The Love We Keep

by Toni Blake

  Meg nodded, even if she looked uncertain.

  And when Suzanne announced she should probably be getting back to her patient, Meg said, “Wait—I have something for you to take back.”

  Left alone in the big parlor, Suzanne soaked up the ambiance of the inn and thought about Beck and Lila falling in love here just last month. She could feel it in the rooms, in the wood and the walls and the very air—that love happened here. It had for Seth and Meg, too. And Meg and Zack before that. And much longer ago, she knew Meg’s grandma had fallen in love with Meg’s grandpa here. It all served to make her feel lonely.

  Meg re-entered the room carrying a covered dish.

  “What’s this?”

  “A chicken casserole. Simple, but Zack always loved it. Of course, maybe it was dumb of me—I know you can cook. I just wanted to do something, and I don’t know what else to do.” She shook her head.

  “No, it’s nice,” Suzanne assured her.

  And it was. Because she knew Meg meant well. But on the other hand, now I get to go home and say, “Hey, your ex-girlfriend made you your favorite casserole. But don’t let that re-ignite your feelings for her or anything.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “WHAT’S THAT?” ZACK asked when Suzanne walked in carrying the dish.

  “A casserole. From Meg.” She didn’t look at him as she set it down, then began to take off her coat and snow boots. “She said it was one you used to like.”

  “Hmm,” he said. “Nice, I guess.”

  “Yeah,” she said, secretly pleased that he didn’t seem to be making much of the gesture.

  “How is she?”

  Suzanne’s chest tightened slightly. “Seemed fine.”

  “You two, uh, haven’t been in touch much lately. That’s not how I remember things being back...before.”

  Back when you and she were a couple. She was surprised he’d noticed, and wasn’t sure how to explain. There were so many reasons—each of them awkward. Her sister is engaged to the guy I was into. Her ex is living with me. She’s avoiding you, and that means avoiding me. I’m still a little put out with her over all of it, even the parts that are completely beyond her control. Finally, she settled on, “It’s an unusual winter—Dahlia’s gone, you’re here...”

  “And she has a new boyfriend keeping her busy.”

  She looked over at him, shrugged. “That, too.”

  “You like him?” he asked. “For her, I mean.”

  She thought it over and met his gaze. “Yes, I do. He seems like a good guy. He’s very devoted, and Meg values that.”

  Across the room, Zack gave a succinct nod, dropped his gaze, and scrunched up his mouth, before finally saying, “I’m glad to hear it. At first I thought he seemed sketchy, and it worried me. I just want her to...be all right.”

  Meg had thought Zack didn’t love her since he wouldn’t commit, wouldn’t give up spending half the year on the water, wouldn’t talk about his childhood. After she’d broken up with him, they’d all seen that he must have loved her because he’d taken it so hard. Now Suzanne had the impression maybe he was coming out the other side of heartbreak. Maybe he simply had bigger things to worry about now, but regardless, if he was starting to get over her, good for him.

  “I don’t think you need to worry,” she told him.

  * * *

  MEG LOOKED UP to see Seth step inside, bundled up but covered in a light layer of snow. She went to help him start peeling off layers. “You must be freezing.”

  “You could say that, darlin’,” he replied, but he still managed a grin for her.

  She leaned up, delivered a kiss to his cold mouth, then asked, “Is Walt doing okay?”

  Seth nodded. “He’s a hardy old guy. Lays in enough food before the first snowfall to last him the winter.” Then he let out a short laugh. “Not even sure he was happy to see me. I think he likes being up there alone all winter. Not really a people person.” He ended on a wink.

  And Meg said, “I’m sure he appreciated the visit, whether or not he let it show.”

  “Speaking of visits, how was yours with Suzanne?”

  “Fine,” Meg answered as they moved into the parlor. She took a seat on the sofa while Seth warmed his hands by the fire.

  He glanced over at her. “Just ‘fine’? Didn’t go well?”

  She shrugged. “It just stayed awkward at times, which I hate. I got the feeling I kept saying the wrong thing. It’s just such a strange situation.”

  Her handsome beau nodded. “Can’t argue that.”

  “Sometimes I wonder if I’m handling it all wrong.”

  “How else can you handle it?” he asked.

  “I could...be more present. Dahlia asked me to help with Zack and I haven’t. I just plain haven’t. Short of the casserole I sent home with her.” She stopped long enough to roll her eyes at the gesture. “And even that somehow seemed wrong. Like it was such a small effort, why bother? I mean... I’m sorry you’re paralyzed, so here’s a casserole?”

  Seth winced. “Okay, when you put it that way...” He pulled his gaze from her back to the crackling fire before him. “But I still don’t know what you can really do.”

  The truth was, even Suzanne’s update hadn’t quenched Meg’s worry. The moment she’d refused Zack’s request to go to the doctor with him played in her mind. Despite showing up later, at Dahlia’s insistence, she hadn’t truly been there for him. And ever since, she’d stayed here in her warm, happy inn with her sexy, loving boyfriend, whiling away the winter like nothing was wrong.

  “What’s happening over there? You look upset.”

  She met Seth’s gaze. “I just feel like I’m letting down people who I care about. And Zack is partially paralyzed, Seth. I mean, think about that.”

  “I have thought about it, believe me. I feel for the guy, no matter how much he probably hates me.”

  “I wish it didn’t have to be so uncomfortable between us all,” she said.

  Seth just shrugged. “It’s only natural, darlin’. Your relationship ended.”

  She nodded, but couldn’t help remembering what she’d told Suzanne that first day when she wouldn’t go into the cottage. That there were still feelings there. It didn’t mean she didn’t love Seth—it only meant she possessed a heart that didn’t stop caring for someone the second she decided she couldn’t see him anymore.

  She should be grateful Suzanne no longer wanted her help with Zack. And yet complicated feelings swirled inside her. Something old. Guilt. And something new. The sense of somehow being...left out, unneeded. She’d grown used to Zack needing her in certain ways. And certainly Suzanne had always needed her friendship. Now, suddenly, she wasn’t part of their world anymore.

  “Seth, would it bother you,” she asked, “if I went to see Zack? Only because I fear I’ve behaved coldly about his injury.”

  He gave his head a contemplative tilt. “Let’s see—you wanna go visit the guy you were with for five years, who can’t seem to get over you? Why would that bother me?” He ended on a playful wink.

  And she sighed, smiling softly in understanding. “Okay, I see your point.”

  But he surprised her by adding, “I’m only teasing ya, darlin’. I know where your heart’s at. If it’ll make you feel better, I don’t mind.”

  “See why I love you?” she said, getting up to walk across the room and slide her arms around his neck. He really was amazing. And her heart really was with him. Maybe there were still just a few more doors she needed to close with Zack. It felt like the right thing to do, for both of them.

  * * *

  “VERY GOOD,” SUZANNE told Zack as he took slow, solid steps on his crutches around the living room. He dragged his right foot, of course, but it was certainly better than having no mobility at all. She’d originally envisioned Zack ending up in a wheelchair, but now she had higher hopes a
nd couldn’t help thinking that necessity—his having to push himself to use the crutches those first few days—had led to this much better outcome.

  When her phone trilled with a text, she pulled it from her pocket to see a message from Meg.

  Can you break away from Zack for lunch? The Skipper’s Wheel is open.

  It surprised her—she hadn’t heard from Meg since her visit a few days ago, and she hadn’t reached out, either. Conversely, she and Zack both heard from Dahlia daily now.

  Glancing out the window to see bright blue skies, she couldn’t deny it might be nice to get out. She only felt sad that Zack didn’t have that option.

  “Bad news?” Zack asked.

  She must be making a face. “No,” she told him. “A lunch invitation. From Meg. Skipper’s Wheel. Do you mind if I go?”

  The corners of his mouth turned up in a half grin. “You don’t gotta ask my permission, Suzie Q. But yeah, go. I’m a big boy—I can take care of myself.” His wink acknowledged that was only partially true, but she knew he was happy with his progress, as well.

  “Okay,” she said pleasantly. “I’ll bring you something back.”

  Half an hour later, she was ordering her usual Skipper’s Wheel plate of waffles across a small table from Meg. Two other tables were occupied, and a couple of seats taken at the counter—a good crowd for a winter’s day.

  “So to what do I owe this pleasure?” Suzanne asked after their food had arrived.

  “Does there need to be a reason?” Meg replied.

  And Suzanne felt stuck. Up until recently, there never needed to be a reason. And here Meg was, trying to get back to that, and Suzanne was acting weird. “Of course not,” she said. “I’m glad you texted.”

  Meg smiled, letting it go, and they made small talk, Meg saying that Lila was begging for them both to join her at one of the upcoming knitting bees at the Knitting Nook. Allie held them regularly, even in winter, and Meg and Suzanne occasionally went, mostly for the social aspects.

  “That sounds fun,” Suzanne said, still wanting to renew her friendship with Lila. Despite being heartbroken when Lila and Beck had gotten together, her preoccupation with caring for a certain monoplegic man was truly helping her move past those emotions. “How’s Seth?”

  “Good, as always. How’s Zack?”

  Suzanne nodded, wishing the mere question didn’t irritate her. It was normal to ask, would have felt abnormal if she hadn’t. So she smiled and said, “Still doing as well as possible.”

  “That’s so great,” Meg said—but then gave her head a little shake. “I just keep worrying about him.”

  Suzanne longed, again, to tell Meg she didn’t need to worry about Zack, that he was no longer hers to worry over, but she stayed quiet.

  And Meg went on. “I think I’m going to pay him a visit.”

  Whoa. What? And maybe she was making too much out of this—but she heard herself say exactly what she was thinking, without even weighing it. “That’s a bad idea, Meg.”

  “It is? Why?”

  “Look,” Suzanne told her, “you said you couldn’t be involved. So now you’re not, and it’s really okay. And besides, I can’t imagine it would make Seth very happy.”

  Meg’s eyes went wide. “Well, for your information, Seth is fine with it. And maybe I think it’s a good idea. Why don’t you want me to? I thought it would help you.”

  Suzanne blew out a breath, trying to figure out how to reason with Meg and not make her mad—but at the same time, she was starting not to care very much if she made anyone mad. After all, who was looking out for her feelings lately? “Meg, I’m just starting to make some headway with him. And...well, frankly, I just don’t need you mucking with his head.”

  Meg drew back slightly, appearing wounded. “Mucking with his head? You’re saying you think I would...what, somehow string him along or give him false hope or something?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying at all.” Or was it? Suzanne wasn’t even sure anymore—she only knew she felt strongly about it. “What I’m saying is—”

  “It’s not like I’m going to walk in announcing I still have old feelings for him. I just want him to know I care.”

  Suzanne tipped her head forward, feeling slightly combative now. “Isn’t it the same thing?”

  “No,” Meg said.

  “Well, regardless, no matter how platonic you try to make it, I think it might send the message that he still has a chance with you. Which, all things considered, seems...cruel. He’s spent a long time trying to get over you.”

  Meg released a distressed sigh. “I never thought I’d see the day when you, of all people, would be worried about protecting Zack.”

  “Neither did I,” Suzanne agreed. “But things have changed.”

  She thought that might stop Meg in her tracks, but instead she kept right on going. “Look, I just think knowing I’m concerned might motivate him. Lift his spirits. That’s all.”

  Suzanne just looked at her, nonplussed. “I’m sorry to break this to you, Meg, but I think he’s finally over you. And I can’t have you doing anything that might change that.”

  At this, Meg’s jaw dropped. She looked stunned, embarrassed. “Since when are you such an expert on Zack?”

  “Since I became his nurse,” Suzanne said firmly. “And since we’ve started making progress. He’s already motivated, more every day in fact, even without having you around.” She knew she’d probably taken things too far, but she couldn’t go back, so she might as well seal the deal. “I know you mean well, but it’s not what’s best for him. So I have to say no.”

  She’d never seen Meg appear so astonished. “You’re saying I’m no longer welcome at your house?”

  Suzanne’s stomach churned and her face went hot. How had they gotten to this point? Meg was her best friend, and even though it had been one of those later-in-life friendships, they’d always clicked on the important things—and she’d assumed they always would. She’d never expected Meg’s ex to come between them. But then, she’d never expected any of the things that had happened in the last few weeks.

  “Please don’t put it that way, Meg. It’s only for right now, until Dahlia gets back. It’s a delicate situation and it just makes sense to stick with what’s working, and right now things are going well.” Without you. But she was quick-witted enough to hold that part back this time.

  Still, Meg looked hurt. “Is this because I haven’t been there for you since Dahlia left? Are you punishing me by shutting me out now? Because you know I feel terrible about that, and I’m just trying to make things right.”

  “It’s not that at all. It’s that Zack and I muddled through those first hard days on our own, and we built a rapport, and we have our routines, and he’s moving forward. And so it turns out that the way to make things right, at this point, is to just...stay away.”

  She’d said the words as gently as possible, yet couldn’t ignore the resentment on Meg’s face.

  “Please don’t be mad, Meg,” she rushed to say. “Please understand the difficult position I’m in. I didn’t want any of this—it was foisted on me. But now I have a moral obligation to do what I think is best for Zack.” Up to now, Suzanne had been fighting an anger that simmered beneath the surface, because Meg thought she knew best and thought it was okay to just take the reins and do whatever she wanted. But the expression she wore right now tore into Suzanne’s heart and simply made her sad—for both of them. “I still miss you. I miss us. I miss normalcy. And I hope to God we can get back to that once this horrible winter is over and Dahlia comes home and Zack is no longer my responsibility. I’m sorry if my decisions make you feel left out, or guilty, or anything else. But this isn’t about you, I promise. It’s about trying to get a man through a very difficult time the best way I can.”

  Suzanne felt drained. She’d said so much, second-guessing half of
it as it left her mouth. Neither she nor Meg were the type to embrace confrontation, and now they sat staring at each other blankly, shell-shocked and not knowing what to do.

  “I’m gonna go,” Suzanne told her then. Because what she’d hoped might be a healing sort of lunch had turned into just the opposite—the more they tried to fix things, the worse it all got. Sometimes the safest move was to just retreat. So she stood up, grabbed the check in one hand while scooping her coat up from a nearby chair with the other, and made her way briskly to the cash register.

  “Everything okay?” asked Jolene as she rang up the order.

  “Yes,” she lied. “Just in a hurry.” Because Summer Island is such a fast-paced, bustling, busy place this time of year? No doubt Jolene had witnessed the tension—Suzanne had totally forgotten they were in a public place. Isolation could make one so socially inept.

  And as she took her change, she realized she hadn’t gotten Zack’s to-go order. But she’d have to make him something and hope he wasn’t snarly about it. After stuffing the change in her purse, she threw on her parka, shoved her hands into mittens, and pushed out into the cold. She struggled with the zipper as she started through the snow.

  She was too shaken to go straight back to the cottage, so she walked in the opposite direction, toward Koester’s. Maybe she’d get a brownie mix or a cake mix—Zack would surely enjoy something sweet, and drowning her own sorrows in some chocolate could only help.

  Why was Meg so bent on coming to see Zack suddenly? Should I have let her? Am I off base about this? And why did Meg get all the boys anyway? And since when was Suzanne jealous of that? When Meg had garnered Zack’s and Seth’s affections last summer, Suzanne had been very you go, girl about it. What had changed? Maybe she just thought Meg’s idea seemed more selfish than helpful. And she didn’t want it to confuse Zack and stop him from moving on.

  Or was she...jealous? She gulped back the avalanche of emotion that spilled forth at the thought. Maybe she was tired of Zack being so enamored of Meg. Maybe she didn’t want to share him with Meg. Maybe the drunken pass he’d made at her had stayed on her mind. Even if he’d been tipsy—alcohol often just heightened whatever someone was already feeling. So maybe he...felt something for her. Not just from the wine. Just like she felt something for him.