Redesigning Fate (Revive Series Book 1)

by A. M. Wilson

  ***

  Later that evening, I awoke to DJ keeping vigil where Elias once sat. My brother sent him home for a shower and a change of clothes. Not soon after had a detective shown up and began questioning me about my ordeal. The relief I felt that it was DJ who stood by my side, and not Elias, was surprising. I wasn’t sure I was ready to give Elias a full account of the past week of my life; not that it was any easier for DJ to hear. I had watched through lowered eyelids as DJ’s hands clenched in his lap, a muscle in his jaw popped while he ground his teeth together. His anger was palpable.

  I had already lived a life without DJ; where he had once been and suddenly left, I know I could live without him again. However, Elias I would shatter without. He wound himself so tightly into the spaces of my heart and cemented each crack together again that the object belongs wholly to him. I feared that listening to what I went through might make him disgusted of me.

  The detective didn’t have much information about Travis; he couldn’t even tell me if they had found the old shack where I had been held against my will. When he left, I felt myself becoming despondent and a little hopeless. I was fearful of spending the rest of my life looking over my shoulder, waiting for him to strike again.

  DJ had set up camp as Elias had not returned yet, and we both drifted off to an early, though restless, sleep.

  It was dark when I woke again.

  “I’m sorry to wake you. I just need to check your vitals.” A nurse had roused me by taking my blood pressure. Through the faint light from the hallway, I could tell she was middle aged, her frizzy hair tied back into a loose ponytail. Her face, although slightly lined, was kind. It reminded me of the face of a mother who’s had years of experiences and contained a vault of wisdom. She spoke quietly in hushed tones as she asked to take my temperature and to check the dressing on my abdomen. DJ never stirred.

  When she was finished and left the room, I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

  ***

  I spent the next week in the hospital being examined and prodded for both my physical health and my mental health. A psychiatrist came in several times to talk with me about my experience. I was resistant at first, but as I opened up, I felt a sense of relief settle over me. I don’t have to go through this alone; I have Elias, Carly, and DJ, and I’ve allowed the doctor to set me up with a therapist twice a week following my release.

  When I was finally discharged, Elias talked me into recovering at his place. He argued that he has an elevator and no stairs, but none of that matters. I would have said yes even if he lived up six stories with no elevator, just to spend my time with him. Michelle gave me a temporary leave from work, up to six weeks if I needed, and Elias has all his free time to spend with me.

  Shortly after my release from the hospital, Elias and I curled up in his bed while he ran his rough hands along my arms and my back, drawing light pictures against my sensitized skin. As I began to feel like my old self again, questions swirled in my mind about the things Travis had told me during my kidnapping. The urge to ask Elias the truth about him was overwhelming, and I got to the point I couldn’t take it anymore.

  “I have something to ask you,” I begin tentatively, willing my body to stay relaxed. When I allowed myself to start this relationship, I made a promise to myself. Part of that promise was giving Elias the opportunity to be open with me as I was with him. As much as I want to scream and believe the proof from the pictures, he deserves the chance to explain.

  “Anything. You can always ask me anything.”

  My phone starts ringing from somewhere behind me, probably on the nightstand where I’ve left it mostly untouched since I came to stay. The only time I pick it up is to call DJ or Carly when Elias was busy getting groceries or making meals or showering. Other than those few things, he’s spent all his time keeping me from getting lonely, where I sometimes find myself lost in my memories.

  “It’s an unassigned number,” Elias says as he hands me the phone. I hate answering when I don’t know who it is and the panic seizes me.

  “Will you please answer it?”

  Elias takes the phone back and swipes the screen. “Hello?”

  “Ah, yes she is. One moment, please.” Elias glances at my face while he listens, and I lift myself onto my elbows as I wait anxiously. His eyebrows shoot up beneath his messy bangs, and he hands the phone over to me. The detective, he mouths.

  “Hello?”

  “Marlena, sorry to bother you. How are you feeling?” he asks politely.

  “I’m doing okay,” I reply, the end of my sentence trailing off. I haven’t received a call from the police since I gave my statement at the hospital.

  “I have a few questions to ask you. I’ll only take a minute of your time.”

  Pressing my chest tighter against Elias’s back, I swallow hard. “Uh, okay. Go ahead, I’m listening.”

  The detective’s voice changes, a sound of sympathy in his tone. “You told us in your statement that it was Travis Dawson holding you captive, is that correct?”

  “Yes, absolutely,” I answer without pause.

  “Are you certain?”

  The question irritates me. “Yes. I’m positive, Detective.”

  “And you said there was a man in the cabin when you escaped?”

  “Yes.”

  He clears his throat. “Is there any chance he had someone working with him? Was there anyone else there with you?”

  My body stiffens at the implication. “I assure you he was working alone. I spoke with him nearly every day I was there.”

  As Elias catches the conversation, he sits abruptly and looks down on me. Our eyes meet, and I feel a touch of serenity.

  “What is this about?” I question harshly, a pit of dread opening in my stomach.

  “When the officers located the hunting shack, they found a deceased male inside. However, it appears this man isn’t Travis Dawson. I needed to check if you were by chance mistaken. I meant no offense, ma’am.”

  My hand slaps against my mouth, holding in a cry threatening to escape. “Who?” I whisper.

  “I’m sorry?”

  “Who was there? Who did you find?” I clarify.

  “Do you by chance know a man by the name of Derick Rollins?”

  I don’t realize I’m crying until Elias swipes his hand across my cheeks. “No. I mean, yes, but I don’t believe it. How?”

  “His car was located a mile south of the shack. Evidence is still coming in, but we believe he was also involved with the disappearance of Miss Martin. We don’t know, and may never find out, why.”

  We hang up with the promise he’ll call if there’s more information about Travis. My body trembles as I curl deeper into Elias’s side, the earlier questions forgotten.

  “I don’t know how I’ll feel safe again,” I sob, my chest heaving through the emotional weight pulling me under. “He’s going to come back for me. He’s out for blood, and he’ll never be satisfied until he gets what he wants.”

  Elias cradles me against his chest as I sob from the memories. I cry until my body can’t cry any longer. Elias waits patiently, all along smoothing my hair down my back. It’s not until I’m quiet again that he speaks.

  “I don’t want to push you, so if you aren’t ready it’s okay. But I do want to hear about what happened to you.”

  “I don’t want you to be disgusted with me,” I tell him honestly. The mask on my emotions has been stripped away.

  Elias moves so that we are at eye level, his forehead almost pressed against mine, his lips lined up with my lips. His eyes bore into my eyes with the depth and sincerity I’ve grown to look for from him. I find comfort in his eyes and strength. He holds my stare before he addresses my fears.

  “Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, about what you went through would ever make me disgusted with you. I can’t begin to share with you the horror I imagined you were going through every second you were gone. Seeing you in one piece, finding you in the woods, and knowing that e
ven though you had injuries, even though your mind was hurt beyond what I could see, your body was nowhere near in the condition I feared I’d find you in. I need to know, for my own peace of mind, because every time I close my eyes, I conjure up these horrific images of what he could have done to you. It’s worse than the truth, babe. My mind will not rest until I know.

  “And I know you might not be ready, and that’s okay, but don’t you think for one second that anything will change between us. Even if you asked for it. Even if you let him put his hands on you or followed his every command in the small chance he might have set you free, you did what you had to.

  “Do you realize how strong you are? You didn’t need rescuing. You didn’t wait for the police; you didn’t even find a way for him to release you. You found your own way out of there. You are the strongest person I have ever met, and I won’t fault you for anything. But please, please trust me.”

  It pains me to see him so open, so raw, as he stares into my eyes with a tear running down his cheek. We won’t be able to move forward until I share this piece of me with him. And why shouldn’t I? I’ve shared it with DJ, the detective, the psychiatrist. I’ve shared with him the details of my childhood. He knows about what Travis did to me in the past. The only barrier keeping me from telling him is my own insecurities, but Elias has just crushed them.

  We lie there on our sides, his hands stroking my hair as I purge every detail from my mind. Summoning an ounce more of courage, I turn around to face Elias. I had told my story to the wall, giving myself a veil of anonymity even though he was beside me the whole time.

  My stomach bottoms out at what I find.

  His eyes are shining with unshed tears. His cheeks are flushed and red, his mouth a tight, colorless line. A muscle twitches in his jaw, probably from how tight he’s clenching his teeth. My eyes brim with tears when I see the emotion covering his features even though he’s trying to hold it back.

  His strong hand comes up to brush a fallen tear away, and he wraps me in his arms, whispering how much he loves me and how much he needs me over and over again. Together, with energy depleted, we drift to sleep.

  A bright light filters through the window as I peel my eyelids open. I reach out my arm beside me and come up empty. I am alone. Gently, I lift my sore body out of bed and pad over to the bathroom to clean up. I’ve been avoiding mirrors since my rescue, and two weeks later, I’m still looking rough. Green and yellow splotches cover my face, and still healing cuts mar my skin. My eyes drift down to the recently stitched wound on my throat where Travis had used his knife on me, the only cut that needed to be sewn back together. The only one that will most likely scar besides my missing spleen.

  For a long while, maybe the rest of my life, I will publicly have to carry the evidence of his abuse. The crooked, swollen line is forever a reminder of my past. The very past I want to escape. I can’t decide if mental scars are worse than physical scars. I have both, but at least I can hide the mental ones.

  Before I know it, I’m sinking down to my knees and shrinking my body into a tight ball. The images from those nights flash through my mind like a highlight reel. I’m squeezing my eyes so tightly I bring on a headache, but nothing stops the onslaught of vivid images. My body shakes violently, and I rotate just in time to vomit into the open toilet.

  “Stop, stop, stop!” The scream tears from my throat at an alarming decibel, leaving my throat raw as if it clawed its way out, and I collapse on the ground.

  The door to the bedroom slams open, and Elias comes rushing in, breathing heavily. I’m pulled back into his arms, and I don’t fight it. I let myself go, because I need the embrace.

  “Marlena, what’s going on?” DJ asks while Elias rocks me back and forth.

  “I’m s-sorry I’m so w-weak.” Another flood of tears stream down my cheeks.

  DJ crouches down in front of me and lays a giant hand against my head. “You have nothing to apologize for. What you went through was incredibly traumatic, and nobody expects you to be strong right now. You were strong while you endured it. Now let us be strong for you.”

  His words touch me. Maybe because I’d spent most of my life without him being a brother to me, or maybe because I’m already in a fragile emotional state. Whatever the reason, I lean forward and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me.

  “Thank you for coming back to me,” I tell him in a hoarse whisper.

  DJ’s body trembles slightly beneath my grasp. “I won’t leave you again.”

  We sit in our strange embrace until my body relaxes and the tears run dry. DJ stands first and carefully helps me to my feet. When we make it to the living room, Elias situates me on the couch while DJ brings me a bowl of chicken noodle soup he bought earlier from the deli down the street. The aroma of the warm broth reminds me how starved I am. My appetite hasn’t exactly returned since I came back. Every time I picture Travis, I feel sick. However, with the steady stream of support, I feel like this may be a turning point for me. Not every day is going to be easy, but I’ll get there. With Elias and my brother, I’ll get there.

  Elias settles himself at my feet and massages my calves while I eat. The room is silent, each one of us lost to our own thoughts. I’m sure the experience has been just as eye opening to them as it is to me. I’m beginning to realize how incredibly lucky I am. My life hasn’t always been easy, but I’ve survived it. I’ve overcome every hurdle, every obstacle thrown in my path, and each time I’ve found myself stronger and more knowledgeable than I was before. I thought after my relationship had ended with Travis that I would never recover. I had to start a brand new life before I even began to recuperate. After I had started to move on without him, relying only on myself, I realized I was stronger than ever.

  Then I met Elias.

  I fought him every step of the way for my independence. I pushed Elias away when he wanted to be close just to prove to him, and to myself, that I didn’t need a man to lean on. At times, he probably thought of walking away. I was too stubborn and too much work. I had promised myself I didn’t need a man to be strong, and I was determined to prove it. But my time away changed my way of thinking. Haven’t I proven over the past five months that I’m strong enough to make it on my own? The moments I’ve been closest to Elias are when I stop fighting so hard to be free. Instead of being caught up in another web of losing control, I’ve realized Elias and I have grown. We’ve grown together. We’ve mended our own web of equality where I’m here to support him, and he’s here to support me. He’s never pushed me in the ways Travis had. He’s only pushed me to make myself better.

  It’s okay to be in love with Elias, to be in a fully committed relationship. It’s okay to spend my free time with him, to wake up next to him, to let him know I’m his. My life came entirely too close to being over, and I don’t want to spend another minute not sharing myself fully with him. I can only hope he feels the same way.

  “I want you to meet my girlfriend,” DJ announces, breaking me out of my thoughts. I startle slightly. “I mean, once you’re feeling up to it. We actually aren’t too far from here. We live on the other side of the metro.”

  I smile an easy smile at him, recognizing he’s trying to do what I hoped he would. He’s letting me know he wants to be in my life again. This is the perfect first step. “I’d love to. Maybe in a couple of weeks though.” I settle myself into the arm of the couch. “Tell me about her?”

  DJ launches into stories about his girlfriend, Gianna, who he met two years ago when he first moved down this way. I can’t hide the smile creeping across my face. He’s happy. It’s all I ever wanted for him…for us.

  Later that day, DJ and I are playing a game of chess, which I’m severely loosing, when Elias gets home after running some errands. Along with him are Shelby and Sin. We were desperately lacking in groceries since I never wanted to be alone. It was easier to let Elias go, with DJ here to keep me company and away from my own thoughts. Elias sets a big paper bag in front of me, placing a
deep kiss on my forehead.

  “I love coming home to you,” he says, moving to the fridge to put away some groceries.

  “Is that a proposition?” I tease, gingerly leaning forward to grab the bag from the coffee table.

  “Maybe,” he replies, his hand frozen around a jug of milk. He’s quiet while he sets it in the fridge. “Actually, yes.” Elias turns to face me. “Move in with me.”

  “I was joking—wait—are you serious?” I watch him warily as he moves to sit beside me.

  Taking both of my hands in his, he says, “I’ve never been more serious. I didn’t ask sooner because I know you need time to heal. However, if I’m being honest, I don’t want you to go back to your place. I love you. I want to be wherever you are.”

  “When can we get my stuff?” I ask excitedly, tossing my arms around his neck. He chuckles softly into my long brown hair, tucking me into his safe embrace.

  “Is that a yes?”

  “Definitely a yes,” I giggle.

  “All right, all right enough of the mushy crap while I’m here,” DJ interrupts while he brings in a bag of food.

  “Can it, brother.” I wink at him.

  Shelby waited out our exchange but pounces forward as soon as we’re finished, pushing Elias out of her way. Her eyes are bright with tears as she cradles me in her tight embrace.

  “I’m so glad you’re okay,” she says between sniffles.

  “Me too,” I whisper back. “What are you guys doing here?”

  A warm palm lands on my shoulder, and I look up to see Sin. One hand is rubbing my back; the other is resting on Shelby’s head. His expression is fierce, one of concern and retribution.

  “The day you were taken, the three of us were on our way over to talk to you about some things we’ve been keeping from you,” he says gruffly. A knot forms in my throat, knowing what this is about and praying it’s not as Travis made it out to be. “Shelby and I wanted to give you enough time to settle back in before we came over. Elias called us this morning. I know you haven’t been feeling very safe, but we think this might help.”