A House for Keeping

by Matteson Wynn

  “She thinks it’s a family reunion,” supplied Zo.

  I looked at them. “It isn’t a reunion?”

  They all shook their heads.

  “Well what the hell is it?” If someone said “intimate soiree,” I was gonna huck a piece of bacon at their head.

  “It’s a selection process,” said Lou. “To see who will become the next keeper of the house.”

  “But I don’t want to be a housekeeper. I want to be an oceanographer and travel the world’s oceans and maybe find me some mermen. I’m boarding a ship for school in like a week.”

  “Er, I don’t think you understand,” said Eagan. “It’s not a housekeeper as in someone who cleans the house. It’s way more than that. The job comes with…perks.”

  “Which part of ‘leaving for school in a week’ makes you think I care if there’s a dental plan with the housekeeping job?”

  “Not those kind of perks,” said Lou.

  I closed my eyes and prayed for patience. “I. Don’t. Care. I’m just passing through here. And Meg knows that, by the way. So there’s no reason for your evil villain with the storm machine to bother with me. Which still sounds nuts, by the way. It was just a freak storm.”

  There was a slight pause, and then Eagan leaned forward. “What happened with the house, Finn?” he asked again. All the teasing was gone, and he looked somber, almost angry.

  I pushed the remaining food around my plate with my fork. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  They all sat very still, waiting.

  I searched for an honest answer that wasn’t too specific. “I thought I heard Meg say the house was trying to please me. And Doug said it was just showing some interest.”

  “Are they right?” asked Lou.

  I mumbled, “Maybe.”

  “Ah.” That came from Pete.

  “I still don’t see why that’s a problem.”

  Pete said, “Meg is the temporary housekeeper and, as such, is the presumptive next choice. But they still have to go through the selection process.”

  Lou added, “The fact that the house is showing an interest in you means her job isn’t the done deal she thought it was.”

  Eagan said, “Hang on. How did anyone outside of the house know that Finn’s a serious challenge to Meg?”

  Pete looked at Lou. “You were right. They must be working with Meg and Doug. It’s the only way they’d know what’s happening inside the house.”

  Well, I knew of at least two people who were working with Meg and Doug. But I decided to hang onto that little tidbit for the moment.

  Suddenly, all three men sat up straight and looked toward the door. Lou must’ve stopped the sound thingy because diner noises resumed.

  Zo whipped around to look behind us. A glance at her had me craning my head to see what she was trying to incinerate with her gaze.

  Two men and a woman made a beeline for our table. The people in the diner went on about their breakfasts, but I looked at the diner owners and tensed. They’d switched into a stance I called “meth heads in the house.” Whoever these people were, the owners were worried about trouble.

  Rose had great waitress instincts. She trotted up to the trio and said, “Excuse me, coming through, hot coffee,” forcing them to separate from their tight knot as she walked between them. She paused in the middle of the group. “Hey guys, you’re in luck! The table over here,” she pointed to the other side of the diner, “just cleared out. Go on and have a seat, and I’ll be right over.”

  The guy in the lead nodded, and the woman and man went to the table. Lead guy came over to us.

  As Rose topped off our coffees, I gave her a smile, and she gave me a wink, before heading off. Then I checked out the guy. He was tall with dark caramel skin and shoulder-length, black wavy hair. He reminded me of a walking storm cloud, all broody and looking like he could let loose at any moment. He even had a charcoal gray button-down shirt to complete the effect.

  He surveyed the table, walked over to a nearby empty chair, snagged it and placed it at the head of the table. He sat down, Lou on one side, Dr. Paige on the other.

  Zo said in a voice so cold it gave me chills, “You might want to rethink that.”

  The moron actually smiled at her. He leaned forward, hands folded on the table in front of him.

  Lou, Pete, and Eagan had the tense body posture of men who were about to get into a brawl. On my right, Zo was wearing what I could only describe as a serial killer smile. On my left, Dr. Paige darted glances around the table.

  I almost wanted to see what would happen, but I liked Rose and didn’t want her to have to clean up a mess. Years of diffusing amped up truckers had given me some practice in this kind of situation. Refuse to take them seriously, keep them off balance, and they couldn’t get enough steam going to cause any real trouble.

  So I laughed. “Wow. No really, just park yourself anywhere. Manners much? You’re lucky someone’s nana doesn’t come over here and bap you in the head.” I sighed and shook my head. Oh thank the aspirin fairies, it barely hurt when I shook it this time. “And you’d be…?”

  He stared at me, unblinking. “I’m Gram.”

  Something about Gram seemed familiar. I smiled, nodded, sipped my coffee. “Let me guess. Based on the whole,” I waved a hand up and down, “simmering and pouting thing you’ve got going here, you’re the one with the rainy day death ray?”

  They all turned to look at me. The doc was grinning, and I heard Zo snort.

  “Death ray?” Gram ratcheted down from simmering to confused.

  “Private joke,” I said.

  “Finn,” said Eagan. “This isn’t a joke. He is the one with the, uh—”

  “Weather machine of doom?” I supplied.

  “Not exactly, but, yeah.”

  I took my last bite of eggs and said to Gram, “According to these people, you had something to do with the hail this morning. True?” I took a sip of my coffee.

  Gram looked at me a long moment, assessing, then he leaned back in his chair, somehow managing to look both relaxed and arrogant at the same time. “True.”

  I nearly choked. True? What? I’d been expecting him to deny it. My brain stalled, and a chill ran down my spine. None of this made any sense to me. Were these people all nuts? I mean, no one could actually make it hail. Then I thought of the sophisticated sound jammer sitting on the table, and I suddenly wasn’t sure that was the case.

  Well, in any event, I could play along. If he insisted on taking credit for it, then he should take responsibility as well.

  I tried to keep my tone light and said, “Well Gram, you owe Zo a whole bunch of new plants, and you owe me for some stitches. Hey, Dr. Paige, can you bill Gram, instead of me?”

  Whatever he’d expected me to say, apparently that wasn’t it because he looked totally nonplussed. He actually blinked. Dr. Paige compressed her lips in a way that told me she was trying not to laugh, and nodded at me.

  I said to Gram, “I’m assuming you were just trying to impress me with the size of your—,” I waved my hand, “—let’s go with influence—because you didn’t know that I’m not really part of the whole Foster thing. Because otherwise, that’d mean there was an assault, and you don’t look like a total idiot, so I’m sure you know assaulting someone is a felony. So, I’m guessing this is all a big mistake.” I paused and took another long sip of my coffee. His eyes were starting to look a little glazed. Good.

  “My understanding is that your hail tantrum has to do with the family feud you all have going on. Well you can relax, pal. Repeat after me: Finn is just visiting.” I looked at Eagan. “Maybe I should put it on a t-shirt? Would that help?” I shrugged and looked back at Gram, pointed my fork at him. “So, in conclusion, quit playing your reindeer games with me. Oh, and pay up.” I chomped my last piece of bacon for emphasis.

  He looked at the boys’ side of the table. “Is she for real?”

  Eagan smiled and said, “Yup. But she’s wrong about one thing. You are
a complete idiot.”

  Gram’s eyes narrowed. I sighed and jumped in before he could say anything. “You’ve already established the size of your mighty hail. Was there something you needed Gram?”

  “If the other families are getting a chance to make a pitch to you, then I get to have my say, too.”

  I glanced around the table. Oh. They were representing the other families? I should have figured that out sooner.

  I looked at Gram. “And just what did you want to pitch? I mean, besides all that hail at my head.”

  A crafty look stole across his face and was replaced by a smug smile that told me he was used to getting what he wanted. “A possible alliance. Access to the house.”

  “I changed my mind. I need a t-shirt that says ‘Not a Housekeeper.’”

  I turned to Zo. “Can we stop at a t-shirt shop on the way home?”

  She paused giving Gram the stink eye to glance at me. A small smile tugged at her mouth as she said completely deadpan, “Sure. And you’d better get an extra-large font.”

  Dr. Paige piped up, “I’d make the lettering day-glo. Maybe add some sparkle. You know, just to make sure they get it.”

  “Good point.” I looked at Gram, gave him a big smile. “Well, I know what I’m doing with the rest of my day. So, back to you. As it turns out, no one else was pitching me anything, but thanks for asking me to be your Foster buddy. Unless you want to be pen pals, I can’t help you, but as my mom said, it’s always nice to be asked. You can go on and join your friends now. They’re looking hungry.” Actually, they were looking like they were about to head back over to us.

  He hesitated, and Zo said in a mild voice, “The only reason you’re still breathing is that you didn’t touch my garden. Don’t push it, Gram.”

  Gram met Zo’s eyes and froze. I turned to look at Zo, and I froze too. She was smiling again, but it was the kind of smile a dragon would give you right before it barbecued you. In that moment, I totally believed she’d have ended him, given any further provocation. Jeez, and I thought my mom took her plants seriously.

  I cleared my throat, turned back to Gram, and gave him a huge, cheery smile. “Okay, then. Have a nice breakfast.”

  Gram looked at me for a long moment. It was clear he didn’t like being dismissed. He stood up, glowered in my direction and said, “We’ll talk again later, when you’re alone,” and he walked off to join his friends. Because that didn’t sound like a threat at all. When I looked over at their table, I saw that they’d angled themselves so that they were blatantly watching our every move.

  I turned back to Lou. “Can you turn the sound squisher back on?”

  “Don’t,” said Zo. When I looked at her, she said, “They’ll be able to tell. He’ll come right back over.”

  “Time to go,” said Dr. Paige. She waved for Rose, who brought the check over. She also gave me a last top off of my coffee, bless her.

  When she left, I asked, “Were you guys planning on pitching me to be allies, like he said?”

  As he paid the bill, Pete said, “Oddly enough, making an alliance wasn’t our main purpose today.”

  Eagan gave me a big smile and said, “Though we wouldn’t be against it.”

  “But you are representatives from the other families?”

  Pete said, “We’re not here in any official capacity. But yes, Lou, Eagan, and I are each a member of the other families. Dr. Paige isn’t, though. She just has to deal with the lot of us.”

  I looked at Zo. “And you?”

  “Technically, I’m a neutral party,” she said.

  “Technically?” I asked.

  “They destroyed my yard.”

  I looked around the table. “So what is it you want from me?”

  Lou said, “For now, just information. We’re trying to figure out what’s going on. We’ve suspected that Gram’s family might be working with Meg. If she officially becomes the housekeeper, and Gram forms an alliance with her, then the balance of power among the families is going to shift.”

  “And that’s a bad thing?”

  “You’ve met Gram. Would you want to give him more power than anyone else?” asked Eagan.

  “I see your point.”

  “Look, Zo is going to give you all our numbers,” Lou said. “Just consider giving us a ring if there’s something you think we need to know.”

  “You want me to be a mole? This really is a James Bond novel.”

  “Just think about it, okay?” said Eagan.

  Dr. Paige glanced over at Gram. “We’d better get going. Gram’s looking antsy.”

  While I finished my coffee, Lou leaned forward, “Finn, I know this all seems bizarre, and we haven’t even scratched the surface, really. But when you go back to the house, keep in mind that the Fosters have a whole agenda that for some reason they haven’t seen fit to read you in on.”

  It was becoming clear to me that everyone at the table had an agenda, but I just nodded. I was finished with my coffee, so I stood up.

  We walked to the front of the diner, and on my way by, I waved at Gram and sent him a big smile. He didn’t smile back, but he didn’t glare. I was hoping that was a good thing.

  Chapter Eighteen

  We made it back to Zo’s car with no further ado. To my surprise, no one tried to convince me of anything or hound me for more information. Instead, they chatted about the weather, about the annual fall influx of tourists, and about how good the food always was at the diner. But they did the rubbernecking thing again. Now I realized that they weren’t sightseeing. They were keeping a lookout for Gram and his family, worried they were going to try something while we were out in the open.

  When we got to Zo’s car, I thanked them for breakfast, and Lou, Pete, and Eagan kept on walking. Dr. Paige stood with me and Zo for a moment, reminded me to come back on Monday, then retreated into her office.

  Zo and I climbed into her car.

  Zo pulled out her cell phone and said, “What’s your number? I’m going to text you all their contact info.”

  I gave it to her. While she typed her text, I sank back into the seat. I rubbed my eyes. So much to process. I ran back over the conversation, turning the bits of information around in my mind. I felt like I’d been given a few of the edge pieces of a really complicated puzzle. Just enough to see the outlines, but not enough to know what the overall picture would be.

  Zo was absorbed in texting with someone, so I let my mind continue to wander. With all the weird gadgets and the tense rivalries, it seemed like maybe there was some kind of high-tech, Tony-Stark-level thing going on. But on the other hand, there was the house, which felt more like something in the Harry Potter zone.

  As soon as the Harry Potter thought slipped through my head, I heard my parents’ voices, saying, “Now, Finn. Use your science!”

  My mouth twisted in a wry smile. “Use your science” had been a favorite refrain of theirs while I was growing up.

  My mind flashed back to the day they’d come across me in the living room, waving a stick and yelling, “Lumos!”

  I’d looked at them, frustration wrinkling my forehead, and said, “It won’t work!”

  After they put the stick high up on a bookshelf “to rest,” they sat me down for a chat.

  My mom said, “Finn, it’s just a story. It’s all pretend.”

  I frowned and said, “Nuh uh. There’s magic out there. I know there is.”

  They exchanged concerned looks over my head, then dad said, “Actually, you’re right. There is magic,” I felt a smug smile forming, but it flopped back into a scowl when he added, “It’s science magic.”

  That sounded a lot like something he’d say when he wanted me to enjoy something gross, like cooked carrots.

  Dad wasn’t deterred. “Did you know that there are all sorts of cool, mysterious creatures in the ocean that light up like they have their own magic wands?”

  I shook my head.

  Mom picked up what Dad was throwing down. “Remember the fish in Find
ing Nemo with the light bulb hanging off him?”

  I nodded. That guy had almost eaten Dory. Of course I remembered him.

  Mom said, “Well that’s a real kind of fish.”

  I said, “Nuh uh!”

  Dad said, “Yup. The ocean is full of real-life creatures that are amazing. Get this, there are these itty bitty guys called ostracods that glow like one of Harry Potter’s patronus charms.”

  “Really?”

  Dad nodded. “Yup. If a fish eats the ostracod, the ostracod will turn on its glow, and it makes the fish barf up the ostracod.”

  Mom and I said, “Ewwwww,” but we both giggled.

  Dad said, “Then the ostracod just swims away in a glowing blue cloud. It actually looks like a much cooler version of a patronus charm, if you ask me. Here, I can show you some pictures.”

  We’d spent the rest of the afternoon looking through old National Geographics, and my obsession with the ocean was born.

  From then on, my parents made a game of using science. Any time I was tempted to think something was magical, we’d find a way to science it.

  And sciencing it was what I needed to do now. Between Lou’s sound dampener and Gram’s weather machine, it would seem that there was a lot of advanced tech in play. This wasn’t even remotely my field—it was a miracle we had a computer in the house, given what a pair of Luddites my parents were. It occurred to me that if they had this much gadgetry, they probably had weapons that were just as advanced. So far, this had been a cold war, according to Dr. Paige, so I assumed no one was blowing anything up. I found myself fervently hoping they kept it that way. I wouldn’t want any of them causing any damage to the house.

  Oh, the house! Now that my scientific mind had woken up, it started running around having a field day. The house was fascinating. I had so many questions that I didn’t even know where to begin. Obviously, there was a lot more to learn there.

  I noodled about the situation a little more until Zo interrupted my pondering with a “Done.” She put her phone in her purse and started the car.