Too Much of a Good Thing

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “Yeah, right,” Alicia said, beaming.

  “I’m serious. You do.”

  “Whatever, Julian.”

  “And to tell you the truth, I’m starting to wish you hadn’t called me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because hearing your voice is bringing out some feelings I didn’t know I had. Especially for a woman I haven’t even seen before.”

  “What kind of feelings?” She was a little bit confused by what he was saying and needed him to explain. But she loved that he saw her as a woman and not some childish little girl.

  “I’d better not say.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want to embarrass myself,” he said, laughing.

  “Come on, Julian. Tell me.”

  “Girl, don’t start somethin’ you won’t be able to finish.”

  “Like what?”

  “Okay, look. I don’t usually fall for women just from chatting with them on-line or by talking to them on the phone, but, girl, you’re makin’ me crazy.”

  “Are you saying you like me like a girlfriend?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  Alicia was afraid to ask any further questions, because she didn’t know where the rest of the conversation was headed. But the truth of the matter was she could tell she had feelings for him, too. She had to remind herself that Julian wasn’t one of those little boys at her school and that she had to act as grown as she knew how to.

  “But we haven’t even seen each other before,” she said.

  “I know, but I’m tellin’ you, girl, I’ve got some straight-up real feelings for you, and if I knew you better, I’d show you just how serious they are, right here on the phone. I’d make you feel the way every woman is supposed to feel.”

  “And how would you do that?”

  “You don’t even want to know.”

  “Yes I do,” she said, and wondered how in the world he could show her anything through the phone. He was so silly.

  “I know you’ve heard of phone sex, haven’t you?”

  “Yeah . . . I guess so.”

  “Well?”

  “I don’t know, Julian.”

  “Why? Are you afraid?”

  “No.” She spoke quickly.

  “Then why? It can’t hurt anything and it’s the safest sex you can have.”

  “What if my mother walks in and catches me on the phone with you?”

  “If you think she might come into your room, then we won’t do it.”

  “I just don’t know, Julian, because I’ve never done anything like this before.”

  “All you have to do is listen.”

  “And then what?”

  “You do the things I ask you to do. Okay?”

  She was terrified that her mother might burst into her room at any moment, but a part of her wanted to hear what Julian had to say.

  “Okay,” she agreed.

  “What do you have on?”

  “A knit top with a chiffon blouse over it.”

  “Pants or a skirt?”

  “Jeans.”

  “Well, I need you to take all of that off.”

  “Everything?”

  “Yes.”

  Alicia hesitated, but then told him, “Hold on for a minute.”

  When she’d removed everything except her bra and panties, she picked up the phone.

  “Okay, I did it,” she said.

  “You took off everything?”

  “Yes.”

  “Even your underwear?”

  “No . . . I mean, you didn’t say that you wanted me to.”

  “Well, it’s up to you, but this will work so much better if you take off everything.”

  Alicia removed her bra but simply couldn’t will herself to remove her panties. That was going too far and she just didn’t feel comfortable doing it.

  “Okay, now what?” she asked.

  “You took everything off, right?”

  “Yes. Everything.”

  “Do you have a headset for your phone?”

  “Yes.” Although the only reason she had one was that she and Danielle loved talking to each other and surfing the Internet simultaneously for hours at a time. Sometimes they did research for papers they had to write and sometimes they did it just for fun.

  Alicia put on the headset.

  “You ready?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, now close your eyes.”

  Alicia followed his instructions and waited nervously.

  “Take both your hands and massage both your nipples until you feel them getting hard.”

  Alicia bugged her eyes open and covered her mouth with both hands.

  “And I mean massage them until it feels so good that you don’t ever want to stop.”

  Alicia didn’t move.

  “Are you doing it?” he asked.

  “Yes,” she said, and covered her mouth again.

  “I bet it feels real good, doesn’t it? And if I was there with you, I’d suck both those titties like a baby suckin’ his bottle.”

  Alicia burst into laughter.

  “What’s so funny?”

  He sounded irritated, and now she was sorry she’d laughed at him.

  “Nothing,” she finally answered. She was still sniggering.

  “Well, somethin’ must be real funny or you wouldn’t be crackin’ up like that.”

  “I’m sorry, Julian. I didn’t mean to.”

  “No, I’m the one who’s sorry, because I had no idea you were so immature. You sound a lot older than seventeen, but now I’m wondering if you’re even in high school yet.”

  “I am seventeen,” she insisted.

  “Whatever. But hey, I’m gettin’ ready to bounce, okay?”

  “But, Julian?”

  “But, Julian, what?”

  “Please don’t be mad at me.”

  “I’m not mad, just disappointed.”

  “I’m so sorry, and I promise I’ll make this up to you.”

  “And how do you plan on doing that?”

  “I don’t know, but I will.”

  “Well, like I said, I have to go.”

  “Are you going to be on-line again tomorrow?”

  “Maybe. Who knows?”

  “You’re really, really mad at me, aren’t you?”

  “I told you I wasn’t. Now I have to go.”

  He hung up and Alicia felt so stupid. How could she have been so childish when all he’d done was try to make her feel like a woman? She had to make him realize how sorry she was and that she was more than willing to try that phone sex thing again. This time she would do everything he told her and she wouldn’t do one thing to upset him.

  She grabbed her bra, hooked it back on, and heard a knock at her door.

  “Yes,” Alicia said.

  Her mother walked in. “What are you doing?”

  “Nothing. I’m just changing out of my school clothes.”

  “Do you have homework?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then as soon as you finish dinner, that’s what I want you to work on for the rest of the evening. Oh, and by the way, being grounded also means no personal phone calls and no Internet.”

  “But, Mom—”

  “I mean it, Alicia,” Tanya said, and closed her daughter’s door.

  Alicia fell across her bed and wished she lived in another household.

  Chapter 8

  Mariah fastened the last button on the crème-colored silk blouse and tucked it inside her black linen skirt. Now she wished she’d bought the skirt in at least two other colors, because the wide waistband slimmed her down more than usual. She’d found it at Saks several months ago, and since she and her friend Vivian were planning to go shopping in a couple of days, it wouldn’t hurt to see if they still had them.

  She did a once-over in the mirror to confirm that her makeup was intact and to see if her hair was still in place. She glanced at her watch and saw that she had ninety minutes to get to the church. Ev
ery Wednesday she oversaw and advised a teenage group called YGM, an acronym for Young Girls Ministry. In any given week there were usually twenty to thirty attendees, and Mariah loved working with them. They came from all walks of life and not all of them were actual members of the church. Wanting to make a difference in the community, she’d started the ministry right after marrying Curtis. She’d told him that there were so many underprivileged children with problems in the city of Chicago, but that she wanted to concentrate on teenage girls, ages seventeen through nineteen. Specifically those who came from broken homes, those who had already had a baby or had had an abortion, and those who had lost all interest in going to school. She was proud of what she was doing, because the ministry had only started out with five or six girls.

  Mariah lifted her Louis Vuitton tote from the dresser, slid her Bible inside, and grabbed her car keys. After setting the alarm system, she left the house and drove out of the driveway. Even with traffic, she would arrive at the church almost an hour early, but that was how she’d planned it. The YGM gathering always ended about a half hour before weekly Bible study, and she could easily speak to Curtis in between, but she wanted to have a short talk with him beforehand. He hadn’t come home until well after nine again last night, and she was really starting to get worried.

  Last Monday it was the writing of his sermon that had kept him out late. Last Tuesday he’d had a meeting with the deacons and trustees and then had to go sit and pray with the Wilsons because of a death in their family. It seemed like there was one excuse right after another, and with the exception of four days ago, when he’d taken her to a Saturday matinee and then dinner on Sunday, she hadn’t seen very much of him. Yes, he’d made love to her on each of those days, but he hadn’t touched her on Monday or last night. She’d questioned him about his whereabouts, but when she’d noticed how irritated he was becoming, she’d stopped. She’d decided that it was best to sleep on everything she was thinking and then discuss it with him this morning. But by the time she woke up, he was already showered, dressed, and on his way out. She’d made another attempt at questioning him, but he insisted he had an early morning meeting, and that they would have to speak later.

  She drove into the church parking lot, parked her car, and then headed straight up to Curtis’s study.

  “Hi, Whitney,” Mariah said to Curtis’s secretary.

  “Hi, Sister Black. How are you?” She stood and hugged Mariah.

  “I’m well.”

  “Same here. Are you here to see Pastor?”

  “As a matter of fact I am. Is he in there?”

  “Yes.”

  Mariah knocked once and entered Curtis’s study.

  “Do you have a few minutes?” she asked.

  “What kind of question is that? Because you know I have all the time in the world for my beautiful wife.”

  He stood, walked toward her, and kissed her on the lips.

  Mariah pushed his door shut and wondered why his tone was much more pleasant than it had been over the last couple of weeks. She wondered if he was just putting on airs for Whitney, wanting her to think their marriage was perfect.

  “Well, Curtis, it really doesn’t seem like that lately,” she said, sitting down in front of him.

  He leaned against his desk. “I know, baby, but it’s truly been a very rough month for me. I’m preparing sermons every week, trying to get the officers to agree with some of the things I’m proposing, and you know all the other responsibilities I have with the members. I know I haven’t been spending as much time with you, but, baby, duty calls.”

  “I understand all of that, but still something seems different. You’re different.”

  “Different, how?”

  “You’re staying out much later than normal and you act like you don’t even have the same desire for me.”

  “Only because I’m tired all the time. And it’s not like I’m twenty years old anymore. I’m thirty-eight.”

  “You were also thirty-eight just a few weeks ago, but it didn’t seem to be a problem.”

  “But I just told you, I’ve been very tired.”

  “I know that, but I’m still worried about our marriage.”

  “Well, I don’t know what to tell you, baby, except that I love you and that you and Alicia are the two most important people in this world to me.”

  “But, Curtis, I’m sure she’s feeling neglected, too, because you really don’t spend much time with her either. And I’m sure she thinks I’m the reason you don’t, and that’s why she doesn’t have much to say to me.”

  “Alicia knows that I love her and that being a pastor means I can’t spend as much time with her as I’d like to. Even when I was pastor at Faith, she always understood that. She was only a little girl, but she even understood it better than her mother.”

  “Look, I know you have a lot of responsibilities here at the church, but I just didn’t know it was going to take you away from me day and night. It wasn’t like that in the beginning, so that’s why I’m trying to figure out what’s going on now.”

  “Look, I’m sorry that you’re unhappy, but this is pretty much how it’s going to be. I won’t always be as busy as I was this past month, but being a pastor is a twenty-four-hour job. You never know what’s going to happen or when you’re going to be called.”

  “Then I guess I don’t have a choice but to get used to it. Is that what you’re saying?”

  Curtis pulled Mariah up from the chair and held her hands. “It’s not that you don’t have a choice, baby, but I need you to stand by me. I need you to support what I’m trying to do as a minister. And more than anything, I need you to keep loving me.”

  “I do love you, Curtis. You know that. But I still feel like something is missing. I mean maybe it’s time we started thinking about a baby. I know you said you wanted to wait awhile so we could have some time alone, but I think it’s time for us to start right now.”

  “Yeah, but the thing is, you still really haven’t bonded with Alicia, and now with the way she’s acting, she’ll really be upset if we brought a new baby into the picture.”

  “But how am I supposed to bond with her when she’s only around every other weekend? And even then she doesn’t say any more than what I ask her.”

  “I don’t know. But I still think having a baby will push her away even further. So it’s just not the right time,” he said, walking away from her and back around his desk.

  “Well, when will it be?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe next year. Maybe sooner.”

  “What difference is a few months going to make?”

  He was really starting to anger her and she couldn’t help wondering if Alicia was the real reason he wanted them to hold off on having a baby.

  “A few months can make a world of difference when you’re talking about the emotional well-being of a child. You know Alicia hasn’t been herself, and now she’s all of a sudden having problems at school. So the last thing I want is to make her even more rebellious.”

  “So that’s your final decision? We have to wait until next year?”

  “I’m sorry, but yes.”

  “Fine, Curtis.”

  Mariah grabbed her tote and turned toward the door. It was all she could do to keep from crying.

  “Baby, wait,” he said, walking toward her. “I know you’re upset, but I really need you to understand why we have to take our time with this.”

  She turned and faced him, tears flowing down her cheeks. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so unhappy.

  Curtis pulled her into his arms. “Baby, why are you crying? I mean, is having a baby right away that important to you?”

  “Yes. It is.”

  Curtis sighed deeply. “Okay, I’ll tell you what. Give me a few months to see if I can help Alicia with whatever it is she’s going through, and then we’ll start trying.”

  Mariah still didn’t see why they had to wait. Especially since she knew he wasn’t going to make any real att
empt at rebuilding his relationship with Alicia. These days he seemed to have an excuse for everything, and Mariah wondered when the man she married was going to show up again. She wondered because this certainly wasn’t the same man she’d fallen in love with and made a commitment to.

  “Is that okay with you?” he asked. “Can you at least wait that long?”

  “Fine. Whatever you want, Curtis.”

  “It’s not just about me, because I want us both to agree on this.”

  “If we have to wait, then we have to wait.”

  “Thank you, baby, for being so understanding. And I promise you, it won’t take as long as you think.”

  If that were true, then why was her intuition telling her something different?

  Why was she feeling like things were only going to get worse between them?

  “The only thing my mother ever cared about was smoking her crack pipe,” Ebony said to Mariah and the other twenty YGM members in attendance. They were sitting in one of the classrooms located on the educational wing of the church and had been for thirty minutes.

  “She never kept food in the house and she never did anything for me or my brother and sister,” Ebony continued. “And because I’m the oldest, I had to make sure they had something to eat and clothes to put on their backs. I had to do whatever I could, and that’s why I ended up dropping out of school.”

  “You shouldn’t have had to take on your mother’s responsibilities, but you will definitely be blessed for taking care of your siblings,” Mariah said.

  “But, see, that’s what I don’t understand, Sister Black. I don’t understand why I had to be born into this situation to begin with. I mean, why couldn’t I have had a mother like you or some other woman who cares about people? Why couldn’t I have been given two parents who are married to each other and who are working hard to take care of their children?”

  These were the types of questions that always bothered Mariah because there were never any real answers. It especially bothered her when the questions came from someone like Ebony, a highly intelligent eighteen-year-old who was currently enrolled in a GED program but clearly belonged at a top university. It was hard to explain that everything happened for a reason, and that joy really did come in the morning the way the Bible promised.