Cutting Loose

by Dash, Jayson

  Shit, she was doing it again—drifting. She had to stop doing that. Seriously, it was getting crazy. Once in a while was okay but not every damn day.

  Drifting also usually led to what she was doing now; sitting in a bathtub pleasuring herself with her fingers and her loyal water-resistant vibrator. Filling her head with images of Brett and herself making love, she threw her head back against the soft towels and rode the eruption going on between her legs that felt like a mini-earthquake.

  Sabrina pulled away from her thoughts and finished bathing and slipped into her Terrycloth robe. She then trotted to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine to mellow out before she went off to bed for another lonely night.

  She went to work thinking she would finally get a break and figure out how to bring the magazine back to its reigns but to no avail, things were still in shambles and Sean was getting panicky, thinking that the magazine was done for and slowly, but surely plummeting to the grown. Taking a break from it all, Sabrina went for a walk downtown during her lunch break, where the tall surrounding buildings brought some serenity to all the madness going on in her world. She wanted to believe that being optimistic was going to be enough to be enough to help the magazine survive but at this point it was pointless and she was ready for Sean to deliver the bad news and tell her everything was over and his daughter, the evil and conniving Camille, had finally won.

  Sabrina fought back tears as she returned to the office, where she was awaited with a bottle of wine on her desk—but it wasn’t just any bottle of wine, it was a bottle of Rosé—Brett’s favorite. A smile etched across her face as she went over to examine the bottle of wine closely to see if there was a card or note attached to it.

  Even after she read the note she couldn’t stop smiling so much and made her cheeks hurt.

  Sabrina,

  I’m so sorry about the way things escalated. I know it’s been like over a week since you’ve heard from me but I just couldn’t believe the way things turned out. I hope you’ll forgive me while you sip this bottle of wine and reminisce about our times together. If you feel like talking, please call me.

  Missing you a lot, Brett.

  “Oh, my gosh,” was all she managed to say aloud as she reread the note again, just for kicks.

  Raquel waltzed over and saw her holding the bottle close to her.

  She smiled and said, “Oh, I see you finally got the wine that guy sent you.”

  Sabrina paused. “What do you mean, ‘finally’? When was this sent?”

  “Umm, I don’t know; the people downstairs gave it to me while you were out. Why? Is something wrong?”

  “No, nothing is wrong,” Sabrina turned and walked to her office and shut the door behind her. She thought for a second about calling Brett, just to hear his voice. She yearned to his deep, sexy voice over the phone, the way he looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen and the way his dimples showed when he laughed at her lame jokes.

  Honestly, there was no way she was going to be able to get him out of her system and forget what they had. What they had was the realest thing she’d felt in a long time.

  She picked up the phone on her desk and listened to the dial tone, and for a second, contemplated calling him. But she was afraid. Hell, what was she going to say?

  How about, I miss you, need, and want you back in my life, despite being scared out of my damn mind that losing you could possibly one of the biggest mistakes of my life?

  Then again, he could just show up out of nowhere, like they do in movies, and sweep her off her feet with a big speech about how he missed her as well and couldn’t stop thinking about her for a second and was willing to do whatever it took to get her back on his side? That would be like heaven on earth.

  Just as she put the phone down her door swung open and she damn near jumped out of her seat, as she couldn’t believe her eyes. This wasn’t real. Couldn’t be.

  The most beautiful man she’d ever laid her eyes on was standing in her doorway, clad in a V-neck t-shirt, boot cut jeans and sneakers; so it was obviously apparent that he didn’t work here and a waft of his cologne traveled over to her nostrils and she recognized it immediately.

  “Brett, what are you doing here?” Sabrina asked, rising to her feet and maneuvering around her desk to move closer to him.

  He moved closer to her and said, “I came to see you.”

  Duh! Come on, Sabrina, why else would he be here?!

  Before she could respond, Raquel came rushing into her office and babbled, “I’m sorry, I tried to stop him but he insisted he come see you. Should I call security?”

  “No, that won’t be necessary,” Sabrina said coolly. “We have some business to take care of.”

  “Umm, okay. I’ll leave you two alone.”

  Once Raquel left and shut the door behind her, they were left with silence lingering in the air as they stared at each other, not sure of whom should speak first, or what to say.

  Sabrina broke the silence and said, “I got the wine you sent for me. I haven’t had the pleasure of popping it open yet.”

  Brett smiled. “Sorry I didn’t wrap it or anything.”

  Sabrina didn’t know how things were going to form here on out, but she wanted to cut around the bullshit and get straight to the point. “Is that supposed to make me feel better after not seeing or hearing from you in over a week?”

  His smile faded. “In a way, yes. I mean I felt childish after what happened. I shouldn’t have turned away from you when you were having a shitty day and just needed someone to talk to, not another person to push you away.” He stepped closer to her, where their faces were inches apart. “Sabrina, I’m sorry for acting like a complete moron. I’m sorry for forgetting the fact that we are from two totally opposite worlds that have to learn to work together as one. And I for one believe we’re both up to the challenge. I want to make this relationship work, I want to be there for you, rather it’s something small or something we both can take on together. I may not always be able to put myself in your shoes, but I will try to understand. I don’t know how else to say this, but I love you, Sabrina.”

  In an instant she felt like her heart melted to the ground—but in good way, somehow. She could hear the sincerity in his voice and knew she had nothing to worry about.

  Her mouth was agape and she couldn’t respond. What in the world was wrong with her?

  Now, normally if a woman heard those three words, tears would roll down their cheeks at an uncontrollable rate and she would probably collapse into his arms and repeat his words. But in Sabrina’s case, the tears never came and well, neither did the words, for that matter. Over a number of times in her short, but hectic life thus far, Sabrina had heard those words with little emotion so many times she stopped taking people seriously a long time ago. Sure, Brett was spilling his heart out to her, which most men rarely ever did unless there was some kind of incentive involved, Sabrina still wanted to make sure he wasn’t just saying it because it was something she wanted to hear at the moment.

  Instead of saying something ridiculous, she asked, “Why?”

  Brett looked confused. “Why what?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why do you love me?”

  “I didn’t think I needed a reason…” Brett trailed off.

  “Look, Brett, I’ve had a lot of meaningless relationships in n the past. And before my mother got married off to the love of her life, she had guys worming in and out of her life telling her that they loved her, just so they could get into bed with her, and for whatever reason, she believed them. I guess I’ve been down the same road and I refuse to keep traveling it over and over. To me, words without meaning are just simply words, nothing more, nothing less. So that’s why I’m asking why you love me. There has to be a reason, right?”

  “Yes, there is,” Brett said, gently snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her close to him. “There are plenty reasons why I love you.”

  “I would love to
hear them.”

  Brett locked his eyes with Sabrina’s. “I love the way you smile, the way your hair always smells fruity. I love the way you giggle like a little girl, even if my jokes aren’t funny. You’re an overachiever with a big heart, you’re easy to talk to, and even though you’re not great at showing your affection, I know it’s there, deep down in your heart where you feel most vulnerable.”

  “Wow,” Sabrina whispered, more to herself than aloud. That’s all she could think to say. Her mind was blown and to caught off guard to register what he just said. “I, uh, don’t know what to say.”

  “Don’t say anything. Let’s just enjoy the moment.”

  He leaned in for a second, and paused, waiting for Sabrina to meet his lips half way. She obliged and took his passionate kiss, their tongues dancing and moving about.

  The moment was beautiful.

  Until they were interrupted.

  The door swung open and in came Larissa wobbling with her huge belly. Hands placed on her hips, dressed in a black blouse and maternity jeans, she paused in her steps. “Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?”

  Sabrina and Brett both jumped back for a moment and stared at Larissa, as if she was out of place.

  Sabrina straightened up some and said, “Yeah, kind of.” She took in her physical state and added, “I see you’re still pregnant.”

  “That’s what I came to talk to you about.” She looked at Brett. “And him, of course.” She rolled her eyes and quickly replaced her disdained expression when she added, “I’m glad was able to catch the two of you at the same time.”

  Sabrina went behind her desk and sat in her comfy leather chair.

  Larissa sat down next to Brett, without cringing. “I went to the clinic and as soon as I stepped foot in that place I got a bad feeling about it, like I didn’t belong there. I thought it was just me being nervous, so told myself not to worry about it. When I went in the back with the doctor I couldn’t do it. All the instruments and shit just freaked me out so I grabbed my things and ran. I thought about what you said about adoption and about people who aren’t fortunate to have kids of their own. I don’t want to give my kids away to complete strangers. So I have the ideal couple in mind.”

  “So you came all the way down here to tell me this because…?”

  She smiled and said, “The couple I’m talking about is sitting right next to me.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight:

  Blessings

  Say that one more time, I don’t think I heard you right the first time,” said Sabrina.

  “I’m serious,” Larissa said after repeating what she had just said. “I think you and Brett would be perfect.”

  “I thought you hated me,” Brett chimed in a second later.

  Larissa said, “I never hated you, I just didn’t like you very much. I’m just now trying to wrap my mind around seeing you two raise a kid together and honestly, it’s not that bad.”

  “I don’t know about all of this, Larissa,” said Sabrina. “I mean, I don’t exactly have a schedule where I can take care of kids. My plate is nearly full right now. I appreciate the offer though.”

  Larissa looked hurt. “Sabrina, c’mon. I know you’ve always wanted kids, even though you never told me you couldn’t until a while ago. Now is your chance.”

  “I think it’s a great idea,” said Brett. “Besides, we’re not getting any younger. I don’t see any reason not to.”

  “I do,” said Sabrina. “Hell, for one, I can’t take time off right now. This magazine is in serious trouble and I can’t just abandon it.”

  “Is that all you care about, this damn magazine?” asked Larissa.

  “No, it’s not.”

  “It sure as hell doesn’t seem that way to me. Seems like you spend all your time and energy slaving away hours for what? It’s not like you have to work, this is just a hobby for you.”

  Sabrina considered her next words carefully. “That’s not the case.” That was a lie. The thought of being a mother now, on top of dealing with the daily stress of her job scared the hell out of her. She just wasn’t ready yet.

  “So, you’re just going to make that decision by yourself?” Larissa looked from Sabrina to Brett, just to see if he would say anything, which he didn’t. It didn’t surprise her. She stood up and said, “I’m not a religious person, but I guess some people don’t know a blessing when it’s staring them straight in the face.”

  That said, she headed for the door and was gone. The door stayed closed just for a fraction of a second before Raquel stormed into the room with a gigantic folder in her hand and a frantic look on her face.

  She said, “Excuse me, but I just got off the phone and had a conversation with some off the advertisers who are pulling out. Um, since the computers are still haywire, it’s a mess and editorial is having a meeting in twenty minutes. I’ve never seen anything like this…ever.”

  “I guess that’s my cue for me to leave,” Brett said, rising to his feet. He headed for the door.

  “Wait. Where are you going?” Sabrina asked. “Are we going to talk about this or are we going to pretend like something just happened?”

  “Or didn’t happen,” Brett said matter-of-factly. “I don’t think so. There’s nothing to talk about. Besides, I have an investment meeting with some people interested in buying by my company. I can’t afford to be late. I’ll call you later.” He turned his back to Sabrina and disappeared into the hall.

  What the hell just happened?

  The question daunted Sabrina’s thoughts as she flicked through images in her mind of the scene that just played out between her and Brett and before that when Larissa interrupted their perfect moment with her insane proposal. Things were just getting back to ‘normal’ between her and Brett and now that was shattered by some craziness she never in a million years thought would take form in her best friend asking her to adopt her kids. Un-fucking-believable.

  She cleared her thoughts as she pranced over to the staff room and listened for an hour and a half about how some advertisers were beginning to lose their faith in the magazine and was ready to pull out unless Sabrina could somehow persuade them otherwise. She managed it only so many words she conjured up in the back of her mind. She knew how important the magazine was when her mother first built it and the legacy behind it; she couldn’t afford to let it slip away just because Camille had a bitch fit and nearly costs them everything. She was not about to go without a fight.

  Sabrina was going to have to make some bold moves but with nearly a third of the staff gone, she didn’t really have that much to work with. Certain departments that were crucial to the magazine was missing and she couldn’t just go out and hire people off of the streets, that would be career-suicide and just plain stupid. So she turned to the human resources department and nearly forgotten all about her main problem—the computer system was screwed—and unless she either:

  A: Spent a half million dollars on new computers and software or

  B: Call up the best computer nerd she could find and get to the source of the problem and figure out what the hell Camille did to them.

  Evidently, option B was the best choice and that’s what she did. The next morning some a group of well-qualified computer professionals (or geeks) showed up at the office and began evaluating the systems and go down to business to determine the problem. Approximately three weeks later they were finally able to exterminate the virus that was released and restored all the computers’ data and well, the magazine was on its way to dominating the magazine racks.

  It was no surprise that Sabrina found herself at a Starbucks wondering why she was so stressed and remembered Brett telling her she needed to take things a little slower and stop trying to be so “independent” all the time. That was easy for him to say. Hell, he was a man and didn’t have everybody doubting his ability to get things done. Plus, she liked being in charge, being able to give other people responsibility. It gave her a sense of control and serenity.

 
She gave herself a mental shake as she heard someone call her name. She turned around in her seat and her jaw dropped—

  “Oh, my God! Sabrina? What are you doing out here?” asked Jasmine Phispatrick, walking towards Sabrina while pushing a stroller with crying baby in tow.

  Sabrina stood up as she whirled around with a genuine smile etched across her face. “Jasmine? Wow. This is awkward.”

  “I know, girl,” Jasmine said as she stopped in front of Sabrina. “It’s so good to see you. How have you been?”

  “In the middle of a damn roller coaster ride. I had to come out here to take a break from work.”

  Jasmine laughed. “I feel you.”

  Sabrina paused. “You had your baby already?”

  “Yeah, I had her two months shy of my due date. I went into early labor and gave birth to my little preemie baby girl I named Zoë. She’s so tiny and adorable. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but she’s the best thing that happened to me…well, her and my husband that is,” she added as she beamed.

  Sabrina couldn’t believe how good she actually looked. The woman didn’t look like she gained a pound during her pregnancy; unlike some women she saw who had trouble dropping their baby weight.

  “So you got married?” quizzed Sabrina a second later.

  “Yep. My hubby and I got married at City Hall a week before Zoë entered the world and it’s been so amazing. Sometimes it still feels like one big dream. Just a few months ago I was in a love triangle with a loser boyfriend and now I’m married with my first kid. It’s so mind blowing but God has truly blessed me.” She smiled ruefully.

  “It must be wonderful,” Sabrina managed to say, feeling a lump in the back of her throat.

  “Oh, it is. Well, despite the lack of sleep some nights and the changing diapers and breast feeding. It’s not so easy with the bills piling up these days though. But we’ll get through it I suppose.”