Without A Pail

by Michelle Marra

  Chapter 8

  Jill smiled as she looked past her reflection in her full-length mirror that was perched just outside her makeup nook to the large dog lying on her bed. “Hey girl, Casey is on her way over…Mommy has to go to work,” she said as she pulled the towel from her head and brushed out her dark hair. She knew it was silly to shower before her shift at the shelter and if anyone knew they’d think she was strange, but she needed to be fresh and clean now, it didn’t matter that she would be taking a long, hot shower later. After she had donned her usual ‘shelter’ working attire, she smiled at herself in the mirror then spun around to face the happy pooch on her bed, “Well, what do you think Sweetie?” she said as her hands gestured an introduction. Then she laughed when the dog barked her approval.

  “This outfit certainly won’t be bait. No man would ever come near me. Hmmm, that might be a good thing.” The outfit was worn, torn, and stained from days of working at the shelter. Between the mucking of the kennels, washing and walking the dogs, her clothing didn’t have a spot on it that wasn’t stained. And no matter how much she cleaned it, the smell and the stains never quite fully left the fabric. Jill was tying her sneakers when she heard the doorbell ring. “Fuck!” she yelled because as if it was a starter pistol at a dog race, Molly shot off the bed and barreled for the door barking all the while. She was hoping to get to the door before Casey rang the bell. Jill cringed at the deep and loud barks that echoed through the apartment that increased in viciousness added with snarling and growling. Molly was fiercely protective and if given a chance would rip anyone to shreds that passed through that door uninvited. And because of the dog’s ‘protectiveness,' Jill had received tenant’s complaints and a warning from the condo board. “Molly, shhh. Quiet down girl, it’s just Casey.”

  “Dammit, I will have to give her a key or have her call me. The board is going to evict me and if Bill gets wind of this, he will definitely take it to the judge.” Jill whipped open the door holding Molly back with all her might. When she saw it was Casey, the dog’s demeanor changed instantly. “Hurry up and get in here.” Her tone was louder than she wanted, but it was all she could do to hold her seventy-five-pound beast at bay.

  “I’m so sorry, guess I should call or text you before I rang the bell,” Casey said as she crouched down ready for Jill to release the hound.

  “So how was your date last night?” Jill asked as she walked into the living room, then spun around when she didn’t receive an answer and laughed at the sight of Casey pinned to the floor receiving many slobbery doggie kisses. “Molly, come on girl. You are going to suffocate your babysitter.”

  Casey was flattened to the floor with the large canine lying on top of her burying her with kisses.

  “Molly, down!” Jill stated in a firm voice, calling the dog off. The dog trotted over to her master’s side and sat down. “Good girl. You stay while I help Casey up.”

  “That’s okay, I got it. I’m glad she likes me, I couldn’t imagine what would happen if she didn’t.” Casey smiled as she stood and brushed the dog hair from her black t-shirt.

  Molly had severe separation anxiety, which Jill didn’t know until after the first time Molly was left alone for a couple hours. So, when returning home, Jill found the dog clearly shaken up and her apartment nearly trashed. That was when she called Anthony’s Dog Sitting and Walking Services. Casey came highly recommended and when Jill met her she was taken aback by the small stature of the woman. Jill was not tall by any means, but with her five-foot, seven-inch frame it was difficult to corral the dog most times. So she wasn’t sure that Casey being such a petite woman would be able to handle the task, but Molly had become smitten with Casey on the very first day so Jill decided to take a chance and couldn’t have been more pleased with the outcome.

  “So tell me?” Jill said as she gestured Casey to the living room.

  “Tell you what?” Casey asked while scratching behind Molly’s ears.

  “About your date…how did it go?” Jill’s voice held a bit too much eagerness causing her cheeks to redden when she watched as the smile crept across Casey’s face.

  “Well, it was really nice. She was...um, sweet.” Casey’s eyes met a very expectant pair staring back at her. “In more ways than one,” she added as she waggled her eyebrows.

  “Oh my God,” Jill gasped. “You already had sex with her?” Jill sat up on the end of the couch cushion and with wide eyes, she asked, “What was that like?”

  Casey’s mouth dropped open, “You want me to give you details?”

  With a goofy grin on her face, Jill nodded her head, then quickly shook it… “No…no. I’m sorry that was rude.” Casey smiled at the complete look of embarrassment on her friend’s face. “Don’t make fun of me.”

  Casey’s head dropped back as a loud chuckle left her throat, “I’m not making fun of you. But I am curious with you being straight; why do you want to know?”

  Jill shrugged her shoulders like a child before standing then sitting back down as her eyes rested back on the coffee table to the bemused look on Casey’s face. “I don’t know, I’m just intrigued by it…I guess.”

  “Intrigued by lesbians or lesbian sex?” Now it was Casey’s turn to sit on the end of her cushion.

  “Both, I guess. It sort of…turns me on.” Jill trailed off, feeling uneasy about her candidness. She wasn’t sure why she was telling Casey this or for having this conversation in the first place. It wasn’t like she was coming on to the younger woman, fifteen years to be exact. Casey was cute, with her short dark hair and dark brown eyes, but she wasn’t attracted to her in that sense. Casey wore her hair too short, didn’t wear makeup and dressed too plain. While lesbians and definitely lesbian sex turned her on, Casey did not. Although on a few occasions, maybe drunken lonely ones she did fantasize once or twice about what Casey would do to her…sexually speaking.

  “I thought you were straight.”

  “I am.”

  “I have news for you, straight women don’t talk like this,” Casey said as she quirked an eyebrow.

  “That isn’t true, a lot of straight people are turned on by lesbians….”

  “Yes, mostly men and…” Casey smiled at her friend.

  “And what?”

  “And women that are curious, too curious…if you get my drift.”

  “I’m not gay,” Jill said, her tone marginally indignant.

  “Hey, don’t get all pissy with me. You wanted to know the details of my sexual tryst. Which was okay, nothing to write home about. She had a nice bike, we had a nice dinner, and then she talked me into taking her home. She seemed distracted the whole time we went at it, then left this morning before I woke up; said she had a case to work on and wants to get together later. If you want, I’ll invite her over and you can watch us have sex.” A mischievous smile spread across Casey’s face.

  “Don’t be a smart-ass. Forgive me for wondering.”

  “Have you ever thought about it…?”

  Jill’s face turned crimson as she rapidly shook her head side to side.

  “Oh come on, never? Never wondered what it would be like to kiss a girl, to touch a girl…” Casey could see the sweat begin to bead-up on Jill’s forehead and she smiled at the thought that her friend was in denial. “Maybe thought about naked breasts touching yours as you lie on you back covered in her naked form while she slowly unravels you…”

  “Shit…No. I gotta go.” Jill sprang to her feet and quickly closed the distance to the escritoire to grab her keys and her badge when she saw the sunglasses from the encounter two months ago with a woman that she couldn’t get out of her head.

  “Her name is Jackie by the way,” Casey said as she interlaced her fingers together, resting the back of her head on the open palms.

  “Fuck,” Jill whispered as she rubbed her palms over her face before clipping her badge to the waistband of her jeans. Trying to compose herself before heading for the door, she took a deep breath. “I’ll see you at ten. Be a good g
irl Molly.” Then she left the apartment without glancing behind her to see the very cocky and amused look on Casey’s face.

  “What do you think girl? Maybe we should get your mommy a girl…see if she likes it. Humph, I know she’ll like it.”

  Wiping her sweaty palms on her pants for the umpteenth time, Jill made quick work of the distance between her condo and the shelter. She needed the walk, to clear her head and think about what Casey was trying to imply. So what, she liked to see two girls kissing. What did it matter that the thought of girl on girl action would drench her panties? She was sure she wasn’t the only one of her kind, plenty of straight women had these thoughts, feelings, desires; she knew she wasn’t gay. The idea of it was preposterous. She liked men, liked sex with men…although it had been quite a while and she had only ever been with one man and Bill was no sexual god.

  The shelter was up ahead in the distance, people milling about…walking dogs, petting dogs…checking a fit for the family. She couldn’t face it right now, it was fifteen minutes past the time she needed to clock in for her shift, but she couldn’t do it. Jill needed a moment to collect herself, to put this crazy nonsense out of her head. She wasn’t gay, she wasn’t a lesbian. “Don’t you have to have been with a woman to even call yourself a lesbian?”

  It was the height of the summer, 2:00 p.m. and the sun shone brightly in the sky. Jill pulled the bill of her ball cap down a little more trying to hide her eyes. She shook her head rapidly trying to banish the thought. “I’m not gay!” she yelled out in frustration catching the attention of some people passing by. “I wouldn’t even know where to start, what to do with a naked woman.” She cupped her hands over her face and let out a groan as she visualized her head caught between womanly thighs. Oral sex was long since dead in her world…Bill’s version of pleasuring her orally was usually monotonous, annoying, and over a decade ago. How would she know what to do to pleasure a woman? “Oh my God! I can’t believe I’m actually considering this.” Jill’s face bore a confused smile when she thought back to her high school days and a certain cheerleader she was friends with. Roxanne Greenly, beautifully filled out that uniform; a girl that Jill followed around like a puppy dog and every time she looked into that girl's eyes, she wished even for just one day she could be a boy.

  Jill shot up off the bench as some realization began to flood her brain, “I need to get to work.” There was no way she could think about this right now. Her brain was frazzled and her heart pounded beneath the chest walls. “This can’t be…if it’s true, then why didn’t I know it then? Why now when I have wasted half my life on a marriage with a man that never really loved me.” Tears began to well up as she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, “I could have been happy…”

  As she entered the shelter, she turned her face to wipe away the tears streaming down her cheeks and pretended to look at the bulletin board when a flyer caught her eye. Beautiful blues and purples cascading across the paper as the symbols of wings carried the colors across like a rainbow.

  “Madam Drina’s Psychic Visions ~ your life’s prospects revealed”

  Jill pulled the business card from the tack and stuck it in her pocket. She needed help. While she didn’t believe in the mumbo-jumbo of psychics…this one stood out to her for some reason. Maybe Madam Drina could help her put the pieces of this puzzle together. She needed direction, and she needed someone to help her put away the nonsense of her being gay. It just wasn’t true.

  “Oh my gosh, she still lives,” Joni’s tone bearing sarcasm.

  “Funny,” Jackie said as she stalked through the living room toward the kitchen.

  “I haven’t seen hide nor hair of you in weeks with that case you’d been working on.”

  “I needed a break from it, plus I had a date with Casey.”

  “What do you mean ‘had,' did she cancel?” Joni's voice raised a decibel so her sister would hear her in the other room.

  “No, just changed our plans. I’m going to meet her in Central Park. She had to work last minute.”

  “How are things with Casey?” Joni asked as she wrapped the black scarf around her head and tied a knot in the back. She hated dressing in these silly costumes, but her customers felt more at ease when she played the part of a mystical Gypsy. She even had a crystal ball in the client room, but it was just for show.

  “Okay I guess, it’s only been a couple of weeks and I’m not sure I really want anything serious,” Jackie smirked when she caught her sister in her line of sight.

  “Don’t laugh at me.” Joni was now fashioning rings to every finger while the bangles of bracelets made a little chime as they knocked together.

  “Can’t believe you still put on that get-up.”

  “Hey, this get-up put you through school.”

  Jackie rolled her eyes, “Oh yes I know. Wouldn’t know what to do if you didn’t remind me periodically.”

  Her sister smiled and winked, “I need to get down to the shop, I have an appointment.” She kissed her sister on the cheek then gave it a light swat, “Have a good time on your date and for God’s sake, please be careful on that thing.”

  “What thing? Casey or the motorcycle?” Jackie’s smile widened as she watched a look of shock appear on her sister’s face and received a whack to her arm in reward. “Ouch,” she said rubbing her arm and giggled as she walked back toward her bedroom.

  “Will I see you tonight?” Joni yelled as she opened the door.

  “Yes, I’ll be home for dinner,” Jackie’s voiced bellowed down the hall as she closed the door; needing just a little more time with the Abbott case which was consuming her every waking moment. She took her sister’s advice and worked backward from the power of attorney, however it was still not producing the expected results. But nevertheless, Jackie would not give up until she found what was hidden just beneath the surface. Pulling off her glasses for a moment and resting her head on a pillow, Jackie closed her eyes for a brief second.

  “Shit!” Jackie hadn’t realized she’d fallen asleep. Laying on her back with her glasses hanging halfway off her face and one of the Abbott files resting on her chest, she knew she was going to be late when she glanced at the time on her phone. She jumped from the bed and darted to the bathroom to quickly freshen up.

  Jill wasn’t too sure about the part of town she was headed to so she opted to take a cab rather than drive her Mercedes and park it on the street of a run-down neighborhood. She imagined the dregs with graffiti and boarded up windows, hoods standing on corners and cats roaming about. Shaking her head, she wondered why she was headed out of the city to see a fortune teller when there was so many of them within two miles from her condo. She wanted to tell the cab to turn around; this was a fool’s errand. After all, these phony psychics were a dime a dozen, and probably all read from the same bullshit ‘fortune telling’ book. But she didn’t ask the cabbie to turn around…something was pulling her to continue the journey. Almost like she knew the answer to the unbidden question was waiting for her, and Madam Drina was the only one that had the answer.

  Jill continued to take in the surroundings as they drove through the streets of Chelsea. She was pleasantly relieved to see how clean and well-kept the neighborhood was. The homes were architecturally stunning, most three-story walk-ups some with store fronts…barbers, pizza joints, and local pubs. This was a thriving community and Jill would bet those homes were quite pricey. Unsure why the thought entered her head that she was heading to a ghetto…she could only guess because it was seeing a neighboring town called ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ which is what gave her pause, but in reality she didn’t know anything about the towns adjacent to Manhattan. She grew up way outside of the city and only heard stories of the crime and violence which tainted her opinions and lent to her fear. But now only to realize how foolish she was being and how beautiful this city was…her city.

  It was Sunday afternoon on a warm summer day, the neighborhood was booming; many of its citizens out walking their dogs, some jogging with ba
by strollers running down the sidewalks, and the sounds of children laughing as they played in small patches of grass. The sound of a motorcycle brought her out of a daze as it flew past them going the opposite direction. When she made the appointment to see Madam Drina, she had forgotten to ask Casey to watch Molly, so having to bribe her was no easy task since she had to cancel a date for a motorcycle ride through Manhattan with her new girlfriend, Jackie. So she guilted Casey, telling her that it was her fault; she was the one who put these thoughts in her head. And for the next two weeks, Jill wasn’t able to think about anything else. It was driving her crazy. The guilt trip worked and Casey canceled her motorcycle date with her girlfriend. It wasn’t only the blaming which went in Jill’s favor, it was also the tripling of Casey’s hourly rate that sealed the deal.

  The taxi pulled up alongside some parked cars as Jill continued to take in her surroundings. The storefront of Madam’s Drina’s Psychic Visions was quite understated. She had expected it to look like all the others she had seen with flashing lights, animated crystal balls and palms lit up in neon. In fact, the storefront made no indication a fortune teller was on the premises. Jill would have thought it was the wrong place if she didn’t see the name Drina on the window. Chances were not too many people possessed that name.

  “Hmmm, Drina’s Nature’s Remedy,” Jill said as she shook her head wondering why in the world she was standing there ready to walk into some bullshit scheme and waste two hundred dollars. But even in her uncertainty and skepticism she stepped up onto the curb and began to walk towards the entrance with determination to see this through.

  I’m running late…sorry. Be there soon. Jackie typed the words into her phone with one hand as she ran through the house in search of the helmet her sister had badgered her into buying. “Where the fuck is it?” she yelled as she scanned the living room. Since it wasn’t in any other part of the house, it had to have been there…somewhere. Just as she walked toward the corner near Joni’s giant floor Palm plant, she spotted it under a blanket.