Dirty Talk

by S. L. Scott

  “He still does, Jane. He still does.”

  He hands me a napkin and I dry my eyes, hoping I don’t look like a raccoon.

  Leaning on the table in front of us, Danny asks, “Can I tell you a secret?”

  I nod.

  “It’s a secret about Luke.”

  A smile involuntarily arises. “Do I want to know?”

  “It’s just something I’ve noticed over the last two years.”

  I sit back and dab a napkin under my eyes.

  “Every woman he’s been with since you… are you ready for this?”

  “I don’t know. Am I?” I brace myself, not normally wanting to know about Luke’s sex life.

  He smiles. “I find it ironic. Maybe you’ll give me your thoughts on it.”

  “Just say it, Danny.”

  Chuckling, he says, “Every one of their names started with J.”

  Narrowing my eyes, I process what he’s saying. “Like Jennifer?”

  “And Janet.”

  “Jenna.”

  “Jackie.”

  “Jada.”

  “There wasn’t a Jada, but there was a Jacinda.”

  “What’s your point?”

  “Jane…”

  My gaze locks on his. “Oh my God! You’re kidding me, right?”

  After taking a swig of beer, he sits back pretty damn satisfied with himself. “Not kidding at all. Coincidence? I think not.”

  Glaring at the blinking beer sign above the bar, I say, “Jessica.”

  “Ding. Ding. Ding.”

  “He slept with J-named girls because of me? That makes no sense whatsoever.”

  “The weird part is I once brought it up and he had never connected the dots. It’s like his subconscious is telling him what his heart wants. He’s just not listening.”

  I finish my beer, and glance outside. “I don’t know if I should laugh or cry about that.”

  “I’m not sure either, but I felt you should know.” After chuckling to himself, he adds, “I could point out the L thing with you.”

  I pop him on the shoulder. “Don’t even try it. Trust me, there’s nothing those two have in common.”

  “You’re right.” He stands. “I should go. I’m hungry and I need to talk some sense into that boy.”

  “I don’t want you to guilt him into wanting to be with me. I want him to want me because he can’t live without me.”

  “He can’t. Trust me on that.” Danny smiles. With two fingers tapping on the table, he asks, “But can you live without him?”

  “I’ve not lived since I walked out that day.”

  “Don’t assume he has either.” I stand, and we hug tightly, like old friends do, friends who don’t see each other often. “Take care of yourself.”

  “You too.”

  “I will.”

  “I know you’re Luke’s friend, but thank you for being mine too.”

  “We’ll always be friends, Jane. You have my number if you ever need anything. Don’t be afraid to use it.”

  “Thanks. And hey, maybe I’ll see you around again soon.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  “Goodbye, Danny.”

  He waves and walks out. I watch as he crosses the street, heading back to the hotel. I stay seated, liking the view of the cars passing, liking the beer, feeling good about the conversation and the company I just had.

  I pour myself another beer, emptying the pitcher, and think about everything Danny said and the way Luke has acted. So much has happened in such a short time, and then he immediately turned. Danny just might be right. Something might be going on that he can’t control because deep down, deep inside my heart, I still don’t believe that Luke would hurt me on purpose.

  Revenge is an easy excuse to jump to, but that’s not the man I know. Is it the man in the stairwell though? Is that version of Luke the real one? Or is the one I’ve loved for what feels like my whole life still inside him?

  Is it possible I’m buried deep inside his heart like he’s buried deep inside mine?

  All the J names just might be the answer to a question he wasn’t even aware he was asking. The biggest question I have is one I’ve never been brave enough to ask.

  Until now.

  Am I willing to put myself, my love, on the line again for someone who can break my heart again?

  Despite all the pain he’s caused me, I will always answer yes when it comes to Luke Anders.

  CHAPTER 27

  ~Luke~

  “WE ONLY AGREED to three weeks because it covered the time we knew we needed to wrap this project. If it takes less time—”

  “This wasn’t just about time, Luke.” Jessica stands near my bed and whines, “I need you. I need to be touched. I need to feel loved again. It’s been too long.”

  “You’ll never get that from me. There is no love between us.” Just as she’s about to make herself more comfortable and sit, I say, “No. You’re not staying.”

  “Do not test me!” Her voice rises with her temper.

  I keep mine calmer. “Don’t test me.”

  “I hold the cards. You knew what I wanted when we made this agreement.”

  “Sex? Fuck, Jessica, you can find a million guys to fuck out there. You’re a celebrity. Why do you want me?”

  “It’s not just about sex. It’s about companionship.”

  I laugh at her. “You do realize even the original agreement was only for three weeks, right?”

  “I’m hoping we can get to know each other—”

  “And what? I’ll change my mind and fall in love with you?” I laugh harder this time, and then end it with anger just as quickly.

  “For something that you mock as insignificant, you wasted no time in breaking little Janie’s heart.”

  I shoot her a look, wishing she’d burn in hell for what she’s made me do. “You said I had to, that it would prove that I want this movie made, so I did. But don’t ever confuse what I did for anything more than a means to an end. There’ll be no love lost on you, sweetheart.”

  “I like when you call me endearing names.”

  Bitch comes to mind, but a knock on the door saves her from hearing my real thoughts regarding her. Turning my back, I go to answer it, smiling when I do. “Perfect timing.”

  Danny comes in, but stops when he sees Jessica. “I, uh, didn’t know you had company.”

  Jessica shuffles quickly toward him the second she lays eyes on him.

  I nod my head toward the door. “She’s leaving.”

  “So nice to finally meet you. I’m Jessica Pyles. Enchanted.”

  She holds out her hand as if she expects him to kiss the top. When he glances my way, I just shake my head. She thinks she’s Hollywood royalty. The thing is, Danny isn’t pretentious. He forgoes her hand and walks past her. “I’ve heard a lot about you, too.”

  “I hope all good.”

  Neither of us says anything.

  Jessica decides to leave on her own accord. Miracles do exist. “So I’ll see you later, Lu—”

  I shut the door and bolt it. Just in case.

  Danny flops on the bed. I lean against the desk, and ask, “Do I even want to know what happened with Jane?”

  “How do you know I was with Jane?”

  “It might be from that goofy grin on your face.”

  “I’m paid a lot of money for this goofy grin, and yes, I had a good chat with Jane. She really is a great girl.”

  “I can agree with you on that.”

  “So while I was with her I realized something.”

  He takes a moment to ponder, so I ask, “And what might that be?”

  “You two have it bad for each other.”

  “We do?”

  “Yup,” he says, emphasizing the p, and smirking.

  “What did you find out?”

  “I found out that the director is a little weasel of a man.”

  “And what do you expect me to do with that?”

  “Do what you want with that
information. Simply making an observation.”

  “Get to the point, Danny. What did you find out?”

  “First of all, I wasn’t on a recognizance mission. I was visiting a friend and talking. That’s it.”

  “Don’t play games, man. Just tell me what she said about me.”

  “You fucked up by fucking every J in LA.”

  I sit in the chair and lean forward, resting my forearms on my legs. “I didn’t fuck every J in LA. Would you stop saying that?”

  “She thinks you did.” He sits up. “Got anything to drink?”

  “No. Now tell me more.”

  “She blames you, but she understands her choice to leave also contributed to your choices.” He laughs. “She even threw out the Friends breakup.”

  “Shit. She’s not going to forgive me.”

  “Hey. The breakup sex is one thing. That’s all meaningless at the end of the day. But Jessica is a whole other ballgame. What are you doing?”

  “Saving the movie.”

  Asking me more directly, his tone gets firm. “No, Luke. Listen very carefully. What. Are. You. Doing?”

  I almost repeat my answer, but I realize that’s not what he’s referring to. He’s referring to Jane. I drop my head down in shame. “Losing the only thing I ever loved.”

  “Don’t.”

  When I look back up, I ask, “How do I make things right when I’ve screwed them up so badly?”

  “I don’t have all the answers. You have to figure it out on your own, but you will.”

  “What if I’m too late?”

  “There’s never too late. There’s only not trying that you’ll regret.”

  I regret not pursuing her last night and simply letting her go. “You should consider a career change from modeling to a relationship counselor. You’re pretty good at it.”

  “I’m pretty damn good at modeling too and it pays better.”

  “True.”

  He stands, and says, “This went better than I thought it would. I think I’m going to head out tonight.”

  “Such a jet-setting show-off.”

  “Life is good. What can I say?” After picking up his suitcase, he shakes my hand. I pull him into a man-hug and we pat each other on the back. “I’ll see you back in LA.”

  “Thanks for coming.” I walk him out.

  When the cab arrives, he says, “Don’t let your head sidetrack your heart. You’ll be the one paying the price if it does.” He ducks inside the car and shuts the door.

  Patting the top twice, the car drives away, leaving me with lots to think about, as if I didn’t have a ton already.

  * * *

  I DON’T SPECIFICALLY listen for when Jane comes back to her hotel room, but I hear signs of life next door around ten. I set the eavesdropping glass down on the nightstand, comforted knowing she’s still there, but curious where she’s been.

  The volume of my TV is turned up, the baseball game loud enough to let her know I’m right next door if she’s curious. I want to set her mind at ease that Jessica isn’t here with me. I get ready for bed and climb under the covers, restraining myself from knocking on her door. She deserves the peace after the hell I’ve put her through.

  The next morning I walk onto the set with two coffees in hand. Jessica smiles on camera when she sees me, so Ian yells, “Cut. Take five.”

  Just as my eyes meet the prettiest greens I’ve ever seen, Jessica intrudes, bouncing my way and cutting off the view of Jane. “You are so sweet,” she says, reaching for the other coffee in my hand. “I’m dying for caffeine. Thank you, honey.”

  Holding it just out of reach above her head, I whisper, “It’s not for you.”

  Offense immediately strikes her symmetrical features. “Who’s it for then?”

  I know I shouldn’t have. I know this. I’m not dense, but when I was standing in line at Starbucks, Jane’s order just came out. Oops. I guess I suck at pretending to like Jessica when all I think about is Jane.

  Jessica’s hair is flipped when I don’t answer, and she turns on her heel, returning to set. Without the barrier between us, I catch Jane watching the whole thing play out. The most fascinating part is that she doesn’t seem angry. She might actually even be intrigued. I close the distance quietly as the set settles back in to shoot the scene. Sitting down next to her, I offer the coffee wordlessly, and receive in return, “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” I whisper just as Ian calls, “Action.” Maybe Danny’s right. Maybe this gap with Jane can be bridged.

  Everyone skips a lunch break in lieu of wrapping another scene. Snack trash litters the place—candy bars, chips, pretzels, whatever else could be found in the vending machine. The facility is standing in as an asylum today and it feels fitting.

  I clean up, then head down the hall to see if anything is left to buy. When I round the corner, Jane stands in front of the machine debating between a Mars Bar and Corn Nuts.

  She’s not much taller than back when we started dating, but her body has a woman’s curve to it now. She stays in shape, but I like that she’s not hard. I miss her softness at night. I miss her. “Go for the Corn Nuts.”

  “You always did like candy bars best.” When she does look my way, a smile enters around her eyes. “You just want me to get the Corn Nuts so you can have the Mars Bar, right?”

  “You always did see right through me.” Please try now.

  The smile softens, the thought of our predicament weighing on her expression. “I used to. I don’t think I can anymore.” Danny was right. I need to fight for her, show her I want her to see right through me.

  I take two steps closer. “Try.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I need you to. I need you to see through me more than ever, Jane.”

  I watch as she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and then bites her bottom lip. Something she does when she’s stressed. I still remember it so clearly. She’s stressed. She should be telling me to fuck off and to leave her alone. What did Danny say to her last night? Did he tell her that we’re made for each other, that I’m lost without her, and there’s a reason for what I’ve done?

  “I’m not sure I can keep looking for more, Luke, because it feels as though each time I do, I get scratched.”

  Scratched? Oh fuck. Rascal. That damn cat.

  That horrible cat taught me I could hate it for hurting me but still love the cat. What did I say to her that night? What can I say to her now to help her see what I’m doing? “Sometimes we’re hurt unintentionally, Jane.”

  She shakes her head and starts to turn away. Shit. Quickly I ask, “How about we split the two?”

  “What?”

  “The Corn Nuts and the Mars Bar?”

  As her eyes search mine, she appears more confused than ever. “What are you doing, Luke?”

  “I’m starving but I want to make you happy.”

  “No,” she says, shaking her head, her shoulders dropping a bit. “I mean with your life.”

  “Trying to save yours.”

  “What does that mean?” she pleads.

  “Please trust m—”

  “Luke, don’t. I can’t. I’m sorry, but I’m not sure I’ll ever trust you again.” Brushing past me, she adds, “Please just stop.”

  Standing there alone, I drop my head back and close my eyes. I blow out a heavy breath and rub my temples. “That didn’t go well.”

  “What didn’t?”

  Shit. Turning to see Ryan in the doorway, I cover, “There’s only a Mars Bar and Corn Nuts left.”

  “Corn Nuts.”

  “They’re all yours, man.”

  “Nothing for you?” he asks just before I’m out the door.

  “No, I’ve lost my appetite.”

  “Hey, you haven’t seen a phone around, have you? I can’t find mine.”

  “No, but I’ll keep a look out.”

  “Thanks.”

  When I go back to the set, I find a chair by the window and sit, leaning my arms on my
knees. I’ve spent more time than I usually do on this set making sure everything goes off without a hitch, but mentally I’m done. I’m exhausted. I’m ready to be back home. I’m ready… I catch a glimpse of Jane standing behind the camera watching a playback.

  She comes toward me and I sit up. But she detours to her purse one seat over and drops her wallet inside before returning back to the group. Her phone is lying on the seat between us, so I pick it up to drop in her purse. When I do, the background image lights up. I do a double take before bringing it closer and tapping the screen.

  “What are you doing?” Jane stands in front of me with her hands on her hips.

  I stand up, pissed, and flash the phone at her. “What are you doing with a picture of my friend on your phone as your fucking background image?”

  “Your friend?”

  “Yeah, my friend.”

  She laughs when she sees it. “What of it?”

  Leaning closer, I lower my voice, but my tone remains rough with anger. “Danny?”

  “Settle down.” Crossing her arms, she admits, “I like Danny, but not like how you’re so rudely insinuating.”

  “Then why do you have an image of him in his underwear on your phone?”

  “It’s not my phone. I thought it was from over there. I thought you were digging in my purse.” She reaches inside her black bag and reveals her phone, an identical white and gold phone, waving it in front of me. “This one is mine.” She presses the button, but I see regret color her expression as soon as she does.

  A photo of us from college fills the screen, but is instantly gone. The front of her phone black again as she drops it in her purse.

  I comment, “I always liked that picture.”

  She hesitates, but finally gives in as her shoulders relax. “Me too. It was a happier time.”

  Just as she starts walking away, I say, “We can have that again.”