by Marilyn Grey
“Hey. What are you doing?” Gavin said with tired eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“Pacing the living room at two in the morning? I’ve seen more interesting things I suppose.”
“I have something to tell you.”
“Oh boy. Blind date with the owner turned into a love story in the amount of time it took me to go to Lancaster and back?”
“Yes, but not what you think.” I pointed to the dining room table.
Gavin inched closer. “What’s this?”
“Open it.”
“Is this an engagement ring?”
“You won’t believe this. Seriously, you will not believe what I’m about to tell you.”
“Should I be sitting down for this? Are you getting engaged to her already?”
“No, no. Not at all. She was beautiful and smart and cute, but we were instantaneous friends. Nothing more. We ended up talking about Lydia and everything. By the end of it we were in front of a jewelry store. She made me realize my love for Lydia. She told me to buy a ring and when I propose it will be like falling in love all over again, like the newness I was looking for in someone else. Then I hesitated and what she said really struck me.”
“Yes?”
“She said, ‘Look, think of it like this. The old you is about to die and the new, better you is about to fall in love with the girl of your dreams. It wasn’t the girl who needed to change, it was you all along. You were the one with the issues, not her. You were the one who needed to die, so that your relationship could live. No marriage can ever thrive without two people who are willing to die. Two selfish people make a miserable love story. One selfless person and one selfish person make an okay love story that may or may not continue depending on how selfless the one person is. But when two people are selfless . . . you will have the most beautiful love story in the world and it will only get better with time.’”
“Wow.” Gavin’s eyes lit up. “Well, I have a confession.”
“What?”
“The letter you sent to Lydia. The one you gave me and I put in the mailbox. Remember?”
“Yes.”
“I never gave it to her. I wanted you to think you had the closure you needed. And I intentionally set you up on horrible dates so that you would be forced to realize what a beautiful woman you already had. I didn’t have anything to do with this last one, but I’m thankful she came into your life too. It was almost like you needed to meet her and hear those words from her to finally see the truth. Not sure I could ever put something quite as eloquently as she did.”
“So Lydia never got the letter?” I sighed and sat down at the dining room table. “Oh, thank God.”
“She never got it. And I also told her that you needed some time to think, but that I’d knock some sense into you. She’s still waiting for you, Matt. She told me she’d wait forever if she needed to. She wanted you or nothing. Just like Heidi feels about Andy.”
I bit my lower lip as I tried to hold back tears. “Wow. I don’t deserve this, Gavin. I don’t deserve her at all.”
“No, you really don’t. But it’s time to change that. So, what’s your plan for the big proposal?”
“You’ll see.”
“When are you doing it?”
“Are you kidding me? I can barely stand waiting right now. I’m doing it tomorrow.”
I didn’t sleep at all. I couldn’t. When the first peek of daylight entered my room I shot up and got in the shower. It really did feel like falling in love all over again. The excitement of seeing her, hearing her voice again. I couldn’t wait. Especially knowing what I was about to do.
After my shower I ran a few errands and picked up a few things for the proposal. By the time I got back Gavin had woken and showered too. Good timing.
“Hey,” I said. “Can you help me now or is it too early?”
“It’s early, but I’m ready. I’m excited for you too. A little jealous.”
“Don’t be jealous. Your time will come. I talked to Ella about her roommate Sarah, the one photographer you are teaching to paint.”
“Are you serious? I told you I’m not into her like that.”
“Well, anyway, she’s taken. But you never know.”
“Not like I’m looking around anyway. I’m fine being single. Just need to figure out what I’m going to do when you leave. How very depressed I will be.”
“Yeah. It just won’t be the same without my melancholy tunes.”
“Alright, so what do you need me to do?”
“For starters, we need to get this piano to Neshaminy Creek.”
“Nesaminy Creek? Why on earth?”
“Trust me. It will be worth it.”
In silent anticipation, we moved the piano outside to the moving truck I rented, then lifted it up and placed it inside.
“What’s all this?” Gavin pointed at the large bags in the back.
“I have a lot planned for this. I’m going to send her around a little scavenger hunt and at the end she’ll come to Neshaminy Creek. It’s a place that means a lot to us. I’m going to have the piano there and play her a song.”
“Wow. I don’t know if I’ll be able to top this if I ever find a nice woman to call my own. So what’s with all the bags of stuff?”
“A bazillion and one rose petals. More rose petals than I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s going to be insane.”
“Yes. Apparently.” Gavin jumped out of the truck.
I shut the back door and unlocked the drivers side. “Can you come and help me set it up? Maybe wait for me until she gets close?”
“You saying I can’t stick around and spy on the big moment?”
Ch. 21 | Ella
My phone woke me up on Saturday morning. Along with a text from Matt: Ella, thanks so much for your encouragement. I’ve got everything planned for tomorrow. I’ll send you a pic when I get it all set up.
I added his name to my phone. And tears poured down my cheeks. I couldn’t help it if I tried. I wiped my face with my sheets and curled back up, staring at his text. His name in my phone. The name of dashed dreams and relentless fantasies turned nightmares.
I saw a new voicemail pop up and clicked the button to play it.
“Ella, it’s me. Hey, we have someone who is buying the property from us. It should all be officially settled by the end of this month. They are going to turn it into a parking garage, so if you could have your things packed up as soon as possible that would be great. Leave anything you don’t want and we’ll take care of it. I’m so sorry about this, but there are probably plenty of places in Philly you could find to use. I hope it all works out. Call me if you have questions.”
I rubbed my eyes and stared at my ceiling. “So, this is what it feels like when life crumbles to the ground.”
Well, if I learned anything from Sarah’s experience, I learned that it’s okay to cry, but now it’s time to get up, smile, and figure something out.
And that’s just the thing. Today I vowed to not try to figure anything out about tomorrow. Today I decided to live today only.
Another tear warmed my cheeks. I covered my head and went back to sleep.
I woke to my phone beeping at noon. Another text from Matt. Check this out, he said. Along with a picture of a beautiful scene. His piano by a river or lake, I couldn’t tell. A million rose petals scattered all over the grass and piano. Pink and white and green. Surreal. Absolutely unbelievable on so many levels.
My phone beeped again. This time a text from Dee. You coming in today? Didn’t see you. Wanted to know how the date went. Was it him?
I typed, He is really nice and I’m pretty sure it was him. Yes. It was him. But he is about to propose to someone else. He’s happy. It’s where he is meant to be. I just don’t know where I’m supposed to be anymore.
A few minutes passed. I blinked, stared, blinked, cried, and repeated until Dee’s text popped up. I can’t believe it was him. Are you okay?
Fine. It will take me a day
to get over it, but I need to get up and live. This is the closure I needed. I think it’s actually helping me to find life again. And Chances will be history next month. New owner turning it into a parking lot. We’ll talk soon. I’ll be in Monday to start packing up. Close up tonight and we’ll put a closing up shop sign there. No more business after today.
She called, but I didn’t pick up. So she texted again. Let me know if you need anything.
I’m fine. I promise. This is the start of my new life. I’m being forced to live again. It’s good. I just need to cry it out first.
And with that, I turned my phone off. A new beginning can’t happen without the death of an old beginning. And so the hopes of my future died as I cried myself to sleep, giving up my dreams of tomorrow for something better. Life today.
Ch. 22 | Matthew
Surrounded by thousands of pink and white rose petals, I waited at my piano underneath the willow tree. The branches hid the spot where we carved our initials when we first got together. Under the initials I painted, “Will you marry me, my sweetheart?” I tried to carve it, but it didn’t show up well enough. Didn’t want her to miss it.
I sent her on a scavenger hunt around the city. Every place she went to would be a meaningful place in the story of our relationship. I went to each place and put a small card with the next clue. Eventually, hopefully, she would make it to me.
My hands shook. My t-shirt clung to me with drops of sweat. Every now and then I’d laugh out loud, then play a song on the piano, pace around the petals, sit back down, and repeat. At least I played happy songs. Gavin would be proud.
A text from him showed up on my phone. She just passed my car. Didn’t see me. She should be there in 5. Let me know how it goes. So excited for you.
I ran my fingers down the keys of the piano, remembering her smile as we sang this song together for the first time. It didn’t make sense at the time. We just played a bunch of Lennon songs because she loves him and The Beatles. We happened upon this one and ended up kissing before we finished. Now, everything about the song made so much sense.
Hands on the keys, feet tapping the petals beneath me, eyes ahead, heart on my sleeve, I waited.
Behind the rustling of the willow tree I saw her hair lit by the sun, blowing out of her face as she walked toward me. I looked at the keys, back to her, back to the keys, and couldn’t remember which song I wanted to play.
Everything blurred, like one of Gavin’s paintings splashed by the rain. My hands remembered. I started to play, then sing along, “Our life together is so precious together. We have grown together, we have grown. Although our love is still special. Let’s take a chance and fly away somewhere alone. . . .”
She walked closer. Smile running its way to California. Eyes on me. I played my heart out as she stood beside me, tears in her eyes, listening. My voice shook a few times, leading me to the end of the third verse. I sang it as best I could, “It’ll be just like starting over, starting over.” Then my voice cracked and I grabbed her hand, got on both knees in front of her, and kissed her hand over and over and over again.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, kissing her fingers, her wrist, her arm.
“Stand up,” she said. “I’m sorry too, Matthew. I’m so sorry.”
I looked up at her glistening eyes. “Sorry for what? You have nothing to be sorry for.”
She squeezed my fingers and held my face with her other hand. “I’m sorry for walking out and leaving you like that.”
“Sweetheart. Oh, you are too good for me.”
I looked down and asked her to look at the tree.
She dropped to her knees in front of me. Forced me to look into her eyes. Face in her hands, I waited to hear the words that would start the next chapter of my life. My future with the most beautiful wife in the world.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her body into mine. We stayed like that for minutes, embracing and crying. I ran my fingers through her curled hair, straightening out the hours of work she put into them.
Smiling, I said, “So, what’s your answer?”
“Oh, Matthew. You know my answer. My heart married you long before you ever put a ring on my finger.”
“The ring!”
“What?”
“I forgot the ring.” I shook my head. “How could I be so stupid?”
She laughed, wiping her cheeks. “You are the only for me.”
“I can’t believe I forgot the ring.”
“I don’t care about a ring, don’t you see? I married you a long time ago. Rings, wedding cakes, they are nothing compared to the way it feels to be with you and to finally have you wake up and realize what we have.”
We sat in the grass together, talking about our memories and our future life together. How many kids we would have, where we would live, what color bridesmaids dresses we would choose. Eventually we fell back into the petals and talked until the sun went down.
“We should go,” she said, sitting up.
I pulled her back down and kissed her. “I want to marry you tomorrow. I don’t want to wait.”
“We waited this long. Let’s do it right.”
The sun said it’s final goodbye for the day as we stood to leave. I couldn’t bear the thought of waiting to marry her, but knew the sun would set for a few more months before I’d see her walking down the aisle to me. And like Ella said, I needed to die. To let my desires become whatever my Lydia wanted.
We walked to her car, swaying our locked hands back and forth.
One last kiss goodbye.
“This is home,” I said. “You are home to me.”
I now understood the feeling. As I watched her drive off, taillights rounding a corner and drifting out of sight, I understood the way Andy and Heidi must have felt the time she played the guitar for him. Home. In the arms of my woman. And as she drove away a part of my very self stretched across the road. For the first time in years I ached watching her leave. And I couldn’t wait to wake up and see her tomorrow.
My future wife.
Ch. 23 | Ella
Monday morning I unlocked the doors of Chances and thought of the irony. Really, what are the chances of finally meeting Mr. Right only to realize my entire purpose in his life was to ship him off to another woman? Only me.
Dee walked up as the front door closed.
I opened it and smiled. “Ready to shut this place down?”
“Not really,” she said. “We have a lot of catching up to do first.”
“I really don’t want to talk about Matt. Really, truly, don’t want to talk about him.”
We walked behind the counter and Dee turned on one of the espresso machines. “I”m making us some coffee, we’re pulling up a chair over there, and we’re talking. There’s no way I’m letting you hold all this inside. Have you talked to Sarah?”
“I haven’t. Not yet. She’s been so busy lately. Her and her boyfriend, who I have yet to meet, are with each other all the time. I don’t understand if she’s so serious about him why she doesn’t introduce him to me. It all seems so secretive and bizarre.”
“Maybe she’s not as into him as you think.”
I shrugged, looked around at the art on the walls, the books on the shelves in the corner, the cute tables and chairs I picked out, the sign on the door. “I had so much hope when I started this place.”
“You don’t have hope anymore?”
“I do. It’s just different. My hope is to truly live one day at a time. To enjoy life regardless of whether I’m single or married. The hope of him died.”
“Yes, but I guess this is the closure you needed to move on with your life.”
I lifted my body on to the counter and pulled my feet up. “Closure. Yes. This chapter has finally ended, but it wasn’t the ending I was hoping for.”
“Well, like I said before, sometimes you have to stop being so idealistic and realize that love doesn’t always end up like the movies.”
“It doesn’t always, but it
does sometimes. Tylissa and Mwenye have a beautiful movie-like romance. And the most beautiful thing is that it gets more beautiful every day. They are the most devoted people I’ve ever met. Devoted to love, to each other, to others.”
“Let me help you keep things in perspective here. The guy you spotted across the coffee shop years ago. He is getting married to someone else. It was a strange and odd dream you had. To really believe you would find this guy and fall in love. It could happen, I guess, but what are the chances? I know, I know, that’s why you named this place Chances. That’s why you stopped taking chances and lived within these walls waiting for him. But the reality is he is in love with someone else. It doesn’t end there, though. The other piece of this reality is that you are free to fall in love with someone else now, and there’s no reason you can’t walk out this door right now, trip over the curb, and land in Prince Charming’s arms.”
I laughed. “Wow. What a speech. The ending is definitely Ella-esque.”
“There’s always Patrick.”
“No, no, no. Absolutely not Patrick.”
“He is so charming. And depressed. And lonely. Cheer him up and live happily ever after.”
“That’s, um, quite the romance if you ask me.” I hopped off the counter and took the coffee she handed me. “It’s not Patrick. No idea who, if anyone, the man for me will be. But I have to say I kind of like the mystery in this.”
My phone beeped. When would his name stop making me feel like I lost a part of myself?
“Who’s that? You look like you saw an apparition float out of your phone.”
I showed her the screen.
“Wow,” she said. “That has to be the most over the top proposal I have ever seen in my life.”
“Yes. He played one of her favorite songs for her with all those petals around.”
The phone beeped and she handed it to me.
I turned my phone off and sighed. “He wants to invite me to their wedding.”
“Sounds delightful.” She sipped her coffee and looked around the room. “So what do we do first? Take down the pictures? What are you taking? And what are you going to do next?”
