Hot SEAL, Bourbon Neat (SEALs in Paradise)

by Parker Kincade

  “Does this have anything to do with Brooke?” Tears filled his mom’s eyes and he felt it deep in his gut.

  “I don’t ever want to make her feel the way you felt.”

  “Oh, Asher. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you felt that way. You’ve got it all wrong, son.”

  “Jesus, Mom. Don’t cry. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. This isn’t about Brooke,” he lied. “I’m just trying to understand why you would put yourself in this position again.”

  “Would you be asking me this question if Joel weren’t in the Navy?”

  “Doubt it. At least a civilian man could give you the life you deserve.” He was starting to sound like a broken record, and he hated it. “Do you regret being with Dad? I need to know.”

  “Asher.” She drew in a deep breath. “There were things about my relationship with your dad that you don’t understand.”

  “Then explain it to me. I’m not a kid anymore, Mom. I can handle whatever it is you have to say.” Although if she confirmed his fears about moving forward with Brooke, he might have to hit something.

  “You have to give me your word that you’ll keep what I tell you to yourself. Joel, obviously, knows everything because he was your dad’s best friend. But, there’s no need to upset Grace. If she ever wants to know about her dad, I will be the one to tell her, got it?”

  His heart kicked into overdrive. He felt sick. “Yeah, sure. You have my word.”

  “All right. Then, before I get into the nitty gritty, you need to know your father loved you more than anything. He was so proud to have a son. I don’t want you to forget that.”

  Asher nodded. “I won’t.”

  “I know some of this might be hard for you to understand, because he was careful to keep the ugliest parts of himself away from you.” Her eyes took on a faraway look. “I loved your father very much. And he loved me, too, I think. At least in the beginning.”

  Oh yeah. He was definitely going to be sick.

  “We were young. I was only eighteen when I had you. Your dad was twenty. Things were really good those first few years. He was settling into the Navy and working hard to make it into BUD/S training. I was settling into married life and being a mom.

  “You were … around seven, I think, when your dad started drinking. He wasn’t a violent drunk, thank God, or things might’ve turned out very differently for us. A few years after that he had his first affair.”

  Jesus Christ. Asher closed his eyes, trying to reconcile the man he remembered with the one she described. “How did you find out?”

  “Joel,” she said quietly. “He confronted your dad. Actually, Joel kicked his ass. Told him if he didn’t stop seeing the woman, Joel would tell me.” She waved a hand. “The details don’t matter. What matters is your father came home and told me about the other woman, and that Joel said he’d better do right by me. He apologized. Promised never to do it again. Turns out, he lied.”

  “He had more affairs? Why did you stay with him?”

  Her smile was self-deprecating. “I loved him. I was young and inexperienced. Your dad was my first serious relationship. And I believed we could make it work.”

  “I still don’t understand. You had Gracie.”

  “Asher Michael Dillon, you get that look off your face right now. I’m not the one who cheated. Your father is also Grace’s father. He returned from an extended deployment the year before you turned fifteen, remember?”

  Asher nodded, unable to form words.

  “He came home and wanted to try again to be a good husband and father. I don’t guess I need to explain to you how that reunion went since nine months later I had Grace. Things were good for a few weeks. Really good. And then word came down that he was being sent overseas. He didn’t come home that night. Or the night after that.” She stared down at her hands. “I called Joel,” she said softly. “He went out and looked for him. Found him with yet another woman. Joel dragged him out of there and brought him home.” A tear escaped her eyelid and she swiped it away. “Thank goodness you were staying at a friend’s house that night, because we ended up having the worst fight in the history of our marriage. Joel actually stayed the night, refusing to leave me alone in the house with your father, even though he’d never been physically violent with me. They both shipped out the next afternoon. I never heard from your dad again.”

  They were both quiet for a few minutes, lost in the memories.

  His mother cleared her throat. “As for what you remember? I hope you now understand the arguments and why I was hurt when your father left. I never knew if he was working or going to see another woman. It was maddening at times. Yes, I was devastated when your dad died. I was overly emotional with pregnancy hormones. The doctor warned me that my stress was putting Grace at risk. When Joel heard that, he refused to let me leave the house, even for the funeral. He thought I’d lost enough to your father; he didn’t want me to risk losing Grace, too. Thank goodness she came less than a month later—which is why I was, I believe you said—walking around like a zombie for years after. I was sleep deprived from raising an infant and a teenaged son on my own. I struggled with postpartum depression for a time, and Joel was the one who helped me through it. He helped me through a lot of things.”

  She reached for a tissue and wiped her nose. “If I have a regret, it’s that the last words your dad and I shared were in anger. So, to answer your question, no. I don’t regret marrying your dad. Not at all. He gave me you and Grace, and I love you both with all my heart. And he brought me to Joel. I wouldn’t trade one minute of my life with your father, no matter how painful it was at times, because those minutes got me here.”

  Asher scrubbed a hand over his face. This whole conversation was fucking with his head. It was like he was a stranger in his own life.

  “But, his job.” My job. Yeah, that whole argument was losing its steam.

  “Our marital problems had nothing to do with your dad being in the Navy. I loved being a military wife. I loved being a part of something bigger than myself. Something important. Some of my best friends are military wives I met while your dad and I were married. Everyone has been very supportive of Joel and me. He’s a good man, Asher.”

  “Yes, he is.” More than Asher ever knew. “I’m happy for you, Mom. I hope you know I only want the best for you.”

  She reached out and touched his cheek. “And I want the best for you, too, son. So, make sure you don’t do something stupid and let her get away.”

  13

  Brooke stood in the doorway and watched as Asher shrugged into his tailored suit jacket. It had to be a custom job, the way the material hugged his wide shoulders and muscled arms. The suit was dark blue, almost black. He wore a crisp, white dress shirt and a solid colored tie that matched his suit to a T.

  “You doing okay?” she asked.

  Asher had been quiet all morning. In fact, he was quiet last night, too. He’d come to her suite late in the evening and, with barely a hello, had led her to bed, where he proceeded to make love to her until they both fell into an exhausted sleep.

  “I’m fine.” His smile was half-hearted. “Got a lot on my mind today, is all. You look gorgeous, as always.”

  She preened under his attention. She, Grace, and Ellen had combed the local shops to find Brooke the perfect dress for the wedding. The halter dress was a rich coral color that gave her skin the illusion of a deeper tan. The fabric was thin and flowing, the skirt made up of several layers to prevent any peekaboo. She’d taken extra time to curl her long hair into ringlets she let fall down her back, since she knew Asher preferred it that way. She wore a light coat of mascara, but no other makeup that she’d end up sweating off in the Caribbean sun.

  “Thank you. Do you want to talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you?”

  “Not right now,” he said, confirming he was indeed bothered by something. “Are you ready to go?”

  The last few days he’d shown no signs of being upset about the wedding, s
o she thought he’d come to terms with it, if not gotten one hundred percent on board.

  “Is it the wedding? Are you still—”

  “I’m fine, but if we don’t leave now I’m going to be late for the pictures and my mom will be pissed.”

  She tried and failed not to take his abrupt tone personally. He’d never spoken to her like that before, not eight years ago, not during the current week. It set alarm bells ringing in her head.

  She moistened her lips, unsure how to feel about his attitude. “I need to grab my camera bag and then yes, I’m ready.”

  Asher collected her bag before she could and slipped the strap over his shoulder. He took her hand and they walked the short distance to the location where they were going to meet the professional photographer. Brooke stayed out of the way, snapping pictures of her own of the bride and groom from interesting angles she thought might work for the campaign. She would continue to take photographs throughout the afternoon and go through them all later that night to pick out the best ones.

  She couldn’t resist taking pictures of Asher, too. It should be illegal for a man to look as good in a suit as Asher did. She secretly couldn’t wait until after the ceremony, when she knew he planned to shuck the tie and jacket. If she played her cards right, maybe he would let her help. She did so enjoy undressing him.

  The ceremony didn’t take long, but the couple had written vows that were so sweet, Brooke found herself dabbing at her eyes. Several times she caught Asher staring at her with an expression she couldn’t begin to decipher. He didn’t look angry, per say, but with his brows pinched and his back ramrod straight, he didn’t look as happy as a best man should.

  The afternoon got even more awkward when it came time to introduce her to Asher’s few extended family members who had flown over to attend.

  “This is Brooke,” he’d say, time and time again. Not “my friend, Brooke.” Not “my girlfriend, Brooke.” Just, “this is Brooke,” as though she wasn’t important enough to have a title, a purpose in his life.

  Hour by hour, she could feel him pulling away, and she didn’t know why. By the time the festivities were winding down, Brooke was tense and exhausted from putting on a brave face.

  “I think I’m going to head back to the room.”

  For the first time that day, Asher showed some concern for her. “Are you feeling okay?”

  “Yes, just tired. Someone kept me up late last night,” she teased, hoping for some kind of positive reaction from him. He was usually quick to jump on any sexual innuendo. Not tonight, apparently.

  “I’m sorry. I know you have stuff going on. I should’ve been more considerate.”

  Brooke blew out a breath. Clearly, they needed to talk. “Will you be by later?”

  Asher shook his head slowly. “Gracie is staying with me tonight to give Mom and Joel space for their wedding night. I can’t leave her alone all night.”

  Brooke didn’t point out that Grace was sixteen and mature enough to stay by herself. She didn’t blame him for wanting to stay with her, but now she knew for certain they had a problem. She just wished she knew what she’d done to upset him.

  “No, you’re right. I understand. And I’ll probably be up late incorporating the pictures I took tonight into the pitch I’m giving tomorrow anyway.”

  “Great. We’ll hook up tomorrow then, after your meeting? I’ll come by your suite.”

  Oh. Oh, God.

  Brooke’s stomach bottomed out. Hook up. The words were like a snake crawling up her spine, wrapping around her neck and squeezing tight, tight, tight.

  Those words triggered the lever on the walls she’d let down for him, slamming them back into place. Hard.

  That’s what she had done. He must suspect she was in love with him and now he was putting on the brakes, distancing himself from her by reminding her that he didn’t do relationships. He hooked up.

  “Yeah, sure. Tomorrow. Sounds good.” Her voice sounded hollow to her own ears.

  He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. “I’ll miss you tonight.”

  Of course he would. Because that meant they wouldn’t have sex.

  “Me, too.”

  “Do you want me to walk you back to your suite?”

  She couldn’t bare it. “I’ll be all right. You should stay with your family. Important day and all.”

  He caressed a thumb over her cheek. “Promise you won’t use the trail? It’s dark.”

  His natural protective instincts made it harder for her to keep the tears at bay. She had to get out of there. Now.

  “I promise.”

  “Okay, then. Don’t stay up all night working. You’re ready. You’ll be great tomorrow.”

  The fact that he didn’t even bother to argue with her about walking back to her suite alone in the dark told her everything she needed to know.

  Nothing had changed. He warned her he wasn’t interested in anything long term, and she hadn’t listened. She thought after the night of the fight with Brett that things were different between them. That the drama of what happened on the beach had brought them closer somehow.

  Fuck that. She thought he’d changed his mind about being with her. She’d convinced herself that they would leave the island a couple.

  She was so stupid.

  Brooke forced her expression to stay passive, refusing to let the tears fall where he could see. She’d done exactly what she’d wanted to avoid. She opened her heart to him—again—and he didn’t want it—again. Only now she wasn’t just losing Asher. She was losing Ellen, Grace, and Joel, too. The family she’d always dreamed of having.

  Asher followed Gracie into his suite.

  “First dibs on the bathroom,” she yelled and took off running, the duffle bag on her shoulder bouncing against her side.

  Asher chuckled to himself. He went straight to the balcony and opened the doors. The room felt stuffy, cramped. Or maybe that was just his head.

  He’d been replaying his childhood over and over, looking for clues. His parents had done a damn fine job shielding him from the shit that went down, but the more he thought on it, the more he put the pieces together. The drinking, the late nights, the time away from home.

  It amazed him how two people could live through the exact same moment and have two completely different stories to tell. Perspective was a funny thing. Now that he had some, he needed to figure out what that meant for his future with Brooke. He was still struggling with the idea of jumping in with both feet—old habits die hard—but damn, he wanted to.

  He couldn’t help but imagine he and Brooke on a beach somewhere, standing together as his mom and Joel had. Holding hands and declaring their love in a way that made her eyes glisten.

  Asher had never seen anything more beautiful than his girl today as she listened to his mom and Joel commit their lives to each other. He tried to pay attention to the words, but in truth he spent more time trying to memorize Brooke’s face and the achingly sweet joy she seemed unable to contain.

  This whole being in love thing was throwing him for a loop. It was as if the conversation with his mom last night had given the emotion permission to take root. Taking solace in Brooke’s warm body afterward was like dousing those roots with fucking Miracle Gro, and the shit was tossing out branches left and right. He couldn’t keep up.

  He’d never told a woman, other than his mom and Gracie, that he loved her. The idea scared the shit out of him. Did he just blurt it out or try to make it a special event?

  Christ. He didn’t have the first idea what he was doing. No wonder his mom warned him not to mess things up, because at this rate, the odds weren’t looking to lean in his favor.

  “I don’t need a babysitter. You can go, you know.”

  Gracie came back into the room, fresh-faced and dressed in shorts and a top, both with cartoon kittens all over them. She curled into the corner of the couch and tugged a light blanket over her legs.

  Ash dropped his suit jacket over the back of a chair and
emptied his pockets onto the table. “Go where? This is my room.”

  “Don’t you want to hang out with Brooke tonight?”

  Yeah, he did. He wanted to talk to her about everything, but how could he when he was still trying to wrap his head around what he was feeling?

  “She’s got work to finish before her meeting tomorrow, and I want to hang out with my little sis. I’m gonna go change. Find a movie for us to watch. No chick flicks, though. I need guns and explosions.”

  When he came back, he was surprised to see the television was dark.

  “What’s up? Couldn’t find anything you wanted to watch?”

  “What’s going on with you and Brooke?”

  Asher sank onto the couch, dropping his head back. “Why do you ask?”

  “It seems like you like her.”

  He rolled his head to look at his sister. “Do you have a point?”

  “I was just wondering what she was to you.”

  She’s my everything.

  “Not that it’s any of your business, but she’s important to me.”

  “I figured, since you’ve never once introduced me to a girl. I was beginning to think you were gay.”

  Asher laughed. “I’m as hetero as they come. Trust me on that one.”

  “So, why haven’t I ever met any of your girlfriends?”

  “Because I’ve never had one. What’s with all the questions?”

  Gracie stretched out her leg and shoved his knee. “Because you’re my brother and I feel like I hardly know you. I know you weren’t gone all that long this last time, but you’re different this week. You seem, I dunno, happier, I guess. I was curious if Brooke was the reason.”

  And that’s how he, Asher Michael Dillon, a thirty-two-year-old Navy SEAL, fell into discussing his relationship with his sixteen-year-old sister.

  “I haven’t given it much thought, but if I seem happier, I would say Brooke has something to do with it, yeah.”

  “But then today you were all weird.”

  “Weird, how?”