who wants what. The bottom of one pocket is already ripped because I stuffed four small gold bars in there. I figure that those should go to Vidocq and Ray. They can use them in their hoodoo spells. Or just cash them in and buy a new TV. That’s all right too.