More Than You Know

by Alexandria Rhodes

  “Fuck it…for now,” I mumbled, and decided to go to bed.

  “Stop ringing!” I shouted a few hours later as I was pulled from my dreams.

  Looking around my room in search for the screeching culprit, I only found darkness, and as I stumbled to try and find the switch to my lamp, I saw the lit-up screen of my phone. Grabbing it and squinting at the unwelcomed light, I didn't recognize the number so I hit “end,” grabbing my still warm covers and pulling them over my head. But the ringing only continued moments later.

  “Oh my God!” I grabbed my phone, and answered, “Hello?”

  “Bryn?”

  “Yeah, who is this?”

  “It's Charlotte!” she said a little too cheerfully. I looked at my clock on my bedside table, 1:36 AM.

  “Charlotte, is everything okay? It's late!” I asked.

  She laughed. “Sorry, I probably sound like a creep but I hear you have a date with Tyler?”

  “He called it a date?” I asked, feeling slightly giddy like I was still in high school.

  “Well, no, not in those words,” she said and my heart sank as my hopes were crushed. But she continued, “However, I do know my brother, and I know how you used to make him feel. His smile is different with you. It reaches his eyes or something.”

  “Okay… So why are you calling me again?” I laughed, not wanting to sound rude, but it was late and she had woke me up.

  “I don’t know, I guess I was hoping we could catch up in a little. Get the details about what you’ve been dealing with and where you’ve been the last four years.”

  “Uhm, sure. How about we get together or something another time? Figure things out, and see what happens. Preferably not in the middle of the night,” I said, my guard still up.

  “Oh shit, I woke you up. I'm so sorry!”

  I smiled and rubbed my eyes. “It’s fine.”

  “Oh good, well I’ll let you get back to sleeping. I know things are kind of weird right now, but it would mean the world to me if we could try to somehow put some things behind us,” she proposed. “Alcohol, movies with hot guys in them and ice cream this coming Friday? What do you think?”

  “Sure, Charlotte, that sounds fun.”

  “Okay, Bryn, I’ll let you go, and again I am so sorry for waking you up! Don't forget to call if you need me!” she said and I could almost hear her smiling as she said that. She seemed really genuine, something that had never changed about her.

  “I won't, goodnight!”

  “Night, and oh, Bryn? Tyler is a sucker for lasagna…just saying.”

  Looking at my phone's home screen, I saw I had a couple missed messages: Two texts from Ashton, both asking about pancakes, and one from an unknown number.

  “Probably Charlotte,” I muttered as I opened the message but I was wrong.

  What time should I come over tomorrow night; you are still feeding me right?

  Tyler.

  I hit the reply button but paused as I thought about what I wanted to say.

  I don't remember saying I would feed you, what are you talking about…

  I hit send and set my phone back down, only to be startled by the quick reply. Well, that was fast.

  You better be kidding, Woods. You can't play with a man's stomach like that.

  Smirking, I replied, Yes, I’m kidding. I hope you like lasagna.

  Are you kidding me? Lasagna is one of my favorite meals. Anything you want me to bring? Wine?

  Oh really? I had no idea, and yes wine would be fine.

  I decided I would play around with that. I didn't want to give too much away.

  You do know you made a rhyme…just in time.

  Laughing, I hit the reply button again. Don’t make fun of my rhyming abilities, Wilson.

  Okay, well I’ll be over whenever you tell me to.

  Can you be here around 5:30? Everything will be ready by then.

  See you then, Bryn, looking forward to it. Go to bed…

  Putting my phone back down, I collapsed into my pillows, absorbing our conversation. I was suddenly wide awake with the thought that in less than twenty-four hours, Tyler would be in my kitchen, eating my food.

  Alone, alone. Jumping out of bed, I threw a hoodie on over my shirt and slipped on a pair of shorts. It was time to plan. I opened the cupboard above the stove and dug out Grandma Woods' ancient cookbook. The book had been around for years, and I knew there was a fantastic lasagna recipe somewhere in it. I just hoped it would bring me some luck in this fiasco I had gotten myself into.

  An hour or so later, I had the sauce stewing on the stove top and a pot of water heating for the lasagna noodles. Finally putting the lasagna in the oven, I wiped my forehead and collapsed in my chair. I would half bake it now and then again before Tyler came over. Something my grandma swore by. When I put the lasagna in the refrigerator, I glanced at the clock, the numbers 3:23 AM mocking me.

  Suddenly feeling tired again, I shut everything off before heading up to bed in hopes of more sleep. As soon as my head hit my pillow, I was out.

  ---

  It was 5:29 PM that night when I heard the doorbell ring—right on time. Smoothing out my shirt that I had picked out and glancing around the house one last time, I approached the door, took a deep breath and opened it to a handsome man standing in front of me.

  “Hey,” Tyler said, bringing his hand out from behind his back, "These are for you," he presented me with a small bouquet of flowers.

  “That was nice of you. Come in,” I said, opening the door wider as he came inside. He was dressed in khaki shorts and a black v-neck shirt, his hair going in all sorts of directions and a smile that made my heart beat faster. I hated how I instantly reacted to him.

  “So if how the lasagna smells right now is any indication on how it tastes, you have already won me over.”

  I smiled, leading us into the kitchen to find something to put the flowers in.

  “I haven't made this recipe in a long time, but if it sucks don't blame me, blame my grandma,” I said as I settled on an old fashioned coke bottle for the vase. My dad had collected these for years, and when I had found them while I was unpacking, I made sure to keep some. I set the makeshift vase in the middle of the table.

  “I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. You’ve already proved yourself with your pancakes,” he said, leaning against the counter.

  “Do you want anything to drink?”

  “Oh! Speaking of something to drink, here’s the wine. I didn't know which kind you would like so I bought two, so it's your choice,” he explained as he pulled the bottles out of a brown paper bag and handed them to me, our fingers touching in the exchange.

  We decided on the bottle of cabernet, and I poured us each a glass. “So what were you doing up so late last night?”

  Taking a sip of the wine, I contemplated on telling him the truth. “Well, I got a phone call, and when I ended it, I saw I had missed your messages.”

  “So what you’re saying is, Charlotte called you super crazy late to bug you about tonight, woke you up and you saw and replied to my texts.” He smiled.

  Laughing, I replied, “Yeah, pretty much.”

  “So is it just you that lives here?” he asked, looking around. “I mean, you didn’t find a roommate?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, it’s just me for now. My friend, Olivia, might be moving into the basement in the near future. It's insane that I ever lived here with my dad. It now seems just big enough for one person. Thank God for the basement.”

  He nodded. “Why did you decide to move back here?” he asked and then seeing my shocked expression, shook his head. “I'm sorry. I have no right to ask you that, you don't have to answer.”

  “No, it's okay. I’m used to it,” I said.

  His face relaxed. I realized telling him my story was pretty much like telling someone who had no idea what happened. Tyler hadn’t been here, and I had no idea what his mom told them. A part of me hoped this would hurt him. I hoped it would make him see what
he did to me.

  “After my dad died, Ashton's dad and his girlfriend, Lida, pretty much took the role as parental figures in my life. They moved in here and took care of me in any way I needed as I continued to go to school. After my first semester I decided to get out of here, get a change of scenery or something different. I went away to college in New York and Lida volunteered to keep up with the house while I was gone. Right before I graduated, she called asking me to both come home, and live here or to sell it as she couldn't take care of it anymore. I can't really blame her; I mean I had asked her a lot in taking care of it. I knew I could never sell this house, though, it holds too many memories, so I decided to just move back here. New start.”

  He nodded as he listened to every word I said. “Yeah, there were a lot of memories here. Your dad was a good guy, Bryn. He would be proud of you for coming back and taking care of where you grew up. I’m glad you did.”

  I shrugged. “Thanks, I like to think so. Besides, like I said, it was time for a change.”

  He nodded. "Well, I believe everything happens for a reason, and maybe your moving back here holds more than you thought it would."

  Now I was the one nodding. “Exactly.”

  “I know I don’t know anything about what it was like to go through what you did, but it's time something good happened.” Our eyes locked and I wanted to ask him what had happened to him, but he broke our stare and took a sip from his glass.

  I mirrored him and then sat my wine glass on the counter. “Hungry?”

  He smiled, and sat down at the table. I handed him his plate and sat across from him placing my napkin on my lap.

  “Be honest,” I said as I watched him take a fork full and put it to his lips.

  “I would never lie to you,” he said before putting the bite of lasagna in his mouth. Tyler leaned his head back dramatically. “Bryn, this is probably the best lasagna I’ve ever tasted in my entire life.”

  I blushed at his compliment. We ate mostly in silence, only talking about small things. He explained he had moved back here with his family about three years ago and that his parents bought a beach house on Tybee Island, something I knew they had always wanted. Tyler’s family was very wealthy, but they never acted like it. Their dad worked at the local hospital as a neurosurgeon, and their mom was an interior designer.

  When his plate was empty for the second time, I asked, “Do you want some more before I clean up?”

  He laughed, patting his stomach. “I don't think that’s such a good idea, but what is, is me helping you clean up.”

  “You totally don't have to. I was just going to put the dishes in hot water and leave them to clean later.”

  Taking a plate from one of my hands, he replied, “No, I don't have to, but I want to.”

  We walked into the kitchen, and I started putting the lasagna in Tupperware containers. “Can I give you some lasagna to take home? There is no way I will be able to finish all of this by myself,” I said, motioning to the casserole dish which was still half full.

  “Do you even have to ask?” he said with a grin. “I might have to even hide it; there’s no way I’m sharing that.”

  “Territorial much?” I questioned, smiling to let him know I was kidding.

  He smiled back and slid the arms of his buttoned down shirt above his elbows. “If something or someone is mine, I don't like sharing,” he said, his faced relaxed, his eyes a piercing green, his comment having a double meaning.

  “I don’t like to either.” I turned my head toward the dishes, peeling my eyes from his, trying to rid the fantasy that had now invaded and clouded my mind. I already wanted to throw myself at him. When I looked back up at him, I shivered, finding he had closed some distance between us, the smell of him invading my senses.

  “Bryn,” he said, low and quiet. He was going to kiss me. I couldn’t move, my feet as though they were glued to the floor. He brought his hand up slowly, and I closed my eyes involuntarily.

  “You have sauce right here.”

  I opened my eyes, embarrassment flooding my cheeks. “Oh, great,” I said, trying to laugh it off.

  He smiled. “Happens to the best of us.”

  I reached up to wipe the sauce from my face, but he caught my hand. “Wait, let me.” His thumb slowly made its way to my skin and brushed it ever so gently. “Got it.”

  Trying hard to not blush, I thanked him.

  “Hey, is today the 15th?” he asked, grabbing his phone from his back wallet. “Want to get out of here and go to the fair? It’s on Tybee Island. I haven’t been in forever, but every summer I always want to go and never have a good enough excuse.”

  I contemplated saying no, letting him leave and me to stay here to pick up after our dinner date, but I was curious. “Sure, but I’m telling you now, I don’t do big roller coasters.” I winked. I went upstairs to change into a pair of black shorts and a white shirt.

  When I got back to the kitchen, Tyler looked as though he had been putting things away.

  He smiled. “You ready?”

  We hopped into his car and headed to Tybee Island’s Beach. I was anxious to revisit one of my favorite places that I frequented when I was little. As we got closer to the actual beach, I could see from a distance the lights from the fair that were illuminating the sky. I rolled down my window and could hear the laughter and screams that were emulating from the fair.

  “I don’t think I’ve done something this fun since I was a teenager.”

  “Same, since when did growing up mean we weren’t allowed to have fun anymore?” he asked, pulling into a small side street and parking. “Ready to feel like a kid again?”

  We got out of the car, and I couldn’t help but smile at the feeling of the sand on my feet again. The sand was cool from not being assaulted by the sun for hours on end, and I took my flip flops off so that I would be able to feel it between my toes.

  “All right, what do you want to do first?”

  Looking around at what was in front of me, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by all of the choices. There were a couple of rides and also rows and rows of games, with booths lined with oversized stuffed animals and prizes. There was a long array of carnival food set up, and for once, the salty ocean wasn’t all that I could smell.

  “Okay, we have to go on that!” he said, pointing off into the distance. My gaze followed where he was pointing, and my eyes felt as though they were going to bulge out of my head.

  I whimpered. “You’re trying to kill me, right?” I asked as he reached for my hand. “You know I hate those things.”

  We made our way to the giant Ferris wheel, located right against the water.

  “Two,” Tyler said to the man in charge of the Ferris wheel, who took Tyler’s two tickets he held out for him. The man stepped forward, opening one of the cars and motioning for us to get in. I looked at Tyler to see if he was really going to make me do this, but he only laughed at my expression. I was almost twenty-three and scared of a Ferris wheel.

  “I promise you’ll be fine.”

  He promised me many things, all of them having been broken. “Yeah, until this thing goes crazy fast and throws us into the ocean,” I said sarcastically, sitting down before Tyler joined me.

  He pulled the safety bar down in front of us, “Here, hold on to this and push your feet into the bottom of the cart. It’ll help with vertigo.”

  I did as he suggested and then the ride started. “Oh my God,” I said as I felt the ride jolt upward.

  “You’re fine,” he laughed.

  “I don’t think I can look,” I said, closing my eyes feeling all the more pathetic. My stomach churned as I felt the cart sway back and forth. The ride went all the way around twice when all of a sudden it stopped. “Why did it stop?” I asked, slightly feeling panicked. I didn’t like heights.

  Tyler took my hand. “Bryn, just open your eyes.” Taking in a deep breath, I squinted one of my eyes. All I could see was black. I opened both of them and looked around, avoid
ing the ground. My eyes adjusted so that I could see the black sky painted with stars and the full moon brightly reflecting off the roaring ocean.

  “All right, it’s not as horrible as I thought.”

  It was, actually, quite beautiful.

  “Bryn?”

  I looked at Tyler, and I felt like we were teenagers again. I knew he was about to kiss me. I could feel it in the air. But it was too soon. I wasn’t ready to let that part of him back into my life. Kissing him would give him an in. It would give him hope that things would be okay.

  “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

  He looked away, defeated and embarrassed. “I understand.”

  We rode the rest of the ride in silence, and when we got off we both agreed it was time to go home. It was hard to act normal, like everything was okay. But I had to admit, I was doing an okay job at it. I even, for a moment, had myself convinced. Maybe I was wrong.

  The air in the car was thick with awkwardness and full of words that had yet to be spoken. As he pulled in to my driveway, I couldn’t wait to get out and put this night behind me. I didn’t know what to think, what to feel. I was scared of how easily I wanted him back into my life.

  “Bryn!” he yelled as I ran into the house, not bothering to close the door behind me, knowing he would only open it and let himself in.

  “What?!” I asked, spinning around on my heels to face him, his face lit up by the moon. The anger in my voice a shock to both him and me.

  He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Are we going to talk about tonight?”

  “Why? What’s the point, Tyler? God, this is so messed up,” I said, running my hands through my hair, tangled from the ocean breeze.