I, Partridge: We Need To Talk About Alan
Page 27
273 Press play on Track 43.
274 Me: sprained. Him: cut, fat, drunk.
275 Answer: a few seconds.
276 Press play on Track 44.
277 Patch of ground approximately where a tree once was.
278 North Norfolk’s best music mix.
279 North Norfolk’s best music mix.
280 Press play on Track 45.
281 Minutes.
282 At this point Track 45 should really kick in. If not, you’re not reading at the right pace. Re-read the section and back time the start of the song to the right point (if you can be arsed).
283 Press play on Track 46. When it comes to an end, the book is finished.
284 Witnessing the birth of my first child, witnessing the birth of my second child, marriage, getting my first job with the BBC, finding out that Knowing Me Knowing You had been commissioned for radio, finding out that Knowing Me Knowing You had been commissioned for TV, securing a lucrative deal to be the face of military-based quiz show Skirmish on UK Conquest, being awarded a Burton’s Gold Card.
285 Dundee.
Tracklisting
1. Theme from Harry’s Game – Clannad
2. Down in the Park – Tubeway Army
3. Nights in White Satin – Moody Blues
4. Anything by Keane
5. Smalltown Boy – Bronski Beat
6. Thank God I’m a Country Boy – John Denver
7. First Time Ever I Saw Your Face – Roberta Flack
8. Fernando – Abba
9. Poppa Joe – The Sweet
10. Jump – Van Halen
11. Theme to Ski Sunday
12. Solsbury Hill – Peter Gabriel
13. Tusk – Fleetwood Mac
14. Love Is a Battlefield – Pat Benatar
15. Amateur Hour – Sparks
16. If I Was … – Midge Ure
17. Japanese Boy – Aneka
18. Licence to Kill – Gladys Knight
19. The Winner Takes It All – Abba
20. Knowing Me, Knowing You – Abba
21. Is It a Dream? – Classix Nouveaux
22. On the Wings of Love – Jeffrey Osborne
23. Brothers in Arms – Dire Straits
24. Alone – Heart
25. Stop the Cavalry – Jona Lewie
26. Alright Now – Free
27. Équinoxe Part 4 – Jean Michel Jarre
28. Be With You – Mr Big
29. Wishful Thinking – China Crisis
30. The Race – Yello
31. Mamunia – Wings
32. Anything by Keane
33. Axel F – Harold Faltermeyer
34. Fade to Grey – Visage
35. Cake Walk into Town – Taj Mahal
36. Single Ladies – Beyoncé
37. Babooshka – Kate Bush
38. Drive – The Cars
39. Satisfaction – Benny Benassi
40. Pipes of Peace – Paul McCartney
41. Iko Iko – The Belle Stars
42. Poison Arrow – ABC
43. Theme from The Saint
44. Theme from Harry’s Game – Clannad
45. Fix You – Coldplay
46. Portsmouth – Mike Oldfield
Index
The page numbers in this index relate to the printed version of this book; they do not match the pages of your eBook. You can use your eBook reader’s search tool to find a specific word or passage.
Note: ‘n’ refers to a note.
Abba 43, 93, 94, 95, 96, 110n, 127, 175
Al-Qaeda 148, 266n
Alvin (visionary) 275
Anderson, Clive 112
Andersson, Benjamin ‘Benny’ 96
Archer, Lady 71
Backley, Steve 89, 90
Banter, Wally 280, 287
Barrymore, Michael 115
Bazalgette, Joseph 117n
Bazalgette, Peter 117
BBC
bar 64
Broadcasting House 59, 62–3, 92
club 70–1, 78
compliance culture 210
execs, TV as inconvenience for 187
Television Centre 84–5, 91–2, 101, 159, 160, 161, 187, 269
see also Radio 4; Radio 5Live
BBC1
Dr Who 188n, 205
Grandstand 82n, 160, 161n
as KMKY’s natural home 100–1
Points of View 112
Question of Sport 29
BBC2
Day Today, The 79, 80–1, 89–90, 103
Knowing Me Knowing You (KMKY) 99–100, 101, 111–20, 133, 159–62, 218, 248, 275, 310n
Knowing Me Knowing Yule 132, 133–5, 159
Top Gear 100–1
Beasley, Joe 114–15
Bevin, Mr (English teacher) 23
Birt, John 59
Boyce, Emily 143
Boyd, Jon 50, 216
Boyle, Jessica 187–8
Butterworth, Kev 187–8
Camley, Lawrence 96
Channel 4
100 best catchphrases 95
Countdown 212
Deal or No Deal 209
Grand Designs 252
Million Pound Drop Live 182n
Chesney, Henry 242
Chipping Norton set 267n
Clark, Elaine 61
Clarkson, Jeremy 160, 194, 267
Clifton, Dave 142, 163, 258–9, 278, 299–302
Coe, Sebastian 186
Coleman, David 29, 55
Cook, Sue 71, 124, 127, 169, 170, 171, 179, 180, 181, 224
Crowther, Peter 53–4
Dance, Charles 299n
Denton, Simon 285–94
DeVault, Sophie 61
Diamond, Anne 139
Diana, Princess of Wales 195n
Dimmock, Charlie 186
Dwyer, George 109–10
Eastwood, Steven 63–4, 79, 80
Edmonds, Noel 123, 174n, 209
Essex, David 255
Feather, Chris 181–2, 183–4, 218, 238, 244
Fielding, Yvette 209
Ford, Nick 96
Frank, Anne 228
Furnish, David 105
Gabitas, Pete 40, 193–5, 260
Galbraith, James 170
Geoff Love Orchestra 94n
Golding, Brian 51
Goodhew, Duncan 54
Goodier, Mark 145
Gordale Media 278, 279, 282
Grainger, Bob 157
Grossman, Loyd 186
Gunnell, Sally 82–4, 139
Hamilton’s Water Breaks 181, 210–11
Harrier, Dave 209
Harrison, Georgia 111
Harvey, Wanda 116
Hayers, Jane 181, 238
Hayers, Tony 97–9, 111, 119–20, 134–5, 137, 159–67, 179–81, 244, 300
Heron, Gordon 134, 136, 180n
Hethersett, Barry 53, 54
Hitler, Adolf 8, 291
Holmes, Eamonn 220
Hoseasons (Bournemouth) 36n, 114–15
Hurst, Lewis 110
ITV
Aspel & Company 99, 101
Cube, The 182n
Police, Camera, Action! 202
This Morning 50
World in Action 199
Jameson, Derek 118
Janice (McCombe’s cashier) 26
Jason (Peartree ex-assistant producer) 93, 109, 111
Jeff Lovell girls 95
Jeff Lovell Orchestra 94, 104
Jemima ‘Jem’ (first girlfriend) 31–2, 33
Jesus Christ 44, 54, 195n, 219, 266, 268
Jill (Peartree receptionist) 110
John, Elton 105
Jom (Jim or Tom, entrepreneur) 156–7
Kelly, Henry 199
Kilty, Craig ‘The Monster’ 296, 300
Lambert family 21–2, 190–2
Lancashire, Jennie 5–6
Langland, Gina 110, 110–11n
Lewis, Sue 226
Lewis-Smith, Victor 27
Lisa (Peartree researcher) 93,
98, 101
Littlejohn, Richard 204
Lynam, Des 84–5, 161n
Maclean, Scott 114
Malick, Jon 8
Matt and Mario 211, 212
Matthews, Bernard 75–6, 104, 219
Maul, Ted 81
Maxwell, Jed 169, 172–8, 179
May, Rosie 65, 66, 81
McAllister, Forbes, death of 112, 113–14, 116–20, 132, 162, 211, 289
McCombe, Steven 24–6, 27
McMahon, Bridie 27, 116
Michael (Travel Tavern employee) 80n, 151, 152–3, 154, 171–2, 177n
Millicent, Dave 18, 20
Moore, Roger 65, 110
Morgan, Piers 90
Morgan of Glossop, Lord 97, 98
Morris, Christopher 65, 81
Noden, Vic 74
Norfolk
backward underachievers of 24
Broads 201–2
‘development’ in 15–16
first-class countryside 1, 2
Gabitas’s enemies in 194
Round Table 9
Royal Norfolk Show 72, 179
sex in 2n
starvation in 228
summer roadshow, Carol Partridge at 121
Swaffham Country Fayre 179–80
North Norfolk Digital (né Radio North Norfolk)
Bedtime with Branning 287, 292–3
loses FM licence 277
Mid-Morning Matters 10, 248, 258, 282–4, 286–9, 291–3, 307–9
‘Mid Morning Matters, mid-air’ 297–300
rebranding 279
Norwich
bus system, seeking snivels on 86
Café Symphony 102, 106
Choristers Country Club 256, 259
City Council 238
Mead Hotel 273
Metropole 152
Nando’s 106–8
Our Price store 49–51, 52, 73, 215–16
Playhouse 274
Ponder’s band as fixture 101, 102
Richer Sounds 272–3
Rita’s café 37–8
St Luke’s Hospital 46–8
Thorburn’s pronunciation of 211
train station 239–41
Waterstone’s 233, 237
see also Radio Norwich
Oddie, Bill 124, 127, 166, 173, 180n, 210, 224–5, 226
O’Hanraha-hanrahan, Peter 65, 81
Parry, Keith (ex-father-in-law) 39
Parry, Stella (ex-mother-in-law) 39
Parry, Ben E. 280
Parry, Tim (ex-brother-in-law) 60, 123
Partridge, Alan Gordon
as author and writer
book titles, meaningless 227n
Bouncing Back 222n, 233–43, 271
describe mother’s death, how to 247
Funny Thing Happened, A … 235
hope for current volume 310
ideas for books 247
love of alliteration 281–2
narrative techniques 4, 118, 168, 217
positioning books in-store 237
pulping and recycling 241–4
rhetorical devices 29, 168–9
run-writing 234
search for publisher 235–6
selling units, methods 238–41
awards
Booker Prize (deserved) 233
Channel 4 100 best catchphrases (84th) 95
TV Quick’s Man of the Moment 27
as businessman
Apache Group of Companies® 256–7
Forward Solutions™ 266, 267, 268–73, 274–5
Partridge’s Nest 155–8
philosophy 158, 257
Travel Tavern’s understanding of 161
see also below under Peartree Productions
childhood, school and poly
A-level results 28–30
beatings 8–9
birth 3–4, 42, 248
bullying 1–2, 24–5, 26–7
choice of newspaper 204
Christmas 5
dance, as self-expression 248
East Anglia Polytechnic 30–4
‘Fartridge’ affair 23–4, 27
first words, car-related 204
funeral/burial of Barney the dog 244n
hardship of 13–15, 20
as ineffective leader 19–20
inquisitiveness 6–7
as lepidopterist 7
living with parents as student 30–2
as only child 4–5
as precocious reader 13, 14, 204
and privet sweepings 9, 21
Scouting 17–20
shoe-horn/shoe-tree fixation 7
tree as doppelgänger 2–3, 15, 302–3
dress and grooming
aftershave (Pagan Man) 122
beard, temporary 209–10
Burton’s Gold Card 76, 310n
dressing gown, when alone 132
hair, luxuriance of 98
side parting 51, 160, 297
smart/smart casual 98, 284
as student 31, 32
talc and deodorant 91, 163
underwear 245, 260
waterproof trousers, discounted 302
food and drink
as accompaniment to BBC news 68
Alan’s Cookie Jar 290
baking soda metaphors 155, 170
beer on Xmas morning 131–2
birthday cake 13–14
at BP garage 80
Coco-Pops and hot milk 304
daytime drinking, avoids 125
drunk on Watneys Party Four 32
improvisation at Travel Tavern 150
interfered-with sandwiches 24
lemonade preference 40
lunchtime sandwiches 160, 161, 217, 242
McDonald’s 291–2, 304
Murray Mints 4, 5n
Nandos’s (Norwich) 106–8
omelettes at Travel Tavern 151
in police cells 119
tea, sequence of water and milk 37
tea and AIDS 67–8
toast at Rita’s 37
Toblerone addiction 203–4, 213–23, 228–9, 231
transcending binary pairs 37–8
vegetables, surfeit of and consequences 11
‘when in Rome’ 83–4
health (mental and physical)
addiction see above under food and drink
ageing, three signs of 305
ankle injuries 65, 299–302, 304
calls in ‘sick’ 125
calluses, efficacy of pumice 234
Controlled Anger-Release Splashing 226
cures for flab 229–30
excess skin, solutions for 232
major bloodloss 15n