More Than You Know

by Alexandria Rhodes

  Being in this business, I know there are people who get so attached to their favorite celebrity and feel they needed to own anything they could the actor wore or used. There were even people out there whose job was to find out where fans could buy what makeup, jewelry and clothing I wore. And I guess I couldn’t blame them, it was flattering after all. But as I glanced once more at the girl’s wrist, I come to the realization she probably thought by buying it she now has some sort of connection with me. I hope I’m wrong.

  The fan thanked me and I couldn’t help but smile at her obvious happiness. It never ceased to blow my mind how something so small as signing an autograph could mean the world to someone else.

  “Emma! Can you please sign this photo of you and Kyle?” I somehow heard over the loud screams.

  I looked over to see a paparazzi photo taken of Kyle and I leaving a promotional photo session a month ago. I remembered seeing it all over the newsstands the next day. The tabloids read, “Emma and Kyle, is there a ‘Sway’ romance in the works?”

  “Ready to go?” Kate asked quietly in my ear as she, too, sees the photo that’s being waved in front of me.

  “Oh, yeah,” I answered knowing that if I started signing those types of pictures, the rumors would definitely never go away.

  I waved to the girl, slightly apologetic and slightly in a “ha, ha,” way.

  Kate motioned to Bruce, my bodyguard, and he and Kate escorted me out of the barricaded area designated for fans and into the secured building.

  The doors shut but I could still hear the screaming. I took my phone from Kate’s hand that she had kept in her pocket and checked my messages. There were sixteen missed calls from my mother and eight new voice mails; surely all from her.

  “That went well,” Kate said as she poured herself a cup of coffee that was sitting out on the complimentary cart in the green room. “Although, that new interviewer, Sarah, sure crossed a line I had clearly drawn. One that I had made sure to go over with a permanent marker; twice.”

  I took a sip from my water. “Don’t worry about it. People will ask and say anything they want. I know you told them not to.”

  “I really wish you didn’t like coming on this show. This incident would be an easy excuse to not return next time.”

  The Morning Show in New York City had been asking me to be a guest for years. They were famous for their interviews, having the space outside to allow their celebrity guests to interact with their fans. They loved it and the fans did too. Some of the fans even camped out for hours on end in hopes to get a picture or an autograph of their favorite celebrity.

  “Emma, the car is ready outside,” Bruce said as he put his Blackberry in his suit’s pocket.

  Kate looked at her watch. “We have literally twenty minutes to get to Live with Matt and Michelle and completely change your look.” She looked around the small area. “Where’s Ava?”

  Ava was my hair and makeup stylist and outside of Kate, the only person I felt I could really talk to in this industry. While she did my hair, I vented, knowing I could trust her. It didn’t hurt that we had the same taste in music and books, never falling short of having something to talk about.

  “I’m here!” Ava said as she walked in hurriedly carrying her suitcase full of gadgets and makeup. “Emma, I’ll do your hair in the car. I only need to touch up your makeup briefly when we get there; maybe switch up your lipstick. You can change outfits when you get there too.”

  With my team near me, we walked to the garage door. Even though it was never announced, fans seemed to know where my every next move would be. I climbed into the car and when everyone was inside, the garage door opened revealing a mob of screaming fans.

  “Don’t do it!” Kate pleaded as I hit the button to roll down the windows slightly. Going against her wishes, I stuck my hand out and waved, laughing inside the car as the screams got louder.

  “Okay, hold still, chick,” Ava said as she started pulling my hair out of its ponytail. Kate hit a button on the roof of the car and my window went up.

  As Ava pulled at my hair, I went through my phone again seeing that my mother had called me another three times since I last checked.

  “I have to listen to these,” I said as I rolled my eyes. Kate was on her phone but nodded.

  Knowing she wouldn’t stop calling me until I returned her call, I had to talk to my mother. Put us both out of our misery.

  “Emma Marie! I have been calling you for the last hour. Why haven’t you been answering?”

  My free hand balled up into a fist as my mother, Louise Matthews, scolded me hundreds of miles away. I hated the use of my middle name. It always reminded me of when I was younger and in trouble for something. Now, I could never tell when my mother was mad at me or just overusing the name.

  “I told you I had two interviews this morning. I couldn’t answer and we had such little time to get from one place to the other, I couldn’t call back until now. Did someone die or something?”

  “Very funny, dear. I just wanted to make sure you know to check your mail when you get back to your hotel room tonight. There is something special waiting for you.”

  “That doesn’t sound good,” I replied, wondering what could possibly be waiting for me.

  The car hit a bump and what I was sure was a bobby pin, poked me hard in the head. “Ow!”

  “Sorry!” Ava said, returning to my hair.

  “What happened?” my mother asked, trying to sound concerned.

  I rubbed my head where the bobby pin had poked. “Nothing, Ava is doing my hair on our way to the next interview.”

  “Why can’t she do it there? You are paying her to do your hair in a car?” A hint of disgust present in her voice.

  “Mom, we’re late for the interview. Ava is the best in the industry so, please, no rude remarks.”

  “Is Kyle going to be doing the interview with you? This would be the perfect time to announce you two are an item.”

  My mother, no matter how many times I told her, believed the tabloids that Kyle and I were together.

  “I can’t have this conversation with you again, mom. We are not together and, no, it’s a solo interview this morning. Maybe you should actually watch for a change.”

  “Oh darling, if I could, I would. Your sister will clue me in on anything I need to know before the premiere Thursday. Is the car still set to pick us all up here at four?”

  I looked over at Kate who could surely hear every word my mother’s loud voice spoke and she gave me thumbs up, confirming the travel details.

  “Yes, the car will pick you, dad, Sydney and Jack up at four. Your flight leaves at five-thirty and you will get to JFK around eight. Bruce will be there to escort you guys to the car and back to the hotel where you will be staying.”

  She cleared her throat. “The hotel we are staying at? Aren’t we staying in the same one as you?”

  The driver turned onto a familiar road and I looked out the window to see more fans lined up where our car would drive into.

  “Mom, I have to go. We’re here. I’ll call you later.”

  “But honey!” She started to say before I hit the end button, handing my phone to Kate.

  She put my phone into the back pocket of her black skinny jeans and tightened the tie that held her hair together. “Don’t take it personal, but that lady is a lot to handle sometimes.”

  “You’re telling me?”

  Once the car was parked and the garage door was down, we climbed out and were immediately directed to the dressing room where my outfit choices were already hanging.

  “Okay, since you’re wearing your hair down, we can go with this one, or this one,” Ava said as she held up a black, three quarter length sleeved mini dress in one hand and a short sleeved red dress in the other.

  “Black, definitely black.”

  Ava tossed the red dress on the couch next to us and started taking the black one off the hanger. “I really wish you would wear something more daring.”


  She unzipped my current dress and helped me out of it, holding my hair as I let the new dress fall over my shoulders.

  “Maybe for the premiere.”

  “I’ll remember you said that.”

  After my dress was on and my shoes had been placed on my feet, Ava touched up my makeup and pulled out two tubes of lipstick from her small bag, silently deciding which one.

  Finally, I was ready for the interview and not a moment too soon as they were just about ready to announce my name.

  The interview went well and I was surprised and very happy that Michelle and Mike had refrained from asking me the question. The interview was longer than the one this morning and during the commercial break, I made sure to sign for a few fans before having to return to my seat. Since the dreaded question hadn’t been asked and Kate was in a good mood, I got her to agree to let me sign for a few fans waiting outside after the interview.

  A half an hour later we were on our way back to my hotel. I had changed out of the black dress before handing it to Ava who had a fitting to attend for another client. I changed into a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and an oversized black sweater along with a pair of UGG boots inside the green room before going out to sign and I was thankful I hadn’t waited until after I got back to my hotel. Car rides were always much more comfortable with clothes that were yours.

  “So now what?” I asked, answering a few texts I had gotten from friends. One from Kyle asking me if I had survived the question. He texted me yesterday to warn me that he had been asked them yesterday during his promo appearances. I replied back saying I had only been asked once and when he texted me back, jealous, I felt bad; every one of the talk show hosts had asked him about us.

  I smiled as I read a text from my best friend, Sadie:

  Kick ass interviews! Can’t wait to party it up and celebrate when you get home to Chicago. Love you. PS that first interviewer can suck it.

  “Now? Nothing. You don’t have to be anywhere until Thursday afternoon when we get ready for the premiere. Although there’s an informal cast party tonight here in the city if you’re interested. You should probably go to that. Tomorrow your family gets here in the evening but between the dinner tonight and tomorrow night, you, my love, can relax.”

  We pulled into the secret underground entrance to the hotel and somehow managed to get to my room without being mobbed by the fans. I always felt silly having to go through secret doorways, garages and entrances. It made me feel like I was the president of the United States instead of just the celebrity of the hour.

  I said goodbye to Kate as we reached my door and she let me know she would email me the details about tonight after getting them from the director.

  Shutting the door behind me and locking all of the locks, I dropped my phone onto the table and slumped down into the plush chair, grabbing the pile of mail Kate had left for me.

  I tossed the junk that had come for me but stopped when my fingers reached it. As soon I felt the expensive envelope paper, I knew what it had to be and what my mother had been so adamant about me reading: my little sister’s wedding invitation.

  Sydney had been dating Jack Green ever since they were juniors in high school. Ten years later, they were still going strong and finally tying the knot.

  I ran my fingers over the slightly raised letters as I digested the reality that was in front of me. My little sister, by three years, was going to get married before I would. I could already hear my mother’s comments: “You’re not getting any younger, darling,” “You know, darling, Kyle isn’t going to be around forever. Find someone to put a ring on your finger before it’s too late,” “Oh, darling, your father and I always hoped it would be you walking down the aisle first.”

  I swore the word ‘darling’ was a permanent word in my mother’s vocabulary.

  While I had made huge success off of the four movies I had done since running off from college five years ago, it didn’t seem to make a difference. My mother seemed to think that without a ring on my finger, my success was worthless if I didn’t have someone to share it with. I had a feeling that this was the reason she was so hell bent on the fact I could be dating Kyle.

  Not that Kyle would be a bad choice. He was actually a nice guy who happened to be strikingly handsome. He was the Hollywood heartthrob that every director wanted for their next movie. Anything he was in would be box office gold. When I had been cast as Grace in ‘Sway’, I was told something similar. This movie was bound to be a success.

  ‘Sway’ was about Grace, a dance teacher, who while teaching a class is interrupted by a struggling man, Liam, trying to find his way in life. He begs Grace to let him join her already full dance class, promising her he will take it seriously. After proving to Grace that he needs this opportunity, Liam is allowed in the class. Countless long nights of practicing sultry dance moves, Grace and Liam start to fall for one another and end up learning that without each other, they were never whole.

  I would be lying that after watching the sexy dance scene at the end of the movie I hadn’t been turned on. But it was all a show. Our words were those that had been typed out for us by someone who was trained to write a good screenplay.

  The reviewers had been calling ‘Sway’ the romantic film of the year weeks before it would hit theaters. It was a huge weight that had been put on my shoulders. People, fans mostly, expected me to bring something to the screen that even myself doubted I could do. How do you pull off the right emotion in order for the viewers to know and feel what you’re feeling? How do you kiss a complete stranger and make it passionate enough to be awarded MTV’s best kiss award that will be talked about for years after the movie is made. I was still trying to figure that all out myself. The pressure was overwhelming.

  Even though all of my characters in my movies seemed to have the answers when it came to love, I was nowhere near their expertise. Hell, I had screwed up the only relationship that ever meant something to me to chase my love of acting. His name was Will Roberts and through our relationship I was sure we were going to be together forever. I thought no matter what I did in life, he would be next to me. And as I got older, I quickly realized how selfish that expectation had been. When I had asked him to come with me to California for an acting job, I envisioned him saying yes without hesitation. Instead, he asked me about what his dreams meant to me. He wanted to be a sports writer and when he entered college, he was accepted into a program that allowed him to work for a major sports center in our hometown of Chicago.

  The day I left for California, he came with me to the airport and begged me one last time to reconsider before I got on the plane. He told me that as soon as he finished his internship he would be free to work anywhere and would follow me wherever I would need to go.

  But we were nineteen and, suddenly, my acting career was more important than the love of my life.

  As soon as I stepped foot on the plane, I knew we were over. As the plane took off from the O’Hare airport and watched as the large buildings disappeared and were replaced with clouds, I knew my past had as well.

  Since that last moment in the airport, I hadn’t spoken to or seen him. A part of me, when I allowed my mind to wander, thought about where he could be in his life. Was he married? Did he have any kids by now? We are both 24, but he could easily have both of those.

  I hadn’t told Kate or anyone else close to me about him and the only ones who did know was my family. I swore the minute my feet had stepped off that plane onto Los Angeles soil, I would no longer think about him. So much good that did.

  My parents had never really liked him having said he wasn’t going anywhere with his life. They said that anyone could be a sports writer and that their baby girl deserved and needed to be with someone who possessed unique abilities.

  Forcing myself out of my past, my fingers grazed once more over the words of the invitation when my eyes landed on the dreaded words that any single girl would detest seeing:

  Emma Matthews and Guest

  __
_____________

  That’s when I panicked. I had no one that I could bring. I couldn’t ask a guy friend of mine because the media, no matter how protected and private the wedding would be, would for sure use this as their next big story. I was, no matter what, not going to bring Kyle because after all of the movie hype calmed down, we were both planning on trying to stay away from each other so the media would back off.

  I dropped the invitation on the table, picked up my phone, tucked my hair behind my ears and dialed Kate’s number.

  “I was just about to call you,” she said into the phone, obviously outside as the noises of cars honking and people yelling came through the ear piece. “Sorry, let me get inside really quick so we can talk without all of this background noise.”

  Suddenly, the New York City background noise was gone and replaced with soothing jazz music. “Okay, what’s up?”

  “Sydney’s getting married.”

  Kate cleared her throat. “Wow, finally. Haven’t they been dating for forever?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh, shit, Emma, I’m sure you’re mom is loving this. The youngest is getting married before the oldest.”

  “Yeah, yeah I know. I already went over the conversations in my head. But that’s not why I’m calling.”

  “Okay… spit it out.”

  “I can’t go single; I will never hear the end of it from my mother. And if I bring Kyle, then it will surely be the start of another Kyle and Emma media ride which is the last thing either of us want. I can’t bring a friend because they’ll never be able to go out in public again without being attacked.”

  I took a deep breath, realizing I had said all of that in a matter of seconds without breathing.

  “Emma, chill out. We’ll figure this out, I promise. Hey, maybe you should just pick out a random guy and have him go with you.”