Until Him: Book 3 - Until Then Series

by Victoria Ashlee

  “I don’t like it.”

  He tapped his glass with his thumb, “You know he’s not really a bad guy?”

  “He’s your cousin, you have to say that.”

  He sat up straight, “Not really, Stef. He did a dumb thing to your Mom, I’ll never deny that. It was years ago.”

  “Which our parents just fucked at your wedding, so I’d say that brings everything back up.”

  He sighed, “I guess. But he’s not going to hurt her, and you’re letting her go.”

  “I fucking hate your company right now.”

  “No, you hate the truth.” He smirked, “You could never hate me, I have too much dirt on you. You have to play nice.”

  I waved for the bartender, “Can you put my drinks on his tab? Let’s call it his being a complete ass fee.” I shot Leo a look.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Sophia

  A bang on my door woke me up early Sunday. I forced myself to go answer the door, stretching my arms over my head, “Tristen, if you’re waking me up early for no reason, I’m going to pour coffee on your head.” When I opened the door I was surprised to see Keira standing there.

  “Oh Hi. I thought you were Tristen.”

  She laughed, “I heard.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to see your new place.”

  “At...what time is it?” I looked at the clock on the microwave, “Oh it’s 10. Holy crap, how was I still asleep?” I pulled my hair into a bun, as I walked into the kitchen.

  “Late night?” She shut the door.

  “Tristen and I...wait, I didn’t tell you I was living here?”

  “Tris told Leo. I was wondering when you were going to tell me.”

  I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know. It still feels weird.”

  She leaned on the counter, “So what were you doing that kept you up so late?”

  I poured myself a glass of water, “Tristen and I had pizza. We just stayed up late, that’s all.”

  She eyed me.

  “It’s nothing.” I rolled my eyes, walking over to the window.

  “Are you going to get furniture?” She followed me.

  I looked back at her, then around the room, “Eventually.”

  “We can go shopping for some, I know a good place.”

  “I appreciate it, but I’m slowly trying to ease into this. It’s harder than I’m making it look.”

  She sighed, “I know.”

  I turned to face her, “What’s the real reason you’re here? You normally wouldn’t just show up like this.”

  She looked at me like someone had punched her in the chest.

  “You’re freaking me out, can you speak? I said.

  “Stefan moved back to London for a while, and wanted me to give you this key. He moved your Mom’s paintings into a storage unit not far from here. He moved everything out of the brownstone.”

  “He did what?” I heard her, but I didn’t understand what she was saying.

  She looked like she was going to cry for me, “He went back to London. He moved the rest of your stuff into storage.” She repeated, holding out the key. “He wanted me to give you this. It’s to the storage unit.”

  I stared at her blankly. My heart was pounding. I didn’t believe her, he wouldn’t have left without saying anything to me. Not after everything. Not now. He’s actually leaving? No. I start walking toward the door without saying anything to Keira. I had to find out for myself. He wouldn’t have left. He just wouldn’t.

  “Sophia, he’s gone. He’s not there!” She called out.

  I looked at her one more time before rushing out into the hall. When I got to the elevator I hit the down button so many times, I think I might have broken it. I was biting my bottom lip, trying to hold in my emotions. He wouldn’t leave.

  I waved frantically for a taxi. When I jumped in the car, I told them to drive as fast as possible. The driver looked at me like I was crazy. Once the taxi arrived to our street, the road was blocked for construction. Of course it was fucking blocked.

  “I’m fine, I’ll get out here.” I handed him money, and leaped out of the car.

  My feet carried me as fast as they could down the street. Don’t be gone. Don’t be gone. I ran up the steps, and pulled out my key. My hands were shaking as I tried to put the key in the door. Fucking get in the door.

  When the door opened, all my hope was stolen from me. It was like I was knocked breathless. I stepped into the familiar home, scanning the empty living room. My heart was sinking, this was my iceberg. Each step up the stairs, it sank even further. My fingers ran along the wall that my Mum’s paintings were on. Room by room I kept sinking. Each was empty. My heart was being ripped into a million pieces.

  When I reached the top floor, his room, I gently pushed the door open, and a small tear fell onto my cheek from the emotions I was trying to hold back. He was gone. This eerie room, that once was my safe haven, now felt like a distant memory.

  This aching pain was in my heart, as I entered the room. I lost him. I dropped my purse onto the floor. I walked over to the window seat that started everything. The night he comforted me, even when he didn’t have to. He loved me then. He always loved me, but not now. Tears begin to slowly pour out onto my face.

  A white envelope was sitting in the middle of the room. I picked it up; my name was written on it. I took a deep breath and removed the paper that was inside. It was a letter from him. I closed my eyes tight, before I read it. This was it. This was my end.

  Little One,

  If you’re reading this, you probably don’t understand what is happening. Just breathe, Baby. I want you to know that I love you more than life itself. You are my best friend, and you changed my world. You opened my eyes; you helped me see that there is still good in this crazy life. You made me love again, because you are good. Loving you was the best thing that ever happened to me. You have given everything to me, but I can’t take any more pieces of you. I’d rather live a thousand years without you, than destroy who you are. You’re going to miss me, but don’t come after me. Don’t search for me. All I’ve done is hurt you. Pain follows me wherever I go. I’ve tried to out run it my entire life, but it always finds me. I’m letting you go, please let me go. I’m sorry for my demons. You are strong. Don’t ever forget that. I love you.

  Stay beautiful my sweet girl.

  Love, SE

  The tear stained paper remained in my shaking hands. I walked over and pulled my phone out of my purse. I unblocked his number and hit call, it rang and rang. My heart leapt at his voicemail, because for a split second I thought he answered. My eyes filled with tears, and I called him again, and again, and again. No answer.

  I curled up on my side lying down on the window seat, as the tears fell onto the cushion; my hand still gripping my phone. I couldn’t breathe. I had never felt more alone.

  The door suddenly swung open all the way. Keira and Leo appeared in the doorway. I looked at them, and then closed my eyes. She walked up to me and kneeled down, resting her hand on my side.

  My crying increased. “He left me! He just left!” I cried out. My breathing became rapid. “Come back, come back to me. Please don’t leave. Don’t leave me here.” I whispered.

  She wrapped her arms over me, as I cried into her chest.

  “Just breathe, Sophia.” She whispered, but telling someone to breathe in a moment like this is like telling fire not to burn.

  He was gone.

  Somehow I ended up back at my new apartment. Keira sat with me for a while. Leo went over to Tristen’s to talk to him, but eventually they left. Night time came, and my thoughts were running rampant. I was heartbroken and angry.

  I sat up in my bed, grabbing my phone from beside me. I dialed his number. It rang and rang, finally going to voicemail. I knew he wasn’t going to answer.

  Leave your message at the beep

  “Stefan, you selfish prick! How dare you leave me like that! How dare you not call m
e for weeks, only to leave me a letter!” My eyes started to water, but not enough to form tears, “Anywhere you go I go, remember?!” My voice broke, “But you left! Where is the man that told me that? Because I don’t know you anymore. You told me you didn’t love me the day you got arrested; I wanted you to know the feeling is mutual...” I let a few seconds of silence pass, “You didn’t have to leave...everyone always leaves.”

  I hung up the phone and the damn broke on the tears I was holding in. I tossed my phone into the pillow. I hated him. I hated him for making me feel like this.

  Stefan

  The flight attendant handed me a glass of whiskey. I leaned on my arm, taking a large sip. The fact that I knew what was happening as I sat on this plane was driving me crazy. The whiskey was to numb the pain, but I don’t think alcohol can even help.

  I closed my eyes, forcing myself to sleep. I wanted to block everything out. I fell in and out of sleep.

  Hours later I woke up as we were landing. Fuck, I hate this long ass flight. I stretched my arms out, my back felt so stiff. I got off the plane and made my way to get my bag. I turned my phone back on, I had two voicemails.

  The first one was my Mum checking to make sure I made it to London alright. The second had her name. I knew this was confirming that Keira gave her the key. Something in me was telling me not to listen to it, but I wanted to hear her voice.

  As she screamed into the phone, everything faded. When she said she didn’t love me anymore, the lights went out in my soul. Nothing mattered anymore. I was the fool.

  Sophia

  I clutched the pillow against my chest. A knock on my door made me glance up.

  “Go away.” I yelled out.

  The lock turned on the door. I knew instantly who it was. Tristen appeared in my bedroom doorway. I didn’t try to cover my dried tears. I just pulled the pillow tighter.

  “I heard you crying across the hall.”

  I didn’t respond.

  He stepped closer into the room, “Leo, explained what happened today. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do, but I wanted to check on you.”

  I kept staring at him.

  He leaned down next to me, making our faces level. “He doesn’t deserve you, Soph.”

  “You’re just saying that because you like me.” I mumbled.

  “No, I say it because I believe it. Feelings aside.”

  I kept staring at him.

  He stood back up, “Ok, I will leave you alone.” He turned to walk out, “I’m across the hall if you need anything.”

  Just when he reached the door, I stopped him. “Tristen?”

  He turned around, “Yes?”

  “Will you stay?”

  “Here?”

  “Just for a while, until I fall asleep. The nights are the worst.”

  He nodded, “Ok.” He walked around the bed, and sat down, stretching out his legs as he leaned back on the headboard. Something about him being in the same room as me comforted me. The nights scare the hell out of me, because all my fears come back.

  We laid in silence for a while. I couldn’t sleep. He didn’t force me to talk.

  I rolled over to face him, he was still sitting upright. “Why do you think bad things happen?” I asked.

  He looked down at me, “No one can explain why bad things happen. The way I see it is you take the bad, but grow from it. If you let the pain marinate, then it stays in you.”

  “Can I ask you a personal question?”

  He nods, “Yeah.”

  “What is your most painful memory?”

  He twisted his mouth into the corner, “I think it would be when my childhood dog died. He was my best friend. I had Leo, but I was an only child and when Leo wasn’t there, my dog was.”

  “I thought you were going to say your parents' affair.”

  “No. I think loss is a more painful thing to go through.” He ran his hands through my long hair. “But I don’t need to explain loss to you.”

  “I think you’re right. It sucks.” I pulled the comforter closer to me. “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be upset about anymore. First it was my Mom, then I was broken because of Thomas, and now Stefan left me. How do you pick which one to be upset about? I haven’t had time to really process any of the things that have happened.”

  “That is a lot. But there’s no right way to process any of that. Each person goes through it differently. You just have to figure out how to survive, and then one day you wake up and the sun is a little brighter. It happens over time.”

  I closed my eyes, “I could really use some sunshine right about now.”

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Sophia

  A week had passed. The days seemed long. Which I didn’t mind. Because when the night returned and I was alone in my bed, my heart would remind me of what had happened. I laid there staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. I was afraid of the nightmares. I missed him, I missed everything about him. Everything made me think of him. I was so afraid to fall asleep. Every night I woke up from a dream about him. Some were happy and some made me want to curl up into a ball and cry for hours. He always found his way back to my dreams. Every night my heart would ache. My heart was searching for him, reaching out, but he’s not here.

  Once again I woke up hours before the city. My mind couldn’t stay quiet for long. My thoughts were going to overrun my life. I couldn’t lay here any longer thinking about him. A month had passed. Four long weeks. He left, and I have to face it. I sat up in my bed, looking around my dark room. Moments later I found myself pulling on my leggings and a hoodie. I grabbed my running shoes, and walked into the living room.

  Tristen emerged from his apartment, when I walked into the hallway. “Where are you going?” He stretched his arms above his head.

  “I think I'm going to start running.”

  He looked at me confused, “Running?”

  “Yep. I have to do something.” I locked my apartment. “What are you doing awake?”

  “I always wake up this early; I just heard your door open.”

  “Oh ok.”

  “Do you want me to go with you?”

  His offer was kind, but this was something I wanted to do by myself. “I’ll be fine. I know the route pretty well.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Somewhere I feel free.”

  At first, even I thought I was crazy when I told myself that I was going to start running. The first week was agonizing. The pain in my shins was horrible and there were muscles in my butt I didn’t even know I had. But I kept returning.

  The early mornings made me fall in love again. Not with anyone, but the city itself. Stepping out from your building into a sleepy morning, before most people are awake is magical. You’ll pass a few men unloading a truck for a morning delivery at one of your favorite cafes, the construction men enter into a nearby coffee shop to order their Americano and everything bagel. The few souls that have to go to work pass by with a smile because they know to savor these sweet mornings as much as you do.

  Each time my feet hit the ground I felt stronger. This was something for me. I thought about my Mom a lot on these runs. It was as if she was speaking to me, in some weird way.

  The Brooklyn Bridge early morning cyclists making their trek to work would whirl by me. The wet days would make my nose cold as the wind over the bridge would hit me. The archways still had the same effect on me. Something so beautiful that took so long to build. I would always stop at the first arch, looking out over the water, just in time for the sun to rise.

  The memory of Stefan taking me here would always rush back to me and for a split second when the sun lifted off from the water I was back here with him; my hair blowing in the wind, his arms around me. The happiness and clarity I had that day will stay with me forever. I told myself I didn’t miss him, but in that small moment in time, I always did.

  Every day I would put my running shoes on, and would make the trip. I started to recognize t
he people that I would pass on their weekly routines. The shop owners pushing their metal gates up to open their stores. The people letting their dogs out for their morning stretch. It was nice and peaceful. It was my time alone.

  When I got home I jumped in the shower to quickly rinse off. I put on a white blouse and a black skirt, slipping into my heels on the way out the door.

  I said a quick hello to Kevin as I rushed to my desk. I took a sip of my coffee while my computer was waking up from its sleep. I looked up to see Miss Greenberg’s assistant walking in my direction. My face dropped because I knew she was coming to get me.

  “Miss Greenberg would like to speak with you.” She smiled.

  I gave her a look as I stood, “What did I do?”

  “Nothing.” She kept her annoying smile on her face.

  She walked me to Miss Greenberg’s office, holding out her arm gesturing for me to enter.

  “Thanks.” I shot her a mirrored smile.

  When I walked into the office, I did a double take. It wasn’t my boss, but her sister Olivia Greenberg. She was sitting in one of the chairs in front of the desk. She turned to look at me when I walked in.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, walking around the other chair.

  “I wanted to see how you were.” She patted the armrest of the other chair, “Sit, sit.”

  “Ok.” I slowly sat, folding my hands in my lap.

  “So, how are things?”

  “I’m fine.” I said flatly. I didn’t know why she was here, and her involvement with Stefan hardly made me want to speak with her.

  “You’re upset with me.” She said directly.

  “I’m not upset with you, I just don’t want anything to do with Stefan.”

  “I know about your Mother.” She said frankly.

  I started circling my thumbs in my lap, “You do?”

  “Stefan told me when he had him in questioning. I wanted to let you know that we are looking into it. I don’t believe there is any hard evidence for that charge, but I wanted to assure you that Thomas will be in jail for a long time.”