Promise to Keep it Trill

by B. Love

  Makayla scoffed as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not taking my pictures down. We are a happy family. You’re more than welcome to join in.”

  When Jason looked down, Austin was staring up at him. Tightening his jaw, he lowered himself and extended his hand for Austin to shake.

  “What’s up, Austin?”

  “What’s up?” Austin replied, making Jason chuckle.

  He couldn’t help but follow Kannon out of the corner of his eye as he made his way to Makayla. The protective gesture couldn’t go unnoticed. Really, Jason was jealous. He hated the fact that he’d missed the last four years of his son’s life and Kannon had taken his place, but that was his fault. His doing. Instead of being jealous, he should have remained appreciative as he had been while he was locked down. But it was a whole other vibe hearing about it and thinking about it versus actually seeing it.

  “You mind kickin’ it with your old man for a couple of hours?”

  His eyes shifted. “Can GodDaddy hang with us too?”

  Jason released a heavy sigh and rolled his eyes. “If you want him to.” Austin nodded. “He can then.”

  Austin smiled and nodded, and Jason tried not to take it personally. He reminded himself that Austin was comfortable with Kannon and that their bond would take some time… but the possessive part of Jason wanted to make it clear who and what belonged to him.

  52

  Makayla

  “I can’t take this shit no more,” Makayla grumbled, pacing back and forth.

  Jason had been staying with them every other day for the past week to establish a connection with Austin but his presence was driving her crazy. Makayla tried to be understanding of Jason’s lifestyle for the past five years, but some things were taking too long of an adjustment. They’d been nitpicking and arguing over little stuff every day he was there, but today things had gotten worse than they had been all week.

  After deciding to ask Jason to leave so she could maintain her peace, Makayla inhaled a few deep breaths as she looked at herself in the mirror, then left out of her room. For the most part, Austin was well behaved. There were times when his impatience, lack of knowledge, maturity, and discipline created space for him to act out. During those times, Makayla would calmly address the situation and help Austin come back to himself.

  For whatever reason, Jason thought talking to Austin like he was a grown ass man would get him to stop being fussy and act right, but that hadn’t worked. He was currently in his room crying, and the sound was driving both of his parents crazy for different reasons. For Makayla, she hated the sound of her son crying and wanted nothing more than to soothe him. For Jason, he simply couldn’t stand the noise.

  When Makayla walked into the living room and saw Jason rocking back and forth, she felt a little sorry for him. He’d been thrown into an environment that was completely new to him, and she was trying her hardest to make things easy for him. But he wasn’t making that easy. Jason wanted to handle and raise Austin the way he was raised, and it didn’t matter how much Makayla told him that wouldn’t work, that’s what he did. The last thing Makayla wanted was for her son to be raised with the mentality Jason had.

  She didn’t want a son who was unable to express his feelings or accept love. She didn’t want a son who felt as if to be a man meant to be hard, tough, and always in the streets. She didn’t want a son who was obsessed with being a provider and protector but lacked integrity.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

  Jason didn’t bother looking up at her as he said, “It’s too fucking loud in here. He won’t shut up.”

  “If you would allow me to go in there and soothe him…”

  “Nah. He’s a boy. He needs to tough that shit out.”

  Makayla chuckled in anger. “Look, I know that he’s half of you too, but you can’t come in here thinking you’re going to control how I raise my son.”

  “He’s our son,” Jason corrected, finally looking over at her. “And I don’t want him to be soft.”

  “He’s not soft!” Makayla inhaled a deep breath. “He’s a fucking child,” she gritted quietly, not liking Austin to hear cursing or yelling. “Austin isn’t used to being yelled at and I don’t whip him. He’s traumatized right now. If I go in there and soothe him, he will calm down.”

  Jason’s head shook as he stood. “Nah. I wasn’t coddled and my son won’t be either.” His body brushed against hers as he headed towards the stairs, and Makayla quickly followed behind.

  “What are you doing?”

  Jason ignored her as he took the stairs two at a time. “It’s too loud in here,” he grumbled.

  “Jason…”

  Bursting through Austin’s door, Jason stalked over to him as he jumped and cried harder.

  “Shut the fuck up in here, boy! You ain’t no bitch!” He yanked Austin’s arm and pulled him up to his feet. “Stop crying before I give you something to cry about!”

  “Have you lost your fucking mind,” Makayla roared, removing Austin from Jason’s grasp. Before she could stop herself, she was smacking him with her right hand and trying to punch him with the left. Grabbing her fist, Jason pulled it behind her back.

  “Did you just put your hands on me?”

  “Did you just put your hands on my son?”

  “He’s my son too!”

  “I don’t give a fuck! Don’t put your hands on him again or I swear to God I will kill you!”

  Jerking away from him, Makayla picked Austin up and stormed out of his room, ignoring Jason as he called her name. Rushing down the stairs as quickly as she possibly could, Makayla headed out of her home barefoot and prayed Kannon was at home. As she beat against his door with one hand she placed kisses on the side of Austin’s face and told him that everything was going to be okay.

  When Kannon opened the door, he didn’t know if he wanted to address Makayla’s anger or Austin’s crying first. Makayla made it easy by handing him Austin.

  “What the fu—what happened?”

  Makayla’s eyes rolled as her nostrils flared. “I’ll tell you everything once we get him settled down.”

  Which didn’t take long. As Makayla suspected, all Austin needed was a little comfort to calm down. He’d cried for so long he went straight to sleep when he finally settled down, and that’s when Makayla told Kannon what had happened. As soon as she was done, Kannon was trying to go next door, but Makayla stopped him. She knew if Kannon addressed the issue things would only be worse. She wanted to regain the peace in her home, and that would certainly rob it of even more.

  “I just don’t know what to do,” she confessed, chin trembling as she fought back tears. “It’s not going how I thought it would at all. I really want him to leave, but I also feel like he needs to stay. He wants to try and be in Austin’s life and I want that for the both of them, but Jason isn’t capable of being the father my son needs.” Her shoulders caved as her head hung. “When I had Austin, it was with the impression that I would be raising him without Jason. Now, I’m afraid more than anything of what Jason’s influence will do to my baby.”

  Kannon took her hand into his and kissed it.

  “I will never justify what he did, but you have to remember how he was raised. His mother didn’t show him love and affection because she was too busy getting high. When she sold him to Carlos, his ass didn’t know what to do with him. Even though my mother tried to shower him with love, Jason was very closed off. Because of that, my father pretty much groomed him to be a beast in the streets. He wasn’t taught how to love and nurture and be soft. And it doesn’t seem like he can give what he’s never had, not without thought. However, with your help, I’m confident that he could learn.”

  Her head shook. “I shouldn’t have to teach him how to be a father, Kannon.”

  “You shouldn’t and you can’t. But, you can teach him how to love. It’s fucked up that you have to, but it is what it is. He’s the man you chose, and you had his baby, now you go
tta make the best of it.”

  Makayla nodded. “You’re right.” Her eyes closed as two tears slid down her cheeks. “I’ll let him stay just so I can monitor things until he gets the hang of how to handle our son. But if he pulls the shit he did again today, I’ll kill him.”

  Kannon chuckled as he pulled her into his side. Wrapping her arm around him, Makayla inhaled a deep breath and relaxed fully into his embrace. When she felt herself drifting off to sleep, she was awakened by the sound of knocking on Kannon’s door. There weren’t too many people it could have been, so she assumed it was Jason.

  As she heard their muffled conversation at the door, Makayla kept telling herself to remain calm. Kannon walked back into the living room with Jason following behind.

  “If you want to stay here you can, but I want our son to come home with me. It’s getting dark out and he needs to finish his worksheets, eat, and get ready for bed.”

  “He’s already asleep,” Makayla informed. “I don’t want to wake him up.”

  “I’ll carry him back.”

  Choosing to not make this a battle, Makayla nodded in agreement. Austin needed to wake up soon anyway, otherwise he’d be up all night. Kannon showed Jason to Austin’s room there, and Makayla went back home as well. They didn’t talk to each other for the rest of the night, and Jason had finally gotten the quiet he’d been wanting all day.

  53

  Jason

  With Kannon’s help, Jason had a better understanding of the disconnect between him, Makayla, and Austin. Even though both Jason and Kannon were deadly and nothing to fuck with, they handled the people they cared about differently. Kannon was more open and nurturing, more giving, his heart was easily accessible, and he was gentler with Austin. That’s what both Austin and Makayla had gotten used to, and Jason came giving off the complete opposite.

  He hadn’t learned to communicate or listen to the needs of a child. Hell, his own needs were stifled. He hadn’t learned to give children respect. He hadn’t learned to show a child care and be nurturing. For the main developmental stages of his life, Jason was ignored and uncared for, and unfortunately… that’s what he’d been doing with Austin unintentionally.

  Even though that was his reality, Jason could honestly say that he wanted better for his son. He didn’t regret his life or how he’d turned out, but Jason also knew there were quite a few things that he’d missed out on because of it. Not wanting Austin to have the same fate he did, Jason agreed to humble himself and receive help from Kingston and Kannon on how to raise his son. He’d also decided to fix things between him and Makayla.

  Jason learned from Kannon what her favorite dish and wine was, so he’d prepared dinner for her while she was out. He’d even asked Kannon to keep Austin for the night so they could spend some alone time together. Jason was sure he didn’t have a chance of anything happening between them as long as there was static because of Austin, but he at least wanted them to be cordial and speak to one another outside of making plans for their son. It didn’t matter how good things were between him and Chyna or the bitches he’d let suck his dick for a few bills, there was something in the back of his mind and heart that would always yearn for Makayla.

  With how things ended between them, Jason felt as if they had unfinished business. His heart would forever desire her until that business was finished.

  When he heard Makayla’s key in the door, he looked around to make sure everything was perfect. Or, at least, as perfect as it could be. Makayla’s first stop was almost always the kitchen. Because they ate a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables, she went to the store every other day. As Jason expected, he heard her heels clacking in his direction. Even her appearance had changed over the years. She used to wear nothing but jeans or sweats and sneakers that were dark in color, now she wore bright dresses and shirts and trousers with flats and heels unless she was working out or handling business for Kannon.

  As soon as she saw the setup Jason had put together in the dining room she gasped and tightened her grip on the small bag of groceries in her hand. He walked over to her and took the bag as she continued to stare with her mouth slightly open.

  “What’s this?”

  Jason set the bag on the counter. “I wanted to do something nice for you. Reset the energy between us.”

  Because they hadn’t talked in days. Their last argument was because Jason wanted to take Austin around the hood with him instead of letting her take him to Gina as she usually did on the weekends. Of course, Austin wanted to go with his grandmother and had a detached attitude when Jason first took him, but eventually, he began to loosen up and enjoy himself.

  “I appreciate the effort,” Makayla confessed, running her hand across the dining room table.

  Now that she was here, Jason cut some music on. Instead of the rap he was used to her enjoying in their days, he figured something slow would better fit the vibe. As soon as the old school playlist started, Makayla was swaying as she took a picture of what he’d done. That made him smile.

  “So who told you to do this?” she asked with a grin as she sat down.

  “What makes you think I didn’t come up with the idea myself?” Jason laughed as she looked at him with disbelief. “Pops and Kannon.”

  She laughed quietly. “I appreciate it. This is really nice. I didn’t think you had a romantic bone in you.”

  Honestly, he didn’t. Not to put the shit together himself. In the past, he would have just paid to take her to a romantic hotel but that was about it. But, if a romantic candlelit dinner with scattered roses and music made her smile, Jason was willing to provide that.

  “You hungry?” Jason checked, pulling the pan he had keeping warm out of the oven.

  “Always. I know that’s not what I think it is.”

  “Yep. Eggplant lasagna.”

  Makayla shimmied in her seat with a smile and Jason laughed.

  “Have you had this before?”

  “Hell nah, but Kannon said you love it so I’ma give it a try.”

  “He doesn’t really care for it. Austin doesn’t either, but it’s really good to me.”

  Jason fixed them both a Caesar salad before sitting across from her. They were a few bites in before Makayla said, “Thank you for this.”

  “I just… want you to know that I’m trying.”

  She nodded and smiled softly. “And I appreciate that. I know it’s going to take some work, and as long as Austin is safe and our main priority I’m willing to put it in.”

  “What about us?” Her expression dropped slightly as she began to aimlessly stab her salad with her fork. “I know I cut you off, but it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I still want us to give this a chance.”

  Her head shook as she set her fork down. “You want us to give us a chance because of how things ended. We weren’t on bad terms and we didn’t really receive closure, so that’s understandable. But I really don’t think a relationship would work between us now.”

  “Why not?” he had to ask, even though a part of Jason knew they didn’t belong together.

  “Well…” She paused, as if she was carefully considering her words. “I’m different, and I can only assume you are too. Maybe harder, even more motivated to be in the streets because of the time you’ve lost. But I don’t think we’re as alike as we once were.”

  Jason sighed as he pushed his salad to the side. “I agree. We shared the same pain in the past, but even then, we were different. You needed love you could feel and affection I couldn’t really give. I showed you love the best way I knew how…”

  “And it was perfect back then,” Makayla interrupted, reaching across the table for his hand. “You made me feel safe and secure. Seen. Wanted. I needed that so much then. But now, I just… require more. I’m softer now. I want to be touched and held. I want to go on dates. Spend boring nights at home with my man and my son. I barely help Kannon with the business anymore because that’s just not for me. If he needs me to handle a bitch or the money I’m there, bu
t I get in and out. Austin has changed me. He’s stretched my heart and mellowed me out. I don’t think I would be the right woman for you anymore.”

  “You would always be the right woman for me, but I get where you’re coming from. Eventually, I’d start to resent you for not being at my side like you used to be.”

  “And I would resent you for never being home.” Her head shook as she caressed his hand with her thumb. “I would never want to make you feel like you weren’t a good man or incapable of giving us what we need. You are who you are, and I’ll never break you down because of that.”

  “See…” His head shook. “That’s why I fell in love with you. You accepted me as I was and didn’t try to change me or make me feel bad. Off. Broken.” Makayla smiled. “But this—we’re over… aren’t we?”

  Her eyes watered, so she licked her lips and swallowed hard while blinking rapidly. “We are, but I think we both know it’s for the best.”

  “Then why you ’bout to cry?” Her chin dipped as she smiled bitterly. “Come here, Makayla.”

  Slowly, she stood and took small steps over to him. Jason took her into his arms as she straddled his lap. He wiped the tears that had fallen from her eyes.

  “Why you crying?”

  She sniffled before muttering, “It feels like I’m about to lose you all over again.”

  Jason’s head tilted as he smiled with one side of his mouth. “You got me forever because of our son. And we can be friends. I love you enough to accept the fact that even though I want you bad as fuck, I ain’t equipped to give you what you need. But I would love to be in your life as your friend again. I want to stay as close to you and our son as possible.”

  Makayla nodded as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I would like that. I think with you staying here, Austin will get used to you sooner, but I don’t want him to think we will be living together forever. So once he’s established a connection with you and you get your own place, we can set up some kind of schedule for him.”