A Question of Us

by Mary Jayne Baker

  Dave smirked. ‘Seen a lot of Lyns’s ceiling.’ He shrugged as the eyes of the team turned towards him. ‘What? She likes it on top.’

  ‘Ha!’ Si snorted. ‘No wonder you wimped out of that sexual position question at the barbecue.’

  Sonny grimaced. ‘What did you have to tell us that for?’

  ‘Just to see the look on your face, sunshine.’ Dave glanced at the door and drew an invisible zip across his lips. ‘Right, you lot, shush. My old man’s here.’

  He nodded to Jeff, manoeuvring his bulky frame through the tables towards them.

  ‘So?’ Clarrie said. ‘He knows you’re a sexaholic.’

  ‘Yeah, but I don’t want to brag. It’s not like he’s been getting much for the past twenty years, is it?’

  ‘Fair point.’

  ‘Where’ve you been, Jeff?’ Simon asked as the final Flower Arranger sank into his seat.

  ‘Stopped to bollock some kids smoking wacky baccy up by the park, scaring the old dears on their way to indoor bowls.’

  ‘You can take the copper out of the Force, eh?’ Gemma said.

  ‘Mmm, hard to break the habit. Plus I like to have a daily shout outside the bosom of the family, it’s great for stress relief.’

  Dave stood up. ‘Er, I’m just off to the bar.’

  ‘You what?’ Sonny said. ‘I’ve just been to the bar.’

  ‘Yeah, but it’s good to stock up before kick-off. Same again, everyone?’

  Jeff pulled him back into his seat. ‘Sit down, you little pillock. Seriously, how thick do you think I am?’

  ‘You want the honest answer there, Father?’

  Jeff shot him a look. ‘Look, your mum and me know you spent a good four years stoned off your tits in your room. Not sure you potheads ever realise how much that stuff stinks. Anyway, we could hear you tittering.’

  ‘You what?’

  ‘Yeah, and you can pay me back for not shopping you by looking after me in my old age. If your mother doesn’t finish me off with the breadknife first.’

  Dave narrowed one eye at his dad. ‘Hang on. Do you know what happened to that eighth I bought to take up to camp in Year Twelve? You didn’t bloody confiscate it, did you?’

  ‘I did, yeah. Found it hidden in a video case on the upstairs landing. Devil’s Advocate with Keanu Reeves.’

  ‘What? I thought Rob had got it! What did you do with it?’

  Jeff grinned. ‘You don’t want to know.’

  ‘Didn’t flush it, did you? That was twenty quid’s worth.’

  ‘No, me and your mum smoked it.’

  ‘What?’

  Clarrie gave a loud snort that she quickly turned into a cough. Si slapped her sympathetically on the back.

  ‘We were young once too, Davy Boy,’ Jeff said with a shrug. ‘Used to like a joint ourselves back in the day. I thought it might bring some of the magic back.’

  ‘And did it?’ Clarrie asked.

  ‘Best laugh we’d had together since our wedding night, I can tell you that.’

  ‘Oh aye?’ Si said, quirking an eyebrow.

  Jeff glared at him over his already half-gone Bombardier. ‘I meant because the good times rolled, young Dewhirst, so watch it. I promise you there is nothing giggleworthy in the Henderson family lunchbox.’ He nudged Dave. ‘Back me up, Junior.’

  ‘Er, yeah,’ mumbled his shellshocked offspring. ‘What he said.’ He shook his head. ‘Can’t believe you smoked my weed though, Dad. Pair of twats.’

  ‘Oi.’ Jeff cuffed him. ‘There’s a commandment about respecting me and your mum, lad. If you don’t watch your mouth, the Lord’ll smite you bare-arsed from here to John O’Groats.’

  ‘Don’t remember that one from RE,’ Si said. ‘Is it in the King James?’

  ‘Yep,’ Jeff said. ‘I didn’t win the Sunday School scripture knowledge prize two years on the trot just for scratching my backside, you know. Bare-arsed smiting, Leviticus 6:10. Look it up.’

  ‘Fucking hell, this is hilarious,’ Sonny muttered to Gemma. ‘Davy’s never hearing the end of this.’

  Clarrie noticed Jeff’s face suddenly change, his smirk disappearing. He peered towards the bar with a vague, distracted air.

  ‘What’s up, Jeff?’

  ‘Hmm? Oh, nothing. Just spotted a mate, that’s all.’ He stood up. ‘I’d better go say hi.’

  ‘The quiz’ll be starting soon, Dad,’ Dave said, but Jeff had already wandered away.

  ‘Who is it, Dave? Fat Ade?’ Si asked.

  ‘No. Mandy Atkinson.’

  Si turned to look. ‘So it is. When did she come back?’

  ‘Two months ago. Her husband died last year.’

  ‘Yeah?’ Si said, turning back and scanning Dave’s face. ‘Your dad seen much of her?’

  ‘Here and there. They’re taking the same life drawing class at our village hall.’

  ‘You all right, Davy?’ Clarrie asked. ‘You seem a bit out of it.’

  ‘I’m… fine, Clar,’ Dave said absently, still staring at his dad and Mandy. ‘I should probably go say hi to her too. Might as well get a round in while I’m there.’ He stood and headed to the bar.

  ‘What was all that about?’ Gemma asked Sonny.

  He shrugged. ‘Beats me. Who is she, Si?’

  ‘Old flame of Jeff’s. She moved away years ago with her husband.’

  ‘She was in the year above my mum at school,’ Clarrie said, glancing over at the brass-haired woman in her late forties chatting merrily to Jeff and Dave. ‘Bit of a goer apparently.’ She grinned at Simon. ‘I heard she had your dad, Si.’

  ‘Shut up.’

  ‘Ha! Like father, like son, eh?’ Gemma said. ‘Was he as much of a slag as you, Si?’

  ‘Right, you can all bloody bite me. I thought we were talking about Jeff’s sex life anyway.’

  ‘Serves you right for all them jokes about my mum,’ Sonny said, smirking. ‘So is someone going to tell me and Gem what Dave’s being weird about then?’

  Clarrie shrugged. ‘The idea of his dad having sex, probably.’

  ‘More than that,’ Si said, draining the last of his pint. ‘Dad told me Mandy’s the one that got away. You know, the one Jeff would’ve married. They were sort of unofficially engaged after school.’

  ‘Really?’ Clarrie said. ‘I never knew that. Mum just said they went out.’

  ‘Yeah. But then he knocked up Polly Cawthra and thought he’d better do the honourable thing.’

  ‘Bloody hell,’ Sonny said. ‘Our Jeff’s a dark horse, eh? Surprised Dave never said.’

  Si shrugged. ‘I think he feels guilty, to be honest. He knows the whole story but he hardly ever talks about it. Once he’s mentioned it to me, when he was stoned at camp and we stayed up after you lot had gone to bed. That’s all.’

  ‘What’s for Dave to feel guilty about?’ Gemma asked. ‘He didn’t ask to be conceived, did he?’

  ‘I know. He does though.’

  ‘Poor little Davy.’ Gemma glanced at the group by the bar. Dave was looking uncomfortable while Mandy laughed, lightly touching Jeff’s arm with long, hot-pink fingernails. ‘God, the woman doesn’t flirt by halves, does she? Right, Sunil. Let’s go get introduced.’

  ‘Won’t we be interrupting?’ Sonny said.

  ‘That’s the whole point, thickie. Come on, Davy needs us. These two can mind the table.’ She dragged Sonny off towards the bar.

  ‘Fancy going out for a fag before we kick off, Clar?’ Si asked when they were alone.

  ‘No, I’d better mind the table. You go though.’

  ‘It’s okay. Not the same without you.’

  ‘How’s your mum, love?’ Clarrie asked. ‘Recovering from the op okay?’

  ‘Yeah, she’s doing well. Tired, but upbeat about starting her treatment. Her and dad are over at the caravan again, having a bit of a break before the chemo starts.’

  ‘And how are you?’

  ‘I’m just glad the op went without a hitch.’ He looked down at the table.
‘Although it’s the next bit that’s really scary, isn’t it? Chemo. I’m going to take her to appointments wherever I can – you know, school allowing. Dad shouldn’t have to do it all on his own.’

  Clarrie squeezed his leg under the table. ‘You’re a good boy, Simon Dewhirst, you know that?’

  ‘Yeah. Keep it quiet though, I’ve got a reputation to maintain.’

  ‘Secret’s safe with me.’ She gave his knee an affectionate rub and removed her hand. ‘I’m here if you need me anyway.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He turned to her with a strange look in his eyes: a glint of something she couldn’t identify, a little half smile. ‘Hey, Clar, there’s something I wanted to—’

  But he was cut off by Dave, Sonny and Gemma returning with more drinks.

  ‘Here you go,’ Dave said, dumping a pint in front of each of them.

  ‘Ta, Dave.’ Clarrie glanced up at him. ‘Everything all right?’

  ‘Yeah. Dad’ll be over when Tim kicks off, he says.’

  ‘Oh.’ She glanced at Jeff and Mandy, laughing together at the bar. Dave’s gaze followed hers as he sank back into his seat.

  ‘Look happy, don’t they?’ he said with a sigh. ‘I wish he’d laugh like that with Mum. Maybe I should stash a bit more weed around the house.’

  Si patted him on the shoulder. ‘Nothing for you to worry about, Davy. It’s between them, isn’t it?’

  ‘S’pose. Hard to remember that when you’re stuck in the middle of it.’

  Sonny shook his head. ‘You need to move out, mate.’

  ‘All right, you move in with me then.’

  Sonny scoffed. ‘With you? You must be joking. Sharing a tent with you’s bad enough, slobby.’

  ‘Yeah, easy to be tidy when you’ve got your mum picking up your pants for you, eh?’ Dave did the fake cough thing with a barely concealed ‘Oedipus Complex’.

  Si nudged Clarrie. ‘Looks like things are back to normal round here.’

  Tim started tapping his microphone, ready to begin. Jeff said his goodbyes to Mandy and slipped quietly back into his seat.

  His son avoided catching his eye.

  ‘Right, folks, here we go,’ the quizmaster boomed. ‘Our last League quiz before the final and at this stage it’s looking like a two-horse race between the Mighty Morphin’ Flower Arrangers and Les Quizerables, with Les Quiz just a couple of points ahead. Round one: the animal kingdom.’

  Si swore under his breath. Nature was one of their weak areas.

  ‘Question one: which animal has the scientific name ursus arctos horribilis?’

  ‘Okay, Sonny,’ Si said. ‘You’re science. What is it?’

  ‘I don’t know, do I? That’s Latin, not science.’

  ‘God, you’re rubbish.’ Si looked round the table. ‘Come on, come on, anyone?’

  ‘Shame Posh Ed’s not here,’ Dave said to Clarrie. ‘I bet he can speak Latin. They teach them that at private school.’

  ‘He didn’t go to private school, Dave, he went to a comprehensive in Halifax.’

  ‘It’s a bear,’ Jeff said absently.

  Clarrie stared at him. It was rare enough for Jeff to be awake, let alone have an answer.

  ‘Bloody hell, Jeff. How d’you know that?’

  He shrugged. ‘Dunno, must’ve been on Pointless or something.’

  Si nodded. ‘Sounds right actually. I mean, there’s Ursa Major, the constellation. That’s the Great Bear. So ursus, same root maybe.’

  ‘Smartarse teachers,’ Sonny said. ‘What about the rest of it then?’

  ‘Eh?’

  ‘You know, ursus flobbeldy gobbledy or whatever it was. What type of bear is it? There’s more than one, you know.’

  ‘Oh. Yeah.’ Si’s face fell. ‘S’pose there is.’

  ‘Let’s take a guess,’ Clarrie said. She looked at Jeff. ‘Unless you know?’

  ‘Hmmm?’ he said, pulling his eyes away from Mandy Atkinson at the bar.

  ‘Type of bear.’

  ‘Oh. Right. Koala?’

  ‘Right, long enough on that one,’ Tim boomed. ‘Moving on…’

  ‘Shit!’ Si said. ‘Right, I’m calling it. Grizzly.’

  ‘Dad says koala though,’ Dave said.

  ‘Not a proper bear, Dave. Koala’s a wotsit, kangaroo thing. Can’t remember the word.’

  ‘Question two,’ Tim said. ‘What type of mammal is a kangaroo?’

  ‘Oh, you’re fucking kidding me,’ Si said with a groan.

  ‘It’s all right, I know it,’ Clarrie said, jerking the paper away from him and writing ‘marsupial’ into the empty space.

  Si looked relieved. ‘Oh yeah, I knew that. Momentary blank.’

  Gemma shook her head. ‘You need to relax, Si, you’re getting yourself all worked up. The answers’ll come easier if you calm down a bit.’

  ‘Sorry. Sorry, I know.’ He glanced at Clarrie. ‘Got a lot riding on it, that’s all.’

  25

  Clarrie wasn’t sure when Si put his hand on her leg but she noticed it a couple of questions into the third round: not moving, just resting there on her leggings. About halfway through the round, he started brushing his little finger up and down her inner thigh – slowly, softly caressing the same inch of flesh through the thin material. Just a little movement, but it tingled right through her.

  They were leaning together over the answer sheet and she was suddenly very aware of him. Their closeness, his cheek almost touching hers. His breath, faster than usual, warm on her face.

  ‘You all right, Clar?’ Gemma asked.

  ‘Fine,’ she lied, pressing her eyes closed for a second.

  ‘Stop it,’ she whispered to Si when the others were engaged in arguing over the last question of the round.

  ‘What?’ he muttered back.

  ‘You know what.’ She put her hand over his, stilling the teasing finger. ‘Si, please. There’s people.’

  ‘Come away then, Clar. Come outside with me.’

  ‘Okay. Just wait for the break.’

  As soon as Tim called half-time, Si jumped up and grabbed her hand.

  ‘You guys off to smoke?’ Dave asked, glancing up at them.

  ‘Yeah,’ Si said with a determined half smile. He dragged her to the exit.

  In the car park, a lad from the Cockwombles team was already enjoying a half-time cigarette.

  Si jerked his head at the smoker. ‘Do one, eh, mate?’

  The lad cast a nervous look over Si’s large frame and the odd, wild expression in his eyes.

  ‘Er… yeah, all right.’ He stubbed out his fag and disappeared back into the pub.

  As soon as he was gone, Simon pulled Clarrie into his arms. He pressed her back against the brick wall of the pub and kissed her deeply. Instinctively her arms clasped around his neck, pulling him into her.

  ‘What happened to breaking the habit?’ she gasped when he drew away.

  ‘New plan,’ he breathed, peppering her neck with kisses.

  ‘No. We shouldn’t, Si.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘It’s just… a bad idea. Oh, Christ…’ She took his face in both hands for another passionate kiss.

  ‘Mm… no,’ she said, holding him back and panting a little. ‘We have to stop.’

  ‘Why do we? You don’t want to. Neither do I.’

  ‘We’ll miss the second half.’

  Si gave a short laugh. ‘Sod the second half.’

  ‘Don’t you want to win?’

  ‘If this works I won’t need to.’

  He leaned forward to kiss her again but she held him back.

  ‘If what works?’

  ‘Tried to tell you earlier. I’ve been working on a Plan B.’

  ‘Playing games again, Si?’

  ‘Come on, you like my games.’ He started to kiss her neck again, pulling her top and bra strap to one side so he could glide his lips across the bare flesh of her shoulder. ‘Games get you hot for me.’

  He sucked lightly against the curve of her sho
ulder, and she bit her lip to choke back a groan.

  ‘Si… please.’ She put her hands on his chest and pushed him back. ‘You have to stop.’

  ‘If that’s what you want.’ He pulled her top back to cover her shoulder and put his arms behind his back. ‘Don’t have to touch you to turn you on.’

  ‘You are one cocky bastard, Dewhirst. What’s this Plan B then?’

  He moved his face close, his cheek grazing her ear. ‘Thought I might have a crack at seducing you,’ he murmured. ‘You enjoying it so far?’

  ‘No…’

  ‘Fibber. Go on, Clarrie, ask me out. It’s your last chance before the final.’

  ‘No, Si. Just wait, okay?’

  ‘Bet I can change your mind though. Here.’

  He brought his mouth to her ear and she thought he was going to start nuzzling. She steeled herself to resist, but he didn’t nuzzle. Instead he just breathed on her; fever-hot, feathery air against the tender skin of her neck.

  For some reason, that was just as bad. Lust pulsed through her like a Mexican wave with each teasing breath on her flesh.

  ‘Stop it,’ she said in a low voice. ‘Go away. I mean it.’

  ‘You go away. No one’s stopping you,’ he said. ‘Go back into the pub if you don’t like it. I’m not even touching you.’

  ‘Ah! I hate you,’ she said as he blew softly against her again. With an effort she jerked her head away from him. ‘It won’t work, Si. You can’t kiss me or breathe on me or ear-nuzzle me into going out with you. You’ve tried everything. Pack it in and wait for the final.’

  ‘Not quite everything.’ He pulled her into his arms and softened his voice to an irresistible sexy hum. ‘My turn to proposition you today, I think. Come back to mine, Clarrie.’

  ‘It’s not a good idea.’

  ‘What’re you afraid of? Worried you’ll ask me out in the throes of orgasm?’ He took her earlobe between soft lips. ‘I guarantee you at least two, by the way.’

  ‘Get over yourself, porn star,’ she said breathlessly. He started kissing along her neck again and she tilted her head to give him better access.

  ‘Not had any complaints so far. Come on, Clar, come to bed with me.’ He lowered his voice to a seductive whisper, tickling where his lips touched her neck. ‘Let me make you moan.’

  She tried desperately to tame the rebellious muscles fluttering below her abdomen.