No Good Deed

by Jerry Jackson

  “Thank you,.” they said and dug in.

  “See,” Obidaan said to his still skeptical wife, “just lunch, nothing more.” He began to eat. Everything was delicious.

  A few minutes later, one of the remaining locals began to wander over. The spread got to his curiosity but the beer gave him his courage. “Quite a spread you have there.” He noted.

  “Why, yes, yes it is.” Obidaan said. “Would you like some? We have plenty.”

  “Thanks, but I just ate myself. I’m pretty full,” he said.

  “But I’m sure you haven’t eaten like this,” he used one of the bread plates to cut a hunk of meat and put some potatoes and asparagus on the plate. Using his salad fork, he placed it on the plate, “C’mon and eat. I insist.” Obidaan was open and almost happy about it. He posed no threat whatsoever. The man joined him.

  “It’s great,.” he said after tasting the food.

  “Here, try the wine.” Obidaan handed him his goblet. The man almost finished it before handing it back.

  “Sorry,” he said sheepishly, “I got carried away.”

  “No big deal,” Obidaan said, and patted him on the back. He poured himself some more wine and drank it down in a single gulp.

  After finishing the food, he looked at the group. He noticed how well dressed they were, and quiet. “If I may ask,” he was still feeling timid. “I notice you’re a paladin. What brings you here?”

  “I’m going to take over this kingdom,” he said a matter—of—factly.

  “Um, really? Why?” The peasant wasn’t sure how to react.

  “Because your king pissed me off and this is my payback,” Obidaan shoved a piece of bread in his mouth after saying it.

  “You’re joking, right?” he looked around the table and saw the serious looks on everyone else’s faces and realized Obidaan wasn’t joking. “Look, I know he’s an asshole but that shouldn’t condemn him to death.” The peasant was nervously trying to defend his ruler. Not that he liked him, but he was all he knew.

  “I didn’t say I was going to kill him,” Obidaan said calmly. He then produced Mystic out of thin air, took his napkin and began to polish the sword, though it was totally unnecessary. “Though I am not adverse to that notion. I will make him an offer I know he’ll refuse.” Obidaan then dismissed Mystic and turned to the peasant. He held him by the shoulders and began to dust him off. “But such things are not really your concern. I told you because someone should know what is about to happen. I do believe in courteously,” Obidaan was smiling at him.

  “A—a—a—and w—w—w—what if the king found out before you got there?” he said, “You can’t fight an army by yourself,” he felt really nervous now, and sober.

  “Then,” Obidaan was quite calm, “I would have to kill you. True I can’t fight a large army but I won’t have to unless someone tips him off. If that happens, I’d be forced to blame you and would have to take appropriate action.”

  “I won’t tell!” he said. It was obvious he was about to lose it. “I swear, I’ll just sit here and be good. (no ping)” He was beginning to sweat.

  Obidaan leaned over to his ear and whispered to him. “I know you will.” He then reached down by his waist. Everyone in the tavern was holding their breaths. He then pulled out… his coin purse. Standing up, he signaled for the other to stand up. They did so quickly; they were all ready to get out of there. “As a matter of fact, why don’t y’all just sit here, relax and have a few drinks on me.” He tossed his purse on the table. Gold, silver, and copper spilled out all over the top of the table.

  “Th—th—that’s a lot of money just for us,” he stammered.

  “Use it for the evening crowd,” he said, “You’re going to have quite a story to tell, and I’m sure the survivors will too. Besides, I’m about to take over this place, what are a few coins to me? Be safe.” Everyone breathed a sigh of relieve as they left. The bartender already had the beers poured and was handing them out.

  “So that’s our plan brother?” Don asked while they were making their way to the keep, “Come into the land, have lunch, scare a few town folk, then take over the place?”

  “No, I intend to play each one by ear. It may be breakfast, or dinner, or we may even spend the night.” He then stopped for a moment. “Obviously I’ve not made my intentions clear. We will not be harming any of the townsfolk, unless they remain loyal to the old regime. I’m only interested in the people at the top, the decision makers. That man back in the bar has no power whatsoever.”

  Soon they were at the castle gates. “Open the gate.” He commanded. The sentry did as he commanded and a second one asked him his name and purposed.

  “Give me that.” Obidaan said politely. “I’ll write it for you.” The sentry handed over the clipboard. Without a second thought, Obidaan took it and it started to glow. Then he backhanded him with it sending him flying into the wall and tossed the clipboard on his unconscious body. He then proceeded, unmolested, inside.

  The stable boy took the horses and Obidaan proceeded to the king’s chambers but no one was there. Turning to a nearby servant he asked, “Where is the king?”

  “In the dining hall, they are having tea and music at the moment.” He said.

  “Take me there,” he said.

  “Yes sir.”

  Obidaan entered the room abruptly. Sitting at the table were the king and queen, his captain, not in armor, a few advisors, and their children. They were listening to a small band of roving musicians entertain them for the afternoon. The music stopped when he entered the room and the king stood to see who was intruding on his afternoon delight.

  “What, a paladin. Wait, I know you.” He said. Snapping his fingers he recalled the name, “Od, Oc, Ob, Obi, Oba, Obat. Obid, Obidaan. Yes, Obidaan. It’s been years if I recall. I have no business with you. Please leave.”

  “Is that any way to treat a guest?” he came down the steps, the rest of Vanguard behind him. He looked over the table, it was filled with various teas as well as cakes, pies, and puddings. He grabbed a plate and helped himself to a piece of pie. “Good stuff,” he said, “my complements to your chef.” He said and motioned the others to join him at the table. Reluctantly, they followed him.

  Obidaan got right next to the king, between him and the queen and sat on the edge of the table. He took another bite of pie and looked around. “Nice place you’ve got here,” he said, “very nice.”

  No one in the room liked the way that came out. The king got very serious now. “Why are you here? Some vendetta? You got what you wanted last time. We have a new treaty for water rights. Things are fine, why are you bothering me?”

  Obidaan finished his pie then using the king’s robes, wiped his mouth and hands. “Because, at one point things weren’t fine. You could say it’s a vendetta, only because I’m starting with you. Other than that, it goes much deeper.”

  “What do you want?” he was growing scared.

  “Your kingdom. Abdicate and I’ll let you live.”

  “Never,” he said, and his guards proceeded to move toward Obidaan. “Besides I own this kingdom by divine right!”

  Obidaan then proceeded to produced Mystic. “Back off or he’s dead!” Obidaan began to thrust the sword into his chest slightly, drawing blood; they stopped. “Look, I’m not in the mood for a fight. I have plans for the army once I own this place. I’d prefer not to kill them. Oh, and as for that divine right shit, you can shove that up your ass! The belief that you have been anointed by some god to rule over the dumb masses. That’s a load I’m not buying! Besides, I’m the only one in this room whose powers truly by divine right. You are a liar and a thief. You stole your kingdom from some bully who stole it from someone else previously. Divine right, give me a break!”

  “Everyone back off!” said the king.

  “Good, it’s nice to see you’re not totally stupid. I do get
tired of stupidity in this world. Now, drop your weapons and get out. I don’t wish to kill him, just continue our dialog. But I will if I have to.”

  “I will not allow this!” the captain of the guard stood up and drew his weapon.

  “Don’t be stupid, man. There is no way you can defeat me.”

  “Unhand my king!”

  “You, my dear idiot, are in no position to make any demands on me. I, however and perfectly within my rights to not only make demands on you but pass judgment on you if you don’t stop acting stupid.”

  “I don’t care who you are, I will not allow this.” He went after Obidaan. There was no fight. Obidaan was fully armed and armored against a man dressed in clothes and a sword. Obidaan easily parried his weapon and thrust Mystic deep into his belly. The captain fell over dead.

  “There was no need for that!” The king whined. “You said it yourself, he couldn’t harm you.”

  “Correct, but I judged his stupidity and he was guilty. Only a truly stupid man would have done such a thing, as a result I had to kill him. No telling what other stupid acts he would have done. He doesn’t have any children does he?”

  “No.”

  “Good, then I have also preserved future generations from passing on his stupidity. Already I’ve done more for this world than you will ever do.”

  “I don’t understand why now?”

  “Let’s just say I’m tired of this world and all of the crap in it. Let me tell you a story,” he sat where the captain was. It was now cleaned up by the servants using their arcane magic. “Paladins have a special place in this world. Do you realize that in order to get the job you have to not want it?”

  “So the legend goes.”

  “No legend, 100% true. Our job then becomes to check your power and mead out justice. The problem with this is, those that have all the power, us, don’t exercise any of the influence. We live by this silly code that somehow the world will end if we start taking over. Well, I’m not buying it anymore, and I’m taking over. I will admit, in the beginning I was stupid. When I first came here, I let you play me for a fool. What I should have done was come in, lop your fucking head off, and taken the queen. I had the power; I just didn’t use it. Somehow, you knew I wouldn’t, and used that to your advantage. I am tired of people using my power to their advantage. No more! Now, I shall start showing you little piss ants what real power is and how to wield it. You talked of divine right, I am divine right! Abdicate, now! Or join your captain.”

  He sighed a sigh of resignation, “I abdicate,” he said.

  “Great, let’s make it official now,” Obidaan pulled out a piece of paper from his pouch, “sign this.”

  “Can I read it first?” asked the king.

  “Have you learned nothing? When I tell you to do something you do it! Period!” The king signed. “Good, I’ll fill it in later. Now I will give you a choice: Execution, dungeon, exile, or working for me” he began to laugh, “Sorry, it was hard to say that last one with a straight face.”

  “Considering my options, I’ll take exile.”

  “Excellent.” He looked over at Alister, “Alister, have someone bring me the Lieutenant of the guard please.” Alister ran off.

  They had all been paying attention from the back of the room. No one dared say a word. A few minutes later the Lieutenant was there. He was aware the captain was dead but knew nothing else.

  “Lieutenant, what is your name?” Obidaan asked already knowing the answer. The Lieutenant began to look over at the king when Obidaan grabbed him. “Don’t you look over at him! I asked you a question!”

  “Rheinholt, sir,” he replied.

  “Well, Rheinholt. You have three choices right now. You can serve me as captain of my guard. You can die like your old captain did, or you can join your ex—king in whatever fate awaits him.” Obidaan gave it a second to sink in, “Choose now! You don’t want me to choose for you.”

  Rheinholt bowed, “My liege. I shall serve you loyally and faithfully.” (No ping)

  “Excellent,” Obidaan tapped him on the shoulder with his sword. “Rise Sir Rheinholt, captain of my guard. Your first duty is to put your ex—king in irons and take him to the dungeon.”

  “But you said you were going to exile me.”

  “I lied. I can do that you know, and what a great feeling it is to deceive a bastard like you. I’ll exile you later, but first you’ll be my ‘guest’ in your dungeon. Don’t worry, I will make sure your stay is comfortable, though it won’t be pleasant. Now take him and his family away.”

  Obidaan took the crowns off of their heads. He placed the king’s on his and went over to Relina and placed the queen’s on her. “My queen,” he said, “this is but a small part of the lands you will be ruling over.”

  A tear was in Relina’s eyes. She didn’t know her husband anymore, but she still loved him. She removed the crown from her head. “I will always be your wife. I have agreed to follow you on this escapade, but I will not be your queen. You wish to rule, you rule alone.” She dropped the crown to the floor and walked out of the room, along with the rest of them.

  Obidaan stood alone in the room. Everyone had cleared out after the ruckus. “What have I done?” he thought to himself. Somehow, he thought it would be easy. He was cocky, practically flippant about it, now he stood alone, alone against his group, the kingdom, and the world. Was it too much? It couldn’t be because to him this was just the start. Sitting down he took another piece of pie. Somehow, though it was good, it wasn’t as good as before. He dropped the fork onto the plate and leaned back. He had to contemplate his next move.

  He sat there for several minutes, and then looked outside the room. He could see the Vanguard. It looked like they were talking to someone. He couldn’t hear and chose not to do anything to listen in. A moment later, Rhineholt, his new captain of the guard came in, “My king, if I may have a word with you.”

  “Of course, captain,” Obidaan said, “I guess we were going to have to discuss things one of these days. Planning my overthrow?” he said half jokingly.

  “No sir,” Rhineholt said, “Planning your reig. You must understand, no one liked this king. He was mean, greedy, and ungrateful. He treated everyone like his own personal slave. He was a despicable man and no one is sorry to see him go.”

  “If he was that bad, why didn’t the masses rise up against him and overthrow him?”

  “You’re asking common men to do extraordinary things, my liege. Remember, most people only care about keeping their bellies full, a roof over their heads and taking care of their wife and children. Their biggest ambition is to get more farmland and raise a bumper crop. Then they can buy the good beer at the tavern instead of the watered down stuff. Their idea of a good night is listening to a bard at the tavern or going to the church dance at the end of the workweek. A truly blessed person owns their own place or land. Merchants and craftsmen are looked up to, not farm hands, guards, or serving wenches. To ask them to rise up and rule is asking too much. They don’t really care who is in charge, just as long as they can live their lives in relative peace. The old captain of the guard was very loyal to him, as were several advisors and the vizier. Politically speaking, I don’t think you’ll get any trouble from the advisors and vizier, they know their place. They are a bunch of sycophants so I won’t be surprised if they come crawling to you asking to keep their positions and swearing their undying loyalty to you. To serve a paladin, for them that will be the highest honor. These clowns will trip all over themselves to serve you. You may want to use that to your advantage, sire.”

  “Sounds like fun,” he said sarcastically, “so it seems I have a kingdom filled with sheep.”

  “Not sheep, m’lord, ordinary people who just want ordinary lives.”

  “Maybe I should help them. Teach them to think more for themselves so they don’t depend on anyone.”

  �
�Sire, if I may be so bold. Consider this: The greatest general in the world can’t be great if he has no troops to follow his order. If we are all great, then we all become ordinary because greatness becomes the norm.”

  “And why is that a bad thing? I like debating you.”

  “Thank you, sire. Because if we are all leaders, who will follow? I think you are trying to define greatness too narrowly. All paladins can be great. All generals can be great. Someone can also be a great parent, a great waitress, a great friend, a great soldier, yet still be just an ordinary person trying to make it through the day.”

  Obidaan laughed, “I see your point. How easily we loose focus. Funny how it all comes back to place. Thank you. Send in my advisors. Organize the guard any way you see fit.”

  “Yes sir.” He walked out of the room.

  A few minutes later several well dressed overfed men and women walked into the room. Some were hiding smiles while others were hiding fear. They prostrated themselves in front Obidaan. “Your majesty, my lord, sire,” they were saying as they got near him.

  “Get up,” he said slightly irritated. “Rhineholt was right.” He thought to himself. Looking them over, he asked. “Ok, which of you is the vizier?”

  “I am.” I middle—aged lady with dark hair and purple eyes said. “I am your chief advisor and chief mage. My name is Serena.”

  “Thank you. And who are the rest of you?”

  “I am Frazier, your Minister of Finance. I deal with all things financial, collecting taxes, royal purchases, etc.”

  “I am Debuvia, your Minister of the Interior. I deal with the mundane functions of the kingdom, road building, farmland allocation, dealing with disasters, things of that nature.”