Without A Pail

by Michelle Marra

  Pulling Jill from her chair, Jackie sought her lips with fervor…she was so hot and turned on at that moment she didn’t notice the chair being pulled away and the crowd filling the dance floor as a new song began to play.

  Jill’s head was spinning; she needed Jackie’s hands on her immediately. She broke the kiss, pulled the other shoe from her foot and walked away leaving Jackie standing there slack-jawed wondering what the hell as she watched Jill disappear into the crowd. But in not more than thirty seconds, Jill reappeared and grabbed Jackie’s hand pulling her from the dance floor and rapidly toward the exit door of the ballroom. When Jill left Jackie breathless, she went to find Joni and get the bridal suite key, but funnily enough as soon as Joni saw Jill coming she handed her the key without so much as a word exchanged between them. And when Jill looked at her quizzically, all Joni could do is quirk an eyebrow and Jill laughed, “Oh yeah…forgot.” Jill had forgotten that Joni’s perception and intuition were well above the average person and she probably knew even before the dance occurred what Jill’s request would have been.

  When Jill opened the door to the suite, it was a tad in disarray, but to be expected since the bride and groom were freshening themselves after the wedding photos were completed at the church and she knew they were probably doing exactly what she was about to do with her new fiancée.

  “That was some dance,” Jill said when she stepped into the center of the room. “I never knew you could dance like that.”

  Jackie slowly closed the distance with a sly smirk on her face, “It’s been a while.”

  “Well for a lawyer you sure have some moves.” Jill nervously swallowed seeing the lustful look in Jackie’s eyes. She knew that look well and what usually followed would include leather straps, whips or riding crops. But they didn’t have time for anything of that nature, since she didn’t want to miss the rest of the reception she just needed passion and the sweet release of orgasm.

  “Hmmm, well my love, I do have moves.” She walked over to a duffle bag, pulled out her phone, quickly finding the song and pressed play sending beautiful piano melodies into the air around them. Setting the phone down she closed the distance and pulled Jill into her arms. Their bodies touching, Jill’s arms draped over Jackie’s shoulders as they swayed to the music.

  “Where’s your other shoe,” Jackie inquired when Jill tossed the one heel to the side.

  “It’s somewhere on the dance floor where ever you chucked it.”

  Jackie giggled, “Oh yeah. I’ll get it for you…later that is.” Jackie sought the brunette’s mouth with her own. When the kiss broke, she bit her bottom lip and cleared her throat. “When I was a kid, Joni would go on and on about this crazy thing about a twin flame, soul mates…she always said God created us in pairs; two souls of one heart…the twin flame. And when we are born the soul yearns for its mate, therefore creating the quest for love. Not everyone is fortunate enough to find their twin flame but when they do it is a union blessed by God that will last forever,” Jackie smiled, “I see by the look on your face she has told you the same tale. Well, that’s what I always thought it was…just a stupid tale. ‘Wait’ she would say, ‘be picky.’ But I never believed in that soul mate thing until the day I met you in the park. The day you smelled like dog shit and lectured me on the responsibilities of dog walking.”

  Jill pressed her face into Jackie’s chest as she giggled.

  “I know I fought it, conceding isn’t something I’m good at. But I heard this song one day and it clicked…finally started to make sense.” Then Jackie began to sing along with the chorus as she pulled Jill closer.

  I have died every day waiting for you

  Darling don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years

  I’ll love you for a thousand more

  And all along I believed I would find you

  Time has brought your heart to me...

  “I wouldn’t trade any second of the heartache and pain of my past because it all paved the road that led to you Jillian Warner, your face is ingrained in my soul and has been since the day I was born. I will love you forever.”

  Jill was speechless, her eyes watery and stinging from the fresh mascara she caked on not more than an hour ago; when Jackie captured her lips in passion her knees actually betrayed her making her wobble. Jackie’s reflexes were not slowed by alcohol when she steadied Jill on her feet. Her eyes left Jill’s gaze as her mouth trailed the soft skin of the brunette’s jawline and down her neck to the taught shoulder muscle. “You won’t be needing this,” Jackie mumbled against Jill’s flesh while she unzipped Jill’s dress and let it fall to the floor.

  Jackie took a step back as her eyes perused Jill’s form standing there in a silver lace bra, silver silk thong, and the blue garter she had placed on her thigh minutes ago. Unconsciously licking her lips and swallowing down the saliva building in her mouth she reached for the love of her life, lifted her up and walked the two steps to the large and plush sofa in the bridal suite setting Jill down gently.

  An amused look filled Jill’s features as Jackie stripped out of her clothes except for her bra in less than twenty seconds. Standing over Jill with hunger in her eyes she pulled dampened silver panties from Jill’s hips and slid between her legs. Jill pulled her knees up and dropped them to the side giving Jackie room. She never knew the pleasure two women could share in this position. Feeling their wetness intertwine and Jackie’s engorged clit sliding against her own like tongues in a passionate kiss was so intense and so hot she could barely keep herself from falling off the orgasmic edge too soon. As Jackie’s blue eyes fixed their gaze on her, their writhing bodies seemed to take a backseat when she felt their hearts become one and as their orgasms swept through them with bellows into the air; Jill felt nothing so intense and so pure in her life and she knew if she were to die at that moment, she wouldn’t have one regret.

  As they lay there wrapped in each other’s form with thumping hearts and hurried breath, Jill smiled as the tears flowed from her eyes. “Will it always be like this?” she asked.

  Jackie pushed herself onto her hands to look down at the most beautiful woman she had ever known inside and out. “As long as there is a beating heart within my chest.”

  Chapter 37

  Over a year later…

  “For God’s sake Jill…slow down.”

  Jill sped through the midday New York traffic as fast as she could nearly plowing over a few pedestrians while weaving through the hordes of cars. Now stopped at a traffic light, she looked over at Jackie who was breathing in ragged breaths as sweat covered her ashen face. She had decided not to wait the thirty minutes for the ambulance when she dialed 911 after first hearing Jackie shriek in pain. Jill figured they would get to New York Presbyterian Hospital much faster in her Mercedes, however, she’d forgotten how bad traffic was in the city, but she had gotten to know a few shortcuts here and there. Although, with the sidewalks littered with people it was not easy for her to speed through the back streets and allies.

  “Just hold on Baby…we’ll be there soon.” Jill said eyeing the blonde again seeing her facial features contort in pain.

  Jackie sat as still as she possibly could with the way Jill was driving. She had to stay focused and being jerked around was breaking her concentration. Finally stopped at a traffic light, Jackie’s focal point was locked in as she tried to breathe through the pain. New York was beautiful this time of year. Early October when the leaves were just beginning to change and the temperatures cooled, the sun was still warm enough for a cool breeze to be enjoyed. At that moment Jackie’s focus was on a beautiful fountain which was adorned with tall grasses and cherry blossom trees. She inhaled deeply through her nose imagining the sweet scent of the beautiful arbors swaying in the autumn wind.

  A thought burrowed its way into the back of Jackie’s head, one in which she tried to squelch, but to no avail. The nagging notion filled her head with doubt and the idea that she wasn’t going to make it to the hospital. The p
ain was getting worse and she felt as if she was being crushed from within.

  Jill skidded into the valet lane of the hospital and barely had the car in park before opening the driver’s side door. Like she was shot from a cannon, she darted around the car screaming for someone to help. When she pulled open Jackie’s door, she was met with a look that was most assuredly meant to kill. “I’m so sorry Jack.” Jill wiped a tear from her cheek when two men came to assist and placed Jackie into a wheelchair.

  As they rushed through the hospital, Jill found it hard to keep up with the man pushing her wife through the corridors. She couldn’t remember the words flying from her mouth or if there was any sound to her thoughts at all. The only thing she could remember is hearing the dreadful screams and the chatter of the nurses now leading the charge.

  Because she was unable to stand up, Jackie was hoisted onto a gurney. All she could remember was seeing bright lights causing her eyes to burn. The sounds of hospital equipment beeping in an annoying and incessant tone, all of which seemed to drown out the sounds of Jill’s voice causing her to yell out for her wife.

  “I’m here Baby,” Jill said as she reached for Jackie’s outstretched hand. “It’ll be okay.”

  Suddenly Jackie felt her garments being pulled off her as if she was being peeled like a banana and the fleeting memory of the cold steel against her skin. She was being manipulated by so many nurses at once she didn’t know what to focus on. One nurse was jamming an IV in her arm while another was trying to place a hospital gown across her naked body. Then she felt cold air whoosh across her bottom and as she looked down for a moment, she wondered how her legs got up into those stirrups while her gown lay halfway up her belly exposing her nether region for the world to see and she wondered why they even bothered to put it on her.

  The chaos seemed to come to a screeching halt when she heard Dr. Lamberger’s voice. “Okay, we have crowning.” The doctor looked up into Jackie’s eyes from between her legs. “Looks like you will be doing this old school, no time for even an episiotomy. Let’s get this party started and give me a good push.”

  With a nurse on one side of the gurney and Jill on the other, they both lifted Jackie up bent her at the waist yelling in unison “Push!”

  Jackie and Jill had attended Lamaze classes wanting to enjoy each stage of this pregnancy together, even making friends with other lesbian couples awaiting their day of natural childbirth. They wanted the birth, labor, and delivery to be as natural as it could be, that was until their fellow lesbian Lamaze friends, Beth and Roxanne had their baby when Jackie was in her thirty-second week and they thought it would be a fun way to get prepared when her and Jill joined them and their newborn for movie time. The main feature was Beth’s natural childbirth and from that moment on Jackie explored alternative ways of delivery. There was no way she was going to endure the kind of pain she watched Beth go through. But here she was, spread eagle…legs hoisted three feet in the air and the pressure coming through her vagina with that first push felt as if she was being ripped in half.

  And when that baby was pulled from the birth canal, Jackie had about thirty seconds to hear the doctor say it was a girl before the pressure built up again. They were told the second baby could take anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours to be delivered…but now with it seemingly busting through her already battered body she wanted to kill the doctor and all the sources of that lie because in a matter of minutes she was being bent in half again with the sentiment ‘push’ being screamed through her ears in stereo. And again with that first push, every pain felt before was amplified.

  With spittle flying from her mouth as the last guttural scream left her lungs Jackie flopped back onto the gurney as she felt the second and definitely the last baby pulled from her waiting to hear the cry. But there was none.

  “The baby is in distress,” the doctor said as she cut the cord and disappeared with the newborn.

  Jackie looked up at Jill wanting to find an answer…some kind of comfort, but all she saw was a pained expression with her hand cupped to her mouth. “Jill…what’s wrong?”

  “I think he’s dead,” Jill said as tears streamed down her cheeks unable to keep her first born son James from her head.

  “He?”

  “It’s a boy.” Jill looked down into Jackie’s eyes.

  A few minutes later the doctor came back into view, “Okay, it’s time to deliver this after birth and get you all stitched up.”

  “What about our baby?” Jackie asked feeling her guts twist into knots.

  “The NICU team is working on him.”

  “Is he gonna be alright?”

  “He came a little too fast and the cord was wrapped around his neck.”

  “Oh God…no,” Jackie felt as if her heart was crushed, she looked up at Jill, “I’m so sorry Jill. I must have done something wrong.”

  Jill shook her head, “No baby, no…this is not your fault.”

  “Please God…don’t let my baby die,” Jackie screamed out as the tears poured from her eyes.

  “They are doing everything they can,” The doctor said as she stitched the tearing of Jackie’s vagina. “We have the best NICU team of doctors on the East Coast.”

  Jackie was now sitting up and trying not to move too much since her lower half felt like it was still torn open and any movement brought on a burning pain which would radiate through her entire body. She looked up at Jill and could see the pained look on her face. She wanted to offer words of comfort and hope, but she was doing all she could to keep it together.

  “Would you like to hold your daughter?” A nurse said as she walked toward them holding the baby.

  Jackie nodded her head trying to smile as the nurse placed the infant in her arms. “She’s beautiful,” she said gazing up at Jill.

  “Yes, she is,” Jill’s voice cracked. She was doing her best to not fall apart, but felt her resolve fading quickly.

  The nurse stood there and smiled at them both, “So you have a name for this little princess?”

  “Ah hem,” Jill cleared her throat, “Um, yes…Juliette Olivia.”

  Suddenly there was a loud cry of a baby and Jill looked down to see if her daughter was crying. But the baby was quietly sleeping in her mother’s arms. “Is that…”

  The nurse turned back and said, “Yes…that’s your boy.”

  The doctor appeared with a tiny baby swaddled tightly in a yellow blanket, “Would you like to hold your son?”

  Jill's face lit up and now different tears fell as a smile spread across her face. And as they placed Jill’s son in her arms she looked at Jackie who was staring up at her with tears streaming down her cheeks; she looked into her son’s blue eyes, “I’ve waited my whole life to meet you, Jase Michael Evans.”

  The joy that she felt at that moment was so monumental, Jill wasn’t sure if it was just a dream. Then she looked down at her wife who seemed enamored with the little dark haired beauty in her arms, the child whose eyes were wide open and now fixed on her mother. It was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen, the second was her baby boy staring into her soul.

  It was only weeks after they were married when Jackie proposed the pregnancy, an in vitro procedure with a fertilized egg from them both. She knew Jill was unable to carry a child, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t have one of her own. So when they were told that both embryos took and they were having twins, Jill was over the moon. Not only to have her own child, but to have Jackie’s as well. She couldn’t wait to see those blue eyes in one of her children and to be holding Jackie’s son with the bright blue eyes and nearly white peach fuzz on his perfect little head…this was something she couldn’t have imagined in her wildest of dreams.

  “Jack…,” Jill whispered, “I want you to hold your son.” Then she placed the other baby into his mother’s arm as she moved Juliette over. Jill pulled out her cell phone and took several pictures.

  “Jill, please. I look terrible.”

  “Oh Darling, no…I
’ve never seen you look more beautiful than you do right now.”

  As they began to wheel Jackie away with a baby in each arm, Jill watched intently as the love of her life marveled at the new lives she brought into this world. She followed behind her eyes leaving the image of her wife and children for just a moment when she sent a picture to Joni and to Casey.

  Meet Juliette and Jase, your new niece and nephew

  Then she returned the phone to her back pocket and walked into the room where Jackie was now breast feeding her son.

  “I’ll take Juliette,” she said gesturing to the nurse.

  “Once your son stops feeding, you should place your daughter on the other breast.” The nurse went about busying herself with the bassinettes.

  “I thought you wanted no parts of that,” Jill said as she smiled at the expression on her wife’s face.

  “I don’t, but the nurse said there is something in the breast that she called ‘supermilk,’ it’s supposed to be very healthy for the baby and help his stress…plus it’s supposed to be beneficial for me too somehow. I don’t want to continue this, but I do plan on using breast milk…I’ll just pump.”

  Jill smiled down at her daughter and marveled at her dark blue eyes and fuzzy brown hair, “It’s your turn for the ‘supermilk,’” she said as the nurse pulled the sleeping boy from Jackie’s naked chest and wrapped him in a blanket.

  “Pull the blanket from her…it’s good for the baby to have skin to skin contact right now.”

  Jill placed the tiny baby on Jackie’s chest and assisted her with the breast. She smiled when she saw the baby latch on and smiled bigger when she saw the facial expression on Jackie’s face.