by Amy Brent
Alice just stared at me with that unblinking gray gaze of hers, and I lost it.
“I don’t know what I’m even doing here! I swore that I would never date a musician after Bryce broke my heart, and now… I thought this would work but it obviously doesn’t and it’s not fair to keep it up. Not to the band, not to me, and not to Sam.”
“Why?” Alice asked after a long moment, and I looked at her in confusion.
“Why what?”
“Why did you swear off musicians?” Alice gave me a hard look, but I returned it with one of my own. My anger at Sam was still burning red hot, and I clung to it.
“You know why. Every single musician I’ve ever dated has either cheated on me or broken my heart because they couldn’t get past their own ego to be in a real relationship with me.”
“Has Sam ever cheated on you?”
“What? No, but we’re not—”
“And what about the other thing? Has he not opened up to you? Not trusted you enough? Not done enough to prove that he cares about you?”
“Well, I guess—but—it doesn’t matter, Al.”
“Yes, it does! It matters to me because I love you both but you’re acting like assholes.”
I frowned at her, but luckily I was saved from having to come up with an answer to that one when there was another knock at the door. I sighed in relief when I opened it and this time found Lori standing there instead of someone else come to make me feel terrible about my decision.
“Did you bring it?” I asked her, and she slowly nodded her head. I saw the large envelope she held in her hands.
“Yeah, I did,” Lori answered slowly, still looking hesitant. “Are you sure about this? I mean…maybe you guys can work it out.”
“There’s nothing to work out. We were never in a relationship. Not really. And now everything is so tangled and complicated that we’ll never work it out.”
She just nodded, doubt written plainly on her face, but at least she didn’t say it out loud. I glanced at the envelope again before looking back up at her.
“Can you…can you give it to him?”
“Yeah. Sure I can.”
“Thanks. I…thank you.” I could barely get the words out through the lump of tears in my throat. It didn’t make sense. This was the plan all along. But even still I had to turn away from the disappointment in Alice’s and Lori’s eyes.
But a part of me was still pissed. They knew this had to end just as much as I did. The contract was almost over. As soon as it was, Sam and I were done. That was the end of it. It had to be. I didn’t think my heart could survive any more.
*
Sam
I took a deep breath, trying to banish the last of my anger before opening the door and walking back into the practice room. Alice was no longer there, for which I was immensely grateful. I knew I needed to apologize to her, but damn if I wasn’t looking forward to getting chewed out by a pregnant Alice. Not pregnant Alice was scary enough, but Casey had been right about one thing: She was definitely scarier now that she was pregnant. Way scarier.
I walked a little further inside, heading toward where my guitar lay on the floor where I’d discarded it. After my blowout with Faye, I’d left. I’d gone on a long walk around the grounds outside the studio to clear my head. And after the anger had faded, I had realized just how badly I’d fucked everything up.
I didn’t know what I was going to do to fix it, but I knew Casey and Alice had been little more than innocent bystanders to my rage. Filled with guilt, I bent down to pick up the instrument and put it back in its stand—and froze as I noticed Casey still sitting behind the drum kit.
I drew in a deep breath, trying not to take the sullen look the drummer gave me too hard. I knew I deserved it, and probably worse. I really had been acting like a total asshole.
“Hey, Case,” I started hesitantly, rubbing my hand over the back of my neck as I struggled to find the words. “I don’t expect you to forgive me or anything, but I want you to know how sorry I am. Faye just has me pretty messed up at the moment. That’s not an excuse. I just…I’m sorry. That’s all. There is no excuse.”
Casey looked at me for a long moment. Then a sudden grin broke across his face and he waved the whole thing away.
“No worries, man. Girls, am I right? Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em.”
We shared a laugh. He was more right than he knew. But I did feel better. A little lighter, a little more ready to face whatever was going to be thrown at me next.
“Hey, man, let’s get this song done before Alice has her baby,” Casey said, joking as he played a run on the drums. “She looks like she’s ready to pop any day.”
“I know. We’re running out of time,” I said, walking back over to my guitar and lifting the strap over my head. But for me it was a catch twenty-two. We had to finish the album before Alice had her baby, but as soon as the recording contract was over, Faye had no more reason to be with me.
Doubt you have to worry about that anymore. Screwed that one up pretty good already, a soft voice whispered in the back of my head. It didn’t make it any better knowing that it was the truth.
Casey and I started playing, running through the song, and in the middle of our third take, the door to the practice room opened and I grimaced when I looked up and saw Alice walking toward me.
Damn it. This was really going to suck. She always made apologizing hard as hell, and I knew this one would be even worse.
“Hey, Alice. Look, I am so, so sorry for what I said earlier—and for everything that happened. It was totally out of line and I know there’s no excuse for how I acted but I still want to—”
“It’s okay, Sam. Apology accepted.”
I paused, staring at her. She had forgiven me way too quickly, and suspicion filled me when I realized she wouldn’t look me in the eye.
“What is it, Alice? What’s going on?”
She looked behind her, and for the first time I noticed that she hadn’t walked in alone. Lori was standing there, practically hiding behind the other woman, and I really didn’t like the look they shared. And damn it, they still wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Just tell me. Now.”
They both looked guilty as hell, but it was finally Lori who took a step forward, not saying a word as she handed me a large legal envelope.
“What is…?” The question trailed off as I opened the envelope up and looked at the top of the first page. Divorce papers. They were divorce papers.
I stared down at the envelope in my hand and my whole body went numb. I didn’t know what I had been expecting from Faye, a shouting match or a good old-fashioned cold shoulder, but it certainly hadn’t been this.
Dread settled into my stomach as I shoved the papers back in the envelope and out of sight. I couldn’t stand to look at them.
I didn’t know how to fix things between me and Faye. It had always been so hard for me to trust anyone, to let anyone in, but Faye had crawled under my skin and I didn’t think I would ever get her out again. I had hurt her, and I had to make it right—for both our sakes.
I just had no clue how. I just knew I had to try.
By the time I looked up again, Casey and Alice were talking quietly to themselves. Lori was the only one still standing there, giving me a sympathetic look.
Suddenly, she stepped forward, patting me on the shoulder.
“Don’t worry, Sam. You’ll figure this out,” she said as if reading my mind. “You’re the white knight, Sam, and the white knight always gets the princess.”
I just nodded, not sure what to do. But there was a certainly inside me that said I couldn’t give up on us. I couldn’t give up on her. Not now. Not when we’d come so far together.
A sudden thought struck me, and I leaned forward, waving Alice and Casey back over.
“Hey, you remember that song I was working on? The one I was writing about Faye?” They all nodded. I was determined. “Well, I think I
have the lyrics I need for it. Do you think we have time to get in one more song?”
Alice and Casey immediately agreed. I had one more chance, one more song: Faye’s song. I just hoped it would be enough.
Chapter 28
Faye
I was still pissed at Sam. Over the last few days I had been working it into a fury, feeding the anger inside me like a furnace. A part of me knew I was doing it because it was easier that way—easier to keep him at arm’s length, easier to push away the hurt, easier to come up with excuses to avoid him.
I had done everything I could. I’d thought it through and given him the divorce papers. There was nothing else I could do but wait until the recording contract was over and then move on with my life. The thought left a gaping hole inside me, but I filled it with more anger.
But I still couldn’t face him. Deep down, I was terrified I would take one look at his handsome face and poet’s eyes and all of my resolve would crumble. It didn’t help that I still had Alice’s question echoing around in my head.
Why? she’d asked me. Why? Why? Why?
It was enough to drive me mad, but luckily with the album wrapping on recording the last song, there was a lot of work to be done, and I gladly threw myself into it. It distracted me from the cold, lonely nights sleeping on Lori’s couch and the ache in my chest when I let myself think about Sam too much.
I grabbed the paperwork from my desk and headed down the hall after a quick check that it was empty. I had barely made it a few feet before I felt a tingle go up and down my spine and my breath caught in a way that told me Sam was behind me.
I cast a quick look over my shoulder, turning back just as quick when I saw him charging after me. I hastened my stride, practically running down the hallway, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t face him. Not yet. Maybe not ever. But certainly not yet.
“You have to stop avoiding me, Faye,” he yelled after me, and I forced my voice to sound as normal as possible.
“I’m not avoiding you. I just…don’t want to talk to you right now. Unless it’s record-related, I don’t want to hear it, okay? There is nothing else we need to discuss.”
“You’re wrong about that,” he said, snorting loudly in disbelief. “There’s a hell of a lot we need to talk about. If you would just let me…”
I tuned him out. Up ahead of me I saw the door to the sound booth and dove for the handle. With a sigh of relief, I walked in and slammed the door shut on Sam’s face. I wasn’t running away, I told myself. I was just…busy. I had a lot of work to do.
I let out another shaky breath and only then realized that I wasn’t alone in the sound booth. Archer and his assistant, Rebecca, were both there, and both were giving me odd looks. I quickly smoothed down the navy skirt I was wearing, fighting off a blush of embarrassment as I tried to ignore their stares.
After a moment, I crossed my arms over my chest, resolutely taking my place in the booth as Sam joined the rest of the band in the recording studio to lay down the track for the final song.
Sam started with the guitar riff, masterfully playing the chords as Casey and Alice jumped in, but his eyes never left me as he played. He stared at me through the glass that separated the two rooms, and I felt that look all the way to my soul.
No. I knew what I had to do damn it. It would never work between us. I had to stay strong.
I could hardly hear the song at all past the pounding of my heart beating in my ears, but after the first take, Sam leaned over, talking into the mic.
“Faye I know you’re in there and I know you can hear me, so don’t even pretend that you don’t,” he said, his voice strained. “Listen, you wouldn’t let me talk to you alone so we’re going to have to do it like this.”
I leaned forward to press the button for the speaker in the recording room.
“Sam, what the hell are you doing?” I hissed the words, very aware of Archer’s and Rebecca’s curious stares. “This really isn’t the time or the place for this.”
I leaned back, my face aflame, but Sam didn’t have any intention of stopping.
“No, I really think it is!” There was a real edge to his voice, and he was almost yelling when he spoke again. “You keep avoiding me and avoiding me but I’m not going to let you get away with it anymore, Faye!”
“I am not avoiding you,” I said over the speaker, trying to keep my own voice even. “I just don’t have anything to say to you.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it. And so is this!” He reached behind him and pulled out an envelope—the same envelope Lori had brought. It was the divorce papers.
“No, it’s not, Sam. It’s the only way.” I sighed the words, wishing it didn’t hurt so badly to say it out loud, but sometimes the truth hurt.
“You’re wrong, and if you would just give me the time…if you would just talk to me for Christ’s sake instead of hiding like a coward behind your walls, then you would see that—”
“I am not having this conversation with you!” I said, not even caring if I was shouting anymore. The anger and bitterness that had been fostering inside me for days rushed to the surface, exploding like a volcano, burning hot and catastrophic.
“This doesn’t matter! Everything between me and you, it doesn’t matter! It isn’t real, Sam. None of it is real. It’s all a sham. Fake! So you don’t get to tell me what to do or what to feel because none of it is real!”
I was breathing hard, as if I’d just run a marathon, when my tirade was finally done, but I was still shaking with anger, and something else, some bitter ache deep inside that made me think I was throwing away the best thing I’d ever had, but it was too late. I shoved that little ache aside and focused only on the anger.
“Fake?” Rebecca asked into the tense silence, and I jerked in surprise. I’d completely forgot anyone else was here. “What do you mean fake?”
I didn’t look at her as I answered.
“Fake, as in pretend.” It hurt more than I could ever have imagined to say the words out loud. “The whole wedding, the marriage, the press, everything. It was all a farce to stop Archer’s psycho ex-girlfriend from sending me anymore threats.”
I stared through the glass at Sam, and I knew he could hear every word.
“None of this is real. We aren’t real. It’s all just make-believe, a pretty story, but none of it is true. None of it.”
*
Sam
I stood there in shock as Faye’s furious words washed over me. Was that what she really thought? That I hadn’t meant any of what I’d said? Was that why she was so hell-bent on avoiding me?
I’d never felt anything more real. I loved Faye. I’d love her for nearly two years. Every moment I had spent with her had only made my love that much deeper, that much stronger.
We had done everything backward. I had fallen in love with her before I even really knew her. We had gotten married first and then fallen into a relationship, and Faye had fought it every single step of the way.
I’d always thought I would be the one with trust issues, but Faye was the one who had built up mile-thick concrete walls around her heart and refused to let anyone in. And I knew why.
“Faye, I know you’ve been hurt in the past, but you can’t tell me that this isn’t real, that what we have isn’t real!”
She didn’t say anything, just stared at me with those big dark eyes of her, still so full of anger and pain. Even knowing what she was doing, trying to keep me at arm’s length, it was still infuriating.
“Damn it, Faye! Just fucking talk to me! Is it that hard? Do I scare you that much?” I hated saying the words, but I knew it was the only way to get her to respond. And it worked. Her mouth opened and snapped shut, and then opened again as she leaned forward to shout her words into the speaker.
“NO! I won’t talk to you, Sam. Certainly not here, and certainly not now. I am your agent—”
“You’re a hell of a lot more than that, Faye,” I bit off. I had never me
t a more frustrating, stubborn woman in my entire life. “You’re just too scared to admit it.”
“I am not scared of you, Sam. I am not scared of anything! Who are you to talk about being scared? You’re the one who—”
“Uh, Sam?”
“Not now, Alice,” I said, not looking over at the singer. “I know you want to finish the album before the baby gets here, but I need to say this to her. It’s too important.”
“Um, about that,” Alice said, and I finally noticed the odd sound to her voice. “I think it’s a little too late for that. The baby is already here.”
“What?!” The word came out as more of a croak than anything else, and I turned to look at her as panic set in, wiping away my anger at Faye. “The baby’s here?”
“Well, it will be if we don’t get to the hospital right now.”
“Holy shit!” Casey said, rushing over to help her. “Holy shit!”
“Not really helping, Case,” Alice said, gritting her teeth. “Sorry to interrupt your fight with Faye, Sam. This baby isn’t waiting for anyone.” She looked up at me, and I could see that she was on the edge of freaking out. Hell, we all were.
“Call Connor, Sam. Tell him to meet us at the hospital.”
“Okay,” I said numbly, and then Faye and Archer were bursting into the recording studio. She was so beautiful, she took my breath away, but I had to focus on Alice and the baby now.
I caught Faye’s sleeve as we all headed outside, pulling her to a stop and hating the guarded look in her eyes.
“We’re not done yet, Faye,” I told her, but she didn’t say a thing as we both jogged toward the band’s van to drive Alice to the hospital.
Chapter 29
Sam
Everything was a chaotic rush when we got to the hospital. We all basically carried Alice inside only to be greeting by an infuriatingly calm nurse who told us she’d be with us in just a moment.
