by K E Osborn
“Hey, sugar, sorry, I must’ve drifted off after that amazing session.”
“Yeah, well, it was pretty good going four rounds in one night,” I reply.
He chuckles and brings his hand to the back of my head and forces me down to kiss him. I pull back and look at him and smirk.
“So, when you go back to America, how often do you think we should Skype? And how often do you think we can fly out to see each other?”
He furrows his brows like he’s confused. “What do you mean?”
“Well, if we’re carrying on this relationship after the tour, we’re going to need to work out a schedule, like when we can visit each other and stuff?”
He exhales and closes his eyes swallowing hard. I sit up in the bed not liking the way he’s reacting to this.
“Danger?”
He opens his eyes and sits up next to me taking my hands in his. “Sugar, we’ve been all through this. I thought you understood?”
“What? But you came back and made this week all about being with me. I thought that meant—”
“That we could be together?” I nod and he huffs. “Ella, it’s too hard, we’re in different countries. It can’t…I don’t see how it can work,” he says, and this time instead of heartbreak I feel undeniable anger.
“You mean to tell me that all this week you’ve led me to believe that I was expecting more from you and now I’m getting nothing? You used me just to get a little more from me before I end up with nothing?” I say pulling my hands away from his.
He opens his mouth to talk, but stops himself and then looks down at the bed. “I didn’t use you, Ella. I had no idea that you thought this meant that it would lead to more. I’m sorry you thought that—”
“You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry?”
I get out of the bed and walk over to my clothes, putting them on angrily.
“Ella, c’mon don’t leave angry like this.”
I turn and glare at him. “How the fuck am I supposed to leave then? Oh, okay, no worries Danger, have a nice fucking life? It was nice screwing you for six months, happy to never see you again? I gave you my virginity, my soul, and my heart, but no problem, see ya!” I yell and he winces and rubs the back of his neck standing from the bed and walking over to me. I pull my jeans up and do up the button and grab my shoes.
“Ella, please don’t leave like this. I’m sorry. I want this to work, I just don’t see how it can,” he says and I shake my head and let out a small maniacal laugh.
“No Danger, if you wanted it to work you’d fight for it. I don’t mean anything to you, I probably never did. I was just some conquest to you. A let’s see if I can bed the great Colter-fucking-Slade’s daughter, right? Well, congratulations to you. You won! And I’m the fucking fool who let you use and abuse her. It was nice knowing you, arsehole,” I say and turn to walk out.
“Ella!” he grabs my arm and pulls me back to face him. I struggle in his grip and he grabs both my arms steadying me, trying to stop me from moving and then he leans in pressing his lips to mine. I’m shocked to the spot. The tingle and spark shooting through me is enough to stop me from moving. I stop struggling and let him kiss me.
This is the goodbye we need.
He kisses and tries to have me to open my mouth, but I don’t let him. He slowly pulls back and gently releases my arms from his grip. I shake my head and bring my hand up slapping him across his face.
“Don’t you dare touch me again!”
I turn quickly and walk out of his hotel room. He doesn’t follow, and my heart constricts so fiercely I want to be sick. I feel like I want to throw something or punch something…anything, to let out this pent up frustration. So I turn and kick the wall hard, and then scream because I don’t have any shoes on and the pain in my toes is excruciating. I hop on the spot as the door closest to where I kicked the wall opens and Chad peers out.
“What the…Shit, Ella, are you okay?” Chad asks. I turn looking at him and then I can’t stop the tears from falling. I start to sob, so he races forward grabbing and holding me to him.
“Shit, what the fuck’s happened?” he asks bending down to check my toes.
“Danger is a fucking arsehole, that’s what!”
Chad exhales and rubs my foot. “Ella, what the hell happened?”
“You know how we’ve been back on again this week?” I ask and Chad nods. “Well, I assumed that meant he wanted to try and keep this going after the tour, but apparently I’m completely out of my fucking brain. I mean, I was never in my right mind to be with him in the first place, was I?” I yell, becoming so angry I feel lightheaded. Chad stands up crossing his arms over his chest and looking at me furrowing his brows.
“So, he doesn’t want to continue things after the tour?”
“Nope, he was just using me this week for sex, and to get whatever sick satisfaction he wanted out of me before the tour ended. And the worst part is, deep down I think I knew. But I didn’t care, because part of me held out hope that he wanted to be with me. How sick and fucking twisted is that?” I yell and throw my hands in the air and start to pace the hotel hall.
Chad is quiet and he’s looking at the floor like he’s thinking really hard.
“Chad?”
He rubs his hand over his mouth and then looks at me, and I see the lust in his eyes. Chad stalks to me and with every step he takes my heart begin to thud a little faster. The way he’s looking at me like he wants to throw me against the wall and devour me is sending a wave of delight up my spine. When he finally reaches me, he forcefully grabs either side of my face with his hands and looks me in the eyes. His bright green, intense eyes are staring into mine and the warmth from his hands is making me flame red hot. I swallow hard as I’m forced to look at him.
“If Danger can’t see what’s right in front of him, then he doesn’t deserve you,” he says and then he leans down and presses his lips to mine. I open my eyes wide as a spark jolts through my entire body. This jolt of electricity flows through me unexpectedly, and it shocks me to my core. He coaxes my mouth to open with his tongue, and I slowly open my mouth and let his tongue dance with mine. I relax into the kiss and slowly close my eyes just relishing in this new sensation. Chad is kissing me, and every atom in me is feeling alive. The butterflies in my stomach are fluttering in a flurry of excitement, and my mind is in a dizzy fog. My heart is beating so fast, I can’t think properly.
Chad is kissing me.
And it feels utterly wonderful.
My hands that are hanging lazily by my sides slowly make their way up his arms to rest on his strong biceps. I’m starting to shake, as the intensity of the kiss is overwhelming me. Chad slowly pulls back ending the most passionate kiss I’ve ever experienced, and then he rests his forehead against mine. We both breathe rapidly trying to calm the nervous tension in the air. He takes a step back breaking the connection and I swallow hard watching him disconnect from me. He looks down to the ground, and even though every inch of me is shaking I feel completely alive right now, something is off.
Chad looks at me and frowns. “Ella, don’t come to me anymore about your problems with Danger, okay? I’m sick of being the third wheel in your relationship, and you need to think about who you really want,” he says.
I swallow hard. I’m quite shocked at what he’s saying considering he just kissed me for the first time like that. I’m so confused. I’m unsure of what that kiss meant? I thought I was completely all about Danger but now having kissed Chad, I’m feeling a flurry of emotions that I never thought possible. I knew I felt things around Chad, but I was never sure of what those feelings were, and now I’m wondering if it is actually because I might like him too. I’m so confused, and there’s only one day left of the tour and everything is so up in the air.
Chad leans in caressing my cheek and I lean into it enjoying his touch. Everything in my head is telling me to move away, but my body is telling me to stay where I am.
Suddenly Danger appears out of nowhere
and walks up to Chad pushing him away from me.
“Get the fuck away from her!” Danger yells.
Chad rights himself and flies at Danger, pushing him back shoving him hard against the wall. “She doesn’t belong to you. You don’t even want her, which is crazy because she’s everything.”
“I knew it, I knew you liked her!” Danger says stepping into Chad’s face.
I tense up as the tension reaches a critical level.
“Stop it! Both of you!” I call out. They both look at me and then back at each other.
“Stay the hell away from her or I’ll break your jaw,” Danger threatens Chad grabbing his collar and fisting it tight. I gasp and bring my hand to my mouth in shock.
“I will, but only for one more day. Then when you let her go because you don’t want her after the tour, I’ll make my move,” Chad says keeping his cool.
“Stop it!” I say and move in to step between them as Chad pushes Danger off him again. Danger glares at him and grabs my hand forcefully.
“Ella, do you want him?” he asks me looking straight at Chad, who falters and looks down at me.
I swallow hard as I look up at Danger. Wondering why the hell would he ask me that? And how the hell I’m going to answer that without hurting someone. But more importantly, what the hell is the right answer?
“I…”
“It’s a simple yes or no, Ella. Do. You. Want. Him? Or me?” he asks.
Chad looks at me pleading with his eyes while Danger continues to stare down Chad.
My eyes fill with tears as I stare at Chad, I can see his chest rising and falling fast and I think he already knows what I’m going to say before I do. It feels entirely wrong, but I say it anyway.
“You…I chose you,” I say and Danger smiles.
“See kid, she wants a real man.”
A tear falls down my cheek as Chad swallows hard and shakes his head looking down at the floor. Danger grabs my hand and starts to drag me down the hall with him. I can’t control my emotions. I don’t know whether it’s from embarrassment, sadness, or denial, but either way, I feel gutted right now and I have no idea how to deal with this. Danger continues to drag me forcefully inside of his room, and then thrusts me up against the wall pinning me to it. I gasp at his forcefulness and then look into his eyes and see they’re watering. It knocks me back into this reality, the reality of Danger. He’s breathing heavily and he sounds like he’s about to break down.
“Don’t ever do that to me again,” he says and then presses his lips to mine, the pressure he is applying is undeniably forceful.
I don’t know what he’s referring to, but I sense the pleading in his kiss, so I kiss him back even though I’m confused out of my mind. He pulls back from me and looks me in the eyes and then pulls me into a tight embrace.
“I’m so sorry,” he says. “I probably embarrassed you out there, but my ego got in the way. I know he’s your friend. I know you care about him, but Ella, I don’t want him touching you.”
“But what’s the issue, when you’re leaving tomorrow and I might never see you again? You don’t want to do this whole long distance thing, you’ve been very clear about that,” I say and he looks down to the ground and sniffs.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Ella. I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anyone. That scares me. I don’t know how to do this,” he says.
I exhale and pull back from him. “Then don’t run away. Try, just try and make this work,” I beg.
“Okay,” he says softly and I look into his eyes and they’re still brimming with unshed tears and I can tell he really is trying.
“Really?”
“For you, I will try.”
I smile and lean in kissing him passionately, feeling all the emotion of the past six months come flooding over me.
Danger wants to try.
He wants to try a relationship with me.
And for the first time, I see a glimmer of light for us. He wants me like I want him, and my broken heart is slowly starting to meld itself back together. Danger is putting me back together with five simple words.
For you, I will try.
His kiss is strong and it’s making me feel weak in his arms as he presses me against the wall. His tongue dances with mine and even though I’m in the moment with him, I can’t help but think of Chad’s face when I didn’t choose him. He looked so lost, and I feel so bad for him right now. Danger pulls back from me and rests his forehead against mine.
“I’m sorry I hurt you, sugar. I’m sorry I was blind and didn’t make the effort to try. I like you and I want to be with you, Ella. I really am willing to give this a shot with you if you’ll have me?” he asks and gently pulls his body away from mine, letting me pull myself away from the wall.
My heart is pounding ferociously in my chest. This is what I wanted. I’ve wanted this for so long that now that it’s right here in front of me, why aren’t I more excited about it? I can’t stop thinking about Chad, but now that Danger is willing to give us a shot I have to take it, right?
“What made you change your mind?”
He brings his hand up to my cheek and caresses it tenderly. “Hearing you say if I really wanted you I’d fight for us. Then hearing you yelling in the hallway and seeing you with Chad, it made me realise that I do want to fight for us, sugar. You’re too special to let this go. It will be hard, I’m not going to lie. The distance is long and the time zones will be a pain, but we can work through it,” he says leaning in and gently kissing my lips again. “I want this Ella, I want you,” he continues and I let out a small smile and move in embracing him tightly. I rest my head on his chest and feel his heart beating erratically against his chest.
“So, please say yes, sugar. Say you’ll still have me, even though I screwed up, big time.”
This is what I’ve wanted, for him to want me. Now he does, I have to go with it, right? My thoughts turn to Chad and a knot forms in my stomach. I press my lips together remembering Chad’s lips on mine and the tenderness I felt flowing from him. I swallow hard as I try to remember why I’m here in Danger’s arms. I chose him, I need to choose him now too.
“I’m yours, Danger,” I say and he holds me tighter and exhales in relief.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Ella. And I know we have to leave each other tomorrow, but I’m going to make sure that I try and fly out to see you as often as I can. We can Skype whenever you want. Our phone bills will be high, but I don’t care, as long as I get to hear your voice. But there is one condition, though, sugar.” He looks me in the eyes and I raise my eyebrow at him. “Our relationship, it’s been pretty much a secret throughout this whole tour. Only Ryan and Chad have known about it, and if we’re really going to get serious about this, then we will need to eventually tell Colt. But I want to put that off for as long as possible if you’re okay with that?”
Telling Dad isn’t high on my ‘to do’ list. He would flip out. I know he doesn’t like Danger and, to be honest, the way he treated Aston when he was dating Annie makes me question telling him at all. He liked Aston, so who knows how badly he will treat Danger?
“I'm okay with that. I think the less Dad knows, the better. In fact, I believe the less everyone knows, the better.”
“Okay, I’m happy to keep it a secret if you are.” He leans down kissing me and I kiss him back feeling pleased that we’re going to try to work on this, but not as excited about it as I thought I’d be. I guess I was so used to the idea that there wasn’t going to be an us, that I’m just waiting for this to all fall apart again.
After talking for a while, and Danger swearing that he was all in and wanted to work on us being together, we made love. Then Ryan came bursting into the hotel room just as I was cuddling naked with Danger. I was embarrassed, but Ryan let me stay the night snuggled into Danger even though it felt weird sleeping with someone else in the room. It was nice that Ryan let us have our last night together.
It’s the final night of the tour a
nd everyone is tired but excited. We’re in Scotland at The Royal Concert Hall in Glasgow and Recoil are performing for the last time, and Danger is on fire. I’m at the side of the stage watching and cheering him on. I have a sense of energy today. Last night, I felt drained. I was so emotionally raw from my time with Danger and then my moment with Chad, and then getting back with Danger, that I couldn’t function. But today my head is clearer.
I chose Danger and even though Chad is distant today, he isn’t avoiding me like I thought he would. But he isn’t coming over and being my best friend either. I can see the hurt in his eyes and I never wanted that. If things were different and Danger hadn’t wanted to make a go of it, then maybe Chad and I could’ve taken things further. But Danger is my choice and I have to stick to that.
Danger sings the last lyric of the final song and the crowd cheers for him, and I smile and jump on the spot getting excited. He’s uber talented, and his voice makes my insides quiver and my panties melt. He thanks the crowd for the last time and comes running off the stage smiling on the natural high of performing. He spots me and runs over encasing me in his arms, lifts me up twirling me around making me laugh at his excitement. I lean down and kiss him and he slides me down his body and we kiss forcefully as his hand fists in my hair. He pulls back and looks into my eyes.
“That was…” he pauses looking behind me at something grabbing his attention. He quickly lets me go and takes a giant step backward looking terrified. I furrow my brows and turn my head to see Dad looking right at us. I swallow hard, wondering how much of that he saw. He glares at Danger and looks at me raising an eyebrow almost as if he’s asking if I’m all right. I smile at Dad and he looks back at Danger and huffs, turning his back and walking over to Dingo to talk to him. I turn back to look at Danger and smirk.
