My eyes close and I lean my head back, the water sloshing around my breasts with bubbles up to my chin.
I do my best to empty my mind of all my worries and relax, but it’s hard when the events of the last forty-eight hours plague my mind.
I probably should’ve brought a book in here with me to occupy my mind but it’s too late now.
The door from Xander’s room opens, and I let out a scream, covering my body even though it’s pretty pointless.
Xander pauses in the doorway, staring at me like a starved man seeing food for the first time. He licks his lips and his Adam’s apple bobs. His hair is a wild and untamed mess like he’s been running his fingers constantly through it in agitation.
He shakes his head suddenly as if he’s shaking away the fog that has come over him.
“Sorry. I didn’t know you were in here. I didn’t think anyone was home.”
He starts to ease the door closed, but in a small voice, I call out, “Stay.” I don’t know what makes me say the words, but I know I want him to.
He hesitates for a moment before coming in and sitting down on the floor beside me. He looks tired, wary even.
“Are you okay?” I ask him.
“Fine,” he replies, his eyes not meeting mine.
“That’s bullshit,” I say, a bite to my tone. His eyes flick up to mine. “You should know by now you can’t lie to me.”
He lowers his head and rubs his hands over his face. “I just have a lot going on, that’s all.”
“Is this about work? Or us?” I ask softly. If he’s having second thoughts about continuing our marriage I should be dancing a jig, but instead, I feel saddened. “Do you regret wanting to see if this will work?”
His head whips up and he looks at me with fire in his dark eyes. “This has nothing to do with us,” he assures me. “I’m still going to do everything I can to make you see that this isn’t a bad thing.” My heart beats faster at his words and the passion in them. He digs into his front pocket and pulls out our wedding bands. “I kept these with me all day, thinking about how fucking much I want us to be able to wear them and not hide this, hide us. I know why you don’t want to tell anyone, I get it, I do, but it doesn’t mean I like it—because what I feel for you is real and it’s not going to go away.”
I swallow thickly. “I’m scared,” I tell him.
He raises a single dark brow as he stuffs the rings in his pocket. “And you think I’m not? We’re both young and this was unexpected, but sometimes the surprises in life are the best things, and I definitely think this is one of the best so far.”
The water sloshes as I move, leaning over so I can hold my hand out to him. He grasps it and draws my palm to his heart, pressing my hand flat against the cotton of his shirt. It doesn’t take long for me to feel the fast-paced thumping.
“Do you feel that?” His voice is no more than a whisper in the darkened bathroom. “My heart beats out of control every time I’m in the same room with you. I think you think this is sudden, but it’s not. I’ve wanted more from you for a long time and I was too much of a damn wimp to do anything about it—and I think you’ve wanted more too. I see the way you look at me.”
My hand shakes, and for once, I don’t want to do what I think I’m supposed to and instead follow my heart—and my heart leads me straight to him. It always has. It’s hard to overcome my mind shouting about how wrong this is, how we’re doing everything backwards. After all, it’s not first come marriage, then comes love, but neither Xander nor I have ever played by the rules, so why start now?
“Get in,” I say.
He startles. “What?”
“Get in,” I repeat and move forward in the bathtub so there’s room behind me.
He jumps up and kicks off his shoes before unbuttoning his work shirt. I swallow thickly as his sculpted chest and arms appear before me.
He unbuckles his belt and reaches for the button on his jeans. A chuckle rumbles deep in his chest. “Like what you see?”
I smile widely. “You’re my husband now. I can look all I want.”
His chuckle turns into a booming laugh that shakes my insides. God, I love his laugh—the rich, deep, timbre of it.
His pants and boxer-briefs pool onto the floor and I slide forward so he can slip into the tub behind me. The water sloshes over the sides and onto the floor but I can’t bring myself to care.
He settles behind me and I rest my back against his chest. I let out an embarrassing contented sigh and his chest shakes with barely contained laughter.
I lean my head to the side and look back at him. “Laughing at me, Kincaid?”
His lips quirk into a crooked smile. “I’d never laugh at you, Kincaid.”
I can almost feel the blood draining from my face as my eyes widen.
Somehow in all the madness I forgot I wasn’t a Montgomery anymore. I mean, technically I still am since I haven’t had it changed, but …
“Stop freaking out.” He kisses the end of my nose. “You think too much.”
“True,” I concede, and wiggle, the movement splashing more water on the floor that we’ll have to clean up later. I take a deep breath and say, “I might be scared, but I’m in. I’m going to give us a serious shot.”
His smile blinds me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile this big, and that’s saying something because Xander is a guy that smiles—he’s not one of those broody types that glares at you for no apparent reason.
He touches my cheek with a feather-light caress of his fingers, like he’s afraid his touch will send me running. “You’ll see,” he whispers into the darkened room, the shadows from the candle flame flickering over his face. “You’ll see how good we are together. I’ll show you.” He presses his lips to my cheek in the same spot his fingers were only moments before.
My heart beats faster with fear? Excitement? Maybe a mixture of both.
He must take my silence for another one of my freak-outs because he adds, “I’ll still give you an out—the three months will still be our … trial period.” He chuckles. “But we’re in this together. No half-assing it.”
I nod. “I still don’t want to tell anyone,” I whisper.
He stiffens but nods. “That’s probably best. We won’t have to worry about someone’s opinion interfering that way.”
I notice the way he says someone and not anyone but choose not to comment on it.
“So—” I laugh lightly “—we’re back to where we started then?”
He laughs too and nips my earlobe. “Nah, not exactly, because this time, you’re actually in too. I knew you were only trying to humor me before.”
I bite my lip. “I was that obvious?”
He shrugs and the water ripples. “Yeah.” He grins.
“You really have faith in us, don’t you?” I ask softly.
“I do,” he says vehemently with a nod and then rests his chin on top of my head.
I close my eyes and a smile touches my lips. My mind is still warring with my heart, but for the moment, I’m content to just let us be.
I wake up to Xander in my bed—we fell asleep watching Charmed and stuffing our faces with Chinese food and not the pizza I’d planned to order. His chest rises and falls with each soft breath and his eyes roam behind his closed lids with the promise of sweet dreams.
I feel better after our talk last night, and I think we’re finally on the same page. Don’t get me wrong, this whole marriage thing still scares me, but I don’t feel so confused as to where we stand. I know everything that was said last night is basically what we’d already agreed to, but it felt different—it felt real. Before, I had been too freaked out to think clearly and had agreed without a clear mind, but now that I’ve had time to think, I want to give this a real shot—make the most of the situation, so to speak. I’m still not sure that staying married is the best thing for us. I mean, I can’t even commit to a major, so what’s the likelihood that I can commit to a marriage? I’m pretty clueless when it comes t
o what I want from life.
I ease from the bed so I don’t disturb him and pad across the room and into the bathroom to brush my teeth.
I brush my hair and pull it back into a sloppy ponytail. Since Xander made breakfast yesterday, today’s my turn.
The house is quiet when I leave my room, and I close the door behind me so there’s no chance of Rae or Cade seeing Xander in my bed.
I know Cade sounds like the biggest jerk of a brother, but he’s not. He’s one of the best, he’s just protective of me—he always has been, and I think that stems from what a nasty asshole my father is. He hits Cade. He always has, and I’m sure he’ll continue to do so until Cade actually stands up to him. Cade doesn’t know that I know—I found out by accident once when I came home early from a friend’s house and saw my dad punch him in the face. I know Cade keeps quiet about it in some convoluted way to keep my mom and me safe and happy, but he shouldn’t protect that monster. I think our mom knows too—she’d have to, or at least she suspects—but I know she’s afraid of our dad; most people are. You’d think my dad would stop walloping on him now that Cade’s a man, but I don’t think it has stopped. I haven’t actually seen him hit him again since that one time I saw by accident when I was in high school, but I’ve seen the bruises—bruises that definitely couldn’t have come from football, so I don’t believe for a second that it was a one-time thing.
What sucks the most about no one knowing that I know is that I have to play the part of the loving daughter who adores her father when I can’t even stand the sight of him. All I hope is that one day it’ll all be over and I won’t have to play pretend anymore.
I dismiss the less than pleasant thoughts from my mind and tread softly on the steps so as not to wake anyone.
I flick on lights as I go, illuminating the house, and enter the kitchen.
I open the refrigerator and pull out everything I’ll need to make egg sandwiches. It’s just about the only breakfast thing I can make that’s any good.
By the time I’m done, the other three have crept downstairs.
I put everything on plates and pass them out before sitting down myself.
“I feel like I need to get a job,” Rae announces.
Cade’s brows pull together. “I thought you wanted to focus on your photography this summer?”
She shrugs. “It’s not like it’s making me any money …” she trails off.
“Why don’t you advertise on Facebook?” I ask. “You could offer to do senior photos, or weddings—I know those aren’t really your thing, but you could make some money doing what you love and maybe learn a thing or two along the way,” I suggest.
She nods, but the way her lips twist, I don’t think she likes my idea. “Maybe.”
Cade takes a bite of his egg sandwich and says around a mouthful, “You should ride with us into the city—take some photos of the buildings, we could get lunch.”
Rae brightens at this idea. “That sounds fun.”
Xander’s lips twitch with the threat of laughter and he shakes his head.
Cade and Rae finish up and leave, piling their dirty dishes in the sink.
I raise a brow and eye Xander. “I am not playing third wheel to the lovebirds. You better let me hitch a ride on your bike.”
He chuckles. “You aren’t scared?”
“No,” I say vehemently. “Motorcycles aren’t scary.”
“So—” he leans forward, his lips twisting with a calculated smile “—if I go fast, that’ll be fine with you? You won’t mind having to squeeze your legs tighter around my waist?” His eyes flick to my lips where my tongue has slid out, moistening them. I shake my head, and he grins. “Good—I’m thoroughly going to enjoy having you wrapped around me. Just be careful where you put your hands.” He winks and stands with his plate in his hand.
I’m too stunned to move.
Something tells me Xander’s just made the first move in a calculated chess match, and I have no idea how to play chess.
I’m screwed.
This was a bad idea.
Xander looks hot as fuck straddling the bike with his leather jacket—the epitome of the bad boy, only he’s about as far from bad as they come which makes him all the more tempting.
He holds out an extra helmet to me. “Are you getting on or are you going to stare at me all day?”
I snatch the helmet from his hands. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been formally introduced to this version of you, and it’s a bit surprising.” I wave my free hand at him.
He throws his head back and laughs. “Introduced to this version? This is the normal version. Now get on.”
I straddle the bike behind him, wiggling around to get my balance, before I put the helmet on. I secure the strap and say, “Ready.” The word comes out muffled thanks to the visor.
He kicks the bike on and then we’re gone.
I don’t find it scary like he thought I might. Instead, I find it to be one of the most exhilarating things I’ve ever done.
We race down the highway, and everything blurs around us.
All too soon, it ends as we arrive in the parking garage. My legs are stiff, but I don’t let it show. We hop off and Xander secures the helmets.
“Why haven’t you ever let me do that before?”
He laughs. “One, because I haven’t had it long. Two, because you didn’t ask.”
“I want to do that all the time now,” I tell him, smoothing my fingers through my hair. I’m sure it’s a knotted mess but I already have to stop off at the restroom to change from jeans into my skirt for work—since Xander insisted that I cover my legs on the off-chance we got in an accident.
Xander smiles at my words. “Really?” He seems pleased, excited even, by the possibility.
I nod eagerly. “Oh, yeah.”
We head to the elevator together and then separate when we reach our floor since he heads to the office and I go straight to the bathroom.
It doesn’t take me long to change, but fixing my hair—that takes a bit more time. I finally get it looking semi-decent and head to the office I share with Xander.
I think some of the people working in the building think it’s weird that Xander moved me into his office—the assistants usually have a desk or cubicle outside them—but they just don’t understand our dynamic. We work well together, and when we were separated, he ended up taking on too much instead of delegating things to me. This suits us much better.
I slide into my chair and Xander looks up from a blueprint. “I need you to call Debra with Synchrony Homes.”
“I’m on it,” I say and salute him.
He cracks a grin and returns to studying the blueprint.
I make phone call after phone call until finally it’s time for lunch.
“Let’s go somewhere for lunch,” Xander says, standing from behind his desk and loosening his tie a bit. Damn, forget the leather jacket, this version of Xander leaves my mouth watering. Button-down shirts and dress pants fit his physique like nothing else can.
“Where?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Maybe that little deli sandwich shop around the corner. It wouldn’t be far for us to get back.” I look around uncomfortably, and he adds, “Cade’s already gone to meet Rae if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“It wasn’t—” I start to lie but he gives me an understanding smile.
“Should we go?” He points to the door.
“Yeah.” I smile. Lunch with Xander isn’t out of the norm, and I’m beginning to realize that we already do a lot of stuff normal couples do, minus the sex part … until the other night when we added that too.
I thought that a lot would have to change for us to be a couple but I’m startled with the realization that basically nothing changes—we just get more. We get real.
I stand and smooth my skirt down, and when I look up, Xander is looking at me with a heated expression in his eyes. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel zings of pleasure course through my body.
&nbs
p; Xander and I head to the elevator and then to the ground floor.
We pass through the large glass doors and onto the street when he says, “Can I hold your hand?”
I look up at him, startled. “Why?”
“Because I want to.”
People bustle by us on the streets and yet it still feels like it’s him and me alone in the world.
I nod—actually, it’s barely even a nod, more of a little jerk, but he takes it as one anyway. He takes my hand, entwining our fingers together. I expect him to say something else, but he instead starts walking. We don’t say anything as we make our way down to the little corner deli. It’s a small building, with a drab dirty brick exterior except for a cheery red door. It’s not the nicest place to look at, but the food certainly makes up for the aesthetics.
He lets go of my hand to hold the door for me and I step inside. There are a few other people already placing orders so I step into line and Xander falls in behind me. His large body seems to draw mine in like a magnet and I find myself leaning back into him. He touches my elbow, my waist, just fleeting little brushes of his fingers but my heart rate accelerates regardless. I try not to show how much I’m affected by those things because it’ll only give him more ammunition against me.
The line moves quickly and I place my order. Before I can tell them that I want to pay for my own, Xander steps forward and says, “I’ve got it.”
I’d like to make a big deal out of it and say he’s only doing it since we’re married now, but it would be a lie; Xander always insists on paying for my meal when we go out to lunch.
Xander pays for our food and we move off to the side to wait. When our number is called, he steps up, grabs the paper bag, and we head back out onto the streets since there aren’t any tables free.
“Where would you like to go?” he asks.
“The park isn’t too far.” I shrug. “It’s a nice day so I vote we eat outside.”
He nods. “Good idea.” He moves the paper bag to his other hand and takes mine with his free one, smiling down at me. His brown eyes are light and carefree. I love seeing him this happy but it’s strange to realize that he’s this way because of me.
When Stars Collide (Light in the Dark #2) Page 5
