by Len Webster
My last breath will be of my lungs exhaling my love for you. I will wait for you until I see you again, maybe in heaven or maybe in another life. Heaven may be out of my reach, so I will see you in another life. I will be looking for you. I may not know it, but each breath I take and each step I take will lead me closer to you. My favourite flower will be the cherry blossom. That’ll be our code. And maybe in this other life, I get to grow old with you and love you the way I should have.
No matter what life we live after this one, I will love you in every life we live until the end of time. I will find you again, Peyton. I will find you and I will love you, and it will be right for us. You are the most important person in my universe. You were everything in existence that made sense. You made me love so much that it terrified me to stay when I found out I was sick.
I never want you to be lonely, Peyton. Find him. He’s out there waiting for you. He will love you the way I couldn’t. He will love you until forever. Unlike me, he is capable of doing so. Find happiness, Peyton. Never be lonely. I will be watching over you. I will make sure you find him and happiness. I want you to have a life that gives you everything. Have kids. Have forever moments. Have a lifetime of memories. Love someone more than you loved me. Love him because he will love you through the pain I caused you. He will heal your heart and make you better. Introduce him to your mother’s French toast and make him fall in love with them.
I was your first love, Peyton. But I am not your last.
Your heart will heal and your belief in love will mend.
You will be stronger and you will live a life without regrets.
You are the most beautiful and awe-inspiring woman, who deserves to have the universe at her feet. I’ve left you a box of all of our sometimes moments. I know some people give the love of their life diamonds or jewellery, but they don’t mean as much as the Polaroids that proved our love. I’ve also left you my camera to take Polaroids of your forever moments. I want you to take a countless amount of pictures.
Peyton Olivia Spencer, our sometimes moments were my forever moments. We didn’t have an end; we just had a goodbye until I see you again.
You were the cherry blossom of my life, the bright light that made me great.
But it’s time it was said:
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Thank you for your love and for letting me fall in love with you. It has been a privilege.
It was never just a kiss.
You have my heart forever,
Callum
Peyton held his letter against her chest as she leant her head back on the tree and stared at their cherry blossoms. Tears ran down her face as she smiled and thought of all the times they’d sat under this tree and forgotten the world. This was their safe haven and the one place in the world where one kiss had changed them.
It wasn’t just a kiss. It was a kiss that started our sometimes. And our sometimes is our forever.
Nine months later.
“Come on, Peyton!” Graham yelled out to her.
Peyton and her best friend, Madilynne, walked up the path together, as Peyton shook her head. “Mads, you are marrying an impatient man,” she pointed out.
The moment Peyton reached the end of the path, Madilynne was grinning like a fool. “We both know he’s excited about today. We all are. This man has the patience of a mountain.”
Peyton made a gagging noise. Graham had spent his time between the city and the town. But now that Madilynne had finished her degree, she was moving back to work for the hotel, and with the lavender farm expanding, Graham needed to be onsite more often. Madilynne didn’t mind. She’d admitted that she was tired of the city, and the moment Graham had proposed, she’d said that they were moving back to Daylesford.
Graham took his fiancée in his arms and kissed her. Not wanting to see anymore of her best friends’ public display, Peyton took a step away from them and walked towards Jenny, who was standing just in front of the hotel. Peyton stood next to her and looked over the building. The cream-coloured stones were vibrant and beautiful against the lavender. Callum had designed her the most stunning hotel, and she couldn’t wait for it to open for business in a few weeks’ time.
“He’d be so proud of you,” Jenny said, wiping her face.
Peyton wrapped her arm around Jenny’s back and nodded. “I know.”
“Are you all packed for your trip?”
“Yeah. Aunt Brenda has made sure that the Austria tour guide is safely in my carryon,” Peyton said.
“We’ll be here waiting for you,” Jenny said.
Peyton smiled. Life had its moments of sheer pain and misery, but it also had its beautiful and pure moments. Right now, it was one of the beautiful ones. Peyton unwrapped her arm from around Jenny and stood straight before pulling out Callum’s Polaroid camera from her bag.
“Wait for us,” Aunt Brenda called, carrying a tray of drinks and placing them on the small table they set up.
Madilynne’s father and mother walked from around the back of the hotel with plates of sandwiches and set them on the table, too.
“I’m proud of you, love,” Uncle John said as he kissed her cheek. “Any words before the sign is bolted up and unveiled?”
Peyton looked around at the people who surrounded her. The people she loved. She didn’t want this to be a big town celebration. This was about them—her family.
“Thank you all so much for being here and believing in me and the hotel. I wouldn’t be standing here today without your support.” When Peyton reached for a glass, everyone else followed. “And I wouldn’t be here without Callum. He is my bright light that led me to this moment. I love and miss him like you do. He is the heart of this hotel by the lake. To Callum,” she said, holding her cup in the air.
“To Callum!” they all cheered and clinked their glasses.
“Honey, you ready?” Jenny asked her husband.
Constable Fields nodded and looked at Nigel, the tradie who was once her dance floor builder and now friend.
“Ready, mate?”
Nigel nodded as he bolted up the sign in place. “We’re ready,” he said from the ladder.
“Do it!” Madilynne shouted.
Peyton held her breath as she felt Jenny and Graham’s hands on her shoulders, supporting her. She was about to experience what her parents had when the first sign for The Spencer-Dayle had been put up. But this time, it was Peyton’s hotel sign that was going up.
When Nigel and Constable Fields pulled off the sheet that covered the sign, Peyton’s eyes watered at the beauty of it. It was perfect and it was theirs.
She finally understood this moment for her parents. It was unforgettable and awe inspiring.
“The Spencer-Reid,” she read out loud.
Peyton lips tugged into a smile as the happy tears ran down her cheeks. Then she heard everyone clap as they took in the sign.
This is ours, Callum.
Peyton held up the Polaroid and took a picture of the hotel. Neither parents nor the town had built The Spencer-Reid. It had been built by her and those who supported her.
Handing Graham the Polaroid, Peyton spun around and slowly walked over to the edge of the path. She paused for a moment before she held up the camera so she could see the pier in the small, glass square. After taking a deep breath, she proceeded to take the picture. The Polaroid developed and she looked at it—a structure that held so many of their memories.
She took the permanent marker from the pocket of her bag, uncapped it, and held the tip to the white frame of the picture. Then she glanced up at the pier one more time before she started to write. The moment she lifted the pen off the picture, she held it up against the pier.
Sometimes moments defined our forever moments.
“Their wedding was beautiful,” Jenny beamed as she looked through the Polaroids Peyton had taken.
Peyton smiled. “I can’t believe two of my best friends got married. I can’t believe how long they stayed apart because of
me.”
Jenny sighed and placed the photographs on the front desk. “And you brought them together.”
She waved the Polaroids at Jenny, dismissing her. “Yeah, yeah.”
After picking up the picture of Madilynne in her tulle mermaid wedding dress, she put it in the black frame, ready to be placed on the wall of sometimes moments. Then she held another stack of pictures from her trip from Austria and smiled. It was a trip she’d never forget. She had done it all. Everything she couldn’t do with Callum, she had done for them.
The day she’d come home, Jay had been at her door. They sat on the step and stared at the Reid house together. Then he apologised and Peyton listened. In the end, she’d forgiven Jay just to keep peace. She wanted to live a life with no burdens, and Jay had been one. The moment she’d forgiven him, she’d felt free, ready to live every day like her last. After that day, when they walked past each other in town, they would turn and smile but never stop.
“I’ll grab some of the frames from the office,” Jenny said.
Peyton nodded and opened the lid of the pink box Oliver had delivered to her almost a year ago. Then she pulled out a stack of their Polaroids and smiled. She no longer cried as often as she had when Callum had died. She’d learned to appreciate their time together. And he’d been right—she did reflect on their time together.
She picked up the instant picture of him that she had taken and placed the rest in the box. The sight of him had her heat aching. It still did that. Peyton ran her finger down his beautiful face and smiled. She missed him. Her love still burned brightly and it always would.
When the doorbell rung, she set Callum’s picture down. Peyton looked up, expecting a guest. Instead, a man holding a large bundle of lavender walked through the door. The first things she noticed were his plaid flannelette shirt and his work boots. Then she frowned at the muddy boots, which would leave dirt on her floorboards. She noticed that he held a clipboard, staring at it.
“I’m looking for Peyton Spencer,” he said the moment he reached the desk.
When he lifted his chin, their eyes met. His light-brown ones had her breath catching. And for a moment, she swore her heart stopped. It was brief, but she felt it. Her heart hadn’t done that for quite some time.
Since…
Peyton stopped her train of thought and focused on the surprised look on his face. The way his eyes twinkled and his lips parted had her breath catching. The unnamed man placed the lavender and clipboard on the desk before he rubbed his short beard.
“I’m Peyton Spencer,” she said as her palms started sweating, which wasn’t something she was familiar with.
“I have a delivery for you. Just need a signature here,” he said, picking up the clipboard and handing it to her.
She let out a laugh, but she wasn’t sure why.
“Is something funny?” he asked, raising his brow.
She shook her head, getting some control over herself. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. That was rude.” Peyton grabbed a pen and signed her name on the line. Then she took off the small envelope from the bundled lavender. After removing the card, she read it.
Have a great first day.
Love,
Mr & Mrs Scott.
“Thank you,” she said, looking up at him. As she noticed the curiosity in his eyes, a blush reddened her cheeks.
“Cooper Hepburn. I’m the new operations manager while Graham and Mads are on their honeymoon,” he said, introducing himself.
She nodded. “And I’m still Peyton Spencer. I’m the owner of The Spencer-Reid.”
She handed over the clipboard, his hands gazing over hers. Her heart stopped once more and she became a little breathless. It was the smile he wore. It was beautiful and genuine.
“Well, maybe I’ll see you around town, hotel girl.” He grinned.
She shook her head. “Maybe I’ll see you around…”
Cooper nodded at her before he turned and walked towards the exit.
The moment he reached the door, Peyton breathed out and said, “Lavender boy.”
He stopped and quickly spun around, smiling at her. “Lavender boy?” he asked. The playful grin had her heart racing.
Callum’s words ran through her head. “I always knew you’d marry lavender boy.”
The twinkle in Cooper’s eyes had Peyton swallowing hard. She knew that look. He might not know it, but she might have just seen forever in Cooper Hepburn’s eyes.
She nodded. “Yes. Lavender boy.”
“I’m glad I made this delivery today. It was nice meeting you, Peyton Spencer.”
“You, too, Cooper Hepburn.”
Cooper nodded once with a smile before he walked out of her hotel. When she felt the butterflies soar in her stomach, she knew. Pulling out the picture of her and Callum, her heart warmed at the look in Callum’s eyes. It was the same look she’d seen in Cooper’s.
“Thank you for sometimes, Callum. I think I may have found my forever with lavender boy.”
Dear Callum Reid,
You don’t know who I am, but I like to think you had an idea of me. My name’s Cooper Hepburn, the husband to Peyton Hepburn and father to our child, Callum Stuart Hepburn. I’ve been meaning to write this for a while, but when Peyton got pregnant, my focus was on her and getting ready to welcome our son into our lives.
I feel like I know you. I’ve heard enough stories to know I would have liked you… Actually, that’s probably a lie. I would have respected you, but I think if I had met you, I would have hated you. At the time, you had my wife’s heart. And that would have killed me. You still have a place in her heart, and that’s something I would never want to have. Her love for you will be something I can never try to claim.
I want to say that we’ve had the easiest of loves, but I would be lying. We’ve had an adventure, and adventures come with a lot of complications and a lot of successes. Peyton claims that I’m perfect, but I’m far from it. I try my best to be for her. But I want to tell you the two worst days of my life. They were the times I thought I had lost her. I will never forget those days.
The first day was when we were dating. I didn’t know of you very well then. I was still trying my best to get her to trust me. It was the day after we’d first been intimate. She had cried, and I hated myself for making the woman I love cry. I didn’t understand why she had cried. I didn’t know. Peyton made me leave and she didn’t talk to me for almost a week. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I stormed to her house and demanded to know what I had done. She wouldn’t answer me, and that’s when I yelled at her. It was the first and last time I ever yelled at her. From the top of my lungs, I screamed, “You’d rather me dead and Callum alive, don’t you? You hate that I’m alive and he’s dead! You hate that you slept with me. You wish it were him and not me! Well guess what, Peyton? He’s dead! And right now, the way you look at me, I’d rather I were the dead one. Maybe you’d love me more.”
I’m not proud of those words. I’ll always regret saying them. Peyton didn’t speak to me for three weeks. I deserved it. I had accused her of not loving me because I wasn’t dead. I was scared to lose her, but I had said everything that ensured that I would. I was jealous of you. I have never been jealous of anyone until I was of you, Callum. I wanted Peyton to love me. I wanted Peyton’s heart. I believed there wasn’t room for her to love me after you. I had planned to work the last few months off my contract and return to the suburbs. But I needed to leave quickly. I wasn’t needed in town anymore. It was the night before I was going to leave when Peyton was at my door, crying. She apologised, saying that she was being selfish and that she should have told me. Graham had told her of my plans of leaving. She begged me not to go. She begged me to listen to her. When I agreed, she said only three words, and they were ‘I love you.’
I have no explanation for how I felt when I heard those three words. But I think you know what it’s like to be loved by Peyton Spencer. When I confessed that I loved her, too, she cried and kissed me. That
night, she told me everything about you. She told me that she’d cried because she’d realised she felt guilty for loving me more than she loved you. That, in some way, she felt like she was cheating on you by loving me. I had never felt like more of an asshole than those weeks of my life. I almost lost Peyton and I didn’t want that to have ever happen again.
The second worst day of my life was when our son was born. It’s a terrible thing for a father to say, but just listen. You’ll understand. Peyton went into labour and we rushed to the hospital. Everything went to plan until after my son screamed and Peyton’s hand fell from mine. Our son was too big to be born naturally and a Caesarean was performed. Peyton didn’t even see him before her eyes shut. She was haemorrhaging and losing a lot of blood. The helpless feeling of knowing my wife was about to die was surreal. I had never felt so lost in my life. In that moment, I was blessed with a beautiful son, but I was close to losing the love of my life.
I also knew what it must have been like in the last moments of your life. I felt like I was you, Callum. I didn’t know how to say goodbye. I didn’t want to believe what was happening. I thought of my life without Peyton and it was impossible. I was scared. The jealously I held for you disappeared and every self-doubt I had left me. The only thing that mattered in my life was ensuring my son grew up with his mother by his side. Peyton doesn’t know why I named my son after you. Why? Because while the doctor was trying to save her, she called out your name and reached out in the direction the nurse had taken our son. I wasn’t envious or jealous that she hadn’t called out for me. Peyton had named our son and I was proud.
