Taming Mr. Flirt

by A. m Madden

  “No she isn’t, and she could just pick the one who sounds the hottest,” Vanessa countered. “Be sure to ask if he has a big cock. You know, just in case. Just because you’re stuck with the guy doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with him. Besides, who would want to go away with someone who has a little pecker?”

  “She can’t ask anything personal. Did you read all the rules, Brae?” Desiree interjected, her lawyer mode in full effect.

  “Most of them. It’s fine. I need the money. My savings will only keep the banks off my back for so long, and I’ve worn out more pairs of shoes hoofing it to interviews. Winning this money could solve my problems. It would be such a weight lifted off me. Plus, six weeks isn’t that long.”

  I chose to ride the Vanessa vibe because Cassie and Desiree were making me second-guess everything. I needed to be one hundred percent confident going into this. Plus, I’d already signed and Shelly gave me the spot. From what I understood many applied, but once the original contestant backed out she didn’t have time to find a replacement on such short notice.

  Vanessa’s eyes cut to the right, and I followed her line of sight to see a man at the bar ogling her. “I’ll be back. You’re doing the right thing, Brae. I can feel it. We’ll be supporting you. Right, girls?” Her eyes flitted between us as she slipped out of the booth. Everyone nodded and Vanessa was off to talk to the handsome stranger.

  “When is it?” Cassie asked before sipping her drink.

  “Two weeks from tomorrow. That’ll give me enough time to go shopping, pay my bills, and come up with my questions for Mr. Wrong.”

  Desiree laughed. “You’re really going to go through with this?”

  “Damn straight I am. By the time the six weeks are over, I’ll have a killer tan, half a million dollars, and no man.” My confidence soared the more I convinced myself this was a great plan.

  “What are you going to do if you fall for him?” Cassie cocked a brow. “It could happen.”

  “It won’t happen. I’m swearing off men for a while. Trust me, I know what I’m doing.” Just the thought of liking the man I’d be spending time with sent a chill down my spine. No way. I would stick to my plan.

  We all looked toward the bar as Vanessa tossed her head back and flipped her hair over her shoulder, laughing at whatever the man she was talking to had said. Yeah, she wasn’t leaving anytime soon.

  “Well, ladies, I’m exhausted.” I grabbed my coat, slid out of the booth, and kissed them both on the cheeks. “I’ll talk to you later.” I looked at Desiree, who still had a concerned “mom” look on her face. “It’ll be great, Des. Just wait and see. Would you like to come over tomorrow and go over the fine print with me?”

  “I’ll call you and let you know what time I’ll be at your place.”

  I smiled at her, knowing that was what she needed. She was the caretaker, the sensible one of the bunch. “Great, I’ll have wine chilling.”

  With another quick wave to Vanessa, I hailed a cab and made my way home.

  By the time Des showed up, I had already enjoyed three glasses of wine. She was adamant about going over the details of the dating contract, but I just wanted the money and would do almost anything to get it.

  “I see you’re going to be taking this seriously.” Des shook her head and poured herself a glass of Merlot.

  “Des, it’s a no-brainer. I’m doing this to satisfy your OCD.” We sat on my sofa while Des reached for the iPad. Sliding her reading glasses on, she began scanning the screen. “You look super smart in those.” A hiccup escaped me, followed by a giggle.

  Des rolled her eyes. “Number one.” Her tone was serious, so I did my best to sober up and pay attention. “All of your questions must be geared toward romance, relationships, or dating.”

  “So, I can’t ask how many inches he is?” I asked with a snort.

  “No, you can’t.” Des did not look amused.

  “Girth?”

  “Did Vanessa put you up to this?” she huffed. “Can you please focus?”

  I put my hand up in surrender. “Okay, what else.”

  “You both must stay on the island for a full six weeks or forty-two days. If you hook-up with someone else on the island, or leave for even an hour, and they find out, the experiment is over and no one gets a dime.”

  “How would they know? Are there cameras?”

  Des scrolled through the contract. “No. It says there will be unannounced visits from people affiliated with Ignite Your Spark. You both must be present.”

  “What if I need to pee and I’m not there?”

  “Will it take you an hour to pee?” She raised a brow in a silent scold. “Again, let’s concentrate, shall we?”

  “Whatever, I’ll hold it.”

  “There will be planned activities for both of you that you must engage in.”

  “Like what? Chess tournaments? Scrabble? I’d kick ass in Scrabble.”

  Des took my glass of wine and set it on the table. “I’m cutting you off.” She shook her head.

  I let out a sigh. “What activities?”

  “Romantic dinners, island excursions, couple massages.”

  “Oooh! I hope my masseuse is hot!” I raised my brows, and she frowned.

  “That would be breaking rule number one—lusting after a man other than the one you’re with.”

  “I’ll make sure I get the fat old woman.”

  Her eyes scanned the page, and then she said, “Hmmm. Challenges.” When she didn’t get a response, she repeated, “Did you hear me? Challenges. You will both have to complete team building challenges.”

  “I’m a team player.” I went to grab for my wine glass, but she slapped my hand away. “What else?”

  “Your location won’t be disclosed to anyone other than the producers of the show, except for one person of your choosing to be your emergency contact.”

  “Awww, will you be my person?” I batted my lashes at her.

  “Yes, who else would you choose? Vanessa?”

  “Yay, you’re my lobster!”

  “Brae.” Her serious tone worried me a bit. “Did you read the last line?”

  I looked at my iPad as Desiree moved her fingers over the screen to magnify the text. Then she read out loud, “Couple will be married on the forty-second day. Family and friends will be welcome to attend.”

  “I’m sorry, what?” This time when I went to grab my wine, she let me.

  “Married, Brae. You need to marry this guy. You were wrong. You don’t get to walk away with a killer tan, half a million dollars, and no man. The man is part of the deal.”

  “How did I miss that? Let me see that again.” I snatched the tablet from her hands, and sure as shit, that’s what it said. “You’re a lawyer, can you handle my divorce?”

  “Yeah . . . in a year. Plus, you need to make four public appearances together promoting your loving union.” Desiree’s eyes were filled with concern. “Brae, this man is a stranger. It’s bad enough you’ll be sharing a room, but a life? You may get the money up front, but it says if you aren’t married for the full year, you have to give it back. You’re depending on this stranger to be your knight in shining armor. Even if it’s temporary, do you want your first and, hopefully, only marriage to be with a guy you’d know for a month and a half at that point? One who’s so desperate, he turned to a dating service?”

  She was right. I jumped to my feet and began to pace, my hands on my hips and gaze penetrating my carpet. It wasn’t like I could get a loan. I was unemployed, for God’s sake. There was no way my parents could find out about this. At that thought, my stomach rolled. “My mother is going to flip out. She has so much on her mind as it is. If I call her in two months and tell her I’m getting married, she’s going to have a stroke! Not to mention my father! Holy shit! What have I gotten myself into?” I cried, throwing my hands out at my sides.

  My heart was beating so hard, I was ready for it to burst out of my ribcage, and my skin became clammy as I continued my fevered s
teps, the anxiety feeling like a living force inside me. Nausea washed over me and I ran to the bathroom, getting there just in time.

  “Sweetie, are you okay?” Desiree pulled my hair back and handed me a cool washcloth.

  “You’ll be there for me, right? Will you handle things for me?” I wiped my mouth and stood. The more I thought about what I signed on for, the more bile churned in the pit of my stomach.

  “Of course I will. We all will be. I’m sure even Vanessa will think this is insane, but you signed the contract. It says here if you break it without just cause, you could be sued.” I bet the original contestant was happy she had a death in the family. I was beginning to think she lied.

  Back in my living room, we assumed our places on the couch. “Like I said before, I’ll just pick the man who sounds like he wouldn’t be good at having a committed relationship.” I nodded, reassuring myself of my words. “When we get to the island, we’ll make a pact to separate after we leave. Easy-peasy.” At this point, I was convinced my decision was brilliant, until I saw Desiree’s face.

  She looked up, with sympathy etched in the lines of her forehead. “Sweetie, it says you need to live as husband and wife for a year. Living in separate places is not the norm for married couples.”

  “Oh. Fuck.” I was screwed.

  Chapter 2

  Jude

  The setting was straight out of one of those horrid awards shows Americans went gaga over. Velvet ropes corralled the hordes of crazed overdressed New York socialites hoping to get in. Two intimidating men whose physiques looked more like refrigerators than humans stood guard at the door. What the hell was happening, and why the fuck was I here?

  Kyle.

  Dammit. The fucker said it was a work function he needed to attend, and once he made an appearance, we could take off. I’d bet my last dollar this wasn’t a work thing at all. Knowing my friend, that chick he was banging was going to be here tonight and he lied to get me here.

  I strutted up to the two kitchen appliances with eyes and gave my name. One quirked a brow at my accent. It happened every time. People assumed I was a Swedish model without a brain in my head, and most of the time I let them assume.

  I waited, feigning boredom as they scanned their clipboard. Without a word, one of the ogre twins moved the velvet rope, granting me access.

  With each person allowed entry, the crowd became more irate, and my passing through was no exception. Here these poor saps were dying to get in, and I wanted no part of this night. At least Luca would be coming as well. Lucky for Kyle, Luca often stopped me from beating the crap out of him.

  When the three of us attended Yale University, Kyle’s antics would often get us into all sorts of trouble. Most of the time with chicks; once with the disciplinary committee. Each time, it was Luca who convinced me to let him live another day. What happened when a Swede, an Italian, and a Canadian walked into a frat house? Chaos.

  Thrust together because we were foreigners, no one could have predicted the friendship that culminated between us. Even though Luca and I spoke impeccable English when we arrived at Yale, we often depended on Kyle to talk our way out of situations—which proved to be a mistake on many occasions.

  Once inside, I forced my eyes to focus in the dimly lit room. It was massive, loud, and jammed with people. My phone buzzed in my pocket. When I fished it out, a text from Kyle announced they were sitting at the bar.

  The first thing I said when I reached them was, “I want a Belvedere with a twist . . . on you.” He dragged me here. The least he could do was buy me the most expensive drink I could order.

  Kyle smirked. “Fine.”

  He repeated my drink choice, telling the bartender to add it to his tab.

  Only after I took a long sip did I speak. “You. Owe. Me. Big.” Another smirk meant he knew it. “Seriously, what the fuck are we doing here? And be honest. I don’t buy your crap that this has to do with work.”

  His eyes cut to Luca before landing back on my scowl. “It is work. Just drink your ridiculously expensive vodka and relax. Where else do you have to be?”

  He had a point. After a long, stressful week, I needed to relax a bit. I wouldn’t admit that out loud, though. It would serve me well to have him thinking he owed me one.

  I scanned the scene. Round cocktail tables and club chairs all pointing toward a curtained stage filled the dance floor and my initial thought was Karaoke. I despised Karaoke.

  “What’s happening here tonight?”

  Kyle glanced over his shoulder at the stage. “Some trivia thing.”

  This didn’t look like a trivia crowd. This crowd was here for very specific reasons. The girls were dressed to the nines and the guys may as well have had stylists for the occasion. My untucked white button-down and dark denim jeans would have to suffice.

  Photographers lined the perimeter, snapping pictures of the guests, and a camera crew was setting up at the back of the room facing the stage.

  The closer I looked, the more I realized the female to male ratio was a bit skewed. “Why are there so many dudes here?”

  “Ask him.” With a palm up, Luca deflected to Kyle, sporting his typical Italian what the fuck do I know tilt of the head.

  “You have thirty seconds to start talking,” I said without humor, lifting my vodka while my gaze remained steady on Kyle’s face.

  Just as I opened my mouth to start my countdown, a spotlight lit a perfect circle against the black velvet curtain stretching across the stage. Applause drowned out the music and a man and woman emerged, smiling wide while waving to the crowd.

  The man wore a tuxedo and looked like he could be the host for Wheel of Fortune, and his booming announcer voice supported that theory. His partner was a busty blonde who squeezed herself into a red sequined gown two sizes too small.

  “Hello, ladies and gentlemen! I’m Chip, and this here is my lovely wife, Barbi.”

  Chip? Barbi? More like Dipstick and Busty.

  “Welcome to Ignite Your Spark, sponsored by Flame Relationship Services. We believe true love sometimes needs more than that initial spark. It’s not just about striking the match, it’s also about stoking the flames. Via Ignite Your Spark, we bring two people together who are a perfect fit on paper. Once that spark catches, we provide all the necessary tools to keep the embers of romance from flickering out before they can become a blazing fire.”

  The busty blonde smiled wide at what her co-host had just said. I heard the words, but they weren’t registering in my brain. All I kept thinking was, again, why the fuck are we here?

  “Chip and I founding Ignite Your Spark ten years ago, and are proud to say we are responsible for over three hundred marriages to date. After our own romance sparked to life…” While she continued to ramble on about how they met and came to be, I turned back around on my bar stool and drained my Belvedere.

  “So, tonight,” Busty continued, “we are proud to announce one of our best social experiments of all time. We stand behind our theory that love often needs help to flourish, but what would happen if you didn’t see the person you are emotionally connecting with? What if all you have is that emotional connection to work from? Tonight, our female contestant will blindly interview three males selected at random from our twenty finalists. Once her questions have been answered, she will then choose one to escape to paradise with for forty-two days. If they find love, they will be rewarded financially, and by the most divine give the universe can offer—finding their soulmate and eternal flame.”

  Dipstick nodded at his wife like a big toothy bobble head. “Our female Spark is currently backstage waiting to meet her Mr. Right. We had an overwhelming response from over ten thousand applicants vying for the opportunity to find their Mrs. Right. We will now announce who the three lucky Sparks are.” He pulled out a notecard and grinned at the crown. “Spark number one. Will Chad Heathrow please come on up?” The spotlight swung to the crowd, searching and landing on a Ken doll wearing a navy blazer and khaki slacks. I had enou
gh nieces to know Ken dolls were dickless. He high-fived his friends before jogging up to the stage.

  “When are we leaving?” I whisper-shouted to Luca, and got shushed by the woman beside me.

  Kyle leaned closer, and answered, “Just relax. Order another drink, eh?”

  With each word out of my friends’ mouths, and Kyle adamant that we stay, I came to the conclusion that Kyle must have signed himself up for this ridiculousness. What an idiot. “Did you sign yourself up for this shit?” I asked Kyle. “Does this have to do with that chick you’re banging?” He waved a dismissive hand, and I leaned closer, saying, “I’m outta here.”

  “You can’t!” Kyle gripped my arm in a panic. “I, um… you need to be here.”

  “Why?” The hosts began chatting with the Ken doll, and all the pieces seemed to snap into place. The way Luca and Kyle ignored me, I knew…” What the fuck did you do?” My voice increased in volume as the noise in the room lulled. Glares from surrounding tables did little to deter me. Kyle’s eyes grew wide as Luca laughed his ass off. “Are you fucking kidding me? You signed me up for this?” I looked to Luca, who was now facing the opposite direct, his shoulders shaking in a way that meant he was still laughing. “Hey,” I said with a snap of my fingers, “did you know about this?”

  “Maybe,” Luca said on a shrug.

  “Motherfuckers!”

  “Relax, you won’t be picked.” Kyle leaned closer when more people around us glared in our direction. “Your odds are one in twenty.”

  “And if I am?”

  A chick turned around and pointed a finger at us. “Shhh!”

  “Oh, well, then, it’ll be fun to watch you squirm for a few minutes. Remember a couple months ago when you hooked me up on that blind date for my birthday? Let’s see, what was her name? Randi? Randi with an i.” Luca and I both started laughing. “Yeah, real funny. Especially when she excused herself from the table and I ended up using the urinal next to her. I mean, him.” Luca bent over, grabbing his stomach. “Assholes.”

  “You were just jealous your date’s dick was bigger than yours,” I said on a chuckle.