Cutting Loose

by Dash, Jayson

  “This is going to be like stealing candy from a baby,” Sabrina whispered to herself as she glided out of Camille’s office and headed over to her own. There, she sat down at her desk and began calling up every available resources she had. This was war and Camille was going down.

  Nassau, Bahamas was the perfect place for the shoot and with the sunny weather in the forecast everything was looking good. She didn’t waste any time booking models and flying everyone down to be a part of what Sabrina considered was going to be a historic event. Well, not really. But it was really special for her. She could not afford to let Camille knock her down by coming up with the some lame-ass idea that had nothing to do with fashion, or even the season for that matter.

  She knew the photo shoot was going to be long and grueling but she didn’t expect it to last so many long, exhausting hours, where at the end of the day she was totally wiped out. But it was all worth it once all of her brilliant ideas came together before her eyes as the Caribbean scenery made for the perfect backdrop.

  She hired Cassandra’s beau, Chad, to bring some pieces form his spring collection to be featured in the coming issue and it was spectacular. The clear ocean water, the sun, just everything about the Bahamas was perfect, yet romantic. After about a week of shooting on the beach, Sabrina changed locations to the city and took bits and pieces of inspiration from local residents to create a scene that portrayed a sophisticated woman loving life and living in the moment.

  “This is going to be a nice feature,” Sabrina said to Chad at the end of the shoot. “I can already see it now.”

  Chad smiled. “Yes, I agree. I don’t think anyone could put my work to such good use. And I think Cassandra will be happy when she reads your next issue.”

  Sabrina paused for a moment. It was hard to be hearing that Cassandra was reading anything but Cosmo or some trashy tabloid magazine.

  Sabrina asked, “When did she start reading the magazine? She told me she wasn’t into those kinds of magazines.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, that was until I convinced her. Plus, she likes seeing my stuff and knowing that she can get it exclusively before anybody else does.”

  “No wonder. Well, it’s about damn time.”

  They both laughed.

  Just as she promised, by the end of the month, she had her layout completed and ready to present to Sean. She just knew that whatever crap Camille came up with was going to be blown out of the water and had no chance with Sabrina’s. So when she walked into the staff meeting with her ideas, ready to pitch her brilliance to Sean, she was baffled to see that Camille was looking too damn cheerful for someone who was about to crushed. Or so she thought.

  The table was filled with pleasant faces, everyone was talking quietly until Sabrina introduced her layout to Sean and the staff to deliberate over and after realizing that they had already her Camille’s idea, she knew for certain that Camille had to have fucked up major, as usual, and had no reason to be in the room in the first damn place.

  Then out of nowhere, Sean stood up at the head of the table and said to Sabrina, “You both worked very hard on your features for the next issue and as I said, whoever came up with the best layout, gets to go to print.” He held up Sabrina’s layout and said, “I love your ideas about the beach, and the whole spring break idea with the twist of the Caribbean entwined throughout. However, I was disappointed that you didn’t take advantage of all the island colors and natural lighting you could have put into your efforts. I am sad to say that this was by far the least creative work you have ever contributed to this magazine. I’m sorry, but we have decided it is best to go with Camille’s layout instead.”

  Sabrina felt as if her heart had skipped a beat. Or maybe even a couple beats. Nothing was making sense. How the hell could this happen? They chose Camille’s idea over hers?

  This is total bullshit!

  Sabrina tried her best to conceal her anger as she saw a creepy, satisfied smile crease Camille’s ugly face.

  The bitch had the nerve to stand up and try to apologize. “Sorry, but I told you it wasn’t going to—”

  “Shut the hell up, Camille!” Sabrina blasted, cutting her off. “Don’t say another word to me.”

  Sean tried to squeeze in an apology as well but she just threw him a look of disdain before she stomped out of the room before she let her temper get the best of her. She needed to cool off. Needed to go where she felt she could vent and cry her heart out. Anywhere was just perfect, just as long as the aching she felt growing inside her chest stopped; it was so unbearable and unreal.

  She got into her car and drove somewhere. She had no absolute point of destination in mind until she arrived at Brett’s work place. She ran inside, well not really, just walked really fast. She walked to the back to Brett’s office and knocked on the door until it swung open and Brett’s look of shock and concern made her feel awkward.

  He was wearing his usual suit and tie attire, but his hair was different from when she last saw him, as it was slicked back and looked really good with his trimmed goatee.

  Sabrina fought to hold the tears back and failed miserably as she began sobbing.

  Brett walked over to her and cupped her face in his huge hands and asked, “Baby, what’s wrong? Did something happen to you?”

  She shook her head. “Not really,” she said quietly. “I had a really fucked up day and I don’t want to be alone right now. I’m sorry if I’m interrupting your work.”

  “It’s okay. Actually, I was just finishing up for the day and was just about to head home.” He sat her down in a leather chair in front of his desk and asked, “Mind if I ask what happened?”

  Sabrina rubbed her eyes. “It was horrible.” She went on to explain what happened when she went to the meeting after working her ass off on a project only to get slapped in the face by Camille’s stupid idea that she didn’t bother to stick around to hear because she knew it was all bullshit. And because she thought she deserved the feature in the magazine, not Camille. The stupid bitch must have conjured some plan and got Sean to feel bad for. Whatever she did, it worked.

  “Well,” Brett said after she finished explaining everything. “You win some and you lose some.”

  “You’re so not helping.”

  “Oh. Sorry.”

  She looked into his green-eyed gaze and knew he was trying his best and she was being all difficult. Then she drifted back to her trip to the Bahamas and how relaxed he felt after the days when she went back to her suite to relax or lounge on the patio, the warm, crisp air blowing through her air; serenity at is best. Then an idea struck her.

  I need to get the fuck away from Miami for a while.

  She smiled at Brett and asked, “Have you ever been to the Bahamas before?”

  “Nope. I’ve always wanted to though. Why?”

  “Well, I was thinking that since you haven’t been, maybe we can take a trip down there, like a vocation or something. I’m sick of Florida right now.”

  He considered her words; she was definitely serious and there was no talking her out of it. Before he could open his mouth to decline his offer Sabrina cut him off.

  “Don’t worry about expenses or whatever. I’ll pay for it. And I won’t take no for an answer.”

  Seeing that he wasn’t going to be able to wriggle his way out of it, he smiled and asked, “When do we leave?”

  She grinned. “Just say the word.”

  He returned her grin. “How about tonight?”

  When the plane touched down in Nassau, Sabrina could tell that Brett enjoyed the first-class ride a little more than she did. The island was beautiful, even though she had just been here, she felt like it was her first time. After she and Brett got settled into their suite at The Cove Atlantis hotel, they stood on the balcony that had a breath-taking view of the turquoise waters and it felt like they were floating between sky and sea. Inside the suite there was a king-size, lavishly decorated bed, two high-definition plasma TVs hooked up to cable and DVD/CD player. T
he wet bar was fully stocked with glassware and gourmet treats. The bathroom had marble-floor and two granite vanities, a deep soaking tub, and separate frosted glass-tiled enclosed shower with rainfall showerhead and plush bathrobes.

  It wasn’t long before the relaxation period started and they began taking full advantage of all the luxurious treatment the hotel staff were treating them with a bunch of activities to keep them busy. They went sightseeing, shopping in the local stores, and even snorkeling and kayaking. Sabrina was never they type to like being near water but since Brett was so into it, it sort of made her forget all about her fears of drowning.

  At the end of the day they relaxed on their bed and cuddled all night. Sabrina was all too excited to get a full body message from one of the masseuse but then she remembered the bet she made with Brett and how she had been holding out on her end of the bargain for so long. She decided it was finally time to treat him to a mind-blowing message that he would never forget. So she waited for him to return from his golf game and had everything set up. She could tell he was caught off guard by the astonished look on his face.

  Brett looked around at all the candles scattered around the room. “What’s all this?”

  Sabrina grabbed the Terrycloth towel off of the bed and handed it to him. Then she said, “Throw this on and lay on the bed.”

  Looking confused, Brett half-smiled and replied, “Okay.”

  Moments later he was stripped down to a towel as Sabrina told him and was lying on his stomach as Sabrina rubbed his hard body with boy that smelled of Jasmine and lavender. She wasn’t a pro, but she was definitely doing a great job mimicking the skills of a masseuse’s techniques; she rubbed his neck, back and started all over. She knew the message was supposed to be for him, but she was enjoying it more than she should have.

  “How does this feel, baby?” Sabrina asked, rubbing the oil over his chiseled chest and maneuvering her hands down to his ripped abs. She didn’t have to go any lower to know he was getting excited from her touch.

  “It feels great. Way better than professional.”

  Sabrina smiled and kept on with her work, even though she thought it was pretty damn ironic that as she listened to the radio the song switched to Mariah Carey’s “Touch My Body.”

  Once she finished with his massage, she couldn’t resist not to pull him into the giant tub, where she experienced one helluva out of body experience and climaxed more times than she could count with both hands.

  The next day they slept in mostly. By the time Sabrina woke up around mid-morning Brett had ordered room service to top off the morning. They went out on the balcony and ate with the warm breeze and tropical scents flowing around.

  After breakfast they lounged around and cuddled between the cozy sheets. Sabrina adored the way she felt in Brett’s arms. It was like she could block out the world and forget about all the bullshit that had been going on. She didn’t even want to think about what was going on at the magazine without someone to baby sit Camille. Hell, she was on vacation and didn’t need the added stress. So she put it out of her mind and let herself melt into Brett’s warm embrace and the rush that was spreading through her body.

  She hadn’t realized he was talking until he asked, “What about you?”

  “Huh? What about me?”

  He maneuvered around to face her. He said, “I was saying that I thought about having a bunch of kids running around behind me. I’m approaching thirty and my mom keeps reminding me she wants more grandkids. Do you ever think about having kids?”

  Immediately, it was as if a bomb had went off inside her head and images of her younger self began to overflow with things of the past that she thought she once put behind her. And before she knew it, tears were running down her cheeks at an uncontrollable rate.

  Brett sat up and pulled her close. He had a worried look on his face, as if he sensed something wrong.

  “Was it about kids? I didn’t know it was such a sensitive subject. We can talk about something else if you want.”

  For a moment or so, Sabrina continued to sob. She couldn’t believe after all these years how such a word or even mention of kids could trigger a distant memory she once locked away.

  It was as if he had struck a nerve and she was reliving the past. Something she never wanted to, and up until this moment, thought she would never have to. For a while she was scared to tell him what was on her mind and why she was crying so hard like a big baby. Then she looked in to his soft green-eyed gaze and knew no matter what she told him, he would understand and he wouldn’t judge her. After all, it was in the past and it was something she couldn’t go back and change. The damage had already been done.

  Wiping her eyes, Sabrina sat up and held Brett’s hands. She said, “Brett, there is something I have to tell you.”

  “Baby, you can tell me anything. I’m here for you.”

  More tears began to fall as she said, “Please, don’t judge me. I was young and…oh my God…”She broke off as her sobs grew louder and harder to hold back.

  Brett pulled her to him, allowing her to rest her had on his chest. “Sabrina, you have my word that I won’t judge you. Please tell me. Did something happen to you?”

  Sabrina shook her head yes.

  He didn’t speak. He just gently began to rub her back and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

  Sabrina could feel her body tremble as she spoke, “Remember a while ago when I said I was a good girl? Well that’s not entirely true.”

  “Sabrina, I can see this is hard for you and if it’s bad, we can talk about it later—”

  She shook her head. “No, I have to get this off my chest now.”

  Understanding crossed his handsome face. He gently took her hands in his.

  “There was this guy I used to like. I had a crush on him since we were in the third grade. Around sophomore year, that I thought was a good time for us to start dating behind my parents’ backs. At first he seemed like a good; took me to all the school dances, walked me to all my classes and even told me he loved me. Then he told me he wanted to go all the way.

  “By going all the way, he meant he wanted to be like the rest of his friends and have sex. And being that he was popular and he had a lot of girls flirting with him, I didn’t want to lose him or anything so and thought I was ready. One day I skipped school and invited him over. It was perfect, even though we didn’t know what the hell we were doing. I was glad I had finally done something on my own without my mother’s approval. Felt like I was on top of the world.

  A few weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. The jerk didn’t said that I was making everything up and that if I told anybody what happened, that nobody would believe me. I knew I couldn’t confide in anyone and decided to keep my mouth shut. I kept up pretenses until my mother noticed my stomach was getting bigger but she played it smart and didn’t ask any questions. But one day she took me to a doctor’s office and blatantly told me that I was too young to raise a baby on my own that I was getting an abortion. I didn’t want to do it but I knew she was right. I couldn’t put my family through that kind of shame.”

  Tears fell steadily but she continued, “It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that a doctor told me due to complications of the procedure that the lining of my uterus had been scarred during the surgery and I couldn’t have kids of my own in the future….and its funny because I always said I didn’t want kids…”

  When she finally found the courage to look at him, Brett’s eyes were rimmed with tears as he pulled her even closer. “Baby, I’m sorry that happened to you,” he whispered to her. “I’m so sorry.”

  Sabrina closed her eyes and continued, “I’ve always resented my mother for forcing me to make that decision and not giving me a chance to make my own decision. And then there’s a part of me that feels like it’s my own fault for sneaking behind her back. It was my punishment from God to never be able to have kids. I’ve been cursed with shitty men in my life and I don’t think it’ll ever be possible f
or me to truly love someone.”

  “Baby, that wasn’t your fault. It was a mistake. I don’t think it was God’s punishment, I think it was very unfortunate for that to happen, but everything happens for a reason. And as far as truly loving someone, it takes time. You can’t fall in love with someone overnight.”

  “I know but who wants to be in love with someone who can’t even produce children?” She pulled away from Brett and said, “I’ll understand if you want to leave. That’s what they all do. I wouldn’t expect you to be any different.”

  Brett gently cupped her face in his hands and said, “Sabrina, baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here.”

  “Why? Now you know my big secret that I’ve been harboring so long. I ‘m sorry for not saying anything sooner. My best friends Larissa and Cassandra don’t even know. Yes, I know, I’m a horrible person.”

  “No, you’re not. You’ve been damaged, that’s all. You just need a little bit of fixing up.”

  “I think I need more than a little.”

  Brett cracked a smile. “Well, hey, that’s what I’m here for. Kind of like a guardian angel.”

  Sabrina returned his smile. “A guardian angel, huh? I must be the luckiest woman in the world.”

  Brett cackled. “You have no idea.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four:

  Reflections

  Back in the real world, Sabrina found herself swamped in work as usual meeting deadlines and other crap she had to deal with on a daily basis. It was Mother’s Day but she didn’t really have anything planned and her mother Dorothy was at some fancy spa resort. Even though it was Sunday and a holiday no less, she shouldn’t have been working but things needed to get done and Camille was off doing her own thing.

  Sabrina didn’t think much of her mother going off on her own. Hell, if anything she was actually glad that she hadn’t bothered to call her and ask her to tag along, unlike last year when Sabrina had to go with her mother to some place in New York. They hadn’t stayed long because her mother was way too picky and caused a scene everywhere she went, not to mention she was drinking way too much and was hard to keep under control.