Merman's Forever

by Dee J. Stone

  “Hey, I’m not little anymore! I’m ten.”

  “Ugh, don’t remind me. All the kids I know are growing up too fast.”

  He laughs. “Why do adults always say that? Obviously we’re going to grow every year. It makes no sense.”

  I stand and ruffle his hair. “I guess you’ll understand when you’re older.” I look out toward the waves. “Want to surf?”

  “Heck yeah!”

  ***

  Leah is in the middle of arguing with a tall guy with light orange hair when I step into Misty’s Juice Bar. The guy looks familiar, but I can’t place it. As her face puffs up with annoyance, it finally clicks. He’s the high school guy who tried to hit on her two years ago. Though I guess he’s no longer in high school anymore.

  “Can’t you take no for an answer?” she practically yells.

  “Why do you think it’s okay to lead a guy on when you have no intention of getting together with him?”

  “Leading you on? Leading you on? If you think a girl handing you the smoothie you paid for counts as flirting, then you’ve got serious issues.”

  He scowls as he sweeps his change off the counter. “It was more than that and you know it.” He storms out of the shop.

  I hop onto one of the stools in front of the counter. “What was that about?”

  “Nothing.” She glares at the door where he just walked out of. “Dude has problems if he thinks every girl who says a single word to him flirted with him.”

  I raise an eyebrow.

  She rolls her eyes. “Fine, maybe I did flirt with him. But that was like months ago, when…” She stops and clears her throat. “It doesn’t matter. I have enough things to worry about than some stupid high school guy’s feelings.”

  “He’s no longer in high school,” I remind her.

  “Your point?”

  “It wouldn’t be too weird to go out with him. I mean, he’s only two years younger than us.”

  It looks like steam’s coming out of her nose. “Seriously, Cassie? You’re so desperate for me to be normal again that you’d throw me into anyone’s lap.” She grabs a rag and cleans the counter.

  “Sorry,” I say as every part of me fills with guilt. “I was just trying—”

  “I know. To help. And once again I treat you like crap.”

  “No. I’m the one treating you like crap. I have to learn to stand back and let you move on at your own pace.”

  She scoffs. “My own pace? It’s been two years and I’m still a mess.” She shrugs. “Whatever. I can’t deal with this right now. Too many issues. You want a smoothie?”

  “Sure. Surprise me. What issues are you dealing with?”

  With her back facing me as she works on my smoothie, she says, “Just future stuff. I’m still not sure if I want to go to law school. Kyle said…”

  I perk up. “He said what?”

  “God, can’t the jerk just leave my head?”

  “What did he say, Leah?”

  She sighs and turns around, lowering my mango smoothie onto the counter. For some reason, she always makes me mango smoothie when she’s upset, and she knows that I don’t like it. I guess I have developed a slight taste for it, considering she made it loads of times over the past few months.

  “He says he thinks I’d be a really great lawyer.” She rolls her eyes. “What does he know anyway? He’s a fish.”

  “First of all, he’s half fish and he did live on land for two years, so he knows what he’s talking about. And second of all, I agree with him. I think you’d make an awesome lawyer.”

  “Why? Because I have such a big mouth?”

  “No. Because you don’t like to give up.”

  Her eyes drop to the counter. She turns around to get me a straw. “I do give up,” she says in a quiet voice. “I’ve given up on love.”

  “No you haven’t. Or else you wouldn’t be so hurt right now.”

  Her back faces me again, but I see her wipe away some tears. When she turns around, she says, “I have a date with Armando tonight. Do you and Damarian want to double date?”

  It all comes crashing down again, so hard and fast that I sway in my chair.

  “Whoa, are you okay?” Leah asks.

  I stick the straw into my cup and suck up the liquid. I don’t taste it as it slides down my throat.

  “Cassie, you’re kinda freaking me out here.” She places her hand over mine. “Cassie.”

  “I don’t feel him.” Tears prick my eyes. “I haven’t felt him all day. Maybe it’s pathetic to say this, but I don’t feel like myself when I can’t feel him inside my heart. It’s like half of me is gone.”

  Her eyebrows shoot to the roof. “What on Earth are you talking about?”

  I swipe at my eyes before the tears slide down. “I don’t know. When we came back from the ocean last night, he couldn’t change into a human.”

  Her eyes widen. “Really?”

  I’m about to respond, when a mom and two kids walk up to the counter. “I want rainbow colors!” the daughter says.

  “Ask nicely, honey.”

  “Can I please, please have rainbow colors?”

  “And I want chocolate!” the boy says.

  “Coming right up.” Leah gives me an apologetic look before working on their smoothies.

  I notice a picture of a mermaid on the girl’s shirt. My stomach plummets to my flip-flops. Why, out of all the images in the world, does it have to be a mermaid?

  The girl gives me a look when she finds me gawking at her shirt. I blink. “Sorry. Your shirt is very cool.”

  She flashes her teeth as she stares down at it. “I know! Aren’t mermaids the coolest? I love them. Mom says they don’t exist, but I don’t believe her. What do you think?”

  “Sally, please stop bothering the nice lady.”

  At any other time, I might have given the girl a smile and tell her to believe in whatever she wants to believe. But seeing the mermaid tail…I just can’t.

  As soon as they leave with their smoothies, Leah says, “I wish we can talk privately, but it’s just me today. That means no breaks for me.”

  I nod absentmindedly.

  She leans forward to whisper, “How can Damarian not shift into a human?”

  “I don’t know. We came back from the ocean like we always do, but he couldn’t change. And when I went back into the ocean and tried to change into a mermaid, I couldn’t.”

  Her jaw hangs open.

  I swallow and straighten my shoulders. “It’ll be okay. Damarian and I will meet at the beach tonight and we’ll make sense of it.” I don’t know if I’m trying to convince her or myself.

  Leah quickly nods. “Yeah, I’m sure there’s a logical reason for it.” She’s trying to be strong for me, but she can’t hide the worry in her eyes.

  I shift in my seat. “Is it okay if I hang out here? I don’t want to go home. The apartment is too empty.”

  “Sure, just make sure you’re drinking your smoothie because my boss might stop by. She’ll be pissed if she sees me talking and not working.”

  I slap my forehead. “Speaking of bosses, Damarian’s must be wondering where he is.” I reach into my pocket for my phone, but realize I don’t have it with me. “Can I use your phone, please?”

  She hands it to me.

  I don’t know his boss’s number, so I call the aquarium instead. The person who answers the phone gives me Mr. Powell’s personal number. Taking a deep breath, I dial the number. I can’t mess things up and cause Damarian to lose his job.

  Maybe he won’t need a job on land if he can never turn into a human again,

  No. I throw those thoughts away. Damarian will turn into a human and he will come back on land. And I’ll turn into a mermaid again.

  “George Powell here.”

  “Hi. Um, this is Cassie Price. Damian Sapphire’s girlfriend. I mean, fiancée.”

  “Hello, Cassie.” His voice sounds wary and a little disappointed.

  I clear my throat. “Damian c
ouldn’t make it today.”

  “Yes, I am quite aware of that.”

  “He, um…he’s really sick.” Which is not a complete lie, since something is very wrong with him. And me.

  “I figured as much. Just please call in advance the next time. I had to cancel a few shows due to his absence.”

  I know. Canceled shows means disgruntled customers and less money. “Thanks so much for understanding. And I’ll try to call earlier next time.” A lump grows in my throat. Will there even be a next time? If we can’t figure out what’s wrong and Damarian can’t come onto land, he could lose his job. This feels very déjà vu. Just last year I was making excuses for him when he ran off to the ocean because he thought we were the reason Flora and Kiander couldn’t have kids.

  “That went well,” Leah says once I hang up.

  “As long as Damarian can come to work tomorrow.”

  She pats my hand. “I know he will. You guys always figure out how to overcome things. You’ll figure this one out, too.”

  I want to believer her, but I don’t know if I can.

  Chapter Ten

  The waves seem very violent tonight, almost like the ocean is rebelling. Maybe that’s just the way I’m interpreting it, because that’s how I feel.

  I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here on the wet sand, letting the waves wash over my feet. Hours, maybe. The sun set a long time ago. I close my eyes for the millionth time and let go of the guard I always keep up when I’m in the ocean as a human. I let nature take over so my legs can turn into my beautiful sapphire tail and for my hands to become webbed. But nothing happens. The waves continue crashing over my feet, spraying my face with salt water. Salt water I used to crave whenever I was near the ocean but feel nothing for now. I don’t even crave fish but chicken. And meat. And vegetables. And grains. Basically everything that does not come from the ocean.

  This time, I let the tears fall.

  Gazing out toward the dark waves, I look for any signs of Damarian’s arrival, like splashes in the water. But I don’t see or hear anything.

  Dread nestles inside me. Has something happened to him? Maybe the reason I can no longer feel him is because…No! I refuse to believe that something happened to him. I didn’t feel him last night, either.

  I clutch my head. I can’t stand this anymore. I just want to be at peace. Happy and at peace.

  “Cassie!”

  My head jerks up, but I don’t see anyone.

  “Cassie!”

  I leap to my feet and squint at the ocean, spotting Damarian’s head sticking out of the surface. He waves before diving back inside and swimming toward the shore. I race toward him, into the water.

  Damarian meets me and gathers me in his arms. He kisses the side of my head, my forehead, my cheeks. But I don’t feel any warmth or any butterflies in my stomach. I might as well be receiving a kiss from a crab.

  “I thought you weren’t coming,” I say.

  “Forgive me. Fiske insisted I eat before I arrived. I have not eaten all day, for I was so apprehensive.” He nods to the spot behind him. I follow his gaze and see the large great white poking out of the water.

  “He stayed with you all day?” I ask.

  “Yes, for I did not wish to return home and cause my family unease. We spent the day in the cave I lived in twenty four moons ago, when I did not wish to live in my home.”

  Two years ago. That seems like a lifetime ago. So much has happened, but it feels as though we are right back where we started. A shiver runs down my spine.

  “You are cold,” Damarian says. “Let us return to land.”

  I don’t know if I want him to come on land. I don’t want to face the truth, because if he can’t switch into a human, I don’t know what I’d do.

  When he moves closer to shore, I lower myself to the ground and help pull him onto the sand. The bag of essentials sits a few feet away, but I pay no attention to it. I need to believe that we won’t need the towels. I need to.

  When his body is completely out of the water, I settle next to him and study his tail. It’s only been a day, but I miss his tail. I miss mine. When I glance down at my legs, a strange feeling passes through me. It’s as though my body is telling me that the only things that belong there are my legs. Not my tail. I touch his tail but don’t feel anything. I swallow the tears away.

  “Can you switch?” I ask.

  He shakes his head.

  I tear my eyes away from him and rummage in the bag for the towels. I dry off his tail while he takes care of his upper body. Then I throw the sheet over him. This definitely feels like when we first met.

  “How was your day?” Damarian asks with a cheerful smile. Even without feeling him, I sense how fake that smile is. But I know he’s trying to be brave for me. For both of us.

  “Cassie?” He touches my cheek.

  “It sucked.”

  He laughs lightly.

  “Please don’t try to be strong. Show me how you really feel.”

  He lays his head on the sand. “I feel confident.”

  “Confident?”

  “Yes. In only a few more seconds, I will undergo the shift from child of the sea to human.”

  He may be confident, but I’m realistic. I know exactly how this will play out. I turn away and bury my face in my hands. A part of me, the smallest part, is hopeful that at any second, he will cry out in pure agony. For the first time in my life, I would welcome his pain with open arms. I would throw a party.

  He doesn’t cry out in pain.

  I can’t turn back around. I can’t.

  “My love.” He hand is on my back, softly rubbing it. “Please face me.”

  “What’s going on?” I whisper.

  “I do not know, my Cassie. But please turn around so I can see your face.”

  “You won’t like what you’ll see.”

  “I wish to dry your tears. Please, my love, allow me to hold you in my arms.”

  I slowly spin around, my eyes on the sand. Damarian tucks a webbed hand under my chin and lifts my face. His expression fills with pain and regret when he sees my tear-stricken face. He closes his hand over my wrist and gently pulls me toward him.

  As soon as I’m in his arms, I cry onto his chest. His hand rubs circles on my back, but it’s not comforting me like it has so many times in the past. It’s like I have a fountain behind my eyes—the tears are so abundant and strong and never-ending.

  “Do not fret, my love. It is all right.”

  “How can you say that?” I sob into the bare skin of his chest. “You don’t believe any of it. You’re just trying to comfort me.”

  He doesn’t respond, just continues rubbing circles on my back.

  Finally, when it seems the fountain has run out, I pull back and look into his eyes. “You’ll…you’ll get sick if you’re out of sea water for too long.” Like what happened the day I found him washed up on the shore and brought him to my house. He would have died if I hadn’t filled my pool with synthetic sea salt.

  He strokes my cheek. “I am not going anywhere.”

  “Then I’ll go into the ocean.”

  “The sea is too cold for you. I will remain out here as long as I can.”

  Another shiver runs down my spine.

  “Fret not, my love. Let us attempt to make sense of what has occurred.” He wipes my tears away with his thumbs.

  “Okay. When was the first time you felt something was wrong?”

  His eyebrows crease. “In the sea yesterday. When you did not have enough energy to swim home. It was as though your body…”

  “Was changing back into a human. Or didn’t want to be a mermaid anymore.”

  “Indeed. Was that the first instance you felt something was amiss?”

  I bite my bottom lip.

  “What is the matter?”

  “That wasn’t the first time…”

  “When was it?”

  I look away.

  “What is the matter? What is it that you do
not wish to tell me?”

  I look into his eyes again. There’s worry and fear in there, but every emotion is dwarfed by the all-consuming love he has for me.

  “It was the night we came back from land. When we were making out in our shell.”

  A puzzled look overtakes his face. “I do not understand.”

  “Since the first moment we’ve ever kissed, I’ve felt such intense feelings. Our love for each other takes over my whole body, makes me feel things I hadn’t felt before. It’s like out of this world.”

  Damarian nods as he caresses my cheek. “Yes, I am aware of how you feel, for it is the way I feel every time as well. And I sense everything in your heart and soul whenever we grow that close.”

  “Right.” I swallow, not wanting to hurt him. “But I didn’t feel anything that night.”

  “Nothing at all?”

  I shake my head. “It was like I was kissing a shower door.”

  His gaze moves away from mine and looks out in the distance. I’m not sure what expression he has on his face. Not hurt, like I thought, but more like he’s not surprised.

  “I don’t get it,” I say. “You look like you were expecting me to say something like that.”

  He slowly moves his eyes to mine. “That is because I, too, have felt as though I were kissing a useless item and not my mate.”

  Every part of me perks with shock and confusion. “What? You didn’t feel anything that night?”

  “No, my love. I did not feel anything the next morning.”

  “The next morning? You mean, when I took charge?”

  He reluctantly nods, a regretful expression on his face.

  “But…you seemed so into it. You made it seem like you were really enjoying yourself.” I remember how relieved I was that I finally felt him again, because I didn’t the night before.

  “Your actions did bring me pleasure, my Cassie,” he tells me. “But not like in the past. It was though a stranger was attempting to please me.”

  It feels like he just slapped me across the face. With both hands.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” I demand, anger and betrayal settling in my heart. I take a deep breath and let it out. There’s no reason for me to get upset. It’s not his fault he felt that way.

  “I apologize, my love.” He gathers me close to his chest and lays my head in the hollow space between his neck and shoulder. “I did not wish to cause you any pain. You know that all I wish is to make you happy. I thought I was tired or…I am not certain.”