Cutting Loose

by Dash, Jayson

  “Whatever. As far as I’m concerned, you’re just another white boy taking a good black girl away from all the good black men out there who deserves a woman like her. You should be ashamed of yourself.” She rolled her eyes at him and stomped off without another word.

  “I’m sorry about that. Larissa can get like that sometimes so don’t worry about her. She’ll warm up to you eventually.”

  He half-smiled and said, “I guess so.” He glanced around and said, “It’s hard not to notice that I’m one of the only few white guys here and I’m standing out like a sore thumb.”

  “True. But I thought you said you liked being different.”

  Brett cocked his head to the side and asked, “And when did I say that?”

  “On our first date. Don’t you remember?”

  Brett laughed softly. “You don’t forget anything do you?” He rubbed his belly and said, “Man, I’m getting hungry. When is the food going to be done?”

  Cassandra broke away from smooching with Chad and said, “Uh, I’m not sure. Mr. Barbeque man here was supposed to start on the burgers and stuff but he was late so I tried messing with it but I wasn’t successful. And I plus I’m not trying to get my weave set on fire today.”

  They all erupted with laughter.

  Brett said, “Well, I know a thing or two about grilling. In my family they call me the Grill Master.”

  “Well, then,” said Cassandra coolly. “Feel free to take over the grill and work your magic. That is, if Chad doesn’t have a problem with it.”

  Brett and Chad exchanged empty looks.

  Chad said, “Not at all. C’mon, Brett, let’s see what you got.”

  “Okay, let’s go.” He kissed Sabrina on the lips and followed Chad to the grills and began chatting up.

  Meanwhile, Sabrina and Larissa gossiped about small stuff and tried to talk and watched how Brett and Chad were getting along. Whatever they were talking about, it sure was an interesting subject after about five minutes and they began attracting a few more guys to their little group.

  “Can you believe him?” said Sabrina as she watched Brett in his moment as he laughed and joked with the rest of the guys around the grill area. “Gosh, that is so sexy.”

  Cassandra laughed. “Sabrina, you are a mess. But I agree. I can’t take my eyes off of Chad. I love when a man can handle his own and you know, blend in with other men in a social setting like this.” She stood up and said, “I think I need some alcohol in my system to get this party started.”

  “I second that. But hell, I can’t drink and drive.”

  “Let him drive, duh.”

  “Casey, I drove a seventy-five thousand dollar car here. I’m feeling Brett, but I’m not feeling him that much, let’s be real.”

  Cassandra placed her hands on her hips. “Rina, stop being a control freak. Fuck that car. I know you got some good ass car insurance if he did wreck your car. You can always buy a new one.”

  Sabrina thought about it. It wasn’t necessarily the car that she was afraid of getting wrecked. She was considering herself getting wrecked and her losing control. She felt like if she did that things would be different and she wouldn’t have the upper hand and her independence as a woman.

  “That’s true, Casey. But I like doing things on my own.”

  Cassandra glanced at Sabrina for a second and said, “Rina, it’s okay to take a break sometimes—even Wonder Woman wasn’t always fighting crime.”

  Sabrina laughed. “In that case, I’m due for a damn vacation.”

  “I think we both could use one.”

  It didn’t take but a quick walk into Cassandra’s house to where she kept a collection of wine and liquor that she pulled out and turned into a self-serve wet bar. It was what everybody needed to unwind and liven the party up some while they waited on the food to get done.

  Cassandra went back to playing “hostess” and stressing about little things like making sure everybody was having a good time and being on the lookout for any sign of cops trying to break up the party due to the loud music that her neighbors didn’t like. A couple of hours later the sun was going down and the real fun began with games that Cassandra personally took the time out of her busy schedule to set up to ensure the party would be anything but dull.

  At the end of it all, the food was big hit with everyone, especially the Cajun ribs that Brett whipped up and had everyone begging for more. After a few drinks were in Sabrina’s system, she was buzzed and hyper. It was all good at the party but when she got home it was another story. She was just glad that Brett was there to rub her aching belly before she went to bed with a killer headache.

  Chapter Eighteen:

  Dirty Work

  Even the weekend wasn’t enough time for Sabrina to recover from the hell of a hangover Sabrina endured from all the drinking at the cookout and she was surely paying for it. It all started when she rolled out of bed Monday morning an hour late and had to listen to Camille bitch about her being late, even though it was rare that Sabrina slipped up and was tardy for any reason.

  Then it all went downhill after she felt like her head was going to explode during a staff meeting that she could only stand to make it halfway through before walking out and taking a quick nap at her desk. If she didn’t learn her lesson all those times she had a hangover even worse than the way she was feeling, this time she knew she had to come up with a better way to handle her liquor and still pull her weight at work so people didn’t look at her otherwise.

  Everything was back to normal by Tuesday morning and Sabrina was back in charge, next to Camille, which she always had a problem with, even if she smiled in Sabrina’s face one minute and then talked smack behind her back when she wasn’t around. It was nothing Sabrina wasn’t used to and simply did her job as best she could. Deep down she was just waiting for the final day when Sean would fire Camille’s lazy ass and give Sabrina the job she deserved and be done with everything.

  “What is she doing that is so great?” Sabrina asked Sean when she went to talk to him in private about Camille. “You and I both know sales have decreased within the last month and it’s all because Camille doesn’t know what she is doing. Am I right?”

  “Yes. But, however,” he said, sitting up in his chair. “We both also know that if I fire Camille and give you her position, she and everybody will think I’m playing favorites.”

  “That’s somewhat true. But they’ll just have to get over it. I can take this magazine to a higher level and do so many things. Camille only works here because she’s your daughter and you feel responsible for her, right?”

  “A little.”

  “Well, she’s a grown woman. I think she needs to learn how to handle things on her own and not run to you whenever things go bad. Like the other day for example when the computers crashed and we almost missed the printing deadline. Who did she get to fix the problem? You. Who did she blame it on? Me. See my point?”

  Sean leaned back in his chair and said, “Yes, I do, Sabrina. And I think you’re making an excellent point.”

  She felt like finally she was getting somewhere and a little closer to getting what she really wanted. At this point, it was still early so she didn’t want to get ahead of herself.

  She said, “Camille sometimes does her job but most of the time I’m doing all the work and she gets all the credit because she is the editor-in-chief and she’s over me, even though we’re supposed to work together. I think we argue more than we agree on anything.”

  Sean chuckled and said, “Well, you know how Camille is. She craves attention and if anyone takes that away from her she will lose her mind. I know how you feel when you come up with an entire concept and have someone take the credit for it. I’ve been there, done that.”

  “So, what should I do? Wait for her to drop dead from a mysterious illness?”

  Sean looked at Sabrina and paused before saying, “In a way, but I don’t want you plotting against her. It’s not in your character and its’ not necessary.
”

  Sabrina sighed and said, “Well, I have to do something. Honestly, I’m tired of working with Camille and doing all her dirty work. I’m so much better than that, not that I’m trying to sound conceited or anything. I feel like my true talent is going to waste.”

  Sean studied Sabrina’s face for a moment. She wondered if he really knew how hard she was fighting for something—something she had always known should have been hers every sense Camille got her job and turned Fabulous upside down, leaving Sabrina to come to the rescue every time something went array.

  She was certain Sean knew from the very start that he made a mistake hiring Camille but he felt bad after she damn near begged him to hire when she got fired from two previous jobs due to her lack of focus, among other things. He decided to take a chance on her, despite his better judgment and his own knowledge of how she ran things. And now he was feeling the after effects. It was his mistake and Sabrina’s constant headache.

  Pulling away from her thoughts, he said to Sabrina, “I can’t promise you that things are going to change, but I can promise you that from now on, I’m going to be on Camille’s ass and make sure she does her job like it is supposed to be done.”

  That’s all? Sabrina thought to herself. You need to fire her lazy ass!

  She refrained from saying what was on her mind and instead smiled and said, “Great. There isn’t much I can do about that, huh?”

  Sean smiled. “Nope. Just sit back, relax, and continue doing your job. Oh, and if you have the time, look for someone to replace you, you know, just in case you move up the latter.”

  “I can definitely do that,” Sabrina said as she began to feel warm inside like she already had been promoted.

  When she left Sean’s office she was still smiling on the inside and no one knew why she was in such a good mood. She looked at Camille with new eyes, wondering when she was going to slip up and get herself into a situation that she couldn’t turn to Sabrina or Sean to bell her out of. Sabrina didn’t worry about finding a replacement just yet. She really never thought about that aspect of moving up and having someone who she trusted to get the job done to work by her side.

  Since she had plenty of time to think about that in the future, Sabrina shifted her attention to the focusing on the here and now and didn’t let anything distract her. She sat down at her desk and saw Brett’s picture on her screensaver and immediately thought about the idea that he gave her to do a feature on what men thought about fashion and whether or not it was important to some and no so much to everyone else. She called in her assistant Raquel to get a list of male subscribers who frequently wrote to the magazine and see if anything interesting stuck out.

  After a few days of working on that project she had to work on a proposal for a fashion show that was taking place to show the latest spring trends. She also had to come up with a budget, cast models, set a spending budget, make sure all the clothing was up to date and to many other things. Two weeks flew by and all her work was about to pay off when the day came for her to stand in front of the board with Camille doing all the talking while she sat back and watched Camille do her job for once in a while. All was going well until Camille called in saying she forgot about the proposal and that she was stuck in New York.

  Sabrina swallowed her pride and went into the meeting feeling intimated as hell as she looked upon the faces of middle-aged white men who looked at her as if she was out of place and didn’t belong there. She was dressed in a nice pantsuit, hair was looking professional and she spoke clearly, so there was no reason anyone should have been looking at her the way some of them did.

  “In conclusion,” Sabrina said at the end of the meeting, “everything has been laid out on the table and it is a great benefit to both this company and your company to feature your spring collection in our fashion show. Are there any questions?”

  “Yes, I do,” guy wearing a black suit and blue tie said once Sabrina saw his head pop up. “Is there someone else who we should consult with about this?”

  “Why? Is there a problem?” Sabrina asked, trying to maintain her cool. She knew exactly where this was going.

  The man said, “No, there’s no problem. I just think that maybe there is someone else with a more knowledge on the matter that can give us more details.”

  Before Sabrina said anything else, Sean stood up and walked to the front of the table near Sabrina and said, “Mr. Moore, Sabrina is the co-editor-in-chief at our magazine and I assure you that there is no else who can offer as much information as she can.”

  “I see,” he said slowly, looking elsewhere but at Sabrina and Sean before rising to his feet. “Well, then, I’m going to have to decline your offer and take my business elsewhere to someone who fits the image of a fashion editor.”

  One by one the men began filing out of the room and left Sabrina feeling as if she did something wrong. But she knew what it was, even though she tried to put it out of her mind.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Sean said as he gave her a pat on the shoulder. “They’ll be back—they always do.”

  Shem smiled on the outside, but on the inside she was burning up to the core with anger, frustration and something else that made her blood boil. This was not the first time she dealt with racism first hand. And she was sure it was not going to be the last.

  Chapter Nineteen:

  Tennis Hell

  Twenty minutes past midnight, Sabrina found herself at her desk making sure all her work was error free and as close to perfection as she was going to get. She would have been home hours ago if only she wouldn’t have let her mind go crazy and feed into what she had heard earlier about her not looking like a fashion editor should. True, it was just a miserable, middle-aged man’s opinion that was irrelevant to her, it still pissed her off and made her wonder if what he said was the same thing other people like him were thinking as soon as she walked into a room.

  That whole ordeal enraged her so much she couldn’t concentrate on anything and she couldn’t let it go. She didn’t feel like talking about it to anyone because more than likely they wouldn’t understand what she was going through or they would just say, “Suck it up.”

  Once she had it in her mind that she was done stressing over something so tedious and ridiculous, she grabbed her things and headed home to end the long day that seemed like it would never end. She soaked her body in a nice, hot bubble bath and took a sip of wine to aid her in a good night’s sleep.

  A couple of weeks later she thought she was completely over it until the memory resurfaced when she once again had to cover for Camille’s ass and go on a solo trip to New York to attend a few fashion shows and do a review on a bunch of things that Camille should have handled a while ago. She was once again looked at as an outsider or out of place compared to the diversity or lack thereof, for people of color such as herself. Even in the fashion show there were hardly any black models or women of color in the shows with the exception of a couple of women here and there.

  It began to eat her up inside and she refused to talk about the subject any further more sense she felt like there wasn’t much she could do about it except to accept the fact that she was in a world where certain things were not acceptable and if you can’t handle the heat, stay the hell out of the kitchen.

  She thought she was alone. That no one could come close to how she could be surrounded by a bunch of colleagues who she worked with daily to achieve goals, and still at the end of the she felt like she was on her own.

  Of all the people she could hide her true emotions from; she realized that Brett was not one of them. He could see right through her and whenever she put up a fight, it only made him want to hold her tighter, as if he never wanted to let her go.

  Sabrina hated speaking her mind to Brett. It was a lot easier to hide it inside and pretend that was okay. Sometimes she could feel it in her soul how childish it was for her to try to protect herself from ending up the same way twice and she felt like she was getting so close to Brett that she
had to put up a wall as a defenses mechanism. It was a way to bounce back if she got her hopes too high, thinking that just maybe this time she finally found someone who could make her heart melt and make the whole world disappear when she was with him.

  Sabrina had to admit that despite all her insecurities about men and the way they sometimes treated women, she had to admit that she loved spending time with Brett and the things they did together. Every day with him she was always learning something different about him, or something about herself that she didn’t know until then.

  He got her into playing sports and at first she hated anything that made her sweat or dirty. But that didn’t make much sense when she ran and hit the gym like crazy practically every day to stay in top shape. Brett taught her how to play basketball and after a few games she finally got the hang of it, but she could never keep up.

  “In the mood for some tennis?”

  “No,” Sabrina said sternly. “Tennis is too damn complicated—and I just got my nails done.”

  For the last three days in a row Brett had been imploring for her to play tennis with him, to no avail. Some people were good at team sports and she weren’t one of them.

  Over the last couple of days Brett gave her one-on-one lessons as he did with basketball and it shocked him when she almost beat him at his own game. So he felt like challenging her again, just for the hell of it.

  He said, “Forget about your nails, you can get them re-done. Hell, I’ll even pay for it if I have to. That is an offer you can’t refuse.”

  “Actually, it is and I am refusing it. I have a ton of work to do. Maybe some other time. Sorry.”

  “No worries,” Brett said, sounding a little defeated.

  She felt bad afterwards and felt like she messed up and she could tell she had struck his ego, just a bit. She made her mind up to forget about her French manicured nails and called up Larissa and Cassandra to see if they were interested in playing some tennis and just like always, Larissa made up excuse after excuse. Cassandra was down with it and invited Chad to tag along.