Always Rayne (The ALWAYS SOMETIMES NEVER Rock Star Romance Series)

by Sierra Avalon

  “He wants you back. Great timing, right.”

  “That’s obviously not going to happen now.”

  Brooke’s eyes get wide. “Are you and Nic like a thing? Is it more than just a joy ride? Are you thinking about actually buying the car? Or maybe a long term lease?”

  I shake my head. “I have no idea. We haven’t really discussed any future plans. But he says he wants more. That I’m his and I always will be. I’m just not sure exactly what that means.”

  When there’s a knock on the door, Brooke and I both look at each other.

  “Did Jackson say he was coming back?” I ask.

  “This is Jackson we’re talking about. Remember? Of course he’s coming back. He’s the most persistent person I’ve ever met in my life.”

  “Just wait until you get to know Nic.”

  Another knock. Neither of us makes a move toward the door. “Want to pretend we’re not here?” Brooke suggests.

  When he starts pounding on the door I realize that he’s not going to give up. He probably saw my car in the parking lot. Hell, he could have even been stalking the parking lot for all I know just waiting until he saw me come back.

  I wouldn’t put it past him.

  Brooke and I march over to the door and I open it.

  “Harper!” Jackson sounds excited to see me.

  I wish I could say the same thing.

  I’m sad to say it but looking at Jackson standing at my door I can’t remember why I loved him so much. As much as I don’t want to compare him to Nic I just can’t help it. But there’s no real comparison. Nic is everything Jackson isn’t and I realize as I look at him, Jackson will never be.

  Nic has so much heart and soul and vivaciousness. Jackson is so busy following the rules and doing everything he thinks he’s supposed to do that he doesn’t really ever live. It’s almost as if there is a shell of a person standing at my door.

  “Can I come in?” His blue eyes are filled with so much hope I almost don’t want to disappoint him.

  I step away from the door so he can enter but I’m not really sure why. I could have told him to leave and never come back. But I guess there’s still a small piece of me that still loves him. Maybe I always will.

  “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am.” Jackson sounds so remorseful. It’s a first. He’s usually much more confident and sure of himself. “I’m not sure why I left you but I realize now that I made a big mistake.”

  I’m not sure why he left either but for the first time I’m glad he did. If he hadn’t left I would never have met Nic.

  “I hope you can forgive me.”

  When he reaches for my hand, for a second it feels like old times. We held hands a lot when we were together. I always liked that he wasn’t afraid to show affection towards me in public.

  My hand used to feel so comfortable in Jackson’s. But now his hand feels foreign. It doesn’t feel right. And I know it’s because his hand isn’t Nic’s.

  When I remove my hand from Jackson’s grasp, he looks like a kid who just had someone take away his ice cream cone.

  “My dad is in the hospital, Jackson. He had a heart attack. Brooke and I are on our way over there right now.”

  I hope that will give him some kind of hint to go away but it does the opposite. He moves into action.

  “No problem. I’ll take you both over there.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  He frowns. “I want to, Harp. I want to be there for you.”

  I almost feel like laughing. He wants to be there for me now. After months of not being there for me. After just leaving me. He thinks he can just pick up where he left off?

  But for some reason I don’t argue. Brooke and I pile into Jackson’s BMW and he takes us to the new Heart Hospital where my dad is staying.

  “Jackson,” my dad says before he even acknowledges me or Brooke. My dad always loved Jackson. He treated him like the son he never had. It makes me wonder what my dad will say when he meets Nic.

  If he meets Nic.

  Our time together almost seems like a dream that is quickly fading away.

  Jackson gives my dad a pat on the arm which is about all he can do with my dad hooked up to so many wires and tubes.

  Both Brooke and I follow with kisses on my dad’s cheek.

  My dad is normally a robust man but he looks pale and weak. I’m not sure if my perception is altered by the surroundings or he really does look more feeble than I’ve ever seen him.

  “How are you doing, Dad?” I ask.

  “Okay, considering the circumstances.” He grins. At least he can joke about it.

  “It’s great to see all of you together again.” He makes a point of looking at Jackson and I immediately feel uncomfortable.

  I know I should tell my dad that Jackson and I aren’t together again but I don’t want to upset him in his condition. I want to tell him about Nic but the words just won’t come out.

  “Where’s Mom?” I ask.

  “She wanted to take a little break. Freshen up. She didn’t even have a chance to take a shower this morning before I was rushed to the Emergency Room.”

  I notice that Jackson is playing with my fingers. He used to do that a lot when we were together. It was his way of flirting I guess. He kind of tickles them.

  Of course it reminds me of Nic tickling my feet when we were in bed together. He should be on stage right now. Performing. I hope he does well and that he’s not distracted by other things—like worrying about me.

  “How’s your job going?” my dad asks.

  I gulp. I’m not sure what to say that won’t lead to a discussion about Nic. And I’m sure he still has concerns about the gossip he heard that was on The Twitter as he and my mom call it.

  “It’s going,” I say vaguely.

  “Still at the online start-up?” Jackson asks. He never thought it was a great idea for me to take the job especially when he heard the salary. He made a point of putting it down even though he didn’t have any better suggestions for my gainful employment before he left town.

  I nod. I haven’t had a chance to tell anyone that I’m now the owner of said start-up. Not even Brooke. I’d love to know what’s going through her head right now.

  “How’s the article coming along?” Brooke asks. It’s a pointed question.

  “What article?” my dad chimes in.

  “The one on Nic Rayne and his band.” She makes a point of eyeing me.

  “Fine,” I lie. I’m not sure what the status of the article is at the moment. Considering I’m now involved with Nic. Not exactly unbiased reporting.

  “Nic Rayne?” Jackson sounds surprised. “Isn’t he that actor? The star of Fire in the Twilight?”

  I nod. “And he’s in a band. Almost Rayne.”

  “Isn’t he supposed to be a real dick? How’d you get stuck doing an article on that guy?”

  I can feel my entire body bristle in response. “He’s not a dick,” is all I can manage to spit out.

  Jackson just rolls his eyes at me. “Yeah, I think every girl in the world has a crush on him.”

  I really want to punch Jackson’s face right now but I don’t want to upset my dad so I remain as quiet as I can.

  Luckily my dad doesn’t bring up what he heard on The Twitter and I don’t push the subject. Apparently Jackson doesn’t keep up with social media, which is not surprising. I’m sure he’s too busy with being a first year law student to worry about much of anything else.

  “I sure appreciate you flying out to see me, Jackson,” my dad says. “It means a lot.”

  Jackson nods. “It’s the least I could do. I just want you to know that I’m here for your daughter.”

  When my dad gives Jackson a big smile I feel like the room is closing in on me. I know I should say something—anything—about me being with Nic but the words just won’t come out of my mouth. My dad just looks so happy.

  But when Brooke nudges me I know I’m in trouble. “Would you come to the ladi
es room with me?”

  “Sure,” I reply as she grabs my arms and pulls me out of my dad’s room.

  “What the fuck is going on, Harper?” In typical Brooke fashion she doesn’t waste any time getting right to the point.

  All I can do is shake my head. “My dad looks so bad.”

  “I know. And I’m sorry. But you’re not back together with Jackson are you?”

  I continue to shake my head.

  “You’re with Nic, right?”

  I nod.

  “Don’t you think you need to tell him that?”

  “I know I do but the words just won’t come out. Dad looks so happy…”

  “But it’s a lie. And Jackson is taking advantage of the situation which makes him more of a dick than Nic will ever be.”

  “Nic’s not a dick. He’s been with a lot of women. But he’s the first to admit it. And he really cares about people. He cares about me. I know that.”

  “Then don’t you think you need to tell your dad?”

  “I know I do. I just don’t want to upset him.”

  “You eventually need to tell him, Harper.”

  “I will.”

  “Sooner rather than later.”

  When we reenter the room my dad and Jackson are laughing about something. It reminds me of old times. My dad and Jackson would always entertain each other when I invited Jackson to dinner.

  “Visiting hours are almost over, Dad. I’ll be back in the morning to see you.”

  “Me, too,” Jackson pipes in without even asking.

  Brooke and I give my dad goodbye kisses on the cheek. Jackson gives him a pat on the shoulder before the three of us leave.

  As we walk out of the hospital, I say, “Jackson, I really appreciate you being here for my dad…”

  “I’m really here for you, Harp,” he states.

  “But I’m not sure about you coming to the hospital tomorrow.”

  He looks like I punched him in the gut. “But your dad will be expecting me. What do you think he’ll say if I’m not there?”

  I heave a sigh. He has a point. Brooke was right though. The lie is getting bigger than I can handle.

  “Another dick move,” Brooke whispers to me so low that only I can hear here.

  “We’re not back together, Jackson.” I state as firmly as I can.

  When he looks at me his light blue eyes look moist. I’ve never actually seen Jackson cry. He’s much too controlled to show emotions like that.

  “We’re not back together yet,” he makes a point of saying.

  I don’t feel like arguing with him. I’m much too tired and emotionally drained.

  “Will you take us see my mom?”

  “Of course,” he says as we approach his car. “Should I plan to pick you up in the morning?”

  I shake my head. “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I want to,” Jackson assures me. “I’m not sure you should be driving.”

  Jackson can be thoughtful when he wants to be. But I know there’s an ulterior motive. He wants me back and he seems willing to do anything to get me back. But it’s not that I haven’t been clear with him. I’ve told him repeatedly that we’re not getting back together.

  Admittedly, though, I haven’t told him it’s because I’m with someone else. Not that’s it’s any of his business anyway.

  I hope that Jackson will just drop us off at my parents’ house and I cringe when he actually turns off the engine.

  “You don’t have to stay,” I hint. “My mom’s probably really tired.”

  “It’s no problem,” Jackson replies.

  Of course it isn’t. My mom always loved Jackson too.

  I can’t help but notice the look of surprise on my mom’s face when she sees the three of us at the door.

  “Jackson,” she exclaims. “So great to see you again!”

  “Am I invisible?” Brooke whispers to me as my mom lets us in.

  “You and me both,” I whisper back.

  My parents’ house is an old Craftsman style bungalow built in the 1920s. They’ve had it for as long as I can remember. I was raised in the house and I don’t think my parents will ever move from the place.

  “We went to visit Dad,” I tell my mom as she leads us into the kitchen.

  My mom heaves a gigantic sigh before she grabs her tea kettle and begins to fill it with water.

  “Jackson, can I make you some tea?” My mom asks even though she already knows what he’ll say. He never refuses a cup of tea from my mom.

  “Of course,” Jackson says just as I predicted.

  “Brooke?” My mom finally acknowledges her presence. Not that it’s unusual. Brooke and I are almost always together and have been for years. Brooke practically lived at my house when we were teenagers.

  “Sure,” Brooke replies. “Why not? Do you have cookies?”

  My mom smiles. As if there’s ever a time that she doesn’t have cookies. If a comfort food exists my mom is sure to have it somewhere in the house.

  People always say my mom and I look alike but she’s much more stylish than I am. She’s like an older and classier version of me.

  “How was your father doing when you saw him?”

  “He looked okay,” I say because I’m really not sure how to respond.

  My mom puts the tea kettle on the stove and readies four tea mugs with tea bags.

  “Earl Grey okay?” She directs the question at Jackson.

  “Sound great,” he says.

  My mom claps her hands together. “I can’t forget the cookies.”

  She disappears into the pantry and returns with a box of Lady Fingers. She places a few on a small tray and then puts the tray on the small kitchen table.

  I’ve never seen my mom so somber. She’s usually bubbling over with nervous energy and telling me all kinds of stories about her eccentric neighbors, most of whom are artists and free thinkers like my parents.

  “Your dad and I haven’t slept apart in twenty-five years,” my mom admits when we all sit down at the table.

  “Do you want me to stay here with you?” I ask. I haven’t slept at my parents’ house since I left for college.

  When my mom looks up at me I can see her eyes are getting a little moist. “Would you?”

  “Sure. No problem.”

  “I could stay, too, if you want,” Jackson volunteers.

  “That would be great,” my mom says.

  Brooke eyes me. I have a feeling I know what she’s thinking. I’ve gotten myself in really deep and it’s my own fault. But how can I tell Jackson no when my mom looks so happy about him staying while Dad’s in the hospital.

  Once the tea is ready my mom pours us each a cup and we dive into the cookies. After we’ve each had a few my mom says, “So tell me more about what’s happening on The Twitter.”

  I knew it was coming. I glance quickly at Jackson and then say, “Not now, Mom.”

  Of course Jackson is sharp enough to pick up on the tension that is now filling the small room.

  “What about Twitter?” he asks.

  I narrow my eyes at my mom. “Maybe we can talk about this later.”

  “I’m just worried about you, Harper.”

  “You have nothing to worry about, Mom.”

  “Why are you worried?” Jackson asks.

  Brooke gives Jackson an annoyed glare. “Harper said she wanted to talk about it later. Can’t you take a hint?”

  “Maybe I’m worried too,” he retorts.

  “You weren’t that worried about her a month ago, or two months ago. Why are you suddenly so worried now?”

  Unlike my parents, who always adored Jackson, Brooke never thought very much of him.

  I think it’s because they’re about as opposite as two people could be. And Brooke really didn’t like the way he broke up with me. Of course it may be because she had to deal with the aftermath. I wasn’t exactly easy to live with while nursing a broken heart.

  “Maybe we should talk about this later
,” my mom suggests.

  “What do you think?” Brooke glances at me.

  “Maybe we should all get some rest. It’s been a long day. For all of us. And it will probably be a long day tomorrow at the hospital.”

  Jackson nods. “I agree.”

  “I can make up the couch for whoever wants to take it. You know we’ve only got two guest rooms.”

  “I don’t mind taking the couch,” Jackson offers. “The girls can take the beds.”

  “Harper and I can share the bed in her old room. It’s not like we didn’t have sleepovers all through junior high and high school. That’ll leave the other guest bedroom for you, Jackson.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You girls can borrow some pajamas, if you’d like.”

  “I’ll grab my suitcase out of the car,” Jackson says as he hops up from his chair.

  A few minutes later, Brooke and I are changing into some of my mom’s old flannel pajamas.

  “This does kind of feel like old times,” I say.

  “Except for these.” Brooke points to the pajamas. When Brooke’s not with someone and actually wears something to bed, it’s usually just an old T-shirt and definitely not flannels.

  I flop into the bed and Brooke does the same. My parents haven’t bothered to replace the mattress I used for years. It’s going to be a long night trying to get some sleep on the lumpy old thing. Especially after getting used to the beds in all the fancy hotel suites I stayed in with Nic and the band.

  After being lost in my thoughts for a few moments I realize it’s too quiet. Brooke isn’t talking and that’s not normal. When I look over at her she’s glaring at me.

  If she’s mad at me I must be in trouble. She rarely gets mad about anything, but that’s probably because she’s usually the one causing trouble.

  “You know I’m not a big fan of Jackson’s,” she says finally. “But you really need to tell him about Nic. If you still want to be with him that is.”

  “Of course I want to be with him.”

  “Well, you’re not acting like it. You know you’re eventually going to have to tell your parents. What’s going to happen when Nic gets here and your parents wonder why the hell a movie star is visiting your dad in the hospital?”

  “If he gets here,” I correct.

  She frowns. “What do you mean if he gets here? If he’s not here to support you when your dad’s in the hospital then he doesn’t deserve to be with you.”