“You don’t have a choice but to go on,” he stated. “I’ve told you that before.”
“No, Curtis, listen to me. I won’t stay married to a man who is being unfaithful and who is no longer in love with me.”
“No, you listen. You married me until death, and if you make one attempt to walk out that door, you’ll wish you never met me. Do you hear me?” he said, grabbing her arm.
“Curtis, stop it.”
She tried pulling away, but he tightened his grip and jerked her closer to him.
“I can see now that I haven’t made myself clear. You are my wife and nothing is going to change that. You keep talking all this craziness about me not being in love with you, but the truth is I’ve never been in love with you. I only married you because the church required me to have a wife within my first two years. And since I was already seeing you and I did care about you, I decided it was a done deal. But I was never in love with you. I could never be in love with you. And just so we understand each other, I will never allow you to jeopardize my position at the church, and I will do whatever it takes to make sure of it. Do you understand me?” he said, holding her face in a firm grip so that she was looking straight at him.
She burst into tears again. “Curtis, why are you hurting me like this?”
“Because you’re making me,” he said, and released her.
She turned to walk away.
“And don’t think you’re not going to church this morning,” he said.
“What? Curtis, I know you don’t expect me to go anywhere looking like this.” Her eyes were bloodshot, she’d been up all night, and the eight o’clock service was only six hours away.
“Not only do I expect it, that’s what you’re going to do. When you married me you married Truth Missionary Baptist Church. And as far as I’m concerned, this house, that car you drive around in, and all the money I give you are more than an even trade. And if you don’t like it, you’d better start pretending like you do.”
Mariah stared at him as if she didn’t know who he was. He was acting like he’d been smoking crack or something. He was acting like some crazed maniac who was completely out of control. And she could tell that he was dead serious. Right now she didn’t have a choice except to do what he told her.
But that wasn’t going to last forever. All her life she’d gone along with the program, tried to keep the peace, tried not to make any waves, tried to make sure that everyone liked her. But she was tired of it. She was tired of being afraid like the way she was now of Curtis. She was tired of accepting the existing conditions just because someone else wanted her to.
She didn’t know how she was going to get out of this marriage and as far away from Curtis as she could, but she knew she couldn’t live the rest of her life in fear. The only problem was, he’d proven that he would put his hands on her, and she believed he would do anything to keep his church. She’d seen the very angry, even deranged look on his face when he said it.
So, for now, she would treat their marriage and their life at church business as usual. She would bide her time until God delivered her from this whole mess.
Chapter 15
Mariah stood in front of the living room window enjoying the bright sunshine that shone straight through it. She’d gone to church against her will, and was glad to be home again. Even better, Curtis hadn’t been there with her. He’d dropped her off immediately after service, claiming he had some sort of business to tend to and was then going back for evening service. She’d never expected in a million years that she’d be happy to be alone, but that’s exactly the way she was feeling.
Over the last half hour she’d debated whether she should call Tanya. Vivian had suggested it when they were shopping and then again when Mariah had spoken to her earlier in the week, but Mariah still didn’t know if it was the right thing to do. She didn’t know if Tanya would be receptive toward meeting with her or toward answering questions about her ex-husband. She just couldn’t be sure, but at the same time, she didn’t know anyone else who could help her.
Mariah made a decision, then walked into the kitchen and picked up her purse before she lost her nerve. She pulled out her personal phone book, found Tanya’s number, and dialed it.
“Hello?” a male voice answered.
“James?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, hi. This is Mariah.”
“Hey, how are you?”
His cheerfulness eased Mariah’s apprehension.
“I’m good,” she said. “And you?”
“I’m fine.”
“Well, I was wondering if Tanya was around.”
“As a matter of fact, she is. Hold on for a minute.”
Mariah felt her stomach quivering.
“Hello?” Tanya said.
“Hi, Tanya. It’s Mariah.”
“How are you?”
“Not so good, and while this is really awkward for me, I was hoping we could get together.”
Tanya paused.
“It’s about Curtis,” Mariah explained quickly.
“Sure, when do you want to meet?”
“I truly hate to impose, but are you free this afternoon?”
“Actually, yes, and if you want, you can come over here. Alicia is down the street at one of her girlfriend’s, and James is on his way out to the golf course.”
“Only if you’re sure you don’t mind.”
“Not at all.”
“Okay, then, I’ll be there in about thirty minutes.”
“Sounds good.”
Mariah was relieved. She didn’t know how their face-to-face conversation was going to go, but she was glad that Tanya sounded so agreeable.
When she pulled into James and Tanya’s driveway, she turned off the ignition, took a deep breath, and stepped out of the car. Then she went nervously up to the front door and rang the bell. Tanya invited her in and offered her a seat in the living room.
“Can I get you anything?” Tanya asked.
“No, I’m fine. But thank you.”
“So,” Tanya said, sitting down on the sofa, but at the opposite end from Mariah. “What’s going on?”
“Well, first let me thank you for agreeing to talk to me and for inviting me into your home. Not every ex-wife would treat me as nicely as you have, and I really appreciate that.”
“It’s no problem at all. Curtis and I are divorced, but there’s no reason for you and me to have issues with each other.”
“I agree totally. And that’s why I took a chance on calling you.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“What I wanted to talk to you about is Curtis. I wanted to find out if everything he told me about your marriage to him is true.”
Tanya laughed. “Girl, I doubt it. Because as much as I hate saying this, if he’d told you everything, you probably wouldn’t have married him.”
Mariah didn’t know what to say, and she feared what she sensed Tanya was going to disclose.
“Curtis and I fell in love during grad school, he told me he was called to preach, and then we got married. And everything was perfect. That is, until we left the church in Atlanta and moved to Chicago. Because that’s when everything changed. He started staying out all the time, and he started grafting for money. Then, eventually, I started questioning him every time he came home, and we started arguing like enemies. It even got to the point where Curtis started grabbing me and pushing me. Hmmph,” Tanya said sadly. “One time Alicia witnessed what he was doing to me and she fell down the stairs and broke her arm.”
“Oh my God,” Mariah said, shaking her head.
“Hard to believe, isn’t it? Especially since he’s supposed to be a man of God.”
“Yes, and the thing is, he was so wonderful to me in the beginning. He seemed like he loved me so much.”
“Well, the one thing no one can deny is that Curtis is probably one of the most charming men alive. He not only wins over women, but he does the same thing with all his church members.”
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“So is it true that you divorced him because he was messing around with this woman named Adrienne?”
“That was part of it, but what exactly did he tell you?”
“He said that he was only with her twice, but that you wouldn’t forgive him. And then when Deacon Jackson found out, he told the church and they got rid of him.”
“And that’s all?” Tanya said, frowning.
“Yes, and the only reason I found out about the girl he had a baby with was because Alicia was yelling at him about it.”
“She didn’t tell me that,” Tanya said, resting her elbow on the back of the sofa.
“Yeah, she was pretty upset with him that day. But Curtis claimed he didn’t tell me about the baby because he didn’t think I would marry him if I found out.”
“Curtis, Curtis, Curtis. Well, that might be his side of the story, but let me tell you what the truth is. Curtis messed around with Adrienne the entire time he was at Faith, he messed around with Charlotte when she was a teenager, and he was caught on videotape with two women he couldn’t have known very well. Then, on top of all that, I found proof that he’d paid for Adrienne to have an abortion, and he was secretly renting this little hideaway for them over in another suburb.”
“What!”
“And that’s not everything, but it would take me an eternity to tell you about all the money schemes he tried to rig up. And he even tried to get me to convince the deacons that we needed more money because he wanted this huge raise.”
“I feel so stupid.”
“Don’t. Because Curtis is good at what he does. He’s a manipulator, and he’s used to getting what he wants whenever he wants it. I’m just sorry I wasn’t in a position to tell you about him before you married him.”
“Chances are I wouldn’t have listened to you anyway, because I was so taken with him. He was so wonderful to me, and I prayed that he would ask me to marry him.”
“Well, what is he doing now? Is he staying out late?”
“All the time. And last night I followed him to a hotel and saw him come out with some girl who was maybe in her early twenties. But he swore it wasn’t what I thought.”
“Girl, Curtis only does that so you’ll think you’re losing your mind. But I’m telling you from experience, whatever you saw or thought you saw, that’s what it was. And don’t ever think otherwise, because Curtis is a huge liar.”
“I can see that now. But the other thing is that he’s grabbed me a couple of times.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but like I told you earlier, Curtis can be very abusive when you question him about his women.”
“And when I told him I wasn’t going to keep putting up with the way things were, he told me I would regret ever knowing him if I tried to leave.”
“He told me the same thing, and that’s why I told Deacon Jackson everything I knew about Curtis and his wife. I didn’t mean for Deacon Jackson to broadcast what he knew to the congregation or yank Curtis out of the pulpit, but I knew I had to do something to bring Curtis down.”
“Well, I don’t know what I’m going to do, because I don’t even know who he’s messing around with.”
“Maybe not, but I would do whatever I had to to find out.”
“I hate having to follow him again, but it sounds like I don’t have any other choice.”
“You don’t. And if you’re saying that woman you saw was in her early twenties, I’m wondering if it was Charlotte. Because it’s hard for me to believe that he would never try to see his son.”
“I thought about that, too, but he said her father told him to stay away from them.”
“I know, but eventually I think Curtis is going to totally disregard that.”
Mariah tried to blink back tears.
“I know it’s hard because I’ve been there,” Tanya said. “But the quicker you can get out of your marriage to Curtis, the better off you’ll be.”
Mariah was speechless but she couldn’t thank Tanya enough for being so candid with her. Now she knew for sure that Tanya wasn’t the monster Curtis had portrayed her to be.
“You know, Mariah, this is on a different subject, but I want to apologize for the way Alicia has been treating you. I’ve spoken to her about it on several occasions, but she still doesn’t seem to be hearing me.”
“Thanks, but it’s really not your fault. And now that I know the full story on Curtis, I realize Alicia has been through a lot with her father, and that’s why she doesn’t trust me. I just wish she knew I would never try to come between them.”
“She’ll be okay eventually, and I’m hoping the counseling sessions will help her more and more with what she’s feeling,” Tanya said.
“I hope so, too, because she doesn’t deserve being neglected the way she is by Curtis. And last night was the absolute worst, because he knew how important that dance was to her.”
“Yeah, but Curtis doesn’t care about anybody except himself. I do think he loves Alicia, but he’s terribly selfish. He was like that when I was married to him, and he hasn’t changed.”
“After hearing everything you’ve told me, I don’t think he ever will.”
Mariah and Tanya spent another half hour talking about Curtis and everything they could think of, like old friends. Finally, Tanya gave Mariah a tour of their house, and then Mariah thanked her again and left.
Once in the car, she phoned Vivian.
“She’s nothing like Curtis made her out to be,” Mariah said.
“Really?”
“No, and, girl, she told me that Curtis messed around with Adrienne for years, and that he was caught on videotape with two other women.”
“Get out.”
“I know. Can you believe it?”
“Well, to be honest, I don’t put anything past most of these big-time ministers around here. And it’s hard for me to believe I hadn’t heard about what went on with Curtis. Chicago is a huge city, but usually the word on these ministers travel pretty quickly.”
“I hadn’t heard anything either, so I guess it was kept pretty quiet for some reason.”
“He is such a joke, but he’s no different from the rest of these phonies standing in the pulpit every Sunday. Some of them might be on the up-and-up, but most of ’em are straight-up hypocrites. All they wanna do is rob innocent people of their paychecks and then sleep with as many women as they can.”
“Gosh, Vivian, how did I let him fool me like this?”
“Because you saw what you wanted to see. Women do that all the time. Me included. But Curtis takes the cake, and I hate to even think about what else he’s probably doing.”
“How about putting his hands on me?”
“I know he didn’t.”
“He did, and it wasn’t the first time.”
“Girl, you should’ve picked up anything you could find and cracked his skull with it. How dare him.”
“I wish I had the guts, but you know I don’t.”
“Well, I do, and if he ever puts his hands on you again, all you have to do is call me . . . and then you can call 911 so they can come get his body.”
Mariah couldn’t help laughing at Vivian.
Vivian chuckled, too. “I’m laughing, but I meant what I said, Mariah. And anyway, why did he put his hands on you in the first place?”
“Because I followed him and caught him at a hotel with some young girl.”
“You what? And you’re just now telling me?”
“I didn’t know how,” Mariah admitted.
“And how old was this girl?”
“Maybe in her early twenties, but it was hard to tell.”
“And what happened when you caught them?”
“She ran and got in her car, and Curtis went off like everything was my fault.”
“You know, the more I listen to you, the more I realize this Negro needs to be taught a lesson.”
“All I want is to get out, get divorced, and get on with my life.”
“But someone like Curtis
isn’t going to let you out that easy. Not someone who has already physically abused you. When someone does that, they think they own you.”
Mariah knew she was right, but she couldn’t deny that she was too afraid of Curtis to stand up to him. She couldn’t deny either that a part of her was still in love with him. She wished she could be as strong as Vivian, but she just didn’t have it in her.
“All I can do is have faith that this is going to work out,” Mariah finally said.
“Faith is good, but sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. Especially when you’re dealing with a joker like Curtis.”
“I hear what you’re saying, Vivian, but it’s just not that easy.”
“Well, why don’t you come stay with me until you figure out what to do?”
“Not right now, but if things get worse, I will.”
“Okay, it’s your call.”
“Well, I guess I’d better let you go, because I’m almost home.”
“Call me if you need me, no matter what time.”
“I will, and, Vivian? Thanks for listening.”
“Girl, please. What are friends for?”
“I know, but I still hate bothering you with all this madness.”
“Bother me anytime you feel like, because I won’t be satisfied until you’re out of this.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“You be careful, okay?”
Mariah ended the call, and as she drove through the last traffic signal, just before their subdivision, she prayed that Curtis still wasn’t home yet.
She thanked God her gynecologist had advised her to finish her current pack of birth control pills before stopping them altogether.
Chapter 16
If I tell you something, you’ve got to promise on your life that you won’t repeat it,” Alicia said, swearing Danielle to secrecy. They’d just come back from visiting another neighborhood friend, and now they were lounging on Alicia’s bed.
“I won’t,” Danielle promised eagerly. “I won’t tell anybody.”
“I don’t know,” Alicia said. “Because if you do, I’ll be in trouble for the rest of my life.”
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