Complete Works of George Moore

by George Moore

  “But Casanova was a marvellous necromancer, an extraordinary gambler.”

  “I know no more enthusiastic gambler than Mike. Have you ever seen him play whist? At Boulogne he cleaned them all out at baccarat.”

  “And lost heavily next day, and left without paying.”

  “The facts of the case have not been satisfactorily established. Have you seen him do tricks with cards? He used to be very fond of card tricks; and, by Jove! now I remember, there was a time when ladies came to consult him. He had two pieces of paper folded up in the same way. He gave one to the lady to write her question on; she placed it in a cleft stick and burnt it in a lamp; but the stick was cleft at both ends, and Mike managed it so that she burnt the blank sheet, while he read what she had written. Very trivial; inferior of course to Casanova’s immense cabalistic frauds, but it bears out my contention … Have you ever read the Memoirs? What a prodigious book! Do you remember when the Duchesse de Chartres comes to consult the cabale in the little apartment in the Palais Royal as to the best means of getting rid of the pimples on her face? … and that scene (so exactly like something Wycherley might have written) when he meets the rich farmer’s daughter travelling about with her old uncle, the priest?”

  Mike was talking to Alice Barton, who was chaperoning Lily. Though she knew nothing of his character she had drawn back instinctively, but her strictness was gradually annealed in his persuasiveness, and when he rose to go out of the room with Lily, she was astonished that she had pleasure in his society.

  Lily was more beautiful than usual, the heat and the pleasure of seeing her admirer having flushed her cheeks. He was penetrated with her sweetness, and the hand laid on his arm thrilled him. Where should he take her? Unfortunately the staircase was in stone; servants were busy in the drawing-room.

  “How beautifully Mr. Escott plays the violin!”

  The melodious strain reeked through the doorways, filling the passage.

  “That is Stradella’s ‘Chanson d’Église.’ He always plays it; I’m sick of it.”

  “Yes, but I’m not. Do not let us go far, I should like to listen.”

  “I thought you would have preferred to talk with me.”

  Her manner did not encourage him to repeat his words, and he waited, uncertain what he should say or do. When the piece was over, he said —

  “We had to turn my bedroom into a retiring-room. I’m afraid we shall not be alone.”

  “That does not matter; my mother does not approve of young girls sitting out dances.”

  “But your mother isn’t here.”

  “I should not think of doing anything I knew she did not wish me to do.”

  The conversation was interrupted by the entrance of Muchross with several lords, and he was with difficulty dissuaded from an attempt to swarm up the columns of the wonderful bed. The room was full of young girls and barristers gathered from the various courts. Some had stopped before the great Christ. A girl had touched the suspended silver lamp and spoken of “dim religious light”; but by no word or look did Lily admit that she had been there before, and Mike felt it would be useless to remind her that she had. She was the same as she was every Wednesday in her mother’s drawing-room. And the party had been given solely with a view of withdrawing her from its influence. What was he to say to this girl? Was he to allow all that had passed between them to slip? Never had he felt so ill at ease. At last, fixing his eyes upon her, he said —

  “Let us cease this trifling. Perhaps you do not know how painful it is to me. Tell me, will you come and see me? Do not let us waste time. I never see you alone now.”

  “I could not think of coming to see you; it would not be right.”

  “But you did come once.”

  “That was because I wanted to see where you lived. Now that I know, there would be no reason for coming again.”

  “You have not forgiven me. If you knew how I regret my conduct! Try and understand that it was for love of you. I was so fearful of losing you. I have lost you; I know it!”

  He cursed himself for the irresolution he had shown. Had he made her his mistress she would now be hanging about his neck.

  “I forgive you. But I wish you would not speak of love in connection with your conduct; when you do, all my liking for you dies.”

  “How cruel! Then I shall never kiss you again. Was my kiss so disagreeable? Do you hate to kiss me?”

  “I don’t know that I do, but it is not right. If I were married to you it would be different.”

  The conversation fell. Then realizing that he was compromising his chances, he said —

  “How can I marry you? I haven’t a cent in the world.”

  “I am not sure I would marry you if you had every cent in the world.”

  Mike looked at her in despair. She was adorably frail and adorably pale.

  “This is very cruel of you.” Words seemed very weak, and he feared that in the restlessness and pain of his love he had looked at her foolishly. So he almost welcomed Lady Helen’s intrusion upon their tête-à-tête.

  “And this is the way you come for your dance, Mr. Fletcher, is it?”

  “Have they begun dancing? I did not know it. I beg your pardon.”

  “And I too am engaged for this dance. I promised it to Mr. Escott,” said Lily.

  “Let me take you back.”

  He gave her his arm, assuring himself that if she didn’t care for him there were hundreds who did. Lady Helen was one of the handsomest women in London, and he fancied she was thinking of him. And when he returned he stood at the door watching her as she leaned over the mantelpiece reading a letter. She did not put it away at once, but continued reading and playing with the letter as one might with something conclusive and important. She took no precaution against his seeing it, and he noticed that it was in a man’s handwriting, and began Ma chère amie. The room was now empty, and the clatter of knives and forks drowned the strains of a waltz.

  “You seemed to be very much occupied with that young person. She is very pretty. I advise you to take care.”

  “I don’t want to marry. I shall never marry. Did you think I was in love with Miss Young?”

  “Well, it looked rather like it.”

  “No; I swear you are mistaken. I say, if you don’t care about dancing we’ll sit down and talk. So you thought I was in love with Miss Young? How could I be in love with her while you are in the room? You know, you must have seen, that I have only eyes for you. The last time I was in Paris I went to see you in the Louvre.”

  “You say I am like Jean Gougon’s statue.”

  “I think so, so far as a pair of stays allows me to judge.”

  Lady Helen laughed, but there was no pleasure in her laugh; it was a hard, bitter laugh.

  “If only you knew how indifferent I am! What does it matter whether I am like the statue or not? I am indifferent to everything.”

  “But I admire you because you are like the statue.”

  “What does it matter to me whether you admire me or not? I don’t care.”

  He had not asked her for the dance; she had sought him of her free-will. What did it mean?

  “Why should I care? What is it to me whether you like me or whether you hate me? I know very well that three months after my death every one will have ceased to think of me; three months hence it will be the same as if I had never lived at all.”

  “You are well off; you have talent and beauty. What more do you want?”

  “The world cannot give me happiness. You find happiness in your own heart, not in worldly possessions…. I am a pessimist. I recognize that life is a miserable thing — not only a miserable thing, but a useless thing. We can do no good; there is no good to be done; and life has no advantage except that we can put it off when we will. Schopenhauer is wrong when he asserts that suicide is no solution of the evil; so far as the individual is concerned suicide is a perfect solution, and were the race to cease to-morrow, nature would instantly choose another type and force it
into consciousness. Until this earth resolves itself to ice or cinder, matter will never cease to know itself.”

  “My dear,” said Lewis Seymour, who entered the room at that moment, “I am feeling very tired; I think I shall go home, but do not mind me. I will take a hansom — you can have your brougham. You will not mind coming home alone?”

  “No, I shall not mind. But do you take the brougham. It will be better so. It will save the horse from cold; I’ll come back in a hansom.”

  Mike noticed a look of relief or of pleasure on her face, he could not distinguish which. He pressed the conversation on wives, husbands, and lovers, striving to lead her into some confession. At last she said —

  “I have had a lover for the last four years.”

  “Really!” said Mike. He hoped his face did not betray his great surprise. This was the first time he had ever heard a lady admit she had had a lover.

  “We do not often meet; he doesn’t live in England. I have not seen him for more than six months.”

  “Do you think he is faithful to you all that time?”

  “What does it matter whether he is or not? When we meet we love each other just the same.”

  “I have never known a woman like you. You are the only one that has ever interested me. If you had been my mistress or my wife you would have been happier; you would have worked, and in work, not in pleasure, we may cheat life. You would have written your books, I should have written mine.”

  “I don’t want you to think I am whining about my lot. I know what the value of life is; I’m not deceived, that is all.”

  “You are unhappy because your present life affords no outlet for your talent. Ah! had you had to fight the battle! How happy it would have made me to fight life with you! I wonder you never thought of leaving your husband, and throwing yourself into the battle of work.”

  “Supposing I wasn’t able to make my living. To give up my home would be running too great a risk.”

  “How common all are when you begin to know them,” thought Mike.

  They spoke of the books they had read. She told him of Le Journal d’Amiel, explaining the charm that that lamentable record of a narrow, weak mind, whose power lay in an intense consciousness of its own failure, had for her. She spoke savagely, tearing out her soul, and flinging it as it were in Mike’s face, frightening him not a little.

  “I wish I had known Amiel; I think I could have loved him.”

  “Did he never write anything but this diary?”

  “Oh, yes; but nothing of any worth. The diary was not written for publication. A friend of his found it among his papers, and from a huge mass extricated two volumes.” Then speaking in praise of the pessimism of the Russian novels, she said— “There is no pleasure in life — at least none for me; the only thing that sustains me is curiosity.”

  “I don’t speak of love, but have you no affection for your friends? — you like me, for instance.”

  “I am interested in you — you rouse my curiosity; but when I know you, I shall pass you by just like another.”

  “You are frank, to say the least of it. But like all other women, I suppose you like pleasure, and I adore you; I really do. I have never seen any one like you. You are superb to-night; let me kiss you.” He took her in his arms.

  “No, no; loose me. You do not love me, I do not love you; this is merely vice.”

  He pleaded she was mistaken. They spoke of indifferent things, and soon after went in to supper.

  “What a beautiful piece of tapestry!” said Lady Helen.

  “Yes, isn’t it. But how strange!” he said, stopping in the doorway. “See how exquisitely real is the unreal — that is to say, how full of idea, how suggestive! Those blue trees and green skies, those nymphs like unswathed mummies, colourless but for the red worsted of their lips, — that one leaning on her bow, pointing to the stag that the hunters are pursuing through a mysterious yellow forest, — are to my mind infinitely more real than the women bending over their plates. At this moment the real is mean and trivial, the ideal is full of evocation.”

  “The real and the ideal; why distinguish as people usually distinguish between the words? The real is but the shadow of the ideal, the ideal but the shadow of the real.”

  The table was in disorder of cut pineapple, scattered dishes, and drooping flowers. Muchross, Snowdown, Dicky the driver, and others were grouped about the end of the table, and a waiter who styled them “most amusing gentlemen,” supplied fresh bottles of champagne. Muchross had made several speeches, and now jumping on a chair, he discoursed on the tapestry, drawing outrageous parallels, and talking unexpected nonsense. The castle he identified as the cottage where he and Jenny had spent the summer; the bleary-eyed old peacock was the chicken he had dosed with cayenne pepper, hoping to cure its rheumatism; the pool with the white threads for sunlight was the water-butt into which Tom had fallen from the tiles— “those are the hairs out of his own old tail.” The nymphs were Laura, Maggie, Emily, &c. Mike asked Lady Helen to come into the dancing-room, but she did not appear to hear, and her laughter encouraged Muchross to further excesses. The riot had reached its height and dancers were beginning to come from the drawing-room to ask what it was all about.

  “All about!” shouted Muchross; “I don’t care any more about nymphs — I only care about getting drunk and singing. ‘What cheer, ‘Ria!’”

  “Don’t you care for dancing?” said Lady Helen, with tears running down her cheeks.

  “Ra-ther; see me dance the polka, dear girl.” And they went banging through the dancers. Snowdown and Dicky shouted approval.

  “What cheer, ‘Ria!

  ‘Ria’s on the job.

  What cheer, ‘Ria!

  Speculate a bob.

  ‘Ria is a toff, and she is immensikoff —

  And we all shouted,

  What cheer, ‘Ria!”

  Amid the uproar Lady Helen danced with Lily Young. Insidious fragilities of eighteen were laid upon the plenitudes of thirty! Pure pink and cream-pink floated on the wind of the waltz, fading out of colour in shadowy corners, now gliding into the glare of burnished copper, to the quick appeal of the ‘Estudiantina.’ A life that had ceased to dream smiled upon one which had begun to dream. Sad eyes of Summer, that may flame with no desire again, looked into the eyes of Spring, where fancies collect like white flowers in the wave of a clear fountain.

  Mike and Frank turned shoulder against shoulder across the room, four legs following in intricate unison to the opulent rhythm of the ‘Blue Danube’; and when beneath ruche-rose feet died away in little exhausted steps, the men sprang from each other, and the rhythm of sex was restored — Mike with Lily, and Frank with Helen, yielding hearts, hands, and feet in the garden enchantment of Gounod’s waltz.

  * * * * * *

  The smell of burnt-out and quenched candle-ends pervaded the apartment, and slips of gray light appeared between the curtains. The day, alas! had come upon them. Frank yawned; and pale with weariness he longed that his guests might leave him. Chairs had been brought out on the balcony. Muchross and his friends had adjourned from the supper-room, bringing champagne and an hysterical lady with them. Snowdown and Platt were with difficulty dissuaded from attempting acrobatic feats on the parapet; and the city faded from deep purple into a vast grayness. Strange was the little party ensconced in the stone balcony high above the monotone of the river.

  Harding and Thompson, for pity of Frank, had spoken of leaving, but the lords and the lady were obdurate. Her husband had left in despair, leaving Muchross to bring her home safely to Notting Hill. As the day broke even the “bluest” stories failed to raise a laugh. At last some left, then the lords left; ten minutes after Mike, Frank, Harding, and Thompson were alone.

  “Those infernal fellows wouldn’t go, and now I’m not a bit sleepy.”

  “I am,” said Thompson. “Come on, Harding; you are going my way.”

  “Going your way!”

  “Yes; you can go through the Park. The
walk will do you good.”

  “I should like a walk,” said Escott, “I’m not a bit sleepy now.”

  “Come on then; walk with me as far as Hyde Park Corner.”

  “And come home alone! Not if I know it — I’ll go if Mike will come.”

  “I’ll go,” said Mike. “You’ll come with us, Harding?”

  “It is out of my way, but if you are all going … Where’s John Norton?”

  “He left about an hour ago.”

  “Let’s wake him up.”

  As they passed up the Temple towards the Strand entrance, they turned into Pump Court, intending to shout. But John’s window was open, and he stood, his head out, taking the air.

  “What! — not gone to bed yet?”

  “No; I have bad indigestion, and cannot sleep.”

  “We are going to walk as far as Hyde Park Corner with Thompson. Just the thing for you; you’ll walk off your indigestion.”

  “All right. Wait a moment; I’ll put my coat on….”

  “I never pass a set of street-sweepers without buttoning up,” said Harding, as they went out of the Temple into the Strand. “The glazed shoes I don’t mind, but the tie is too painfully significant.”

  “The old signs of City,” said Thompson, as a begging woman rose from a doorstep, and stretched forth a miserable arm and hand.

  About the closed wine-shops and oyster-bars of the Haymarket a shadow of the dissipation of the night seemed still to linger; and a curious bent figure passed picking with a spiked stick cigar-ends out of the gutter; significant it was, and so too was the starving dog which the man drove from a bone. The city was mean and squalid in the morning, and conveyed a sense of derision and reproach — the sweep-carriage-road of Regent Street; the Royal Academy, pretentious, aristocratic; the Green Park still presenting some of the graces of a preceding century. There were but three cabs on the rank. The market-carts rolled along long Piccadilly, the great dray-horses shuffling, raising little clouds of dust in the barren street, the men dozing amid the vegetables.