I tiptoe across her room and into the bathroom that joins with my room.
It’s only four in the morning, and I don’t have to be up to get ready for work for another two hours, but I know I’m never going to be able to fall back asleep. I only managed to get a few hours in because Thea was with me.
I walk over to my closet and grab a blue button-down shirt and a pair of navy pants and a tie.
It was all a lie as I put on the clothes, playing the part of the good son and friend, following in the steps of what everyone else wanted for me. This life isn’t for me—working in an office five days a week, nine to five. Don’t get me wrong, architecture isn’t bad, and my dad is cool, but it isn’t what I love.
I love football.
I love the rush, the adrenaline, the high of screaming fans. I love the sounds of our cleats tearing into the turf and how the power seems to build inside you, making you feel invincible. Football has been my life since I could walk.
I’d had agents interested in me and stupidly turned away all offers because I deluded myself into thinking they were only interested in me because of Cade.
Cade is one of the best football players I know, and the guy could have gone pro, but he didn’t want it. Not like I did.
I entered in the draft, unbeknownst to my friends and family, hoping I got picked. I didn’t tell my parents, or Cade, or even Thea. No one knew. They all thought I was content to head into my career in architecture. But I wasn’t. And then I got picked for my hometown team, the Denver Broncos; that was two months ago, and I still haven’t told anyone. I don’t know why. My parents have always been supportive of my love for football, but my dad was so happy when I went to work for him during my senior year of college, and I guess I’m afraid that maybe he’ll be disappointed if I don’t follow in his footsteps. As for my friends, I know Thea, Rae, and Jace would be happy for me, but Cade? I don’t fucking know. We’ve done practically everything together since we were little and it only seemed natural that we’d both become architects and work for my dad too. But then this last year, I realized that’s not what I wanted. I want to play ball, so I kept it from them. I lucked out that apparently no one close to me watched the draft on TV. Sure, my teammates and coach knew, but it was easy to keep it a secret from Cade. After the football season ended, he hasn’t wanted to have anything to do with the sport—I’ve always gotten the impression that he never really loved it all that much. Since I don’t want Cade to know, I’ve kept it a secret from everyone else too—it’s not their burden to bear—but I know my time’s running out and it ticks down incessantly in my mind.
I set my clothes on the chair in the corner and go to shower. It doesn’t take me long, and when I finish, I dry my hair with a towel and put on a pair of basketball shorts and head downstairs to cook breakfast.
The four of us take turns making breakfast, but since the three of us have been gone for the last week, I have no idea whose turn it is. Luckily, we’re all easygoing so it doesn’t really matter.
I pull out the ingredients for pancakes and start making the batter.
When that’s done, I set the bowl aside and pull out bacon and eggs from the refrigerator. I fry the bacon first, then finish the pancakes, before finally making the eggs.
I’m sliding the eggs onto one large plate when Rae comes into the kitchen.
“Hey,” she greets with a yawn.
“Hi,” I say. “Hungry?” She nods.
“I have to leave soon. Nova and I are driving a few hours away to take photos in some park she knows about.” She grabs a plate and begins piling the food onto it. “How was Vegas?” she asks, an innocent enough question but I tense anyway.
“Good,” I say.
She raises a brow before pulling a chair out at the kitchen table. “You guys were gone for a week, and all you have to say is good?”
I laugh, but it sounds forced. “We spent most of the week in seminars, so boring would be a more apt word.” I shrug and pile food onto my plate. My plate is overflowing compared to Rae’s.
She opens her mouth to say more, but Cade comes in then and bends to kiss her cheek. “Morning,” he says in a sleepy voice.
Rae smiles up at him, and for a moment, I feel envious. It’s not an emotion I feel often, but I envy their easy and open relationship. I still don’t know where Thea and I stand—if she even wants to really try to be with me—but what I do know is, no matter what, she wants to keep this a secret. And that hurts. I understand where she’s coming from, I really do; if we try this, and it doesn’t work out, it would hurt the people around us and make things awkward, but dammit, I want to be able to kiss her and touch her openly without worrying about everyone else. I’ve already spent enough time hiding how I feel.
Cade gets his food and sits down beside Rae, completely oblivious to the sudden dark cloud hanging over my head.
I shovel a big bite of pancake into my mouth while they chat. Eventually, I can’t take a second more of them looking at each other lovingly, so I clean my plate and head back upstairs, bumping into Thea in the hall.
“Whoa,” she cries, colliding with my body. I steady her with my hands on her arms. She looks up at me with a sheepish smile. “I suppose I have you to thank for carrying me to bed?”
I shrug. “I wasn’t going to leave you on the couch.”
“Do I smell your pancakes?” She points down the stairs. I nod and she moans. “Yes, you make the best pancakes.”
I want to tell her what else I’m best at, but I keep my mouth shut.
We part ways and I close myself in my room to change into my work clothes.
The button-down shirt feels constricting—like a damn straight jacket around my body.
I tuck the bottom of it into my pants and smooth down the front. My reflection stares back at me with an irritated expression. I shake my head and smooth my fingers through my hair, doing my best to make the longer strands look somewhat tamed. When I look halfway decent, I grab my motorcycle jacket and shrug it on.
I shove my wallet into my back pocket and grab my backpack—it makes bringing stuff on a motorcycle much easier.
My feet thump on the stairs as I head down, not bothering to be quiet now that everyone is awake.
I’m heading for the side door into the garage when Thea calls out my name.
I want to keep going, to pretend I didn’t hear her, but I couldn’t ignore that girl if my life depended on it.
“Yeah?” I call back, hand on the doorknob.
Her head pokes around the corner and she lifts a brow when she sees me by the door. “You’re leaving?”
I nod. “Wanted to get an early start.”
A lie, but believable.
She nods, accepting it as answer enough. “Breakfast was delicious. I’ll see you later.”
She disappears back into the kitchen and I swallow thickly.
The words are on the tip of my tongue to ask her if she wants to ride with me, but she never has before and it would raise suspicions, so I don’t.
I grab my helmet from the garage and start my bike. It’s new, a graduation gift from my parents. I’ve wanted one forever but never had the funds for one. I was shocked when they surprised me with it. Best damn gift ever—aside from waking up to Thea as my wife, but who the fuck knows how that’s going to turn out?
I beat the early morning traffic and make it to the downtown building without incident.
Kincaid Architecture takes up the whole top floor of one of the largest buildings in Denver. My dad’s business started small, as most do, and grew into one of the most revered architecture firms on the west coast.
I park my bike in the garage and hop off, removing my helmet. I run my fingers through my flattened hair, hoping it doesn’t look like a complete mess. My dad might be cool, but this is his business, and we’re all expected to dress and look decent.
I store my helmet before heading for the elevator, pushing the button; the doors slide right open. It’s still early enough tha
t not many people are in the garage or building.
I step inside and press the number for the floor then lean against the side of the elevator.
I wish I had just one more day at home before coming to work. I want to be able to think and talk to Thea without my focus being on work.
She agreed to give me three months to change her mind, but I’m still terrified she’s going to go running before then, and I don’t want that to happen.
I need to show her how good we are together, but I know I need to take things slow—in other words, what I said in the kitchen yesterday, and the kiss, were a bad idea. But I can’t take it back now, and I don’t want to, I’m going to have to be more careful, though.
I head into my office—yeah, office and not cubicle—Thea’s assistant desk sits inside the room near mine. It had originally been outside but after only a few days of working together, we realized I was shit at giving her anything to do unless she was in here.
I drop my backpack behind my desk, shuck off my jacket, and collapse in the chair. My collar bites into my neck, and I pull on it, trying to loosen it like it’s a vice cinching around me.
Papers sit on my desk, important documents I need to go over for builds, and I just don’t want to.
I pinch the bridge of my nose.
Being here day in and day out is a brutal reminder that I’m lying to everyone I care about.
Fuck, I’m lying to my own wife now.
I tug on the ends of my hair. I keep digging myself a deeper hole and I don’t know how the fuck to get out of it.
A shadow falls across the doorway, and I look up to find my dad standing there.
To most, Cooper Kincaid is an intimidating sight. Even though he’s nearing fifty he’s still fit, and tall—easily two inches taller than my six-foot-three—his hair is graying at the temples, and he almost always wears a smile that says he knows what you’re going to say before you even say it. I’ve never been intimidated by him, though. Growing up he was nothing but a big softy when it came to my older sister, little brother, and me.
He taps his finger on the doorframe. “You’re here early,” he comments.
I shrug. “I was up—figured I’d go ahead and get started.”
He nods. “I need your proposal for the Hammel account by this afternoon.”
“I’ll have it done,” I assure him. In fact, it’s already done, but I don’t feel like going over it right now. My mind is too all over the place to focus on work.
He presses his lips together, and I know he’s contemplating saying more, but after a moment, he leaves and heads down the hall to his much bigger office.
I sigh and lean back in my chair, crossing my hands behind my head.
“Get your shit together,” I mutter to myself, and let out a disgusted breath.
I rub my eyes and reach for the stack of papers on my desk.
Time to get to work.
“I thought you might want this.” Thea holds out a cup of coffee from one of our favorite places across the street. “You left so early I figured you forgot to get any.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal.
I smile and take it from her. “Thanks—and you’re right, I did forget.”
She laughs and the twinkling sound washes over me. “Is there anything you need me to do?”
I set the coffee aside and finally look at her—and fuck me, she’s wearing this tight black skirt thing and a loose pink blouse. Her light-brown hair hangs in waves past her shoulders and I remember distinctly wrapping my fingers in it that night and tugging and—
“Xander?” she prompts with a raised brow, and I nearly choke when I realize I was basically having a full on fantasy while she stared at me.
Only, it wasn’t a fantasy. It was real. And I wanted it to happen again.
I clear my throat. “Um, yeah, here—I need you to run these down to Sherry.” I thrust a stack of papers that were lying on the side of my desk into her waiting hands.
She looks from the papers to me. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” And of course, my fucking voice cracks. Traitor.
She eyes me for a moment longer in disbelief before turning and leaving the room, her high heels clacking on the floor.
I let out a pent-up breath.
Day one of working together post-marriage so far is not a success.
Today might go down in the record books as the most awkward of my entire life.
Xander and I barely spoke, and when we did, it was stilted and not at all like us. I can’t for the life of me figure out what’s going on in his head. It was only this morning that he whispered that one word—please. I thought he meant to please give him a chance, but maybe he meant please can we forget this ever happened? I can’t imagine him changing his mind like that, since he’s been pro-marriage since we woke up yesterday morning, but who knows?
“Do you want to go get dinner?” I ask, closing out my computer and shutting it down.
Xander lifts his gaze away from the computer and looks at the clock. His head immediately whips back, and he jumps from his seat.
“Fuck, I’m late,” he curses, bustling around to grab his backpack, knocking the chair over in the process.
I stand. “Xander?”
“I can’t talk right now, Thea,” he says roughly and starts for the door. He must realize how his tone was because he halts his steps and looks at me with an apologetic expression. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll see you tonight. We can start Charmed.”
Before I can respond, he’s out the door and gone.
His behavior is so off-putting that I can’t even be excited that he said he’d finally watch Charmed with me. I’ve been begging him for months to start that one.
Since Xander left in such a hurry, I pick up the fallen chair, turn off the lights, and lock up.
He’s been running off a lot like that lately—so I know at least that has nothing to do with me and I take comfort in it.
I head down the hall to Cade’s office and knock on the door before poking my head inside. “Hey, loser.” I crack a grin as he looks up from a paper. “Time to go.”
He glances at the clock. “I didn’t realize the time.”
“Want to pick up a pizza on the way home?” I ask hopefully. I’m starving.
He shakes his head. “No can do. Rae and I are going out.”
Why am I not surprised?
“Oh, okay then. More pizza for me.”
More pizza is never a bad thing.
Cade packs up and we head out to the parking garage. The drive home is quiet, and for that, I’m thankful. If I had to force conversation with my brother for forty-five minutes I might gouge out my eye with my finger.
When we arrive home, Cade heads straight up to shower.
Me? I go to order my damn pizza. Who cares if I made one yesterday? Pizza never hurt anyone.
Oh, hell no. Is this a craving? Like a pregnancy craving? I laugh at my own thoughts. It’s absurd considering said possible pregnancy sex happened two nights ago. Yeah, no baby here. Yet.
Oh, God, now I can feel the panic building inside me.
I’d dismissed the broken condom from my mind, but now I can’t seem to stop thinking about it.
I touch my stomach like there’s already a bump there, a little baby growing inside me.
I can’t be a mom. I’m not ready. I don’t even know how to change a diaper.
“Are you okay?” Rae asks, breezing out of the laundry room with a basket of clothes under her arm.
“Fine,” I squeak, when I’m anything but fine.
She raises a brow doubtfully. “Want to talk about it?”
“No,” I say too quickly.
She shakes her head and looks at me quizzically. “You’re being weird. Weirder than normal,” she adds with a soft laugh. She tilts her head to the side. “If you need someone to talk to you know where to find me.”
She brushes past me and the stairs squeak as she goes up.
I let out a breath.
There’s no point in freaking out about the possibility of a baby. I won’t know anything for a few weeks, until either my period shows up—in which case I will do a dance—or I’m forced to take a pregnancy test.
I close my eyes at the thought. If I have to pee on that stupid little stick I’m making Xander go to the store to buy it. No way in hell am I buying one of those. Nope. If loverboy’s super sperm fertilized one of these precious eggs, the least he can do is buy the damn test.
Ugh, I’m not even hungry anymore.
I kick off my shoes and grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator. I busy myself with cleaning the kitchen—wiping down the counters and vacuuming the floor. After a little while, Rae and Cade come downstairs to leave for their date. They’re both dressed up and look nice.
“Have fun, you two,” I tell them. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Like get married in Vegas and possibly get pregnant.
“Are you okay here by yourself?” Cade asks worriedly.
I roll my eyes and point at him with the rag waving weakly in my hand. “I’m almost twenty, so I’m pretty sure I can handle being home by myself.” Rae presses a hand to her mouth to hold in her laughter. “I don’t know why you like my brother.” I shake my head. “He’s not the brightest Crayola in the package, if you know what I mean. One too many hits to the head from football if you ask me,” I hiss under my breath, even though I know Cade can still hear me.
Cade groans and presses his hand to her waist. “We’re leaving now.”
I salute him. “See ya later.”
He shakes his head, both of them laughing, and then they’re gone.
It’s rare to have a moment alone in this house. Living with three other people makes for some chaotic surroundings.
I abandon my cleaning endeavor and decide to take a bubble bath since it’s not something I get to do often. Running the water, I add bubbles and some scented salts, then light candles and dim the lights.
This is exactly what I need after the last two days.
I clip my hair up and remove my clothes before sinking down into the hot water with a sigh escaping my lips.
When Stars Collide (Light in the Dark #2) Page 4
