The Decision

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “Carolyn and Marla, you two need to help Sara with the dishes,” Sara’s father-in-law, Herschel, said after the family had finished eating supper on Thursday evening.

  “That’s okay; I can manage,” Sara was quick to say. Truth was, she’d been dealing with the energetic children all afternoon and needed some time by herself. She’d never met two little girls who got on her nerves as much as her two young sisters-in-law, and it seemed that she had so little patience these days. Caring for Mark didn’t bother her so much, because he had no siblings and wasn’t looking to pick on a little brother or sister. But since coming here to take care of Betty and oversee the children, Sara’s ability to cope seemed to diminish a little more each day.

  “All right then,” Herschel said, “Carolyn and Marla can keep little Mark occupied in the living room while you’re in here getting the dishes done.” He smiled at his wife. “Isn’t it nice to have Sara here to manage things for us?”

  Betty gave an agreeable nod. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, Sara, but I’ll be glad when my leg is healed. Then I’ll be able to resume my household duties and take care of my kinner again. It’s hard to sit around all the time and watch you do most of the work, Sara.”

  “I don’t mind, really,” Sara responded, filling the sink with soapy water. “Now why don’t you go into the other room and rest your leg? When I’m finished with the dishes, I’ll bring in some coffee for the adults and milk for the kinner, along with some peanut butter cookies I made earlier today.”

  “Kichlin! Yum!” Marla exclaimed.

  Sara couldn’t help but smile. She remembered how much she had enjoyed the treat of cookies and milk when she was girl. For that matter, she still enjoyed eating them.

  As Betty rose from her chair, Herschel handed the crutches to her. Then he removed his and Betty’s dishes from the table and took them to the sink. “Now I want all of you kinner to clear away your schissele and then scoot on outa here and let Sara have some peace and quiet. Ya hear?”

  All heads bobbed, and the children quickly did as their father said.

  An hour later, after Sara had cleaned up the kitchen and finished doing the dishes, she set out the coffee, milk, and cookies. Then she took a seat at the table to rest a minute, because a sense of exhaustion had settled over her like a heavy blanket of fog. Of course, feeling this way was nothing new; she’d felt weary ever since her husband died. The tiredness Sara felt now was different, though; it was the kind of fatigue that stayed with her no matter how many hours of sleep she got every night. It often came on in the afternoon, and sometimes her muscles felt weak. The other day, when she was dealing with a senseless squabble between Carolyn and Marla about who would get to feed the cats, Sara’s lips had felt sort of tingly, and her limbs became weak and shaky. Figuring it was caused from the stress of it all, Sara had shooed the children outside, fixed herself a cup of chamomile tea, and gone to the room where little Mark was napping. There, she’d taken a seat on the bed and tried to relax. “Too much stress can make your body react in strange ways,” she remembered her mother saying.

  I wonder how much longer I can continue taking care of Betty and her family, feeling the way that I do. Truth was, Sara felt like she needed someone to take care of her right now.

  Sara drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes. Heavenly Father, please give me the strength I need for each new day, and help me to be a blessing to Betty, Herschel, and their children.

  Elaine had just turned out the gas lamp that hung over the kitchen table when she heard the whinny of a horse. Going to the window, she glanced out and saw Jonah getting down from his buggy. She hurried to the back door, anxious as always to see him. She didn’t have to wait long, for Jonah was already sprinting across the lawn toward the house. Elaine smiled, watching Patches get out of his way. By the time Jonah stepped onto the porch, Elaine had opened the door.

  “Good evening, Jonah,” she said, smiling up at him. “It’s nice to see you.”

  “Same here.” Jonah shifted from one foot to the other and raked his fingers through the ends of his thick, curly hair. “I ran into Priscilla today at Yoder’s Lamp Shop. She told me about Edna having diabetes.”

  Elaine nodded. “It was a surprise to both me and Grandma—especially when the doctor said her diabetes is so bad that she needs to be on insulin. Now, in addition to her taking the medicine, we’ll have to start cooking differently, since her intake of sweets will need to be limited. By the way, I have a cake here that Grandma baked today, and I don’t want it to tempt her. Would you like to take it home?”

  “That’d be great, but I’m sure sorry to hear about her diagnosis. If she does everything the doctor says, hopefully her diabetes won’t get any worse.”

  “That’s what I’m hoping for, too.” Elaine was on the verge of telling Jonah about Grandma cooking a big meal for tourists who weren’t coming but changed her mind. If Grandma’s forgetfulness was a symptom of her diabetes, then Elaine needed to inform the doctor about it rather than telling Jonah. Besides, she was embarrassed for Grandma.

  “It’s a nice evening. Would you like to sit out here and talk, or would you rather go inside?” she asked, motioning to the wicker chairs on the porch.

  “Out here’s fine with me,” Jonah replied. “That way we can talk in private.”

  Elaine couldn’t imagine what he might have to say that couldn’t be said in front of Grandma, but she nodded and took a seat.

  After Jonah seated himself in the chair beside Elaine, he looked over at her and smiled. “I was going to wait awhile longer to ask you this question, but I’ve decided not to wait any longer.”

  “Wait for what, Jonah?” she questioned.

  “I’m in love with you, Elaine, and if you’ll have me, I’d like you to be my wife.”

  Elaine’s heart hammered so hard, she wondered if Jonah could hear it pounding in her chest. She had been hoping for this day and would have answered yes immediately if things had been different. But not now. It just wasn’t possible for them to get married anytime soon.

  As Jonah watched her with an anxious expression, Elaine turned her head toward the setting sun. As she gazed at the sky, it took on a beauty of its own. Various shades of orange and pink blended with the fading blue. Farther back, the sky looked almost purple, which added to what should have been the most romantic and memorable evening of Elaine’s life. Jonah’s proposal was supposed to be her dream come true, but now, even on this ideal evening with nature flawlessly cooperating, things were different. Her heart screamed, “I love you, too, and nothing would make me happier than to be your wife!” If only she felt free to say those words.

  Jonah reached over and touched her arm. “Your silence makes me wonder if you have no desire to marry me.”

  Tears sprang to Elaine’s eyes as she looked back at Jonah. “It—it’s not that. I do care for you, Jonah, but…” Her words trailed off, and she dropped her gaze, staring down at her shoes. Why now, Jonah?

  Elaine had imagined what the first time would be like when she declared to Jonah how much she loved him. But now her mouth went dry, and the words seemed to stick in her throat. Common sense made Elaine hold her tongue, but it was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do.

  “Do you care about me enough to become my wife?” he asked.

  “I—I can’t, Jonah.”

  “How come?”

  “Grandma’s ill, and she needs me. Not to mention that both of us are still trying to come to grips with Grandpa’s death. There’s no way I can leave her now.”

  “I’m not asking you to leave her, Elaine.” Jonah lifted his hand from Elaine’s arm and took hold of her hand. “I was thinking that Edna could move in with us. My home is big enough for the three of us, and if she wants an area all to herself, I could add on to the house so she would have her own daadihaus.”

  “I don’t think Grandma would be happy moving from her own place here, or living in a grandparent house somewhere else. This has been my gra
ndma’s home for a good many years, and she enjoys doing the dinners here for tourists.” Elaine blinked as Jonah’s face became a blur through her tears. “I can’t take that away from her, Jonah. She’s going through a difficult time getting used to Grandpa being gone, and now finding out that she has diabetes… Well, it just wouldn’t be fair to expect her to deal with yet another change.” Elaine looked toward the horizon again, noticing that the sun had faded. The moment had passed, just like her hopes and dreams.

  Jonah sat quietly with his head down, as though studying something on the porch floor. Elaine figured he was trying to process everything. After several minutes, he lifted his head and turned in his seat to face her. “I understand all that you’ve said, and as anxious as I am to make you my wife, maybe it would be best if we wait awhile longer to get married.”

  “Danki for understanding, Jonah.”

  “When you feel the time is right, will you please let me know?” he asked, swiping at a pesky mosquito that had picked a poor time to buzz past his ear.

  She smiled and nodded. “Jah, I surely will.”

  CHAPTER 14

  It had been a month since Elaine rejected Jonah’s marriage proposal. Well, maybe not rejected, exactly, Jonah told himself as he entered his shop on the last Thursday of May. Elaine had just put her decision on hold for a while, which to him was somewhat reassuring, and better than Elaine saying no to his proposal. He wondered, though, how long it would be before she felt ready to make a commitment to him. Would it be a year from now, when her grandmother’s time of mourning was up, or would Elaine feel ready for marriage sooner? While Jonah waited, he would continue to fix up his place, and maybe it would be more than ready by the time Elaine agreed to marry him. Keeping busy always helped time pass quickly, and there were certainly several projects at home, as well as in his shop, to keep Jonah busy.

  The waiting wouldn’t be easy, though. Jonah could still picture that night when he’d proposed marriage, with the sunset glowing on Elaine’s beautiful face. Jonah couldn’t take his eyes off her as he watched for a clue, anticipating the answer he’d hoped to hear. Everything about that moment would have been perfect if she’d only said yes. Afterward, like a craving that couldn’t be satisfied, Elaine’s image was all he could think about, for she’d never looked more radiant.

  Aside from seeing Elaine at their biweekly church services, Jonah hadn’t spent much time with her, and he truly missed that. Just being near Elaine stirred his heart. It was pure agony standing around after services, talking with the other men and trying to seem interested in what they were saying. On one occasion, Jonah had only heard about half of the conversations going on around him when he’d caught a glimpse of Elaine walking with her grandma to their buggy. Jonah had excused himself and hurried in that direction, but then he got waylaid when one of his friends stopped to ask him a question. By the time Jonah got away, Elaine’s horse and buggy were heading down the road toward home. He’d planned to go over there that evening, but Jean had invited him to her place for supper, and Jonah felt obligated to go.

  Jonah had hoped that one day soon he could take Elaine to Rockome Gardens. Now he wasn’t sure he would bring the subject up again. He doubted that she would leave Edna alone for that long.

  Jonah paused at his workbench and drew in a deep breath. What if Elaine never feels ready to leave her grandma? What if Edna isn’t willing to leave her home and move in with us?

  Jonah’s thoughts were halted when Adam Beachy entered his shop. Jonah didn’t know the Amish man very well, but from what he’d heard, Adam was in his late twenties and preferred to keep to himself as much as possible.

  “Guder mariye. What can I do for you, Adam?” Jonah asked.

  “Mornin’,” Adam mumbled, barely making eye contact with Jonah. “I came to see about getting a new buggy. My old one’s seen better days.”

  “I have several orders ahead of you. How soon do you need it?”

  Adam shrugged and lifted his straw hat, swishing his fingers through the sides of his thick blond hair. “There’s no real rush, I guess, but I was hoping to have it before my sister and her family come to visit me.”

  “When will that be?” Jonah questioned.

  “They live in Indiana and will be here for Christmas.”

  “It shouldn’t be a problem to get it done before then. Starting today, Herschel Stutzman’s son Timothy will be helping me in the shop. Once I get him trained, I’ll be able to get more done.” Jonah glanced at the battery-operated clock on the far wall. “In fact, Timothy ought to be here most any time.”

  Adam’s pale eyebrows lifted. “So the boy wants to learn the buggy-making trade, huh?”

  Jonah nodded. “He’s sixteen, and now that he’s done with school, his folks want him to learn a trade that will always be in demand—at least among us Amish folks. Since I need help here in the shop, I’m hoping it’ll work out well for both of us.” He reached for an order blank and took a seat at the desk. “Now, if you’ll tell me what specifics you’d like in your new buggy, I’ll write it all down.”

  “I’d like a dark gray color for the seat upholstery.” Adam leaned on one corner of the desk. Then he went on to tell Jonah all the other things he wanted, including his need for the new buggy to be large enough to carry six people. “I want the buggy to accommodate my sister, her husband, and their three girls, even though they don’t come here often,” he explained.

  “Okay, that shouldn’t be a problem.”

  Jonah had just finished writing up Adam’s order and taken his deposit of half down on the new buggy when Timothy showed up. “Sorry I’m late,” the lanky teenager said. “One of our frisky goats got out of its pen, and I had to help my bruder Paul get him put back in.”

  “That’s okay,” Jonah said. “Things happen sometimes.”

  “Danki for understanding.” The boy’s worried expression quickly disappeared, and he moved across the room to hang his straw hat on one of the wall pegs.

  Jonah had made a carbon copy of the buggy order, so he handed that to Adam. “I’ll give you a call as soon as the buggy is ready, but feel free to drop by anytime to see how things are progressing. That way, if there’s anything you want to add or change, there’ll be time for me to do it. I’ll probably get started on it in the next few weeks.”

  “All right then. I’ll be in touch.” With a brief “Good-bye,” Adam headed out the door.

  That fellow never smiled once while he was here, Jonah mused. I wonder what soured fruit he had for breakfast. No wonder he’s not married. Guess he’s destined to be a bachelor.

  “Ouch, that hurts!” Sara winced when Leah pressed a certain area on her left foot. She’d come here for a treatment this morning because her feet were sore from standing so much, not to mention running after Betty’s children and doing what seemed like an abundance of chores every day.

  “You’re not feeling well, are you?” Leah asked, continuing to massage and probe Sara’s foot. “I can tell by how you’re reacting to some of the pressure points I’ve touched so far.”

  “I’m not sick.” Sara sighed. “Just tired and feeling quite stressed.”

  “That’s understandable. It can’t be easy for you taking care of Betty, her children, and little Mark and, on top of that, doing all the household chores.”

  “I don’t mind, really, but it has taken a toll. Besides the fatigue, my limbs sometimes feel kind of tingly.” Sara squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her fingers when Leah hit another tender spot. “It’s most likely my nerves, and it’s probably terrible of me to say this, but I’ll be glad once Betty is back on her feet, and Mark and I can return home where it’s quiet.”

  “How much longer till Betty’s cast comes off?” Leah asked.

  “Another week or so, but then she’ll need physical therapy.”

  “Maybe once that happens you can go back to your own place and just go over to help out at Betty’s during the day.”

  “Guess I’ll have to wait and see
how it goes.”

  “In the meantime, it might be good if you tried to get more rest.” Leah reached for her bottle of massage lotion and put some on Sara’s other foot. “And if possible, you may want to come back here more often for treatments, at least until you’re feeling better.”

  “That might be a good idea.” Sara smiled. “I appreciate your mamm keeping an eye on Mark while I’m down here in the basement with you. Betty’s not up to watching him yet, and I sure couldn’t ask Carolyn or Marla. Neither one of them is responsible enough to take care of an active toddler.”

  “I’m sure Mom doesn’t mind spending time with your boy,” Leah said. “She loves kinner and has a special way with them, too.”

  As Leah continued to work on Sara’s feet, the pain subsided, and she found herself beginning to relax. It felt good to do something for herself for a change, and hopefully after the treatment, she would have a bit more energy and be able to cope better with things.

  As Elaine left the phone shanty and started walking toward the house, she paused to pick a few flowers. “So pretty.” Elaine smiled, inhaling their fragrance.

  Millie seemed to be enjoying the moment. The weather was nice, so Elaine had decided to bring the parakeet’s cage outside on the porch. Of course, the little bird had been jabbering ever since. “Purdy, purdy, purdy,” Millie repeated several times.

  “Jah, you silly bird, the flowers are pretty.” Elaine thought the colorful irises would make a nice bouquet to put on the table, and it might help lift Grandma’s spirits. After learning that she had diabetes, Grandma had become negative, complaining about having to give up her favorite desserts. Even though Elaine had found some sugar-free recipes in a diabetic cookbook she’d bought at the health food store, Grandma said they didn’t taste as good as desserts made with real sugar.