Sometimes Moments

by Len Webster

Jenny laughed. “And I’m married, too. But we can always look. There’s no harm in looking.”

  Looking is the first part to wanting and touching. Looking is the start of the harm.

  “Do you want to go to the party tonight?”

  Peyton peered up from her Russian revolutions textbook and raised her brow at Graham. He pursed his lips and returned to his methods homework. He didn’t ask for an explanation. Ever since Callum had left, the people in town had started to treat her differently and Peyton hated it. She didn’t want their pity. Besides Graham, Jay Preston had begun to speak to her. He had always been nice to her, but with Callum gone, Jay had given her more of his time. At first, she’d been flattered, but then she’d come to appreciate him.

  “Would you like to go, Graham?” she asked, placing the book down on the patio table. It was what they did every day since their moment on the bench—homework at either of their houses.

  “I don’t want to force you. We can skip the party. We can either hang out at the farm or here?”

  His dimple greeted her, and Peyton refrained from rolling her eyes at the grin he directed her way.

  “We can go to the party.”

  “What, my farm isn’t nice enough for you?” he sassed.

  “I would much rather be at your farm than the back of the boathouse. But I have a feeling you need to be at the party. I’m thinking Krista?” Peyton raised a brow as she stood up from the chair.

  Graham’s cheeks turned bright red. “Whatever,” he muttered, embarrassed.

  Peyton let out a laugh. “I knew it!”

  “You know nothing,” he bit back.

  Peyton shook her head and pointed at herself. “I know everything.”

  Graham rolled his eyes and returned to his homework.

  “I’ll get us drinks before you go home and change,” Peyton said before she walked into the house.

  Upon entering the kitchen, she noticed her dad sitting at the dining table. He was wearing a frown as he stared at her. Her father hadn’t been the same since Callum left Daylesford. He seemed guarded, like he was keeping a secret from her. But Peyton knew otherwise. She knew her father was waiting for the breaking point. The moment that she exploded and became reckless.

  “I didn’t know you were home, Dad,” Peyton said as she made her way to the fridge.

  Her father didn’t reply as she opened the door and took out two cans of Fanta. Once she held them firmly in her hands, Peyton closed the fridge and stared at him.

  He pressed his lips tightly before he said, “You and Graham are getting close.”

  She froze.

  He stood up from the chair and glared at her with a concerned look. “He’s a nice boy, Peyton. But what if Callum comes back? You going to hurt that boy for Callum?”

  Peyton shook her head. She was her daddy’s little girl. But she was tired of being babied. She didn’t need anyone’s pity or concern. The way her father’s eyes flashed in pain wasn’t something Peyton liked to see.

  “He’s not coming back, Dad. No one comes back after they leave this place,” Peyton said, staring at the cold cans in her hand.

  “That’s not true, Peyton. Your mother and I always come back.” He gave her a sad smile. “You never know. One day, he might come back.”

  “You and Mum come back because the hotel is here.”

  “We come back because you are here, Peyton. You come first. If you’d like, you can come with us to the city? We’re leaving tonight.”

  She wasn’t sure how to tell her father that she was scared to leave town, afraid that she might see him, so she shook her head. “Thanks, Dad. But I promised Graham that I’d go to the boathouse party with him.”

  He gave her a nod. “Maybe the next business trip, you’ll come.”

  She shrugged before she said, “Maybe,” and exited the kitchen.

  The first lie her father had ever told her was when he’d said that he and her mother would always come back. That weekend, her parents had died in a hit and run. The night of the party was the last time she ever saw her parents alive again. If she had gone with them, she most likely would have died, too. Some days, Peyton wished she had. To stop the pain. To never experience the loss of the two people who had brought her into the world. And to never see Callum Reid again.

  In theory, dying sounded easy. But the thought of never seeing him was shattering. She could say it a million times and never mean it. Callum meant a lot more to Peyton than she wanted to admit. She wanted every laugh, every touch, every belief of them to be tarnished in pain and deceit. But they stayed pure.

  Peyton stopped her steps as she reached her street. She looked to her right and stared at the double-story house across from hers. Biting down on her lip, Peyton weighed her options. The truth was that she missed him. Missed the way he held her in his sleep. Missed the little smiles that went unguarded. Missed the moments when she could tell herself that she was his. The moments she believed could be enough for them. But they weren’t. They never would be.

  Her feet made the decision for her as she crossed the road and made her way up the path. She stepped on his mat and studied the door. She concentrated on finding a normal rhythm of her heart. She was anxious and hopeful. She was also regretful and broken. The only reason she was at his door was to see him. To prove that he was worth losing Graham and Jay for.

  Along with the sun setting, a cold gust of wind blew, causing Peyton to shiver. She’d spent most of the day watching the construction of the structure for the Reynolds’ wedding. Besides that, she’d hid in her office, not wanting to return home. Her thoughts had been on Callum. They shouldn’t have been, but they were. It had been days since she’d last seen him. She should have been worrying over her friendship with Graham, but she had to give him space.

  Forming a fist, Peyton raised it up at the door and gently rested her knuckles against the wood. She took a deep breath and let her head fall forward.

  What am I doing? I’m just making it worse for myself.

  With a sigh, she pulled back from the door and stood straight. She hadn’t imagined them apart until it had happened. This time, she couldn’t imagine them together. She wanted more. She would always want more from him. She wanted to be given what she was being denied—a future with the one person she loved, no matter how much he tore and destroyed her soul.

  Maybe, in another life, I could have had him.

  She took a backwards step. And then another. Her eyes were on the door before she spun around and made her way back towards her house. When she looked at the steps, she thought of the morning when he’d left. She’d sat on these exact steps. Moments later, she’d had her heart torn out. Placing her bag on the step, Peyton turned around and sat down next to it. Her eyes roamed every inch of the brick house as her heart ached at the years she’d needed him.

  My biggest lie: wishing I hadn’t fallen in love with Callum Reid.

  Aunt Brenda: We went fishing by the pier. Your uncle is hopeless. We love you, Peyton. Are you eating? How’s the hotel?

  Peyton: Aunt Brenda, you should worry about him falling in rather than the fish. I love you both, too. You’re getting good at texting. Hotel’s good. We have everything under control. Jenny turned down Hyatt. The building for Marissa’s dance floor starts today. Yesterday’s weather was too risky to pour the cement for the posts.

  Aunt Brenda: Jenny loves the hotel, too. She won’t leave unless you do. Your uncle wants to go down to the shops. We both love you. LOL.

  Peyton: I think you’re using LOL wrong.

  Aunt Brenda: We are sending you lots of love.

  Peyton: You might want to find out what LOL means, Aunt Brenda. I’ll speak to you soon x.

  “God, this town got uglier!”

  Peyton lifted her eyes off her screen to see her door burst open. She knew that voice. She wasn’t surprised when her best friend, Madilynne Woodside, walked through the door. As usual, Madilynne wore her blonde hair in her natural curls, her long, dark eyelashes fram
ed her blue eyes perfectly, and her lips were coated in a matte-red lipstick. Peyton placed her phone on her desk and stood up.

  “What happened to calling me from Ryder’s?” Peyton asked as she walked towards the door.

  Madilynne rolled her eyes. “Drove right past. Kinda forgot to look out for it. Dammit, I forgot how pretty you are. I’m glad that I don’t have to compete with you in the city.”

  Peyton shook her head. “I’m sure you do just fine in the guy department, Mads.”

  Madilynne shrugged. “It’s a tough department. The city isn’t very kind, Peyton. Neither are some of the girls. But enough about me. How’s everything in ‘Peyton Spencer is a hotel owner’ world going?”

  I should tell her about Callum…and Jay…and Graham.

  As Peyton looked at her best friend, a sense of relief washed over her. She finally had someone in town to spend time with. Someone she could be around. Someone to distract her. It had been two years since Madilynne had last been in town, too busy with university and city life. They had continued their friendship through calls and messages.

  “Mads, it’s Friday. You should have been here a lot earlier,” Peyton said, deciding that she’d keep Callum’s return to Daylesford from Madilynne for a little longer.

  Madilynne wrapped her arms around Peyton and said, “It’s good to see you, boss. I’m also happy to see that you haven’t been struck by lightning.”

  After a laugh and a quick hug, Peyton stepped back and adjusted her silk blouse. “Would you rather we get work orientation over and done with or catch up and go through work stuff tomorrow?”

  Madilynne made a gagging sound. “The work bullshit now and then we can go drink and talk.”

  “I would much rather be doing this internship under your rules than Jenny’s,” Madilynne complained as Peyton locked the hotel’s front door.

  By the time Peyton had explained what Madilynne would be doing and filled out the paperwork, it was late in the afternoon. She’d agreed when Madilynne had slammed the stack of papers on the desk and stated that wine was necessary.

  “How are you supposed to learn anything from me, Mads? I know nothing,” Peyton said, throwing the keys into the bottom of her bag.

  “We would have so much fun.”

  “You’re not here for fun. You’re here for a recommendation,” Peyton stated.

  “Ugh, you are such a boss. Come on. Let’s go drinking and unwind at the pub,” Madilynne said excitedly.

  Peyton winced. She hadn’t been at the pub since Callum and Jay had had their confrontation. She also hadn’t spoken to Jay since they’d both called each other traitors. Before Peyton could even suggest wine at her house, Madilynne had made her way towards the turn into town. With a sigh, Peyton followed, knowing it was time to face Jay. With each step she took, she could see the pub’s large sign more clearly. Her breathing became unsteady as she tried to control her nerves.

  All Peyton could hear was Madilynne’s voice, but she wasn’t listening. Instead, she tuned out her best friend and kept her eyes on the old brick building on Main Street. When they got closer to the doors of the pub, she saw Graham. Peyton halted at the sight of him. It had been almost five days since she’d spoken to him.

  “If you don’t tell her, I will! She doesn’t deserve this. You shouldn’t have come back!” Graham yelled.

  Peyton and Madilynne had stumbled across the heated argument that Graham had been involved in.

  “I know that, Graham. I’m trying to fix things.” Callum’s voice drew out the air from her lungs. She couldn’t see him from behind Graham, but she heard him.

  “Peyton, what’s going on?” Madilynne asked next to her.

  “You deserve my fist in your face. How dare you do this to her. I’ve spent over four years trying to help her and you come back and ruin her all over again.”

  “Whoa. What’s the issue here?” Madilynne asked.

  Graham turned around, and Peyton’s eyes met Callum’s.

  “Oh my God,” Madilynne breathed out and looked at Peyton.

  Peyton ignored her and stared at Callum. She didn’t understand the hurt and pain in his eyes. And he wouldn’t let her. So she slid her gaze to Graham, and an unspoken apology consumed his eyes.

  Graham swore out loud and ran his hands through his hair before he walked to her. “I’m sorry, Peyton. I shouldn’t have done that to you on Monday. It’s the first Monday I’ve missed. I was angry and I shouldn’t have been. But this, Peyton? This, you don’t deserve. You don’t deserve what he’s doing to you. You’re one of the best people I know and it’s not fair!”

  “Graham,” Peyton said before he wrapped his arms around her. She breathed in the lavender fragrance that lingered on his clothing and hugged him. She had missed him. The concept of losing him was one she couldn’t fathom.

  “You have to walk away now, Peyton. He’s only going to hurt you. Please walk away,” Graham begged.

  Peyton blinked slowly before she said, “It’s too late, Graham. I’m sorry.”

  In that moment, she chose. She chose Callum Reid breaking her heart over salvation with Graham Scott.

  Graham untangled his arms from around her body and took a step back. “I want to say that I’m disappointed in you but I’m not. I get it. I get why he’s doing this. I would do it, too. Just know that I’m always here, Peyton.”

  He didn’t let her reply. Instead, Graham walked past her and down Main Street.

  “I’ll go after him. I’ll speak to you later, Peyton,” Madilynne said before she left Peyton and Callum alone.

  Alone with Callum was not what she wanted. Because all she wanted to do was kiss him, feel him, feel pleasure because of him, and forget the impending pain.

  She looked up at the terrified expression on his face. No words were shared, only glances. She should listen to Graham. She should also listen to the voice in her head that was telling her to run and never look back. But instead, her heart instructed her to stay.

  “You’re going to hurt me, aren’t you?” she asked in a small voice, needing his confirmation.

  Callum’s jaw clenched before he said, “Yes.”

  Peyton nodded, allowing her entire body to feel the ache in her chest. “What did you say to Graham?”

  He didn’t blink as he said, “The truth.”

  Peyton pressed her lips together as she tried to fight back the tears. The nearing end terrified her. They were close to reaching it.

  “And what is the truth?” she asked as she took a step forward and grabbed his jumper in her hands.

  He remained silent.

  “Please tell me,” she pleaded, making sure his eyes never lost focus on hers.

  Callum shook his head.

  “Please,” she begged one more time.

  “Peyton,” he warned. His hands were over hers, trying to pull away from her.

  His refusal was one her heart appreciated. The moment she knew the truth meant the end of them. And as hard as she fought against him, she wanted Callum to stay, which meant the truth couldn’t come to light just yet.

  “Callum.” She gripped his shirt tighter.

  His nostrils flared as he held her harder. “I’m calling it, Peyton.”

  Her heart stopped. The staples that held it together were slowly and painfully being removed one at a time.

  “Please don’t,” she begged softly.

  “Super—”

  She pulled on his shirt to find his lips. Crashing and burning—her heart did both. He tried to pull back, but she kissed him harder, begging him to keep his mouth on hers. This was what she had missed. The attraction, the want, and the need he resisted between them. His lips moved against hers, prolonging the inevitable. Prolonging the safe word being said out loud. Prolonging their goodbye. Prolonging the death of her heart.

  Painfully perfect.

  It was the only way she could describe it. She was at fault for this, at fault for a lot of things. But right now, this was right. It was always right when
she was with him. They fit. They made sense. At least she believed so.

  His hands held her shoulders, steadying the pace, and her knees went weak. The breathless whisper of her name had her holding on to his shirt. Every kiss of hers was answered with his own desperate and willing ones.

  She would rather spend the rest of time with his mouth on hers, but as all things do, his lips slowed down and their kiss ended. He lingered his lips over hers before he pulled her back at an arm’s length.

  They searched each other’s eyes. She waited, hoped, and even prayed that he’d keep the safe word to himself. She had already made a choice. Unknowingly, she had chosen Callum over the two men who had been by her side as the seasons changed.

  “Peyton, I’m giving you an out, the turn off the highway. Listen to Graham and take it. Walk away,” he said sadly.

  She stared at her hands and slowly let go of his shirt. Then she looked up at him and shook her head. “I can’t. I’ve tried, Callum. My heart wants to forgive you. I don’t think I’ll be truly free until it does,” she confessed.

  “That’s what you want?” Callum asked.

  Peyton nodded. “Give me closure. Give me right now. Make me believe you. That’s it. That’s all I want.”

  Lie. I want more.

  But I can’t have more. Truth.

  Relief filled his eyes as he gave her a slight smile and a nod. “I wish I could offer you more, Peyton.”

  “But you can’t. So, why try? Let’s just make the wedding something amazing. Then mutually part ways this time.”

  “Okay,” Callum said and dropped his hands from her. “Want me to walk you home?”

  She gave him a bittersweet smile. He used to ask her that same question after every shift she finished at the hotel.

  Peyton nodded, not trusting her voice. Then she turned around and made her way back to the lake. He didn’t grab her hand like he used to. Instead, he walked in sync with her. When she turned her head and looked at him, his lips were pressed hard together as he concentrated on what was ahead of him. The old him was in there somewhere. The moment he caught her staring, she decided that she would try to find him again.