Lass' Valor (The Pith Trilogy)

by Griffin, Kara

  “I should have been able to spend more time with him, Colin, to have been his son as I would have liked. Dammit, I find out when it’s too late, when it doesn’t matter.”

  Colin placed his hand on Brendan’s shoulder, and looked at him apologetically. “It’s not too late to honor him. Come, help me get him on his horse, so we can take him home.”

  They lifted Walt on his horse and tied him with rope to keep him from falling off. Brendan went inside himself. He mounted his horse and kept his gaze ahead. All those years living a lie, he would have been honored to have Walt as his father. Instead, he had lived with rejection from a father he’d craved attention from. Fortunately, he’d had his brothers while growing up, but Donald’s rejection affected him and he had never gotten over his supposed father’s dislike. He knew Donald’s dislike was the sole reason for his demeanor, but he couldn’t help that. It had been best to remain distant, unnoticed, and thereby unaffected by his father’s harsh manner.

  As he rode home, he couldn’t help but think of all the times that he’d spent with Walt—the many battles they’d gone through together, the nights they had spent by the campfire when out hunting, and the times they had drank ale and jested with the soldiers. Walt had entertained him with stories from his childhood, and jested about his difficulties when he’d been learning to fight. Brendan would miss him sorely. He was the father he’d always wanted but never had.

  *****

  The entire MacKinnon clan attended Walter Ross’ burial. Most ladies cried and some of the men had a tear, too. Walter, their beloved commander-in-arms, held in the highest esteem by the clan’s people had died a warrior’s death. Father Tomas’ heartfelt words rang true. Walt died in battle as a strong warrior should. It was the wish of all highland warriors to do so, and according to their custom, they shouldn’t be mourned—if they died doing their duty. Colin had always kept that oath. Whenever his men died in battle, he didn’t mourn them, because it would be an insult. It was a sad day for the clan, and a dismal day for Colin. Not only because of Walt’s death, but because his brother, Brendan, became distant toward everyone, even him.

  Colin stood by Julianna, and knew she resisted her sorrow. Walt had been like a father to her too, and she would miss his gaiety and counsel. He had helped her adjust to the highland life when she had married Colin. Colin squeezed her hand, and tried not to appear so grim. His wife watched Brendan, who stood obstinately erect, showing no outwardly emotion. Brendan kept himself in check, his eyes downcast, as if searching for some sign from the wooden box. It wasn’t to come.

  When Walter was placed in the ground, Brendan turned and marched away. His brother strode past Kate, not giving her a glance or greeting. Upon their return to the highlands, Brendan had stayed in the barracks, and according to Julianna, who had spoken to Kate, Brendan hadn’t gone to visit her.

  Colin knew this would happen. His brother’s standoffish attitude would only cause more problems, but Brendan didn’t seem to care. Colin turned to go after him, but Julianna stopped him.

  “Colin, let him be. He needs time to adjust to the fact that Walt was his father and has died. He must do so before he can properly mourn him. Let him alone for a while.”

  “I cannot. You know how he is; he’s going off to sulk. I cannot let him, he might not ever return.” Colin stared after his brother.

  Julianna knew what he needed. She rubbed his chest with a gentle stroke. “He needs time, Colin, he’ll return when he’s ready.”

  “Brendan does not have time. Damn it, Kate wants to return to England. If he doesn’t go to her soon, she will leave without him. I don’t like that de Morris is still on the loose. He intends to kill her. Until we dispatch him, I’ll worry about her.”

  “I know, Colin, but it’s his decision. Mayhap she should go without him. Henry will protect her until Brendan comes to his senses.”

  Colin walked beside her, holding her hand. He knew she was right, but he felt somewhat responsible for what his brother was feeling right now. He should have told him the truth years ago.

  “Colin, Julianna.” Henry approached them in the lower bailey. “I need to discuss Kate and our departure with you.”

  “Aye, I know what you’re going to say, Henry. Come, let us go to the hall.”

  Julianna stopped Colin. “I’m going to speak to Bonnie. She’s upset about Walt’s death, and she somehow found out about George.”

  “Ah, the poor Button. Come for me if you need me.” He then entered the hall. Henry followed, and Colin turned to him when he reached the trestle table. “So, when are you leaving?”

  “On the morrow. I agree with Kate, she must return to her people. I am not pleased with the way Brendan is handling this. Mayhap I should send a missive to Rome. I caused her much heartache by accepting her marriage to Brendan and now I regret it. Unless Kate relinquishes her rights to her father’s lands, she’ll have to tend to the tenants and servants. I don’t deem she will do that, she has too much honor.”

  “You’re aright, Henry. So you’ll ask Pope Innocent for an annulment? The price is likely going to be costly. Is Kate wealthy enough to pay for such an indulgence?”

  Henry placed his arms behind his back and began pacing, much like his brother Brendan did. “Nay, but I will aid her. It’s the least I can do.”

  “Henry, I haven’t asked for much in the years we have known each other, but I ask of you now. Do not send the missive yet. Give Brendan time to deal with the death of his father. He loves Kate, and I know he will regret her leaving. He will come to her.”

  “Very well, I will wait to send the missive to Rome, but he better not take too long.”

  Kate strode inside the hall and stopped when she reached them. She curtseyed to Henry, and bowed her head to him. Colin took her hand and gave it a supportive squeeze.

  “My lords, have you decided yet when I shall leave?”

  Henry stepped forward. “On the morrow, we shall go. I will travel with you to your home and will continue to have my soldiers protect your land until Richard is captured. I know your home is vulnerable since your father’s knights are still in the holy land, but my men should all ready be in place, watchful, in the event that Richard tries anything.”

  “Some of my father’s soldiers have returned, yet likely not enough to protect the people. I thank you, sire. Colin, you have my gratitude for allowing me to stay here. I shall always remember your clan and your kindness.”

  “It is I who should be thanking you, Kate. We’ll have a feast this night so you can say your farewells to the clan, they will be sorry to see you go.”

  “Not all your clan, Colin, there is one in particular who does not feel that way.”

  Colin didn’t like to hear her so forlorn. Damn his brother for hurting her so. They owed this woman much for saving Bonnie. If Brendan had to live in hell in repayment, then he should do so—even if it meant living in England. “My brother needs time, Kate. You can understand that, can’t you?”

  “I do. Please, tell him that I …” Kate became emotional and began weeping. “I’m sorry to hear of Walt’s death. I only spoke to him a few times, but know he was an honorable man.”

  Colin’s heart tightened at seeing her so distressed. “Aye, he certainly was. Go and rest for the feast. Try not to let my brother’s conduct unsettle you. He’ll come around.”

  Kate nodded to him then left, and Colin stalked away. He needed to find his wife, and warn her about the night’s festivities. The unfavorable duty of telling his daughter that her friend was leaving distressed him. He didn’t want to cause his daughter’s unhappiness, especially since this day brought her much sorrow in learning of Walt and George’s deaths, but better to get it over with now before she found out on her own.

  *****

  Kate returned to her cottage, but she deliberately disobeyed Colin, and hadn’t gone to rest. She’d retrieved her candles and rope, then went to the stables and took the mare out for a ride. The mare trudged along slowly. Kate wasn
’t in a hurry to get where she was going. When she reached the cliff, she dismounted and took her belongings from the saddlebag. She walked hesitantly toward the edge, and when she reached it, her breath hitched in her throat. It was a very long way down, but she had the courage to confront her fear and look below her. The wind began blowing around her, and she moved back.

  Once her rope was set and her candles positioned, she sat in the center. She hadn’t even tried to light the candles, because a strong wind whipped around her. The Goddess’ elements were all around her, excerpt for fire, but that didn’t matter. She raised her hands and chanted the prayers that came so easily to her lips. After she gave her benedictions to the Goddess for keeping her safe, aiding her in helping Bonnie, and allowing her to meet her vision, she opened her eyes.

  The last rays of the sun glared over the ridge with its beautiful splendor. Now, she had to say goodbye. She cleared her throat, and spoke as loudly as she could, knowing he was there. She only hoped that he would hear her words.

  “I have come to say farewell. Do you hear me, Brendan? Madam told me about you, and my vision made me love you, before I even knew you. You are just as tenacious in life as you were in my vision. How I shall miss you. I will always remember you.” Kate’s words echoed through the crest of the cliff.

  She rose and collected her rope and candles. Before she strolled away, she looked over the now darkened summit, and promised herself that she would not dwell on her decision to leave him. Kate rode back to the keep.

  When she arrived, she realized supper had been delayed until her return. She hastily took her seat at the table. Her perseverance in trying to remain serene throughout supper became impossible. The clan members each came to say their goodbyes, as well as the KirkConnells. Everyone surrounded her, all but Bonnie, who sat on the floor with her elbows leaning on her knees and her hands holding up her chin. Her sweet little face looked downcast and she wouldn’t even look at her.

  Kate walked away from the crowd, and went to sit next to her on the floor. “Lovey, I …”

  Bonnie continued to look absently across the hall, not paying her a bit of attention. Kate touched her hand and smiled.

  “Walt died.”

  “I know, I’m sorry.” Kate held her hand and leaned her head against Bonnie’s. “He was a brave soldier and a good man. I’m sure he’s with the Gods, probably fishing with your Uncle Walden.” She hoped her words would make her friend smile.

  Bonnie sighed. “George died, too.”

  “Oh, I know, I’m sorry, lovey. You found out? I know how fond you were of him.”

  Bonnie sniffled. “And now you’re leaving me. I will never see you again.” Her voice barely broadcasted the words.

  Kate kept her tears from falling. “You know that I must go. I have a … clan that needs me, just as your clan needs you. You wouldn’t want them to be sad, would you?”

  “Nay, och I am sad. I won’t ever see you again. I heard Papa, he said that I am never allowed to leave our land again, except to go to the KirkConnells. I cannot even go with Mama and Papa again to see Honey. You live so far away.” Bonnie sniffled her cry away.

  “Well, then I shall have to come and visit you then, won’t I?”

  “You promise?”

  Kate sighed and couldn’t help feeling despondent. She was about to lie to the little girl, and it just about broke her heart. Not that her heart wasn’t all ready shattered. “I do, but it may be a very long time before I can return. How about if I leave Trixie here? You know how much I adore her. If I leave her here, I’ll have to come back. I know she won’t replace George in your heart, or Walt, or me, but she might make you feel better.”

  Bonnie knocked her backward with a sprightly hug. Kate wrapped her arms around her, taking a moment to revel in holding her, smelling her soft hair and feeling her little hands holding her so lovingly. She set her back on the floor and rose. Before she went through the doorway, Kate turned and looked at her. She wanted to memorize her last view of her dear friend and her sweet little face.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Brendan stayed in the forest for a fortnight, contemplating the heartache he’d suffered. His head was full of strife as he thought about the years of lies and deceit. His body tensed and he didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. Since he’d left Walt’s burial, he’d sought the solace of the woods and camped alone.

  He walked to the edge of the cliff and sat down, throwing his legs over the rim. Looking out over the mountains, at the mist that lurked below, and at the clear sky overhead, he felt calm and levelheaded. Aye, he could think clearly here without intrusion from others. Katie. His heart commiserated and he recalled Walt’s last words: Lad, I lost my love … don’t lose yours. Brendan felt as though he’d all ready lost her.

  He missed her, but he had made his decision to renounce his claim. He lay back on the ground with his legs hanging over the edge of the cliff, focusing on the clouds in the sky above him. Winter was coming, and a chill blew its wrath around him, yet he didn’t feel it. He was numb.

  Katie. Why couldn’t he stop thinking about her? He had no idea where she was. She had left him, returning to her people. He knew the urgency of her return, and he knew when he went back to his clan, she wouldn’t be there.

  The devastating news of his parentage made him accept his place, not that he didn’t care about Walt, but the fact that his brothers weren’t his real blood brothers greatly affected him. He had counted on them his entire life, through the hardship of losing their parents, the many battles and wars with other clans, and now knowing the truth of his real father. A lifetime of lies swallowed him whole and he wasn’t about to be released from the pressure.

  His brothers were from a different father. No wonder Donald MacKinnon hadn’t cared for him, not that he had showed Robin much care either. His only concern was Colin taking over as laird. What the hell was he thinking? They would always be his brothers, no matter what occurred in their lives. Even if someone declared they had different mothers, he wouldn’t let his relationship be influenced by any circumstance.

  He heard Colin shouting his name. Colin approached and sat next to him. Robin took the other side, and they both swung their legs over the cliff side. Brendan immediately sat up and waited for someone to speak. His brothers remained silent, probably wondering how they should begin.

  Minutes passed, and finally Colin spoke. “Where have you been? We’ve been here everyday looking for you.” He gripped his shoulder in a brotherly gesture.

  “I was traipsing the woods like an arse,” he confessed quietly.

  “Are you all right? We were worried,” Robin said low.

  “I just had thinking to do is all.”

  “You know we’ll always be brothers,” Colin said adamantly.

  Robin agreed by nodding.

  “We don’t have to talk about it, Brendan,” Colin said.

  “We will if you want to,” Robin put in.

  “Nay, I don’t want to. It was hard to accept at first, but now I understand what I must do.”

  “Let’s go back to the keep then. Bonnie’s been asking for you every day and the clan misses you.” Colin moved back to stand and waited for them to rise.

  They rode to the keep, each silent. Neither Colin, nor Robin would broach the subject of Walt or Kate with him. He knew his brothers feared that he would retreat to the forest again, and they wouldn’t find him by the cliffs. Brendan thought about reassuring them, but didn’t.

  Julianna served supper when they entered. The hall quieted, except of course for Bonnie, because once she spied him, she yelled and ran to him. Brendan picked her up and kissed her cheek.

  “I missed you, Uncle.”

  “I missed you, too, fairy.”

  She squealed in delight when he threw her in the air and caught her.

  “Kate’s gone, Uncle,” she whispered against his face. Brendan didn’t respond, so she nudged his chin. “She belongs with you, with us.”

  �
�Button, she is where she belongs, England is her home.” Colin took Bonnie from Brendan and sat her on his lap.

  Brendan moved to sit in the center of the table. He focused on eating his supper, and tried to remain unaffected by his niece’s unhappiness.

  “Why does she belong there? She’s a MacKinnon, Papa, you said so. You have to bring her home, Papa, please. She wanted to stay, I know she did.”

  “How do you know that?” Colin looked at her oddly.

  “She was sad when she left.”

  Colin placed her in a chair beside his. “I know she was your friend, Button, but Kate made her decision to return to her people. Of course she was sad, she cares greatly for you.” Bonnie stood up on her chair and wailed. Colin picked her up, but she wouldn’t stop crying. “Bonnie, she’s all right, I’m certain she is well. Don’t worry about her, lass.”

  “Nay, Papa, she’s not all right. I need her … Uncle needs her … we …”

  “I know you both do,” Colin whispered. “But you’ll have to wait until your uncle decides to go and bring her back.”

  “Make him sit in your chair, Papa, until he does.”

  Colin laughed at her demand. “I cannot do that, Button, my brother is mule-headed.”

  “Kate loves him, Papa. Does he love her?”

  “Aye, Button, he does. He just doesn’t know it yet, give him time to realize it.”

  “Aye, Papa.” She rubbed her face on his plaid.

  Brendan watched his brother holding his daughter and heard their discussion. There was nothing he could do to make his niece feel better. She would just have to understand that he and Kate were not meant to be together. In time, she would understand.

  Whenever he looked at Bonnie, she reminded him of Kate. They were both innocence and sweetness. Nay, he wasn’t worthy of Kate. Being a bastard, he didn’t have anything to offer her. Likely, she was as rich as the damned English king. He would ask Henry to annul their marriage at the soonest. His fate had been decided in the forest, and he would abide by it, whether he was miserable or not. He left the hall after the meal and slept on his old pallet in the barracks. Restlessly, his mind reeled with visions of Kate, and his conscious plagued him. He couldn’t sleep.