by Jill Shalvis
"Let me get this straight." Aunt Jennie took another swig and gasped, pounding her chest. Her curls, the silver burnished ones she'd been paying Verna at the Body Wave Salon weekly for for the past forty years, bounced as she set down her drink. "You're finally engaged."
"Yes," Lani said. "But—"
"Engaged to the most eligible bachelor in town." Great-Aunt Jennie grinned and slapped her knee. "Imagine that!"
"But—"
"Hold it right there." Jennie, who was eighty-two but didn't look a day older than sixty-five, held up a hand. She knew her niece well. "Honey, why is it with you there's always a but?"
Lani let out a reluctant grin. "And this but is a biggy."
Jennie sighed. "You're going to ruin this for me, aren't you?"
"It's likely," Lani admitted. Her great-aunt had not been the most conventional of guardians. She'd held séances, had traveled extensively, whipping Lani out of school on a whim, and had never followed any of the rules. She hadn't joined the PTA, had never made easy friends with the other parents or driven in the carpool.
But she'd been there for Lani when she'd had no one else, and for that she was grateful. Lani might have grown up differently than most, but Jennie had done the best she could and Lani would never forget it.
But she was well aware that her aunt's greatest wish was to see Lani taken care of. Jennie took it personally that Lani had a deep-rooted fear of emotional attachments. She wanted Lani to go the route of the very normal and expected marriage, no matter how abnormal Lani's upbringing had been. She wanted Lani's future secure, and she wanted that because she loved Lani with all her slightly off-kilter, wacky heart.
Realizing that brought both a lump to Lani's throat and a shoulder-load of shame about the façade. She had to tell Jennie the truth about the engagement, had to make her understand that marriage, a true marriage, was just not in the cards.
At that thought, Lani's heart sent up a little protest, but now was not the time for self-reflection. "The truth is, it's just pretend, Aunt Jennie. Colin needs me to pretend to marry him, that's all."
"Pretend."
"That's right."
They were in Jennie's house, just a few blocks from Lani's apartment. It was run down on the outside, but the inside was a treasure trove, decorated with things from all over the world that Jennie had collected on her various travels.
There was not a speckle of dust, Jennie wouldn't allow it. Not on her things. She was Lani's toughest, hardest-to-please client, and also her favorite.
To get her thoughts together, Lani moved around the room, touching those things now, unable to sit still.
Jennie had gone quiet, but now she had a question. "What exactly do you mean, pretend?"
"Colin needs to finish a very important project he's working on, but he's being hounded. He thought a fiancée would help."
"What's the matter with him that he can't get a real fiancée? Is he ugly?"
Lani thought of Colin's piercing eyes, of the lean rugged body that had left her breathless. "No," she managed to say. "Definitely not ugly."
"Is he mean?"
No one could hold her the way Colin had last night and be mean. "No."
"Uh-huh." Jenny's brilliant green eyes sparkled. "I get it. You just want to live in sin without people bothering you. That's okay, honey, I understand a healthy sexual drive. I lived through the sixties, remember?"
"It's not like that—"
"Hormones aren't easy to deny," Jennie went on blissfully. "Why in my day, we didn't even try. We just married young so it was all legal."
"It has nothing to do with hormones," Lani said weakly, grabbing for the jug of cider when the older woman reached for it. "You've been reading too many of those romances, Aunt Jennie."
"They give a woman a better sex life." At Lani's startled laugh, Jennie smiled and nodded. "I read that somewhere."
"Can we get back to my engagement?"
"Sure. What you're trying to tell me is that you're not really marrying him." Aunt Jennie studied a box of open cigars on the low table in front of her couch before choosing one. She didn't dare light it, not with Lani within reach, so she just clamped her teeth around it.
"What do you think of the whole thing?" Lani asked.
"Well, I think it's a damn shame, honey. Make him earn it. Don't give it to him for free."
"He has nothing to earn," Lani insisted, blushing in spite of herself.
"Of course he does. I hope he's going to at least cook, or do the grocery shopping."
"No, you don't understand. It's for show. All of it."
Jennie's jaw went slack and the cigar tumbled out into her lap, making Lani thankful Jennie's doctor had given her strict orders not to light up. She was a danger to society.
"All for show?" she repeated in disbelief.
"Well … yes." Mostly.
"You mean you're not…?"
"No."
Her great-aunt sadly shook her head. "Oh, honey. I taught you better than that."
* * *
Lani didn't know what she expected that night. Certainly that she and Colin would spend a considerable amount of time talking, gathering facts and coming up with a common story.
Colin was a planner, she knew that much. She knew how important it would be to him to have this all analyzed and prepared for his mother and aunts.
But she was alone, pacing Colin's large, eerily empty house. The house itself was beautiful; old, airy and full of character. The inside should have been a delight. But though Colin had been there a number of years, he had hardly furnished it. Most of the glorious rooms remained practically empty.
Lani wondered why. Her sneakers squeaked on the wood floor of the wide hallway as she paced.
She knew so little about him.
Why was he so private? What secrets did his dark, mysterious eyes hold? Did he ever share himself? What made him so leery of physical affection?
He might like to think that his cool, aloof front would keep people at bay, but not Lani. Oh, no. It only made her all the more curious.
Lani thought of last night and smiled. He certainly wasn't leery of passion, he'd been hot, earthy and completely uninhibited. That he'd made her feel those things, too, shouldn't have surprised her, but it did. She'd never felt so out of control in her life.
She had liked it very much.
So where was he?
She glanced at the clock for the tenth time in as many minutes. It was nearly 9:00 p.m. and it was becoming more and more clear that her reluctant fiancé wasn't coming home.
It wouldn't do to get annoyed. All she'd accomplish would be to raise her blood pressure because she did understand Colin. He didn't want to be tied to her, didn't want the commitment.
Neither did she, Lani reminded herself.
But Colin had been backed into a corner. He had no choice and, whether he realized it or not, he was rebelling. Pushing him now would be a big mistake.
Besides, his nonappearance could be an innocent mistake. She couldn't imagine Colin would ever hurt her on purpose, but she could imagine him in his downtown office, working frantically, completely into what he was doing, oblivious of the passing time.
Without stopping to consider the wisdom of interrupting the lion in his den, Lani grabbed her keys and was out the door. Typical of a Southern California summer, the night temperature hadn't dropped to a comfortable level, despite the recent storm. It was over eighty degrees and unbearably muggy.
It didn't stop her. Truth was, nothing could. She was driven to help Colin, and she wouldn't give up.
The building Colin owned and worked in was one she'd admired often. It had once been an old warehouse, but Colin had remodeled it to suit his own needs. It was made of an intriguing mix of brick and glass, and exuded character and charm, proof that Colin possessed both.
The reception area was deliciously cool. So much so that Lani stood there a long moment, absorbing the breathable air. Then she followed a dim light that shone from down
one of the two hallways. She came upon an office where a young woman was hunched over a set of books. Wearing faded denim, no makeup and a scowl, the woman was obviously not happy about her hours or her work.
"Hello," Lani said softly, not wanting to startle her.
Too late. The woman let out a squeak of surprise.
"I'm sorry," Lani exclaimed as the woman put a hand to her chest and took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to scare you, I'm just looking for Colin."
"Who are you?"
"Lani Mills, his—" cleaning lady came to the tip of her tongue, but she was much more. Wasn't she? "I'm his fiancée."
The woman blinked. "Colin West?"
The disbelief was understandable. Not only was Colin the most eligible bachelor around, he wasn't exactly known for having long-lasting relationships, much less an engagement. "Yes. I think he's working—"
"He's always working." The woman still looked stunned and Lani couldn't blame her, she herself was still reeling over the strange, unexpected turn of events.
"Yes, well … he's incredibly dedicated." Lani smiled. "I admire that."
The woman sighed and stood, shoving her huge glasses higher on her nose. "Engaged. Hard to believe. Well, I'm Claudia, his overworked, underpaid, not-quite-appreciated secretary." She stuck out her hand. "Maybe women will stop calling him now?" she asked hopefully.
"Women will definitely stop calling him now," Lani answered firmly. "You're working pretty late yourself."
"Special project and I'm behind on the books." Claudia stretched her back and yawned. "But I'm outta here. He's all yours." Her look said she wasn't sure why Lani would want him.
Lani should have left well enough alone. She knew better than to interfere, really she did, but she couldn't seem to help herself. She had a streak of loyalty a mile wide, it was deeply ingrained. She protected those she cared about, and she cared about Colin. "Colin is just very involved with his work, it's important to him."
"I hadn't noticed."
Claudia's soft sarcasm only made Lani all the more determined. "He's a wonderful man. He deserves employees who think so, too."
Claudia had the good grace to blush. "I'm sorry. I do respect him, greatly. He pays fairly well and the work is steady. I even get benefits. It's just unnerving to work for someone who can render any female stupid with just a look and remain so unaware of it, you know?"
Lani was afraid she did.
"He's so … well … distant. Remote." Claudia hesitated. "Look, we're both women. I feel compelled to ask you. Do you have any clue what you're getting yourself into?"
* * *
Chapter 6
« ^ »
At Claudia's words, Colin came to an abrupt halt outside the office door. He'd been walking down the hallway toward the coffee machine. But now he stood rock still, waiting with a strange breathlessness for Lani to come to her senses and run like hell.
"Yes, I think I have a good idea what I'm getting into," Lani said quietly, her voice sure and strong.
Colin drew a deep breath and leaned against the wall. The emotion pounding through him didn't bear thinking about.
What would he do if she reneged?
Claudia let out a little laugh. "Well if I were you," she said. "I'd think twice about marrying a man too gorgeous and rich for his own good."
"Those aren't sins, you know." Lani sounded amused.
Still unseen, Colin cursed himself for not giving the still-pouting Claudia the new computer she'd asked for. Clearly, she wasn't going to forgive him easily.
"No, not sins," Claudia said, agreeing with Lani. "But he's not exactly an easy man to be with. He can be selfish as hell, and from what I understand, he's not very good at the marriage thing."
Colin went very still. It was all too true, so it seemed silly to be insulted.
He fully expected Lani to back out of their bargain, and found himself tense and straining, waiting for the damning words.
The silence was deafening.
What was taking her so long? Any second now, she'd let him down.
Nothing new.
It happened a lot, he reminded himself. Plenty of people needed him, counted on him, but in return there wasn't anyone he needed, no one he could count on.
Lani was going to disappoint him, and strangely enough, it was going to hurt. He'd thought himself immune to that kind of pain long ago, but apparently he'd been wrong because his insides were twisting.
"Oh, I know exactly what I'm getting."
At Lani's soft but certain voice, some of Colin's warmth returned.
"And he's exactly what I want," she went on. "He's not what you've described. Not at all. He's a wonderful man. Maybe a little wary, but can you blame him? He's hounded night and day by people wanting something from him. It'd make anyone uncomfortable."
"Look, I'm not trying to talk you out of it, I just want to make sure you know what you're doing."
"I know what I'm doing. His aloofness doesn't scare me. Not when beneath that is a warm, passionate, beautiful man. And I feel lucky to be marrying him."
Colin was stunned at Lani's conviction, to say the least. Her unwavering loyalty shocked him, especially when he'd done nothing to deserve it.
What would she want from him in return?
Pushing away from the wall, he stepped into Claudia's office. Ignoring his secretary's flush of shame, he met Lani's gaze, which turned joyful at the sight of him.
"I was hoping I'd find you here," she said, rounding the desk and coming toward him. With that unnerving habit she had, she touched him, reached for his hands. She came up on tiptoe and, as if they were alone, she brushed her lips over his.
At the touch of her mouth, his body jerked in surprise. And instant arousal.
But beyond that was another confusion. There were no recriminations from her. Not a word about the fact that he'd stayed at work to avoid her, and yes, that's exactly what he'd done.
She was smiling at him, just a sweet, simple smile. No tears, no pouting, nothing to indicate she was annoyed at him for disappointing her.
Shelly, his ex-wife, would have skinned him alive for far less.
"Will you come home with me now?" Lani murmured, looking deep into his eyes. She cupped his face, stroked his jaw with her long fingers, all in front of an avidly curious Claudia. "It's late, and I want you all to myself for this last night before your family comes."
He stared at her, having trouble putting thoughts together with her hands on him, her gaze holding his, promising things that he couldn't remember why he didn't want. "Lani—" She'd forgotten again, dammit, that this was all pretense. "Lani, this isn't—"
"You're absolutely right," she said smoothly, smiling as she stepped back and shot Claudia a laughing, sheepish look. "This isn't the place to talk like that. I'm sorry Claudia, sometimes we get carried away."
"That's okay," Claudia said, gaping.
"I'm going to take my future husband home now, for a little privacy."
Claudia shut her mouth carefully. "Well. Have a good night."
But as Lani took Colin's hand and led him out of the office, Claudia shot her boss a reassessing sort of look.
Colin wasn't sure if she was shocked that he'd let Lani lead him away, or if it had been the kiss.
Definitely the kiss he decided, rubbing the heart that was still threatening to explode out of his chest. With her hand still holding his, Lani tugged gently, not saying another word or even looking at him as she opened the front door of the building and brought him out into the warm night.
Above them stars twinkled in the sky. The storm of the night before might never have happened. He might never have held this slight, charming, far-too-cheerful woman in his arms.
But he had, and the knowledge of her sweet, delectable body would be with him forever.
"Will you follow me back to your house?" she asked, apparently oblivious to his discomfort.
Forever.
"Colin." Lani shook her head at his silence. "This is diffi
cult."
He shook off his reverie. "What?"
"You trying to figure out if I'm acting or if I've forgotten our deal."
"You kissed me."
"For Claudia's sake. Remember? She doesn't miss much and she needed to know we're crazy about each other."
"You were pretending?" He couldn't possibly be disappointed. Could he?
"That's the idea, right? Pretend?"
The kiss, the one that had both wowed and warmed him, hadn't been real. He laughed a little at his own stupidity. "Uh … yeah. Pretend. That's the idea."
"I came to get you because this is our last night, and we have stuff to go over."
"I know."
"I wasn't sure if you remembered."
"I remembered."
She nodded, dragged her teeth over her lower lip. Despite the warm air, she wrapped her arms around herself and stared at the mountain peaks surrounding them. The moon was nearly full, and it bounced a silvery light over the dark night. "I'm sorry," she whispered, staring at the sky. "This is awkward and I didn't want it to be. I know you overheard my conversation with Claudia."
"I'm everything she said I was."
She whipped around to face him, her eyes fierce. "You're not! You're kind and decent and sweet—"
"I think you're confusing me with Mr. Rogers and his friendly neighborhood."
Anger shot off her in waves as she lost the temper he didn't even know she had. Hair wild, eyes sparking, she came close enough to stab him in the chest with her finger. "Just because you're a private man doesn't mean you're a selfish, cold, hardhead."
"I don't remember Claudia calling me a selfish, cold, hardhead."
Some of her temper faded. "Maybe I added that."
He had to laugh. She sighed. Shoved at her hair. Stared at him. "Tell me about you, Colin. I feel so in the dark."
"There's nothing to tell."
"Why are you such a private man? Who hurt you?"
"No one."
"I know someone did," she said softly. "I can see flashes of anguish behind that aloofness you show to everyone else. Won't you tell me about it?"
This was why he wanted everyone to think he was engaged, so he wouldn't have to ever talk about, or even think about, what had happened to him.
