The Myth of the Spoiled Child
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Index
academic achievement
aggregate levels of, in U.S., 128–29
effects on:
of competition, 82, 112
of failure, 94–96, 97–98
of parental control, 61
focus on, vs. on learning, 215n31
and grit, 158, 162–65
parental love made dependent on,
134, 138
pressure on children to improve, 34, 61–62, 85–86, 96, 134, 138, 155
and scarcity mentality, 107, 108, 112–13
and self-esteem, 123–24, 130, 134
structural vs. individual explanations for, 170–71
See also grades
Adelman, Clifford, 218nl8
aggression, 38, 75–76, 122, 126–27, 169
Agnew, Spiro, 32
Altshuler, David, 214n16
Alwin, Duane, 21
Anderson, Harold, 18
anxiety, 59–60, 90, 151–52
Armstrong, Lance, 228n59
assertiveness, 181–82, 186–88
Assor, Avi, 137–38
authoritarian parenting. See parenting,
power-based
authoritative parenting, 39–40, 179, 204n11, 204–5n12
autonomy
and helicopter parenting, 68
and internalization, 156–57
parental support for, 39–40, 60, 187, 189, 202n76, 205n14
reflective vs. reactive, 231n1
and resistance to parental authority, 183–84
vs. independence, 72, 208n25
availability bias, 41
awards assemblies, 76–77, 83
babies. See infants
Barber, Brian, 62
Bauerlein, Mark, 87–88
Baumeister, Roy, 122, 125–27, 130, 139, 150, 156, 167, 221n20, 229n77, 231n3
Baumrind, Diana, 39–40, 104, 179, 204n11, 204–5n12
Bean, Philip, 104
Beecher, Marguerite and Willard, 13
Belkin, Lisa, 53
BGUTI (Better Get Used To It), 86–92, 109, 113, 115, 118, 175
Bird, Joseph and Lois, 12
Block, Jack, 148–52, 156
Bloomberg, Michael, 116
boredom, 88, 174
Brooks, David, 48, 166, 172
bullying, 90, 188
Bush, President George W., 3
Campbell, Katelyn, 184–85
charter schools, 167, 195n3
cheating, academic, 169–70
child-centered attitudes, 13–14, 18, 204n12
children
adults’ attitudes toward, 17–18, 31, 47–48, 80, 103–4, 121, 167–68
anxiety of, 60
benefits of parental involvement with, 54–55, 69–70, 98–99
demands for compliance of, 24, 37, 115, 137, 141, 177–79, 180–84
fairness as important to, 190–91
perspectives of, 73–74, 174, 199n39, n40
preparing, for “real world,” 76, 86–92
parents’ goals for, 179, 186, 189
safety of, 56–57
social activism of, 31–32, 179, 189
treatment of, in schools, 24, 87–88, 89, 167
unmet expectations of, 89–90
viewed as “special,” 217n13
viewed as spoiled, 3–6, 12–16, 43, 93
as well-behaved, 46–47, 62, 181, 184
See also education; parenting
choice
for children, 14, 39, 40, 189–90
diminished experience of, due to control, 137–38
and self-discipline, 152
for students, 113–14, 170–71
See also autonomy
coddling, 19
college admission, 85
college-age children. See helicopter parenting
Combs, Arthur, 94–95
Comer, Cornelia A.P., 15
competition
for awards, 76–77, 83
effects of, 34, 82–83, 124, 227–28n59
for highest grade-point average, 84–86
and insecurity, 126
preparing children for, 88
and scarcity, 107–13
sorting function of, 109–10, 111–12, 217–18n17
support for, 81
conditionality
and economic view of relationships, 104
of parental love, 40, 63–64, 136–39
of praise, 63, 106–7, 130
of self–esteem, 130–39
support for, 103–5, 117, 130–32
confirmation bias, 41–42
conformity, 46–47, 164, 174–75, 179, 185
control. See parenting, power-based; psychological control; punishment
Coontz, Stephanie, 70
corporal punishment. See spanking
Covington, Martin, 96
creativity
education for, 129
effect of competition on, 82
and individualism, 55
and students with high grades, 164
Crocker, Jennifer, 134, 139
cynicism, 178
Deci, Edward, 153–55
deferral of gratification
and capacity for distraction, 143, 145, 148
and conservative ideology, 172–73
as description of individual vs. situation, 143–44, 169
disadvantages of, 146, 150
and intelligence, 145–46
and mood, 224n6
misrepresentation of research on, 142–48
as psychologically problematic, 152–53
reasons for, 146–47
and religion, 166
deMause, Lloyd, 18
deprivation, 113–15, 158–59, 165–66, 219n22
Dewey, John, 24, 89
Dillard, Annie, 161
discipline
effects of traditional versions of, 38, 41, 189
goals and beliefs underlying, 47, 179
love- vs. fear-oriented, 63
popular views on, 21, 37
in schools serving poor students, 167
time-outs as, 23
views on, of Dr. Benjamin Spock, 14
vs. self-discipline, 141–42, 148
See also parenting; punishment; rewards; self-discipline
dodge ball, 75–76
dropout rate
as declining, 69
possible responses to, 230n90
Duckworth, Angela, 158–65, 166, 170, 174
Dweck, Carol, 216n9
economic view
of education, 2–3
of grading, 111
of relationships, 104
education
achievement vs. learning as focus of, 215n31
and children’s emotional needs, 220–21n15
conservative views on, by liberals, 2–3
and efforts to raise self-esteem, 119–20, 124–25
financial justification for, 230n90
historical criticisms of, 9–11
improvement of, vs. eliciting students’ compliance, 174–75
nontraditional, 89
and pedagogy of poverty, 229n76
privatization of, 195n3
and retention in grade, 115–16
students’ perspective of, 174
traditional approaches to, 20
and treatment of children in schools, 24, 87–88, 89, 138
See also academic achievement; awards assemblies; charter schools; college admission; dropout rate; grades
ego control, 148–49, 151
egocentricity
and academic pressures, 34
attributed to children, 30–31
of controlling parents, 58
feared from responsive parenting, 40–41
responses to children’s, 177
Ehrenreich, Barbara, 32
emerging adults. See young adults
empathy, 30, 34, 40–41, 82, 157
entitlement, sense of, 53–54, 59, 68, 110, 126
failure
benefits attributed to, 65, 92–99
effects of, 94–99
extent of children’s experience with, 93–94
and self-esteem, 122–23, 132
types of, 97–98
Far Side, 187–88
Feynman, Richard, 181
Freud, Sigmund, 125
Fromm, Erich, 136–37
Frost, Robert, 181
fundamental attribution error, 170
gender differences, 28, 163, 163–65, 211n76
Gillies, Val, 171
Gilligan, James, 126
Goleman, Dan, 157
Goodlad, John, 20
Gosman, Fred, 37
grades
alleged inflation of, 11, 110–13
and class rank, 84–86
and conformity, 164
effects of, on students, 80, 81, 85, 112, 214n29
as extrinsic motivator, 174–75
relation of, to grit, 174–75
relation of, to self-discipline, 163–65
zeroes as, 76, 94
See also awards assemblies
grit, 157–65, 170, 227–28n59
Grolnick, Wendy, 61
Grotius, Hugo, 104
guilt, 40, 45, 62, 137, 154
Haberman, Martin, 229n76
habit, 231n98
Harold and Maude, 135
Harter, Susan, 136
health, psychological
and child’s compliance vs. defiance, 183–84
effect on, of competition, 82
effect on, of failure, 98
equated with normality, 183
and narcissism, 27
parenting style associated with, 33, 40, 70
and self-discipline, 148–53, 168
and self-esteem, 122, 135
vs. independence, 72
vs. wealth and fame, 214n28
helicopter parenting
child’s perspective of, 73–74
definition of, 57
effects of, 67–70
pervasiveness of, 66–67
reasons for objections to, 70–74
See also overparenting
Herman, C. Peter, 168
Hesiod, 16
Hitchens, Christopher, 228n70
Hobbes, Thomas, 167
Holt, John, 114
homework, 87, 117, 144, 226n32
Horney, Karen, 155
human nature, views of, 24, 45–46, 80, 131–32, 166–68
impulsivity, 146, 149, 151
independence
absence of universal support for, 54–55, 71, 72–73
and higher education, 73
parent’s resentment of child’s, 64
pathological, 63
vs. autonomy, 72, 208n25
individualism
absence of universal support for, 72–73
and fundamental attribution error, 170
and rebels, 231n2
of teenagers in different eras, 28–29
vs. autonomy, 208n25
See also independence
inequality
defense of, 109
extent of, in U.S., 172
individual vs. structural explanations of, 229n81
infants
caring for, 14, 23, 200n46
views of, 18, 19
intelligence
relation of, to self-discipline, 144–45, 145–46, 163
vs. character traits, 157
internalization
healthy vs. unhealthy versions of, 154–57
of parental aspirations, 63
and self-discipline, 154
of society’s rules, 47, 63, 141, 179
Jencks, Christopher, 31–32
Kamber, Richard, 111
Keynes, John Maynard, 146
Kinzie, Jillian, 69
Kozol, Jonathan, 173
Krugman, Paul, 102
Kuh, George, 69
Lakoff, George, 1, 116–17, 165
Lareau, Annette, 207n17
Lear, Martha Weinman, 13
Lehrer, Jonah, 144–45
Lerner, Barbara, 127, 128
Lewin, Kurt, 95
Lewis, Sinclair, 173
Lieberman, Matthew, 173
Listerine, 113
littering, 172
Mansfield, Harvey, 11, 111
Marx brothers, 178
maturity
and conquest of the self, 166
and independence, 55, 72, 117
and passivity, 183
McClelland, David, 95
media literacy, 192–93
Meier, Deborah, 184
Melville, Herman, 182
Mencken, H.L., 114
Milgram, Stanley, 144
Millennials
criticisms of, 6, 25–26, 69, 70–71, 217n16
parenting of, 67, 70
responses to criticisms of, 25, 69, 109, 196n8, 211n67, 217n15
Miller, Alice, 135
Miller, Arthur, 182–83
Mischel, Walter, 142–48, 149, 150, 169, 172
modeling. See setting an example
Mogel, Wendy, 37, 43
Monty Python, 87
motivation, intrinsic
effects on:
of competition, 82
of controlling parenting, 61, 154
of failure, 96–97
of praise, 106, 216n10
vs. extrinsic, 79–81, 83, 85, 131, 153–54
vs. internal, 131, 155
narcissism, 27–28, 29, 32–34, 126
“Nation at Risk” report, 10
National Assessment of Educational Progress, 128
Nicholls, John, 217–18n17
Nietzsche, Friedrich, 166
Noddings, Nel, 156
nostalgia, 10, 11, 46
Obama, President Barack, 3
obesity, 38, 170, 229n81
Oppositional Defiant Disorder, 180–81
Orwell, George, 84
overparenting
definitions of, 56–58
effects of, 59–60
as indulgence vs. control, 60–61, 64–65, 68
pervasiveness of, 51–54, 58–59
reasons for objections to, 54–55, 70–71
as response to fear of permissiveness, 65
See also helicopter parenting
parenting
articles and books about, 4–6, 37
and benefits of involvement in children’s lives, 54–55, 69–70, 98–99
child outcomes as related to, 60, 68, 203n5, 208n20
child’s perspective of, 73–74, 199n39, n40
and child’s social activism, 31–32, 179, 189
conditional, 40, 63–64, 136–39
contradictory criticisms of, 5, 51, 200n54
controlling styles of, 40, 45, 60–65, 154
dichotomous views of, 44–45
explanations for one’s style of, 63–64, 135
and focus on adult’s needs, 58, 135
historical criticisms of, 11–16
as political, 178–79
political views as related to beliefs about, 1–2, 3–4
power-based, 37–38
and safety concerns, 56–57
“tiger” style of, 62
traditional approaches to, 2, 3–6, 22