Reluctant Bride

by Linda Ford

  She didn’t move. Would she refuse?

  Then she nodded and crossed the room, but stopped shy of the door. Only after he stepped aside did she go through.

  He couldn’t believe how much that hurt. Outside, he kept his distance. “Agnes, what I did was wrong. I freely admit it. I’m ashamed of my behavior. You have every right to despise me. But I want you to know you are safe here. I vow before God I will not do anything like that again. Please believe me.” He twisted his hat round and round as he spoke.

  She faced the road.

  “You can’t leave.” He kept his voice low though he wanted to shout at her to forgive him. “Like you said, there isn’t any place available.”

  She rubbed her lips together and kept her gaze on the distance. Finally, she spoke. “I will do anything I must to protect the girls and make sure I can keep them.”

  “I understand. Truly I do, and I would never do anything to hurt them. I know I broke your trust in me and I regret it. But I can’t undo it.” He swallowed the last of his pride. “Agnes, last night I fell on my knees before God and asked His forgiveness and sought His help in acting as I should. If you can’t trust me, at least trust God.”

  Slowly she turned and looked at him, her eyes dark and shuttered.

  His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach and he choked. “Have I robbed you of your trust in God too?”

  She sucked in air until he wondered if she had forgotten to breathe for the whole of their conversation. She released it slowly. “I’ve been shaken, but I can’t let it determine my choices. I will do my best to trust God.” Her shoulders rose as she drew in another deep breath. “I will forgive you for last night. Please don’t let it happen again. I have too much to lose.” She went inside.

  He followed, relieved at her decision and yet sorrowful that he had been the cause of this tension between them.

  The girls watched them, their mouths tight with worry.

  “Everything is all right,” Agnes assured them.

  Two pairs of eyes came to Nels. He smiled. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

  Two little heads nodded, but he could tell they weren’t ready to take him at his word. He pushed aside his regret and vowed they would never know any reason not to trust him in the future.

  As they ate breakfast, he did his best to tell entertaining stories. The girls began to relax.

  It was Lila’s turn to bring the Bible and she set it before Nels. “Read something about Jesus.”

  “I will, but why do you ask?”

  “’Cause Jesus keeps us safe.”

  His heart stalled. His foolish act, and Agnes’s reaction to it, had unsettled these sweet children. Part of him wanted to say a kiss is but a kiss. But he knew it was more. Should be more. “I’ll find us a good verse.” What would Grandfar have read? He could almost hear the old man’s reedy voice. “This was one of my grandfar’s favorite verses.” Nels turned the pages to Hebrews chapter thirteen and found the verse he wanted. “Listen to this: ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you. So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”’ Isn’t that a wonderful promise for us all? God is with us. He will take care of us.” He closed the Bible and Lila took it back to the shelf.

  Nels met Agnes’s gaze across the table and smiled.

  She nodded. “It’s a good verse. Thank you.” Her smile was tight, and he wondered if she only said what she thought the girls should hear.

  He had done all he could. He’d leave the rest up to God. He went to the barn for the horses and returned to plowing. He glimpsed Tex in the distance and knew the cows were being taken care of. Things were as good as he had any right to expect.

  Why did his heart demand more? If he was honest with himself, he pictured Agnes and the girls permanently residing in his house, with him sharing their lives as husband and father.

  But Agnes did not want the same thing.

  As he returned to the house for dinner, he shaded his eyes and stared down the road. “Agnes, looks like company. Just in time for dinner. I hope you have enough food for extras.”

  She joined him in the doorway. “I can always throw on another plate or two. Is someone coming to check on us?”

  He couldn’t be certain, so didn’t answer.

  She twisted the tea towel she held into a knot as they watched the wagon draw near.

  He stared. “I do believe it is my sister and her husband and little boy.”

  “Your sister?”

  “Yes, Elin. I told you about her.”

  “You did, but doesn’t she live over by Buffalo Hollow? What would bring them all this way?”

  “A desire to visit maybe?” He chuckled. “I’m glad to see them.”

  The wagon stopped in front of the house and Nels ran forward and lifted Elin from the wagon. He hugged her tight and then with a laugh, released her.

  She touched Nels’s face. “I heard you were back and had to come and see for myself.” She tipped her head from side to side, giving him close examination. “You don’t seem any worse for your trip.” Her gaze lit on Agnes and the two girls pressed to her side. “Who’s this? Did you up and marry someone with children? It’s almost like me.” She laughed merrily. “We always were alike, weren’t we?”

  “Elin, we aren’t married.”

  His sister stared at him, questions burning from her eyes.

  He hurried to explain. “Agnes acquired three little girls and had no place to live. She knew I was gone so ‘borrowed’ my house. I found her here when I returned and couldn’t turn her out so she lives here. I live over there.” He pointed to the shack.

  Elin blinked then went to Agnes. “I am Elin Andrews. This is my husband, Sam.” He joined her. “And our son, Joey.”

  Nels sprang forward. “Allow me to introduce Miss Agnes Bland. These two little darlings are Hettie and Lila.”

  Agnes shook hands, but she had a look Nels knew. She was on guard against his sister. He could tell her she didn’t need to be, but why would she believe him when she didn’t trust him? One foolish act had changed her faith in him. He ignored the pain shattering his heart.

  “How old is he?” Lila whispered.

  Elin answered in a whisper. “He’s four.”

  “Just like Hettie.” Lila seemed pleased.

  Hettie, not to be outdone, spoke. “We has a baby sister. We called her Merry.”

  “We were about to have dinner,” Nels said. “Come in and join us.” He caught the flicker of interest in Elin’s eyes as he invited her into the house he had moments ago said was where Agnes lived. Elin looked toward the shed. Please, sister, don’t read more into this situation than what there is.

  But his sister knew him so well. Would she detect the longing in his heart for more between himself and Agnes?

  She was only serving company, Agnes told herself with every step back and forth from stove to cupboard to table. She had to believe that the fact two of Nels’s family had visited within the space of a day was purely coincidental.

  Nels told Elin and Sam about his two months away and how he’d brought back a beginning herd of Hereford cows.

  Agnes only half listened. She’d heard most of it already.

  “I was really worried when you came by to tell us you were riding away,” Elin said. “I have prayed for you every day since.”

  Agnes called the children in. Elin jumped up and supervised them washing their hands. “What can I do to help?” She chuckled. “I know I should have offered before, but I was so eager to hear what Nels had to say.”

  “You can take the potatoes to the table, if you like.” Agnes had cooked a potful big enough for two days, so there was plenty for the added people.

  They sat around the table. Agnes at one end, Nels at the other. Hettie and Lila on one side. Elin, Sam, and Joey on the other.

  Nels prayed and then looked around the table. “This is nice. Almost like home.”

  Elin chuckled. “Not quite like gather
ings at Grandfar’s though.”

  Nels laughed.

  Elin turned to Agnes to explain. “Did he tell you we have a large family? Sixteen cousins when we were growing up. More now. Plus second cousins and aunts and uncles. It was quite the crowd.”

  Agnes smiled. “He did mention a large family.” Seemed he’d also mentioned he would like a family of his own. Their gazes locked across the table. If not for her sordid past… She looked away before his sister could read anything into their study of each other.

  And before Nels could see the longing that clutched at her heart and surely revealed itself in her eyes.

  They lingered at the table, Nels and Elin catching up on the news. The children were excused to go out and play. Merry cried and Agnes gratefully tended to her, glad of something to occupy her thoughts.

  She could not let them hearken back over and over to the longings triggered by Nels’s careless kiss. Her past could rear up at any moment and destroy them all. Despite her longing to belong to this large, loving family of his, she knew she must continue to remain aloof.

  “May I hold her?” Elin had followed Agnes to the cupboard where she prepared the feeding.

  Agnes wanted to refuse. She needed to hold this tiny, warm body and remind herself of all that was at stake here…the safety and security of these children. But she handed the baby to Elin and kept her attention on fixing the bottle.

  Elin took the baby and sat beside Sam. “Nels, doesn’t this remind you of home? There was always a baby to be passed around.”

  Nels chuckled. “That’s what I told Agnes.”

  Agnes held the prepared bottle and turned in time to see a look pass between Elin and Sam. She recognized Elin’s expression because she had been familiar with it. Nels’s sister longed for a baby of her own.

  Just as Agnes had during her marriage to Truman. Perhaps if she’d conceived things would have turned out differently. Though Truman had never been as kind and thoughtful as Nels.

  “Agnes, is the bottle ready?” Nels’s question jerked her from her frozen state.

  “Can I feed her?” Elin asked.

  Agnes handed her the bottle and sank to her chair carefully avoiding looking at Nels, knowing he would wonder what was the matter with her.

  “Anyone care for more coffee?” she asked as soon as she could trust her voice.

  No one did.

  Elin lifted her smiling face and looked at Agnes. “Miss Bland, tell us about yourself.”

  Agnes’s heart kicked against her ribs. “Please, call me Agnes. There isn’t much to tell. I moved to Grassy Plains three years ago.”

  “What brought you to Grassy Plains?”

  At least she could share this part of her past. “I saw an ad in the St. Louis paper asking for a woman to assist the local doctor. I liked the idea, so I came.” She hoped it would be far enough away from St. Louis that no one would ever connect her to Truman’s family.

  “Do you like Dakota Territory?” Elin seemed genuinely interested. She reminded Agnes of Nels’s desire to know more about her.

  “I like the prairie. The casual observer would describe it as flat, but it isn’t. There are gentle rises and surprising dips into river valleys.” She looked past those at the table to the window. “There is something settling about being able to see the distant horizon.” She had found a measure of peace here and didn’t intend to do anything to lose it.

  She turned her gaze to Nels, and the way his eyes narrowed, she knew he understood her determination. “It’s a good place to raise a family.”

  “Couldn’t agree more.” Elin put the baby to her shoulder and patted the tiny back.

  Nels pushed to his feet. “Sam, do you want to have a look around?”

  Agnes wanted to jerk him back to his chair. Don’t leave me alone with your sister. Goodness knows what she’ll want to know.

  But Nels was interested only in accompanying his brother-in-law outside.

  Agnes grabbed up dishes and set them in hot water. She cleared the table, wiping it until not a crumb lingered. All the while Elin alternately watched her and the baby.

  “You don’t need to be afraid of me, Agnes.” Elin’s voice was soft and gentle, again reminding Agnes of her brother. “I mean you no harm. I think what you’re doing, taking on the care of three children on your own, is admirable, and you deserve all the help you can get.”

  Agnes’s hands stilled. “I know what people are going to say.”

  Elin looked truly confused. “About what?”

  “Me and your brother.”

  Agnes knew the moment Elin understood her meaning. Her expressions were so like Nels’s that it was unsettling. Agnes wanted the friendship of this woman and yet feared it every bit as much as she feared her growing affection for Nels.

  Elin chuckled, the reaction so unexpected that Agnes wondered if the woman’s attention had gone to something else. She looked about to see what it might be.

  “Agnes, if anyone so much as speaks a word against either of you, they will have the entire Hansen family to deal with. That should stop anyone before they utter a word.”

  Relief flooded Agnes. To know Elin was ready to defend her eased her mind. “That’s a cheering thought.”

  “Of course it is. We’re an awesome and fearful bunch.”

  Agnes laughed. “You are all kind and noble.”

  “Kind and noble? I like that. I’ll have to be sure and tell Sam.”

  Agnes laughed again. “I expect he already knows.”

  “Yes, he does.” Elin looked pleased. The baby finished her bottle and Elin turned her, in much the same fashion Nels often did, and smiled at the baby. “She’s beautiful. Such big blue eyes.”

  “All the girls have blue eyes.”

  “With their coloring they could pass for Nels’s children.”

  The thought drove a spear of pain through Agnes’s heart as the truth hidden there revealed itself. If not for her past, she would marry Nels, and the girls would have a father who shared their coloring.

  If not for her past.

  Agnes knew by the studying look in Elin’s eyes that she had seen her reaction.

  Sam and Nels entered the house, drawing Elin’s attention away from Agnes. Agnes silently released breath from her tense lungs.

  “We’re going to have a look at Nels’s Herefords,” Sam said.

  “Can I come too?” Elin took agreement for granted and handed the baby to Agnes. She paused. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m curious about the cows Nels bought.”

  “I don’t mind at all.” Not in the least. “Leave Joey to play with the girls.”

  “Thank you.” Elin paused to speak to Joey then the three adults walked across the yard, paused at the new breaking, and climbed the gentle rise to the grove of trees. They continued on and were soon out of sight.

  They were gone the better part of an hour. Agnes wished she could relax, but her insides churned with a dozen different things. Was Elin truly prepared to defend her? Perhaps against gossip, but what about the events of the past? Would she continue to probe until she discovered the truth about Agnes? Were they staying for supper? She better be prepared in case they were.

  Glad of something to occupy her hands with, she prepared a chocolate pudding. But doing so made her think of how much Nels had enjoyed a previous one. Her throat clogged with tears. Why was her life so messed up through no fault of her own?

  She blinked back her emotion and concentrated on making supper.

  “Mama, Papa,” Joey called.

  Agnes glanced out the window to see the trio stride toward the house.

  The children ran to greet them. Sam swung Joey into the air and Nels lifted both girls into his arms. It would have been a perfect scene except for one thing.

  Those threatening tears of Agnes’s leaking to the surface. She dashed them away.

  The others came to the door.

  “Agnes, thank you for your hospitality,” Elin said. “It’s been a pleasure getting to
know you. If that brother of mine does something he shouldn’t, you let me know and I’ll straighten him out.”

  Agnes hoped her laugh sounded more relaxed than it felt to her. “I don’t expect that will be necessary.”

  Elin clasped Agnes’s hands. “Seriously, if you ever need anything, come to us.”

  Agnes forced herself not to blink. What did Elin think she would need? Had she heard something that made her wonder about the security of her and the girls? She managed to keep herself calm while she said goodbye to them, and waved as they departed.

  As soon as they were out of sight, she withdrew to the kitchen. “Nels,” she called.

  He still stared down the road but turned at his name. “You look worried. What is it?”

  “What did Elin mean when she said if I ever needed anything? Has she heard something to cause her concern? Are people talking?”

  Nels caught her hands as they fluttered along the hem of her apron. “Agnes, she was simply being kind. It’s the sort of thing people like us say to each other. Let me know if you need anything. Don’t hesitate to ask me for help. Think about it. Even if there was gossip, how would they have heard it?”

  “You’re right. I’m overreacting.” She tried to pull her hands free but he held them.

  “Agnes, don’t you weary of your constant concern about what people will say? Chances are they are relieved someone is taking care of the girls and they don’t need to feel guilty because they don’t want to take on the responsibility.”

  “I wish I could believe no one would want to disrupt my situation, but I’ve learned not all people are so kind and generous and willing to believe the best about others.”

  His fingers were firm about her hands. His thumbs pressed to her knuckles. “You said your husband died and you lost Ray because he wasn’t your child. What does that have to do with people believing the best of you?”

  She sucked back her pain and ignored his misconception that Truman was dead. “I was a good mother to him but others said I wasn’t. That’s why I lost Ray.”

  He pulled her to his chest, his arms around her shoulders. “I guess that explains your worry about what people will say.”