by K E Osborn
What the hell is with today?
My anger is ebbing and instead my emotions are starting to rise. My bottom lip trembles and the thought of Chad and Danger both being annoyed with me begins to upset me. I swallow hard as the tears begin to form in my eyes, and I can’t hold them back any longer as the saltwater droplets flow down my face like a torrent.
I’m gutted.
I have no idea how I managed to do this. Everyone is annoyed with me, and I don’t even know what I’ve done in either case. I wish I could just figure out what the fuck I’m supposed to be doing with my life, and with these two guys. I pick up a strawberry and shove it in my mouth as I begin to sob. My heart is racing and my stomach’s twisting in on itself. Nervous eating is a must right now. My tears are hot and they pool at my chin and drip onto the stainless steel surface of the bench. I feel helpless like I have no idea what’s happening around me or how to fix the messes I seem to create. I have no idea what I’m doing.
I feel lost.
I’m completely and utterly lost.
The door opens and I stop still, but my tears don’t afford me that luxury, they won’t stop for anyone. Danger and Ryan walk in. I open my eyes wide, Danger doesn’t notice me in the corner, but Ryan stares right at me. He furrows his brows and can obviously see my stained face. I shake my head trying to tell Ryan not to tell Danger I’m here, but Danger follows Ryan’s line of sight and looks straight at me. I quickly look away, so he doesn’t see I’ve been crying. Danger exhales and pats Ryan on the back.
“I’ll catch up with you later, okay?” he says to Ryan. I’m not sure what’s happening while I try subtly to wipe my face and not look at them. I hear the door close and I can’t help but look up in reaction to see if Danger has left. My heart races hoping like hell he hasn’t, and when I look up I’m greeted by his tall frame looking at me with furrowed brows and a slumped posture.
I notice Ryan has left and Danger comes and sits down next to me. The silence is awkward as I try my hardest to fight back my tears, but Danger leans in and wraps his arms around me pulling me to him, and I can’t hold back the waterworks any longer. I burst into tears and he strokes the back of my hair and comforts me.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, sugar. I never meant to upset you,” he says and I grip onto him for dear life. I never knew I was this shattered, but the past few days have been so epically confusing for me. Then to top it off now having both him and Chad angry at me, I just can’t take it.
“Ella, please talk to me. I’m sorry I yelled at you. It’s just Chad…you know…he gets up my goat every time, and hearing he was your knight in shining armor last night…well, it got to me, that’s all. But I’m over it, I promise, just please stop crying.”
I try my hardest to stop and my tears slow but don’t stop altogether.
“I’m sorry. I know you have a thing about Chad, but I didn’t think you’d see it that way. I’m sorry you did. I just want everything to be okay with us.”
He pulls back looking me in the eyes and taking my head in his hands. He starts to wipe my tears away with his thumbs.
“Everything’s okay, sugar. We’re okay, I promise. I just had a moment. But I assure you right now it will never happen again. I never want to see you this upset because of me. I want to make sure this, these tears, don’t happen again. I care about you, sugar, and I hate that I made you like this. It won’t happen again I assure you.” He leans in gently and ever so softly kisses my lips. This is different to every other time he’s kissed me. This one is full of promise, of something different, of something more. He’s telling me how he feels with his kiss. He cares more than he’s letting on, and right now I know I care for him too.
“Ella, I want to make this up to you. Tell me what I need to do to fix this?”
“Just be here for me and show me that you care. That’s all I need.”
“I can do that,” he says and stands up pulling me with him and forcing my body to his, wrapping me in him in every way possible. Looking up into his eyes there’s that spark, I feel it, it soothes me and it excites me at the same time. He brings his hand up and caresses my cheek and leans down kissing me softly again. His tongue dances with mine and this kiss is not forced or rushed, it’s not passionate or strong but it’s soft and gentle and delicate, and it makes me think there’s another side to Danger. A softer side that even he didn’t know existed. A side I could bring out of him if he’d only let me.
“I want to be better for you, sugar. I’m trying really hard to be better for you,” he whispers against my lips.
I open my eyes and look into his dark blue irises and I can see he’s being completely honest with me. “I know, Danger. And you are. You’re doing better. As a matter of fact, you’re doing great, just don’t yell at me, okay?”
“I really am sorry.”
I wrap my arms around his neck tighter and lean on my toes and press my lips to his wanting to feel the butterflies dance in my tummy as I kiss him. I’m greeted with such pleasure as I kiss him with a little more force this time, and he kisses me back wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me to his hard toned body. I like making up with Danger. I wish we didn’t fight in the first place, but making up with him is nice.
We hear loud talking outside the kitchen, it’s my dad’s voice so we break apart just in time for him to walk in. We’re both breathless and as he walks in he notices us. I look down at the ground trying to not look entirely guilty.
“I’ll…ah…talk to you more about that later, Ella,” Danger says and I look up at him and nod.
“Mm-hmm,” I murmur more high-pitched than I wanted.
Danger walks past Dad, who’s eyeing us suspiciously and continues out the room. Dad looks at me and raises an eyebrow.
“What’s going on?”
“What? Huh! No, nothing,” I say quickly and a little too defensively. I mentally slap myself across the head.
“Ella? Seriously?” Dad asks and I try to think of something as fast as I can.
“We’re just good friends and he’s a nice guy. He’s teaching me how to sing,” I say and mentally slap my head again.
“Well, Caleb can teach you how to sing or I can. Not some douche like Danger from Recoil.”
I tense up getting the feeling that Dad doesn’t like Danger at all. “Don’t you like him?”
Dad laughs. “He’s a punk kid with too much ego and way too much testosterone. He’s a great musician, but his people skills leave a lot to be desired.” I swallow hard and Dad walks right up to me and pulls me into him for a hug. “I’m so glad you’d never be interested in someone like him.”
Well, this just got awkward!
I tense up but hug him back and laugh awkwardly trying to cover up my secret. Great, if Dad doesn’t like him, what chance do I have of having a real relationship with Danger once this tour is over?
“Anyway, I just came in here to get a drink.” He lets go of me and walks over to the fridge and pulls out a juice then back to me and leans in kissing my forehead, then continues out the door.
I sit back down at the bench I was sitting at originally when I came in here, and continue to eat my fruit platter feeling more nervous than when I came in, just in a different way. Danger made me feel better about us, but Chad is still mad with me and Dad hates Danger, so that leaves me up shit creek really. What the hell am I going to do now?
I want to prove my father wrong. I can see the good in Danger, and I know with a push in the right direction everyone else will see the good in him too. I need to spend more time with him, to show everyone how good he can be.
Over the last month since New York, I’ve spent most of my time with Danger. I’ve wanted to prove he’s a good guy underneath all that bravado. He’s still a little distant whenever Dad is around, but that’s okay I expect him to be, especially with the way Dad thinks about him. But it does annoy me that he can’t try a little harder to show Dad that he’s trying to be better for me. But other than
that I’m happy. I’ve spoken to Chad and told him that Danger is making me happy, and he seems to be of the opinion that if I’m happy then that’s all he wants for me. Even though I know it’s only going to be for another two months and then Danger goes back to America. I don’t know how I feel about that, though. I think I’m really starting to feel something for Danger. He makes my stomach flip, he sets my heart a flutter and I feel giddy around him. I don’t think it’s love, but I’m sure it could get there eventually.
I know that being with him is making me happy, even though everyone around me, except for Caleb, seems miserable. Annie and Aston are both downers, and even though Chad is still talking to me and being my friend, he’s not happy and energetic like he normally is. It’s like he’s defeated and something is getting him down. It’s so hard to be happy around all these miserable people. But I guess sometimes you have to live your own life and let people live theirs.
We're in Australia and we have a break for a couple of days. Danger wants to take me on a real date. Apparently, he has this entire day trip planned for us, along with Mike, of course. It doesn’t sound so romantic when you know your security guard has to tag along, but at least we’ll have protection for the entire day, that’s a plus I guess. We’re in South Australia and we have to get up super early to start our day, so I’m waking up at four a.m. to meet Danger. He is going to have us driven down to Cape Jervis to board a ferry to cross over to Kangaroo Island. Apparently, it’s one of South Australia’s best tourist destinations. So I’m up early, and as I open the door to my hotel suite Danger is at the door looking tired as hell, but with a giant smile on his face.
“Morning, sugar. Ready for our Aussie adventure?”
“Sure thing, as long as I don’t have to eat any of that Vegemite shit,” I say and he laughs and takes my hand and we walk to the elevators.
“Are you excited?”
“Yes very. Although I have no idea what we’re doing, so yeah,” I say and he leans in kissing my forehead.
“Don’t worry I have the entire day planned out and you’re going to love it all,” he says as we step into the elevator holding hands and head down to the foyer.
Mike meets us and then the car takes us all the way to Cape Jervis. It’s a long drive and we get to the ferry docking zone just in time ready for departure. We have a driver driving us around the island in a chauffeured car, so he drives the car onto the ferry while Danger, Mike, and I walk on board. I’m actually quite excited. They say you can see dolphins on the ferry trip, so I’m hoping we get to see some.
We take a seat right at the front, where there are big glass windows so we can look out and see the sun rising over the water. It is exquisite and although it’s early, it’s already romantic. I sit next to Danger and cuddle into his side as he nuzzles into my hair and kisses my head.
“I hope you don’t get seasick,” Danger says and I giggle.
“Nope, do you?” I ask and he smiles.
“Sometimes,” he says and I raise an eyebrow.
“Really?” I ask and he nods. “Oh no. Hopefully, it’s not too choppy then.”
The ferry eventually starts the engines up and some children race up to the front so they can look out over the water. It’s kind of relaxing and I’m here in the arms of my man as the boat starts off across the water. It’s peaceful and kind of normal. It feels like something a regular couple would do, and I like that feeling a lot. An announcement comes over the speakers that a pod of dolphins is off the starboard bow and I clap my hands in excitement.
“C’mon then,” Danger says standing up and taking my hand as I giggle. He walks me over to the right-hand side of the ferry and we look out the window to see the dolphins jumping out of the water alongside the ferry. It’s so amazing. Danger steps in behind me and wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder and gently kisses my cheek.
“Is this better, sugar? Am I doing better for you?” he whispers, and I smile and turn my head facing him and nod.
“Definitely,” I reply and then press my lips to his and kiss him passionately all the way across to Kangaroo Island.
The ferry docks at Penneshaw on Kangaroo Island and Danger, Mike, and I disembark down the gangway to be picked up by the chauffeured car that the driver is now driving off the ferry. Mike ushers us along and we walk up a slight hill before sliding into the car and driving off toward a nice looking pub for breakfast.
I’m excited because it doesn’t look like there are many visitors over here. The ferry was almost empty, so it’ll be great to be able to have breakfast in a pub and not have to be worried about being recognised. Danger takes my hand as we step out of the car and walk into the hotel. There’s no one here except for the staff who are smiling so brightly it makes me want to smile in return.
“Everyone seems so happy here,” I whisper.
“I know, there must be something in the water,” he says and I giggle as we take a seat at a free table.
A waitress takes our orders and we eat a beautifully cooked breakfast overlooking the crisp, clear and sparkling ocean which is looking back at the coastline of Australia. It really is gorgeous. We talk, and it seems so effortless, like we’ve been together for a lifetime. I’m having a great time and we’ve only been on this day-long date for a few hours.
We finish up our breakfast by grabbing two large coffees to go, and we head back to the car ready to take a drive to Stokes Bay. Apparently it has a wildlife park that Danger wants to visit so we can see all the Australiana animals that I’ve been dying to see while being here in Oz. We talk casually in the back seat of the car for the hour and forty-five minute drive to Stokes Bay.
The wildlife park is called Emu Estate, but it has heaps of other wildlife, not just emus. I look through the brochures I picked up on the ferry and I’m getting so excited about holding a Koala. It’s one of the many things on my bucket list, so I honestly can’t wait.
We finally pull up at Emu Estate and Mike and the driver are laughing and having a good time. It’s so relaxed and there’s hardly any people, and if we do see anyone they don’t seem to recognise us or if they do they’re leaving us alone. I take Danger’s hand as we get out of the car. I wore my flats and jeans today, not my usual girly high heels and dresses. And for once I’m glad because even though this is a well looked after establishment, it is still dirt paths and I can see I’m going to get dirty. But I don’t mind, as long as I get to cuddle animals I’m happy. I smile as we walk through the gates and down toward the entry.
“You look so excited,” Danger says.
“I am, I’m so happy you brought me here.”
He laughs and shakes his head. “We haven’t even gotten through the gate yet.”
“I know, but I know this is going to be a great day. Thank you.” I lean up on my toes and kiss his cheek.
“That’s all I want for you, sugar,” he says and tightens his grip on my hand.
We walk through the gate and into the park which is very open and spacious. The ground is covered in grass and as we walk through a gate, I’m greeted by a swarm of free roaming kangaroos, ducks and an array of animals all roaming around together. I laugh as they slowly hop, walk and waddle over to us. When a small kangaroo hops over to me, I slowly reach out and pat his head.
“Oh my God, Danger, I’m touching a kangaroo!”
“This is kind of cool,” he says.
A man wearing a Christmas sweater, even though it’s nowhere near Christmas, makes his way toward us. He has grey hair shooting up all over the place, and kind of has a crazy homeless look about him. I look at Danger and giggle.
“G’day folks, welcome to Emu Estate. You want a full tour or are you happy to roam around?” he asks with a full-on Aussie accent.
I look at Danger and shrug.
“Umm…the tour, I guess?” Danger replies and the man smiles and throws his hands in the air in celebration.
“Yes,” he accentuates the word. “Two willing subjects. Come with
me young lovers. Where you kids from?” he asks as he starts to walk off. We follow the guide through a gate and into another area.
“I’m from California,” Danger says.
“Oh, a Yankee Doodle Dandie. You too, Sheila?” he asks.
I raise an eyebrow at Danger wondering what on earth he’s talking about. “Umm…I’m from Oxfordshire in England.”
“Right, a Pommie Bird. Excellent. You guys love the koalas, right?” I nod. “Right, well, the name’s Johnno, and I’ll be your guide for today. Make sure you keep inside the white lines, don’t pat the Dingos they bite, same with the Tasmanian Devils. Little bastards will tear your finger right off.”
I open my eyes wide open. “Do they roam free like the kangaroos?” I ask and Johnno laughs.
“Of course Sheila, all our animals roam free,” he says and I tense up in Danger’s grip.
Johnno laughs and shakes his head. “I’m just messing with ya. We don’t have any Dingos or Tassie Devils but watch out for the sheep. Don’t bend over or they might ram your arse,” he says and I burst out laughing and so does Danger.
“Seriously?” I ask and Johnno nods.
“Yep, that one I’m not kidding about,” he says. I look at Danger with a smirk. I think today is going to be fun!
“Righto, let’s go visit, Tanya,” he says.
“Who’s Tanya?” I ask.
“You’ll see,” Johnno says as we walk through a gate and into a paddock where there are more kangaroos roaming around, but these ones are bigger. There’s also emus and more ducks, and now some sheep, geese and peacocks. There are so many animals, all happily roaming around the green paddock it’s exciting to watch.
“Tanya!” Johnno calls out loudly.
I start to giggle and Johnno looks at me and smirks. “Right, you!” He points right at me and then to a bench. “Sit down, love.” I look at Danger and shrug. He smirks and let’s go of my hand. So I take a seat on the bench while Danger stands watching Johnno as he continues to call out to Tanya.
