More Than You Know

by Alexandria Rhodes

  Charlotte paused. “Well, Tyler isn’t going anywhere; he already made that clear to me. So if it’s okay with you, it will probably just be him then.”

  “That’s fine.”

  We walked into my room and Tyler came over, hugging me gently. Charlotte too hugged me and kissed my cheek. “I’m so thankful you’re okay.” I grimly smiled at her caring words as she left. I listened carefully until I heard her lock the door downstairs before shutting it.

  Tyler turned to me. “Is there anything I can do for you, Bryn? Please, don't hesitate to ask.”

  To be honest, I was scared as hell to be alone; I didn't want to sleep by myself in fear of being hurt again.

  “There is one thing, but I hate to ask,” I said, shutting my eyes.

  He exhaled a breath he seemed to be holding for a while. “Bryn, anything. What is it?”

  I took a deep breath, embarrassed of the words about to come out of my mouth. “Will you stay with me in here tonight?” He stood up and pulled the covers back, allowing me to slip under them. He turned off the light and walked over to the other side of the bed, sliding under the covers himself. He lay down on his side, his arms under his pillow, and slid closer to me.

  “Is this too close?” he asked, our faces inches apart.

  I shook my head, a tear slipping from my eyes from the emotion that was still running through me. “It's perfect,” I muttered through tears. “Don't feel like you have to stay tonight if I fall asleep.”

  He let out another breath and shook his head. “I'm not going anywhere.”

  The next morning, I struggled to open my eyes, only squinting to bring in my surroundings. I winced as I quickly became aware of the aching pain that had formed at the back of my head and upper back. I shut my eyes tight, wishing the pain away when I felt the bed move beside me. I blinked a couple of times as Tyler came into view. He was lying on his side facing me, exactly as I had last seen him, staring at me with his wide, green eyes. My heart fluttered at the thought of him sleeping next to me all night. He must have never left my side. “You're still here,” I strained to say, my throat hurting. My hand reached up to touch my throat on instinct, and I pulled the covers up more so that only my shoulders and head were showing.

  “I told you I wasn't going anywhere,” he replied, sadness displayed across his face. “How do you feel?”

  Taking a deep breath, I let his question register in my mind, remembering the awful events that occurred the night before: A big hand coming toward me as it wrapped around my mouth, the musty smell of him as he came closer to me, and the pain that had radiated through my head as he pushed me against the wall. “I'm okay,” I answered, not wanting to look at him, too worried he would be able to see through my lies.

  “Bryn,” he whispered, moving himself closer to me. “Please, look at me.”

  I closed my eyes and counted to five in hopes of calming myself down from crying. “Okay,” I responded. I let my eyes travel up towards his.

  “How do you feel?” he asked again, his face soft now.

  I shrugged and shook my head against my pillow, only to be reminded of the pain in my head. “My head, back, and throat hurt.”

  “Where does your head hurt?” he asked, sitting up and looking as though he was prepared to inspect wherever I pointed to.

  I pushed myself up so that I was now leaning against the headboard and put my hand to the back of my head. “Here,” I pointed as my hand found the aching spot, but I stopped as I felt a large lump. “Fuck, that hurts,” I said. He moved closer to me and brushed my hair out of the way to get a better look at the bump.

  “Jesus, Bryn,” he said in a low growl as he touched the lump lightly. “Does it hurt when I touch it?”

  “No, not really. I think it’s more of a headache hurt than anything.”

  “You should really get that looked at again. Why don't you let me drive you to the hospital?” he said as he started to get up.

  But I grabbed his arm and pulled. “No, I don't want to.”

  “Why not?” he asked, sitting back down on the bed.

  I shook my head. “Because I’ve had many bumps in my life to know what needs treated and what doesn't. Trust me, my medicine, some ice, and a cup of water is all I need.”

  He looked at me as if I were lying.

  “Trust me,” I pleaded.

  He breathed in deeply and cocked his head. He looked so heartbreakingly sweet with his expression so serious. A part of me wanted to reach out bringing him close to me and ask him to tell me it was all going to be okay.

  “I'll be right back,” he said, getting up and walking out of the room. I heard his footsteps descend the stairs and I put my head into my hands as I felt the tears start to form from the memory of the night before hitting me again with full force.

  If Tyler and Jason hadn't found me, I could have been… “No, don't think about it that way,” I said aloud to myself. It wasn't worth it to think about what could have happened.

  My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. “Come in,” I said, looking down, suddenly self-conscious.

  Charlotte poked her head through and entered the room, sitting at the edge of my bed. “Good morning, sunshine,” she said, her voice a little too cheery. She rested her hand on mine. “Jason just spoke with the manager and was told that the man is in jail as we speak. His name is Brad Thompson”

  I nodded to show her my understanding. “I guess you made me look too good last night,” I laughed, wanting to shake off the awkwardness that had filled the room at the mention of my attacker.

  She laughed and squeezed my hand. “I hope it was okay that Tyler stayed in here with you last night. He wouldn't leave your side even when I offered to stay with you.”

  “No, not at all. That was really nice of you to do everything you did for me.”

  “Of course, anything for a friend.” The bedroom door opened slowly and Tyler appeared with a tray in his hands. I smiled as I saw a glass of water, a steaming mug, my medicine bottle, and a plate of what looked like pancakes.

  “Well, I’ll leave you two alone,” Charlotte said, sitting up and smirking. “I think, and this is totally up to you, that we should have a movie day or something. The seven of us.”

  “Charlotte, she just went through hell. Don’t you think that’s a little much?” Tyler asked.

  “No, its fine,” I interrupted. Being surrounded by people that cared about you was better than being alone. “That sounds great, Charlotte, thanks.”

  Tyler set the tray down on the table next to me and handed me the glass of water and the bottle of painkillers. Thanking him, I put two pills in my mouth and chased them down with water. “I know you said your throat hurt, so I brought you a cup of hot water and a few tea packets,” he said, taking the pill bottle and water glass from my hands. “I hope you didn’t mind me rummaging around in your cabinets looking for these things.”

  “Didn’t even cross my mind. Thank you,” I said.

  He smiled. “No problem.”

  I set my mug down and placed my hand on his. “Really, thank you; for everything.”

  We stared at each other for a few moments until he broke the silence. “Jason came over and made you pancakes. Well, this was actually all that survived before he ate them, but he thought they would make you feel better.”

  I looked down at the plate in front of me as two very misshapen pancakes sat covered in syrup. Smiling, I picked up the fork next to the plate and took a bite. “Wow, not bad.”

  Tyler smiled. I took another forkful and brought my hand underneath it to catch any pieces that could fall. “Here, taste.”

  Tyler's eyes widened and then he leaned in slowly, opening his mouth as I gently placed the fork inside. He closed his eyes as he pulled back, chewing on the pancake.

  “Yours are still the best,” he said, using his fingers to wipe his mouth. I blushed at his compliment and took a sip of my tea.

  We ate the rest of the pancakes in silence and when I
couldn't eat anymore, I stretched slowly. “I think I’m going to grab a quick shower to wash away last night.” I pulled back the covers and went to adjust my shorts which had slightly ridden up in the night when I saw two bruises, one on each thigh.

  “Oh my God,” Tyler said, seeing what I saw.

  I brushed it off and stood up. “I’m fine.”

  “No, Bryn, it’s not fine,” he said, his fingers brushing lightly across the purple shapes that were evil memories of the night before. Evil memories that couldn’t be erased by a shower. “How's your head now that you’re standing up?”

  I shrugged. “Not bad.”

  “Okay, I'll be downstairs. Take your time.”

  I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. Dropping the blanket to the floor and looking in the mirror, I walked over to the sink and gasped at the sight in front of me. My hair was a tangled mess, and my eyes were rimmed with black mascara and eyeliner, even though I had washed what I thought was all of it away the night before. I slipped my shorts off and pulled my shirt over my head carefully, wincing at the pain from my back which still hadn’t subsided from the medication. Standing again in front of the mirror, I was shocked again. I knew I always bruised easily, but to see how many bruises were covering my body, especially my arms, was astonishing and horrific to see. I swallowed hard as I ran my fingertips over the larger ones.

  Why did I deserve this? I thought to myself. Turning away from my image, I turned the shower's knob all the way to hot. I stepped into the shower and flipped the showerhead on, the hot water draping over my body. The heat from the shower helped ease the tension I felt in my neck and back. Finishing up, not wanting to take too much time in the shower, I grabbed one of my towels and wrapped it around me. Bending over slowly, I wrapped my hair up in the other towel. I walked downstairs and turned the corner into my living room, Ashton, who must have gotten here while I was in the shower, walked over to me.

  “Fuck, Bryn. What happened? Are you okay?” he asked, pulling me into a gentle hug, something everyone seemed to do on instinct around me these days.

  “I don’t want to talk about it again Ash. Can we sit down, for now?”

  He brushed my chin with his finger. “Of course.”

  “Eva,” Jason said, leaning over to his fiancée as I took a seat next to Tyler. “How you doin'?”

  Eva made a face and pushed him away. “Nope, doesn't work for everyone. Not even you.”

  “But it's “The Joey”—it has to work!” Jason said, sitting back and taking a sip from his water bottle.

  We spent the entire day curled up against the arm of the couch, my legs sitting comfortably on Tyler's lap. I wasn't sure how or when my legs had ended up there, but I can tell you exactly when Tyler's hands had settled gently on top of them. Watching Friends with them was just what I needed.

  “I'm glad we decided to watch this instead of a movie,” Charlotte said, slipping another DVD disc into the player. We were now on season two.

  “Yeah, uh, can we keep this to ourselves that we…” Jason motioned to himself, Tyler, and Miles “…sat and watched this, willingly, all day long.”

  Charlotte sat down and laughed along with the rest of us. “Does watching Friends make you feel un-manly?” she asked, gesturing quotation marks around “un-manly.”

  “Don't worry, babe, I'll help with making you feel manly again if you need me to,” Eva said, bringing Jason's face to hers and kissing him.

  “Get a fucking room,” Tyler said beside me. He set my feet on the ground and sat up, the cold air from loss of contact making me suddenly chilled.

  I shifted in my seat and looked at the clock on the wall across from me.

  “Oh, wow! I have to call my boss and let him know I won’t be in tonight,” Tyler exclaimed following my gaze.

  I looked at him. “Wait. Don’t call off just because of me. You should go. I swear I’m fine,” I said, feeling bad that his day was going to be messed up because of me.

  “Bryn, I want to stay here with you,” he said sweetly.

  “That’s kind of you, but I’ll be okay. I’ll probably just end up sleeping all night anyways. I’m officially kicking you all out.”

  Everyone laughed and stood up. They left one by one, leaving Ashton, Tyler, and I in the living room. “Bryn, I’m going to go grab some of your favorite movies and bring them here for you. I’ll be back in like a half hour,” Ashton said, grabbing his keys and walking out the door.

  “Tyler…” I started to say, but he stopped me by coming over and wrapping me up in a hug. He encompassed me with his arms, and I felt safe in this moment. “Thank you, so much,” I said into his shoulder. I tipped my head up, still wrapped in his arms, and kissed him gently, thankful for the contact with him.

  “I don’t want to leave, but if I don’t get out of here, I’ll be late for work and I still have to shower,” Tyler said.

  “Yeah, I know, but I have some stuff to keep me busy. Besides, I think I need to work this all out in my head, accept what happened, and move on in my own way. I can't be scared forever.”

  “You’ll call me if you need anything, right?” Tyler asked into my ear.

  Not being able to help the smile that formed across my face at their sincerity and generosity, I hugged him again. “I'll walk you out.”

  He put his hand on the small of my back and led me to the door. We stepped out into the cool night air and over to his Saturn. He threw a bag he must have had with him into the passenger seat and shut the door, leaning against it.

  “You sure you're okay?” he asked, leaning against his car and crossing his arms.

  I ran a hand through my hair. “God, yeah.” I wanted to look strong, to prove to him that I was still me. “Please, don't worry about me.” He looked at me with disbelief, and I started to feel frustration rise in my chest. “Really, I've been on my own for a while now. I can handle myself—I'm not some damsel in distress here.”

  “I didn't say you were,” he replied.

  He's right, he didn't. “I'm sorry; I'll talk to you later!” I said as I started to walk away, but he stopped me, his hand around mine.

  “Just…and I know we already told you this…don't forget that you can text or call whenever. Seriously. Two in the morning or two in the afternoon. It doesn’t matter,” he said, dropping his hand and shoving it in his back pocket.

  “You have my word, Tyler.”

  We stood there for a moment, silence passing between us until I broke it. “Well, I guess you had better get going.”

  “Bryn…” he started to say in a strangled voice. I turned back around and faced him again. He walked toward me hesitantly, sweeping my stray hairs out of my face and trailing his fingers down my jaw line. I felt shivers run down my spine as his fingers continued to snake around the back of my neck, pulling me close to him. I closed my eyes as I felt his breath against my face. We were breathing the same air, and I was waiting for the contact.

  “I'm glad you're okay.”

  I walked up to the front door and shut it behind me, locking both locks. The sounds of them clicking making me feel somewhat settled. I suddenly wanted to rid myself of all the memories of the night before that I could, so I stripped myself of the clothes that I had been wearing and grabbed an old shirt along with a pair of grey shorts. Climbing into bed, I felt myself mold into my mattress and I sighed at the comfort. As soon as I closed my eyes, sleep washed over me. What I realized was only minutes later, I woke up screaming and thrashing around in my tangled sheets, making it impossible to find the beginnings and the ends of them. Frightened, I looked around my room, silence pounding through my ears. I flipped the light switch on next to me, and the darkness was gone. I wiped away the hair that was stuck to my sweaty forehead. I heard something bang downstairs, and I jumped at the sound. I grabbed my phone that was next to my pillow and dialed Ashton's phone number, it instantly going to voicemail. “Goddamnit, Ashton!”

  “What?” I heard a voice coming from far away.
Ashton must have used his spare key to come in from the movie store.

  Rolling my eyes, I walked out of my room, turning on the light to the hallway. “Fuck, Ashton! You scared me.”

  “Sorry, B, I got your favorites,” he said from the bottom of the stairs. I met him in the living room and we put the first one in…When Harry Met Sally.

  I grabbed two blankets, and we set up on the couch, “Do you want anything to drink?” I asked, standing up to go get a bottle of water for me.

  “I’ll have what you’re having, darlin’,” he said, the connotation to the famous movie line making me laugh.

  When I returned to the living room, he asked, “How do you want to sit? I have a feeling we’re both going to pass out not too long after I hit play.” Ashton lay on his side against the back of the couch, and I lay so that my back was to his front.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you last night,” he said as I started to feel myself dozing off.

  “Don’t worry about it, Ash. You’re here now.”

  As my eyes closed and sleep took over, I thought maybe I did need someone with me tonight. And while I would have been happy with Tyler staying, I think I needed my best friend with me tonight. And that was all I could have asked for.

  Eight

  ____________________

  Finally, a few days after my attack, my life felt like it had returned to normal. The pain had gone away, and the soreness in my muscles had subsided. Even the bruises had faded to a yellow color, almost unrecognizable. The man had been charged and I was promised by the police they would take care of things and I would never have to see or worry about him again.

  Taking a generous sip of my sweet tea, the condensation on the glass running down my fingers, I leaned back into the couch and stared up at the ceiling. If the ceiling would have been see-through, I would be looking at the floor of my dad's old room.

  Ever since I had moved in, I hadn’t felt ready to venture into his room. However, the longer I stared at it, the more I wanted to go inside. I had no idea if things were how he left them. I didn’t even know if the clothes I had kept of his still hung in the closet, his shoes and caps a mess on the floor beneath them.