A Question of Us

by Mary Jayne Baker

  Clarrie nodded her approval. ‘Good for you, soppy. I think you two’ll do all right.’

  ‘Thanks, Clar. Me too.’

  ‘Shouldn’t you be at home with your mum if she’s upset?’ Sonny asked.

  ‘Nah, she’s sorted for now. Aunty Tess has turned up to look after her.’ Dave’s family was one of those that always had a lurking aunt on hand to comfort and gloat through any crisis.

  ‘Anyway, had to come, didn’t I?’ he said, turning to Clarrie with a weak version of his usual grin. ‘We need a minimum of four here to qualify for the final. Got to win you a date, don’t we, Clar?’

  ‘Aww.’ She reached out with both hands and took one each of Dave’s and Sonny’s. ‘You guys are the best.’

  ‘You know it,’ Sonny said.

  She looked around the pub. ‘We’re still a man down though. Where’s Gem?’

  ‘She’s getting a drink in,’ Dave said, turning his grin up to full beam. ‘Talking to a friend over there, look.’

  Clarrie turned around, and her heart bounded into her throat when she spotted Gemma deep in conversation with Si at the bar. Her stomach fluttered with the same dancing butterflies she associated with Christmas morning or a first sight of the sea. It felt like she hadn’t seen him for months.

  ‘You going to talk to him?’ Sonny asked.

  ‘No,’ she said, her eyes still fixed on Si: his gorgeous face, his lips. Jesus, she could almost smell him… ‘No, I might scare him away. Let’s wait till after the quiz.’

  She watched him kiss Gemma on the cheek and wander away to a different part of the pub; noted the tired eyes, the sad, thoughtful expression he lapsed into when his smile had disappeared. Suddenly she remembered comforting him, that day in their little duvet den with his head buried in her tummy – holding him, crying with him – and found herself choking back a sob.

  This had better work…

  Fate seemed to be smiling on Clarrie as the quiz started and they ploughed through the first two rounds. There wasn’t a literature one, but there was an intros round on cheesy action film themes that she blitzed, and next came entertainment, Gemma’s specialist subject. Even Sonny and Dave were on best behaviour, with only a minor argument about whether one intro was the theme from Point Break or Die Hard. It was one of the few times in their quizzing history when she was almost certain they were looking at full marks.

  She snuck a quick peep at the Les Quiz table halfway through the second round. They were usually strong on entertainment, but if Graham’s face and mumbled conversation with Darren was anything to go by, they weren’t cruising through quite as easily as usual.

  ‘Right,’ Gem said after the last question of round two. ‘He’s going to announce the break any minute, they always split the final two-three. I’m hopping off to the bar before the queue builds.’ She got up and walked round to where Dave was sitting. ‘Come on, Davy, help me get a round in. You look like you wouldn’t mind some one-to-one time.’

  He chucked her a grateful smile. ‘I wouldn’t actually. Ta, Gem.’

  When they’d gone, Clarrie felt Sonny grip her thigh. She turned to see his face set and filmed with perspiration.

  ‘Oh God, Sonny, now?’

  ‘Yep.’

  She gave the hand on her thigh a squeeze. ‘So the nerves have hit you at last then.’

  ‘Noticed, did you?’

  ‘Well, I can’t feel my leg, so, yeah…’

  Tim cleared his throat into the microphone. ‘All right, ladies and gents, before I call the break I’m handing the floor to one of our regular quizsters to make an important announcement.’ He nodded at Sonny. ‘Come on, lad, you’re up.’

  ‘Christ, Clar, what was I thinking?’ Sonny hissed. ‘I can’t do it.’

  ‘Course you can. Go on, get up there.’

  ‘I can’t. You do it.’

  ‘You’re asking me to propose to your girlfriend for you? I don’t want to marry her.’

  Tim had detached the microphone from its stand and was heading over to them. He handed it to Sonny, yanked him up by the arm and guided him round in front of their table to face the other drinkers.

  ‘Get a shift on, lover boy. Some of us want our chip butty.’

  ‘Er, cheers, Tim,’ Sonny said into the microphone, drawing the expectant eyes of everyone in the crowded pub. ‘I just, er, had this thing…’ He shot a panicked look at Clarrie over his shoulder, moving the mike away from his mouth. ‘Everyone’s looking at me!’

  ‘Do it then!’ she hissed back. ‘Didn’t you prepare anything?’

  ‘Shit, yes!’ He fumbled in his trouser pocket for a scrappy post-it note, then brought the mike back to his mouth. ‘Er, I just wanted to say… I mean, I wanted everyone to be part of…’

  ‘Get on with it!’ a heckler who sounded suspiciously like Darren called out. ‘We’re dying of thirst here, Bandal.’

  Nearby someone began a slow clap, but they quickly stopped, presumably when a fellow drinker with more compassion for poor Sonny’s nerves elbowed them in the ribs.

  ‘So you want me to get on with it, do you? Right.’ A look of kamikaze determination crept over Sonny’s terrified features. He turned towards the bar, where Gemma and Dave were staring at him like he was having a funny turn. ‘Gem, can you come here please?’

  Gemma ambled over, looking puzzled.

  ‘What’s this all about, Sunil? Are we doing “Islands in the Stream”?’

  Sonny put one hand on her shoulder, gripping the mike in white knuckles. He took a deep breath and looked down at his post-it note, blinked at the scrawl of his own writing, then cleared his throat loudly.

  ‘Ruth Gemma Wagstaff,’ he began in a formal, sermony tone.

  ‘Why’re you telling everyone my full name, Sunil?’

  ‘Look, you, shush. I’m being romantic,’ Sonny muttered in his normal voice, creating a ripple of laughter through the listening pub. ‘Don’t interrupt or I’ll never get through this.’ He gave up trying to read whatever he’d scribbled on his post-it note and started ad-libbing with wild, meandering abandon. ‘Right, so, I just wanted to say, I mean, I wanted to tell you, like, in front of everyone here, that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I mean, obviously, anyone can see that. And I think you’re amazing and beautiful and… you know, I love you and that. Like, really, properly, rest of our lives kind of love you, darling, I mean it. There’s no one else I want to be with, ever. Oh, and I was supposed to say a bit about you’re the one and I want to spend my life with you… did I say that already?’ Sonny hesitated a minute, frowning as he tried to navigate his way through the reeling chaos of his inner monologue. ‘So, er, yeah, just thought I’d ask, I mean, only if you want to, I’ll totally understand if you say no…’

  He fished in his pocket for the ring, sank onto one knee and thrust it blindly up at her with his eyes scrunched shut. ‘Got you this, Gem.’

  Gemma had been staring, wide-eyed, while he waffled through his strange little speech. Suddenly she burst into laughter.

  ‘What’re you down there for?’

  ‘Doing it properly. Seen it on telly. So, will you?’

  ‘Get up and give us a snog, you soft bugger. You look a right tit.’

  ‘No. Not till you say if you’ll marry me or not. Anyway, I like it down here.’

  Gemma grabbed his wrist and pulled him up. ‘You know it’s a yes.’ She threw her arms around him and gave him a big kiss to a chorus of whoops and table-slapping from the pub, accompanied by quite a few wolf whistles and some get-in-my-sons from the blokier element.

  ‘Love you, Sunil,’ Gemma said, the microphone he was holding against her shoulder still broadcasting them around the room. ‘Always.’

  ‘Oh God, Gem…’ Sonny squeezed her tight, blinking back tears. ‘You won’t regret it. I’ll make you happy, promise.’

  Clarrie walked round to the embracing couple. She threw her arms around them for a three- way hug and kissed them each on the cheek.

&
nbsp; ‘Congratulations, guys, couldn’t be happier for you both,’ she said, her voice breaking a little. ‘And well done, Sonny. You ploughed through it like a trouper there.’

  ‘Thanks, Clarrie. Thanks.’

  ‘Give us that.’ Clarrie prised the microphone out of his fingers and spoke into it. ‘Er, that’s your lot, folks, thanks for tuning in to For-Christ’s-Sake-Get-Me-A-Bucket FM. Half-hour break now, yeah?’ She switched it off.

  ‘You’re finished with the public bit, I think,’ she said to the newly engaged couple. ‘Why don’t you go out back and grab some privacy for five minutes?’

  ‘Cheers, Clar. Talk to you in a bit.’ Gemma flashed her a happy, damp-eyed smile. She took the still quivering Sonny’s hand and led him out of the pub.

  32

  Clarrie slotted the mike back into Tim’s stand and headed to where Dave was slumped against the bar, open-mouthed.

  ‘What…?’ he managed to mumble.

  ‘Sonny and Gem just got engaged.’

  ‘What…?’

  Clarrie reached over and pushed his gaping mouth shut.

  ‘Bloody hell! I mean, Sonny,’ Dave said, shaking his head.

  ‘That’s what I said. Come on, let’s get this round in, they won’t be long. Better pull yourself together so you can do the congrats thing.’

  ‘Er, yeah,’ Dave said, still looking dazed. He turned to Gaz behind the bar. ‘Same again, I think.’

  ‘Nope. Got something special for you lot,’ the landlord said with a grin. He reached under the bar and pulled out a bottle of something and four champagne flutes. ‘On the house. Have a drink to the happy couple, eh? It’s not every night I get a proposal in this dive instead of a punch-up.’

  ‘Bloody hell, champagne? Cheers, Gazzer, you’re a geezer,’ Clarrie said, reaching over the bar to slap a broad shoulder. ‘Never knew you were such a romantic git.’

  ‘It’s prosecco actually, I’m not that bloody romantic,’ Gaz said. ‘Oh, and here.’ He grabbed a tumbler and poured a double brandy from the optic behind the bar.

  Dave regarded it with a puzzled frown. ‘What’s that for?’

  ‘That’s for Sonny, I reckon he’ll need it after that. Made a bit of a dog’s breakfast of it, didn’t he?’

  Dave grinned. ‘Heh. He did, didn’t he? Shame I was too stunned to properly enjoy it.’

  ‘Still. Even this rough old bastard with the two ex-wives under his belt had a tear in his eye at the end there.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Dave said with a fond smile. ‘He’s an adorable little twat in his way.’

  ‘Can we have another champagne glass, Gaz?’ Clarrie asked.

  ‘Course.’ Gaz handed over another flute.

  ‘You reckon he’ll come and have a drink with us then?’ Dave said as they headed back to their table.

  She shrugged. ‘No harm asking. I’ll send Sonny over when he gets back, Si can hardly turn him down after what he’s just seen him go through.’

  ‘Where is Si anyway? He hasn’t left?’

  ‘No, I’ve been keeping my eye on him. He’s over there.’ She nodded to Simon, sitting at a distant table on his own staring into his drink.

  ‘So he is.’ Dave twisted slightly to face her, an earnest expression on his round, freckled face. ‘Ask you something, Clar?’

  ‘If you want. What?’

  ‘What was it like, that night you spent with Si?’

  ‘Oh God, what? You pervy bugger!’

  ‘I’m not being pervy, not this time. Just curious. You two’ve been close since forever. I wondered what it was like, doing it when you’ve got that soulmate thing going on.’

  She blinked back a tear. ‘It was… like it’s supposed to be. Me and him. Just me and him, you know? No one else in the world, not then.’

  He sighed. ‘Hope I get to have that one day.’

  ‘You will,’ she said gently. ‘You have to build it, it doesn’t come overnight. Here, give us a hug.’

  She buried her face in Dave’s shoulder for a moment. ‘Miss him, Davy. So much. I love him so much. Can’t lose him.’

  ‘I miss him too, Clar. Obviously not in quite the same way. Still, let’s get him back if we can.’

  ‘Yeah. Game faces on, eh? It’s Quiz O’clock.’

  *

  Sonny and Gemma came back inside after ten minutes, holding hands tightly, a little damp around the eyes but grinning all over their faces. Clarrie noticed a sparkly new addition to Gemma’s third finger too.

  Dave got up and held out his hand to Sonny. ‘Congratulations, mate.’

  ‘Give over, I’m not shaking your hand now.’ Sonny dropped Gemma’s hand and launched himself at Dave for a hug.

  ‘You’re a sly bugger, keeping it quiet like that,’ the muffled voice of Dave said from Sonny’s shoulder. ‘Couldn’t be happier for you, Sonny, I mean it.’

  ‘Thanks, Davy. I love you, you know, you big twat.’

  ‘All right, geroff now. I’m not marrying you.’ Dave wriggled out of Sonny’s hug and nodded at the brandy on the table. ‘That’s for you, by the way. Gaz thought you might need it.’

  ‘Bloody hell, he’s not wrong,’ Sonny said as Dave submitted to a second hug from Gemma. He tossed back the amber liquid in one and made a face. ‘Eurgh. Burny. Good stuff though.’

  Clarrie gestured to the bottle of prosecco. ‘Look what else we got. Turns out Gaz is a soppy old bastard under all those tattoos.’

  ‘Awesome,’ Gem said, releasing Dave from her hug. ‘Tell you what, Sunil, we should do this more often.’

  ‘You’re all right. Once is plenty.’

  ‘So have you got your Dutch courage up after that brandy then, Sonny?’ Clarrie asked.

  He narrowed his eyes. ‘Why, what’re you after?’

  ‘Who says I’m after anything?’

  ‘The look in your eye. Come on, what is it?’

  ‘I want you to go talk to Si for me. See if he’ll come have a drink with us.’

  ‘Oh right, is that all? Yeah, was thinking about that anyway actually. Back in a minute.’

  Sonny made his way over to Si’s table. Clarrie saw Si stand up, shake Sonny’s hand and pull him into a hug, slapping him heartily on the back. Eventually Sonny drew back and she saw them talking. Si cast an apprehensive look at their table, frowned, hesitated… nodded. Her stomach clenched when Sonny gave her a subtle thumbs-up, then headed back towards them with Si in tow.

  ‘Brought someone to see you all,’ Sonny said when they arrived, looking pleased with himself.

  ‘Er, hi guys,’ Si said with a half smile. Sonny took his seat next to Gemma but Si just lurked at the edge of the table, apparently unsure whether he should stay or go.

  He seemed different. Nervous, vulnerable, his usual unflappable cockiness missing. And he was avoiding meeting Clarrie’s eye. It all seemed so strange, so unlike the completely comfortable relationship she was used to having with him, that a week ago they’d taken into the bedroom with them – the relationship she’d been so horribly afraid of losing all along. God, it made her want to cry.

  ‘Hiya Si, good to see you,’ Dave said gently, standing up and shaking his hand. ‘It’s not been the same without you. You going to stay and have a drink with us? Special day, yeah?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Si still hovered, uncertain.

  On quiz nights it had always been tacitly understood that the seat next to Clarrie was his, and the others almost instinctively left it empty for him. Gemma gestured to it now, smiling.

  ‘Come on, Si, we saved your seat. Sit down and toast the prospective bride and groom, eh?’ She nodded to the prosecco. ‘Look, we got free booze.’

  ‘Well, that is the best kind,’ he said, managing a weak smile. He pulled up the chair next to Clarrie’s, still not making eye contact.

  The awkwardness was palpable. Sonny busied himself with popping and pouring the prosecco, Dave and Gemma watching him as intently as if he was exercising a team of stunt tyrannosauruses.

  Clarrie didn’t loo
k at Si. She didn’t say anything: just stared straight ahead, watching wine fizz into the glasses. But she did take her hand off her knee and let it hang by the side of her chair.

  A few seconds later, she felt Simon slip his hand into it and give it a gentle press.

  She turned to him, like a daisy opening to the dawn.

  ‘Oh God, Si, I missed you.’

  ‘You too, Clar. Sorry I shouted at you.’

  ‘You know, I reckon what this stuff really needs is ice,’ Sonny said to Dave. ‘Don’t you think it’d be better with ice?’

  ‘What you on about, ice? You don’t have ice with – ow!’ Dave shut up as he felt Sonny and Gemma aim simultaneous kicks at his shin under the table. ‘Er, yeah, ice, right. It is a bit on the warm side. Maybe we should all go get the ice.’

  ‘Good idea, Davy.’ Gem rose, followed by the two boys. ‘Back in a minute, guys,’ she said. ‘Um, with ice.’

  Clarrie and Si barely noticed the rest of the team leave.

  ‘You smell different,’ Clarrie said quietly, trying to keep her voice steady.

  ‘Yeah. Quit smoking. There didn’t seem much point any more.’

  That was it, that was what seemed so strange. The familiar scent of tobacco that always hung round his clothing on quiz nights was gone.

  ‘So will you stay with us?’ she asked. ‘It’s all wrong without you.’

  ‘You know I can’t. I’m just here to have a drink with Sonny and Gem for their engagement, that’s all.’

  ‘Si, please!’ She turned anguished eyes towards him, squeezing his hand tightly. ‘I can’t believe I spent so much time worrying about losing you that I drove you away. God, I didn’t realise it was possible to miss someone so much.’ She swallowed. ‘Look, will you stay until after the quiz? Want to show you something. I hope.’

  She saw Si flinch, a flicker of emotion across his features.

  ‘I don’t know, Clar. I mean, it hurts, you know?’

  ‘Oh, love…’ She’d never wanted to have him in her arms so much, but she didn’t dare embrace him, not without an invitation. Instead she clasped his hand in both of hers and hugged it into her body, the one little piece of him she seemed to be allowed to hold on to. ‘Please, Simon, for me. After tonight I’ll leave you alone. Won’t try to call you or anything. Just stay till the end of the quiz and I’ll never ask you for anything again. After twenty-two years you at least owe me that.’