The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister

by Helena Whitbread

  Wednesday 21 July [Halifax]

  Tidied our room & made these memoranda of today. I had told M—, in the gig this morning, I was got quite right again… Poor M—. I do believe she loves me with all her heart & I really think she will take some pains to manage me better in future.

  Thursday 22 July [Halifax]

  Two last night. M— spoke in the very act. ‘Ah,’ said she, ‘Can you ever love anyone else?’ She knows how to heighten the pleasure of our intercourse. She often murmurs, ‘Oh, how delicious,’ just at the very moment. All her kisses are good ones… At 12, took M— in the gig & drove to Haugh-end. Major Priestley & Mrs Milne set off on horseback to call here. By some means or other, we missed them altogether. Found Dr Belcombe looking better than I expected… Mrs Belcombe looking harassed & ill. Mr John Edwards of Pye Nest & young Mr Dearden of Hollins were calling at Haugh-end, 2 young men of whom it was chiefly difficult to say which was the most vulgar. Got home at 3.

  Friday 23 July [Halifax]

  M— at breakfast about 9¾ & I at 10. At 11.20, off in the gig to Haugh-end & got there in about an hour. Behaved very affectionately to M—. Bade her be happy. Said I was come quite right again & that she had never before made me so happy. She seemed satisfied… She had not been so happy these eight years. Was rejoiced I was going to France. Thought it would do me good & she never left me before in such good spirits. She felt that she should be happy. I had all her heart.

  The two women were not to meet again for some time. Anne and her aunt set out for a short tour of the Lake District the day after M—’s departure and, shortly after returning from the Lakes, Anne travelled to Paris, where she made an extended stay into the spring of 1825. So, though on this occasion Anne & M— parted on a happy note, the relationship, for Anne at least, had more or less run its course and was never to reach its former intensity. The decline was accelerated by Anne’s increasing sophistication and interest in cosmopolitan life.

  Saturday 24 July [Skipton]

  Too busy all yesterday afternoon & night to think much of M—, but what I did think was comfortable. Cordingley awakened me before 6… My aunt & I breakfasted… Off at 8¼. 1 hour, 50 minutes, driving here (the Sun Inn, Bradford). Had a basin of boiled milk with a very little bread in it… Got here (at the Devonshire Hotel, Skipton) at 6½. Ordered dinner in an hour & beds for the night. Washed & made myself comfortable & sat down to my journal… Dinner at 8. Good trout – bad mutton chops – old peas, new potatoes sent up in bad butter, bad gooseberry tart, not good bread, & vilely bad water. I could not drink it & had a large basin of boiled milk. My aunt complained of cold & shivering & had a glass of hot white-wine negus… Very much annoyed with dust all the day, but the plaid over my aunt, & my greatcoat and a large handkerchief round my throat, protected us pretty well… All the servants here have wages & give the mistress of the house all they have given to them. The young woman who waited on us at dinner has 12 guineas a year. She lived last year at the Golden Lion (Mr Hartley’s), at Settle, but left there because the wages were too small. She had only 6 guineas a year & gave all the vails, as here, to her mistress.

  Sunday 25 July [Settle]

  Drove thro’ Settle to Giggleswick (for my aunt to go to church). Annoyed to find the Black Horse, kept by Waller, a poor place, quite a common alehouse, adjoining the churchyard… but the people were clean & very civil, & gave us tea & good boiled milk & bread & butter & good cream, & we both got a good breakfast & were satisfied… but we were determined to return to Settle & rest there for the night… At 1½, off to Settle. Got here in a few minutes. Ordered dinner & beds. I sat down almost immediately… It is really so dull for my aunt to have me always writing, I shall write no more, save my journals & accounts… Dinner at 6.10. Soup, part of a boiled neck of mutton, a roasted chicken, peas & potatoes, potted trout & potted beef, & preserved gooseberry tarts. We both made a good dinner. At 7.20, set out sauntering about the town… Had a glass of hot, red wine negus just before getting into bed, which made me sleepy.

  Monday 26 July [Kendal]

  Off from Settle (the Golden Lion, now styled Hartley’s Hotel) at 9.25… Settle is a romantic or rather foreign-like looking town. The market place has something of the air of a grande place abroad. This morning was the fortnight fair & the market was full of sheep penned off in divisions; & there were a great many head of cattle… Kirby Lonsdale a picturesque sort of little town… Off to Kendal at 3¾… The inn (King’s Arms or Jackson’s Hotel) cuts a poorish figure (an old, very odd but good house) compared with what it is. Sauntered out ¾ hour then at 7.40 sat down to dinner. Trout, roasted chicken, all excellent. Mutton steaks good. Excellent little sweet puddings. Currant tarts & custard. Enjoyed our dinner. Immediately afterwards, at 8.20, I took an old man to shew the way & went to the castle… Very fine cool day. A little dust now & then but not much. A beautiful day for travelling. Brought in the horses after travelling 31 miles with not a hair turned. They ate their food well on coming in, & seemed quite well & not at all tired.

  Tuesday 27 July [Bowness]

  Slept well last night. Mended my petticoat, stockings, hair cap & gloves. At breakfast at 9½. My aunt had tea as usual & I my boiled milk with bread in it. Settled the account… White Lion, John Ullock, at 4.10… Very hilly road, tho’ very good road from Kendal to Bowness, a neat little white-washed vlllage with a good church, white-washed, prettily situated on the edge of the lake (Windermere)… Much pleased with Bowness & the inn. Ordered dinner & beds. Had a boat & were on the lake at 4½. The man rowed us first to what is called the Station, a pretty sort of tower observatory commanding a fine view of the lake… A very pretty gravel walk up to it. 2 stories high. Painted glass in the upper. The blue makes the scenery look like winter – the green like spring – the yellow like summer, & the orange like autumn… Sat down to dinner at 7¼. Soup (with vegetables in it, very good), a most excellent & beautifully dressed (boiled, & then a little fried or crisped) pike. A roasted fore-quarter of lamb, potatoes & peas, 2 little sweet puddings, a tart & jellies. All most excellent. We never enjoyed a dinner more. At 8¾, we went out to see the church… Sauntered about the village ¾ hour, listening to the village band playing on the lake… Sat with one door open (our very nice little parlour looks upon the lake, & a door opening upon some steps leads to the garden) listening to the band, clarionets, horns, great drum, etc. Very beautiful. Thought I will bring M— here some time. My aunt & I joked & said when M— married the Blue Room, we should make a little tour here.

  Wednesday 28 July [Keswick]

  Comfortable bed. Slept well last night. Mended my black silk petticoat. Off at 8½… Large, handsome, well-furnished inn at Ambleside. Very civil people. I must bring M— here. Everything good at breakfast. The best breakfast I ever remember to have had at an inn. Tea cake & wig [kind of bun] with caraway seeds in it, & a small bread loaf with a little rye in it, and clap-cake, i.e. oat cake made very thin & without leaven. My boiled milk excellent. The Duke of Buccleugh & his tutor in the house. Had been 2 or 3 days. On coming away we, at their request, entered our names in the company book. Mrs & Miss Lister. Shibden Hall… Off from Ambleside at 2.05… The lake & vale of Grasmere sweetly beautiful. The village & its neat white church very prettily situated… Left the village a little on our left & went the direct road to Keswick… We had a tremendous descent to the town & stopt at the Royal Oak at 7½. Ordered dinner & beds. Made ourselves comfortable. Sat down to dinner at 8.05. A small salmon (1 of the size, they call them gilts here), ½ of it boiled, ½ fried. Veal cutlets, rather hard. Most excellent hind ¼ lamb, cold, potatoes & kidney beans, & tarts & jellies. Yet we did not enjoy our dinner quite as much as yesterday. Comfortable bedrooms. Very large, good sitting-room. But indifferent stabling & hay, tho’ good corn… After dinner, wrote the whole of this journal of today.

  Thursday 29 July [Keswick]

  Breakfast at 9½… Drove down to the lake (Derwentwater) & sent the gig to meet us at Lowdore. On the lake at 11.10 & landed at Lowdore…
at 12¼… Off from Lowdore at 12.50. I drove my aunt & Mr Hutton [a guide they had engaged] & George walked. At the Bowder House at 1¾. Mr Hutton can remember it 60 years (he is a wonderful old man, at least 80…)… I knew there was a foot road from here to Wastwater. It struck me at the top of Bowder stone, I should like to explore. Mr Hutton would have persuaded me against it. It was a most fatiguing rough road over the mountains. The nearest place I could sleep at (Strands) was 14 miles off. Then I must go to Calder Bridge, 6 miles from Strands, & then 16 miles further from Calder Bridge to Scale Hill, where my aunt must meet me tomorrow, with the gig, & from which place we should easily see Crummock & Buttermere lakes. All this was not enough to deter me. Well then, we must go on to Rosthwaite & he would see if he could get anyone to go with me, but all the people were busy with the hay. Stopt at the Miner’s Arms (kept by widow Coates) at Rosthwaite. The woman’s son, James Coates, a shoemaker, agreed to go with me, stay all night at the inn where I was to sleep & pay his own expenses there, for 12/–. At 3.40, we were off… the road much worse over the mountains than the ascent to Snowdon from Capel Curig. Very steep, as James Coates called it, ‘very brank’… the path cut alongside the huge mountain covered with the very small fragments (the size of large gravel) that lie along the mountains, & so loose & slippery as to make the path doubly fatiguing… We came to Strands but, my guide being willing to go forwards to Calder (he seemed to have understood that to be his agreement) we unluckily left Strands a little on our right & kept the Ravenglass road, passed over Santon Bridge… & soon afterwards lost ourselves… Got to a farmhouse where, it being near 10, I would gladly have stopt & slept by the kitchen fireside for the people, a man & his wife, were very civil. The woman said she had some milk in the house, but they said there was a good inn at Gosforth & we had much better go to it. If we went to the end of the lane leading from the house, it was only ¼ mile & we should then come into the high road. Turn to the right, & after passing 3 houses, turn again to the right for about a hundred yards & we should be at the inn… We got to the inn at Gosforth. The kitchen was full of men drinking. The woman was just going to bed & said she was very much tired. I told her she must get me a bed ready & something to eat, for I had had nothing since breakfast, had walked at least 20 miles. Said where from and how we had been lost, & that I was almost famished. The woman looked astonished. I thought she was in no hurry to take us in. She said she had not a drop of milk in the house. ‘Come, come,’ said I, ‘my good woman. I’ll pay you what you like for your trouble, but you must get me this room (I had gone upstairs) ready & some milk if you can.’ I left my guide & told him to shift for himself. The woman went out & borrowed some milk. The people were all gone to bed or she could have got plenty. She put so much bread in it, it was like a pudding. Had, or seemed to have, an odd taste & I could not touch it. I was parched to death with thirst. The cheese & bread the man brought me from Rosthwaite had been in his pocket all the way & I had hoped to sup at Calder bridge, & consequently neither ate nor drank since breakfast at 9½. The woman had no meat in the house but ham – but she thought a ham rasher would make me more thirsty. Eggs I could not bear the name of. Tried bread & butter. Could not take it. What could I have to drink? I must not drink cold water. Not a dry thread upon me from fatigue, or rather exertion & anxiety at the thought of our being so lost at night, when we could not possibly see to set ourselves right & the people were gone, or going, to bed. The woman had ale & a treacle bun. Either would have sickened. Asked if she had any gin. Yes! She brought me about a pint in a decanter, and some loaf sugar. I drank 4 glasses of weak gin & water – nay, perhaps 6, for the gin seemed so strong, however small the quantity I took, that in filling up the glass again & again, I drank 4 pitchers full (perhaps at least from 3 to 4 pints) of hot water. The woman wished I could eat something. It was in vain. I could have drunk twice as much. Never was so thirsty in my life. The bed was ready & neat & clean. Borrowed the man’s nightcap. The bed had not been slept of a fortnight, the woman owned. Put on my greatcoat over my pelisse & all my other clothes, merely taking off my boots & stockings, & jumped into bed at 11. Fell asleep almost immediately, till 2, then dozed afterwards till about 5, & got up at half past… We had walked very fast up the mountains & averaged 3 miles an hour the whole way. They all agreed we had walked above 20 miles… If left to myself I should not have so lost myself. I said repeatedly we must be wrong, but that my guide must know better than I did.

  Friday 30 July [Keswick]

  Got a towel & water & washed as well as I could. Breakfast at 6¼. A basin of boiled [milk], no bread in it, & a good teacake. The woman said the young man (aged 22, he told me) confessed I had tired him out. Asked the woman what I had to pay. 2/– for the guide. As for myself, what I had had was not much, I must give her what I pleased. Asked her to calculate. Why, she thought a sup of gin & water was not much, & all I had had was not more than 6d. Gave her 4/6 for myself besides the 2/– for the guide, with which she seemed much pleased & told her she had been so civil (& so she really was) if I ever went that way again I would call & inquire after her. The guide & I were off (from the Lion & Lamb… Gosforth) at 7.37. Walked to Calder bridge & stopt at the Stanley Arms, Christopher Birkett, at 8.20. Finding they had horses, sent back my guide (who had offered [to go] forwards with me to Scale Hill, thinking he could find his way by daylight) and agreed for a couple of horses for 10/–. Had a basin of boiled milk… Off at 10.10. Mr Birkett said the mare had a bit of a limp. So she had & stumbled desperately… Got to Scale Hill at 2¼… My aunt had been at Scale Hill above 2 hours… Off to Crummock lake at 2.50. My aunt could only walk slowly. They called it ¾ mile, but we were 20 minutes walking it. In the boat on Crummock at 3.10 & landed at the Buttermere end at 4.05. The lake shut in by fine mountains but my aunt was at first so frightened she could not admire or enjoy it… Only a few houses at Buttermere. The lake a very pretty small one… Mary of Buttermere7 married to a farmer who has forty pounds a year of estate & lives about 20 miles off, I forget where. 50 minutes seeing Buttermere & its lake. Back on Crummock at 5. Landed at 5.50 & got to our inn (Scale Hill) at 6¼ & sat down to dinner at 6.20. Roasted leg of mutton (good, but too fresh killed), peas & potatoes & gooseberry tart & cream. Off from Scale Hill at 7¼… we descended the hill upon Keswick about 9. Came up to bed at 9¾.

  Sunday 1 August [Pooley Bridge]

  Never had a better or more comfortable bed. Everything most comfortable in my bedroom. Slept very well from about 3 to 7. Sided my things in the Imperial. At breakfast at 10. At church at 10½… The church seemed full. A very respectable-looking congregation. We were in the seat belonging to our inn. Apparently an elderly clergyman. Read the prayers very fairly… The 1st part I did not well hear. Most of the rest, I was dozing. The Te Deum was chanted… Paid our bill & off from the Crown… 12.40… Drove slowly, the lanes stony, & got to Pooley Bridge at 5¾. Ordered beds & dinner. A poor-looking place after the inn at Penrith. ½ the house on one side of the road & ½ on the other… Sat down to dinner at 7.10. Potatoes not ½ boiled. Peas too old. Veal cutlets tolerable but I waited till they were cold for some cold roast beef or cold mutton. Had a little of the latter & a little of the veal cutlets. Bad gooseberry tarts. Very bad dinner & the waiter so busy (the house full of noisy people – the master had been with company all day & was drunk, & every now & then ringing just under us as if he would pull it down). We had to ring & wait, & be as patient as we could, & were nearly 2 hours before we could have done dinner. The water thick & we could not drink it. Each had a glass of negus. The people very civil but we have no wish to stay all night here again. They can make up 26 beds of 1 sort or other. Mine in a shut up cabinet which just holds it, in our sitting-room. The beds smell fusty for want of air.

  Monday 2 August [Ambleside]

  Off from Pooley Bridge at 7 & stopt at Patterdale, a minute or 2 before 9… Breakfast at 9½. Good bread & butter & milk. Most excellent potted char, of which I ate a great deal. They pot a great deal – get the fish be
st at this time of year… Off from Patterdale at 11¼… About 6 miles to the top of Kirkstone, then about 4 of steep descent upon Ambleside present fine views of Windermere & Coniston water… The retired, pastoral beauty of the lake & village of Grasmere please me, or the magnificent beauty of Derwentwater – but the head of Ullswater – the pile of huge mountains pushed together is magnificently grand. But the scenery about here (Ambleside) perhaps better unites beauty with sublimity than anything we have seen hereabouts, except the vale of Keswick… Got here in 3¼ hours at 2½. So sleepy could hardly keep my eyes open. Ordered dinner & beds. The house so full only one double-bedded room for us. A gentleman & little boy, his son, left us the little parlour upstairs we had before. Slept from about 2¾ to 4¾, then looking at the book, picking our route home… Dinner at 6.40. Roast leg of lamb, very good. Boiled chicken with white sauce. Good potatoes & cauliflower, & gooseberry tart. Very good dinner. Pint of port wine – not good. Made negus of it after drinking one wine glass each at dinner… Fine day till between 5 & 6, then a couple of hours rain. Very thick this morning on the tops of the mountains. My aunt got a little cold yesterday in going to church & could scarce stir this morning. She is rather better now, tho’, from her feelings of pain, auguring a change of weather. She went to bed at 10.