Winter Soldier (Mills & Boon Vintage Superromance)

by Marisa Carroll

  I wish Adam would come and take me away.

  The sudden thought was almost as upsetting as the dizzy spells. He’d been very much the man she wanted him to be this morning. He’d been reserved but attentive. He’d also been gracious in his acceptance of congratulations from her friends and co-workers on his pending fatherhood. He’d given no sign at all that the revelation of her pregnancy had recently been as much of a surprise to him, as it was to them. He had sidestepped queries on their plans for the future with wit and humor. He was accepting of the little jokes and the few pointed remarks that came his way from those not inclined to look on single parenthood and long-distance relationships with much tolerance. He listened with equanimity to the advice about how to handle pregnant women and new babies, which almost everyone seemed to feel it was their duty to give him. He asked all the right questions and gave all the right answers.

  When he was like this, she could almost forget that he had walked out on her in Vietnam without a backward glance. But she dared not let herself forget that, because of his condition, Adam was not a man to make commitments. He couldn’t be trusted to be there for her—or the baby—when the chips were down. She had to remember that and to keep the reality of it foremost in her mind, or she could very easily fall prey to the fantasy of the loving, caring father-to-be she’d seen today.

  “When do you want me to schedule your ultrasound?” Barb was asking her.

  Her co-worker’s question barely registered. Leah’s attention had become riveted on the man just entering the break room. Something had happened. She could tell by the set of his shoulders, the line of his jaw, the emptiness in his eyes. She had seen that lost look on his face before and her heart contracted painfully. She wanted to go to him and take him in her arms. She wanted to hold him close and give him the courage to face the horrors he kept bottled up inside him.

  Adam’s problems couldn’t be solved with a wish and a kiss. She knew that was as much a fantasy as the man who’d charmed her co-workers that morning. The reality was the troubled and complex man before her—a man she couldn’t trust to not disappear from her life without a backward glance, as he had done before.

  “Is this the baby’s father?” Barb asked irrepressibly. She looked Adam up and down. “We’ll do the ultrasound whenever you want. I can do it right now if you can get away from your patients. That way you both get your first look at the little sweetheart together .”

  Leah could never allow that. It would be impossible to keep Adam at a distance if he was with her to see the image of their child in her womb, to watch it move and see its tiny fingers and toes and beating heart. She could never deny him anything he asked of her concerning the child after that. She wouldn’t be able to fool herself into thinking she wasn’t falling in love with him, and she could never bear the pain of waking up some morning to find his demons had driven him away—perhaps never to return.

  “No,” Leah heard herself say. She saw the shocked look on Barb’s face. She knew she had made a mistake. She should have been gracious and turned down the offer with a simple excuse, but she didn’t. The words came from someplace deep inside her that wouldn’t be denied. “I don’t want him there,” she said.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  BRIAN LEANED HIS ARM on the ledge of the open window of Doc Owens’s restored pickup and let her amble along at about forty-five—not that he didn’t think Carlotta could do a lot better. He’d looked under the hood. There was plenty of engine under there. But somehow the speed seemed to suit Carlotta’s age and dignity, and so he didn’t push her any harder.

  He grinned. Now he was calling the truck Carlotta just like Doc did. He wondered what his mom would think of him driving the old truck around. She’d probably have a fit, but not Elliot. He was really a pretty cool guy. Brian’s conscience tugged at his elbow. He hadn’t even called his mom and told her he was coming down here with his dad. He didn’t feel it was his place to tell her about the baby. Not yet, anyway. Maybe tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow would be soon enough.

  It had turned out to be a great day. It had stopped raining. The sun was out, at least for the time being, and the air had warmed to springlike temperatures. He’d even been able to sleep in that morning. The landscapers were done with the work and the Hideaway Inn was ready for its grand reopening. He’d slept till ten, had breakfast at McDonald’s out on the highway and then taken off in the truck to find the state park and the canoe livery Leah had told him about.

  It was right where she’d said it was. The guy who owned it had been friendly and talkative and, wonder of wonders, he had a couple of kayaks. They were older and heavier than Brian was used to, but they floated and that was all that mattered. He’d spent two hours on the river and even found a couple of stretches of white water that weren’t altogether sissy. So far it had been a good day, but now he was starving. His breakfast of eggs and hash browns seemed like a long time ago.

  Brian turned Carlotta into the parking lot of the pizza joint across from the Hideaway Inn and got out of the truck. He thought he’d try the Red Neck Special this time. It had about every kind of meat you could think of on it: ham, bacon, sausage and venison jerky. A heart attack waiting to happen if you listened to his mom. But what the heck. He felt like living dangerously. Brian was still grinning to himself when he rounded the hood of the truck and saw Juliet Trent sitting on a bench by the door of the restaurant.

  She was clutching a ratty-looking book bag under one arm and looked as if she’d lost her last friend in the world. She didn’t even glance up when he got out of the truck.

  “Hi there,” he said.

  She raised her hand to shade her eyes from the sun. “Hi,” she said. Her eyes were red around the edges like maybe she was allergic to something, or trying not to cry.

  “Are you waiting for someone?” he asked, sitting down beside her on the bench.

  She slid a little away from him. “I’m just resting,” she said. “That’s Doc Owens’s truck. How did you get it?”

  “He lent it to me while my dad and I are here. I left my car back in Chicago.”

  “What kind of car do you have?”

  He felt embarrassed. He hadn’t forgotten the aging pickup parked in her yard. “A Lexus,” he said finally. “It was a graduation gift from my mom and stepdad.”

  “Wow,” she said under her breath. “Some graduation gift.”

  Brian sighed, then asked, “Stopping in for pizza after school?”

  “No,” she said.

  “Want to join me for some? I haven’t eaten since breakfast and I’m starved.”

  “I’d better stay here. I don’t want to miss my ride.”

  “Did you walk here from the school?” It was more than half a mile, Brian figured, and she was awfully pregnant to be hiking it so far.

  “The truck wouldn’t start this morning. I rode the bus and I missed it this afternoon because I had to go to the bathroom. I always have to go to the bathroom.” She folded her arms across her chest, and Brian was amazed to see that they could rest on top of her belly as if it were a giant soccer ball on her lap.

  “Why didn’t your friends pick you up at the school, then?”

  She rounded on him. “Because I don’t have any friends. I mean, I don’t really have any friends coming to get me. I’m waiting for someone who lives out my direction to come in and pick up a pizza, and then I’ll hitch a ride home. There—are you satisfied?”

  “I’m trying to help, in case you haven’t noticed. If you’ll wait until I get something to eat, I’ll drive you home.”

  “Will it take very long? I should get home as soon as I can. Mrs. Dunn will be wanting to get home to her own kids, and Leah’s promised to come today.”

  “We’ll get the pizza to go, and we’ll eat it at your place, okay?”

  “Thanks,” she said. “Why are you doing this for me?” She pushed at a curl of hair that had worked its way out of her barrette.

  Brian took a deep breath. She was without doubt the mos
t exasperating girl he’d ever met. “I thought, after the other day, we were friends.” She didn’t say anything to make him think she felt the same way, which kind of bothered him. “I’m doing it because you’re Leah’s friend, and I’m doing it because only a real jerk would leave a pregnant woman to walk three miles uphill.”

  “Okay,” she said. “I don’t want anything on my pizza but cheese.”

  Brian did the gentlemanly thing and compromised on the pizza. Twenty minutes later they were back on the road with a super-size, half cheese/half Red Neck Special riding on the seat between them. Enough for all of them, because Juliet had called home while they were waiting and found out Leah and his dad were already there.

  Juliet leaned her head against the window. She looked tired. Her face was pale and her freckles stood out starkly. He thought about her gathering eggs, taking care of Aurelia and trying to keep up with her studies. He felt ashamed of himself when he compared his life to hers. Here she was pregnant and trying to finish school, and he’d dropped out to “find himself” just because he didn’t like his major.

  “I should have thought to pick up a couple of salads,” he said to get his mind off his own shortcomings.

  “There’s a head of lettuce and some carrots in the fridge. Nothing fancy but at least it’ll be cold and green.”

  “Sounds great to me.”

  She turned her head to look at him. “Are you always so darned obliging?”

  “I was taught to have good manners and be polite when someone was trying to be nice to me,” he shot back.

  “I never went to etiquette class.” He was horrified to see a tear run down her cheek.

  “Don’t cry. I apologize. I shouldn’t have said that.” What was it about women? Why did they always have to start blubbering every time you made the least little critical remark?

  “It isn’t that,” she said, sniffing. “It was the lawyer. She was really why I missed the bus. She was there waiting for me after school.”

  “Lawyer? You mean the one representing the people who want to adopt your baby?”

  Juliet nodded, rummaging in her book bag for a tissue. “She wanted to know if I’d made up my mind yet about giving them the baby.”

  “You’re a minor. I don’t think she’s allowed to pressure you like that.”

  “She’s always nice about it.”

  “Don’t you have a school counselor or someone you can talk to?”

  “Leah. I tell Leah everything.”

  “That’s probably why the woman wants to get to you when you’re alone. I’ve already figured out Leah won’t take any bull—I mean, any guff from anyone .”

  “She said they would help me buy a car this time. Funny that she picked today to tell me, when Granny’s old truck just about gave up the ghost for good.”

  He turned off the main road and they jounced over the ruts toward the Cade place. “It’s seems like more than just a coincidence to me.”

  “Maybe it was, but it doesn’t make any difference. I have to make up my mind about keeping this baby or giving him to them.”

  Juliet, just a kid, really, with no parents to speak of and a dying great-grandmother, was trying to decide whether or not to give up her baby, while he’d spent the day kayaking and driving around in a beauty of a classic truck. Brian felt like the biggest jerk in the universe. To hell with his dad and letting Juliet make her deal with the devil without interference from the rest of them. “Listen, I’ve been thinking. I’d like to lend you the money so you can go to school and keep the baby.”

  She stared at him openmouthed, a tear still glistening on her cheek. She wiped it away with the back of her hand. “How do you expect to do that?”

  “I’ll sell my car.”

  “Will your dad let you? You’re older than me, but not that old. What are you, eighteen?”

  “I’m nineteen, almost twenty...well, I’ll be twenty in November. That’s beside the point The car’s in my name. I’ll sell it if I want to.” His dad wasn’t going to be happy about it. His mom and Elliot would go ballistic, but he didn’t care. It was the only way he could think of to help her out of the jam she was in. They were almost to the creek. He slowed the truck, wondering if he would pop the clutch halfway across the rickety old bridge and make a fool of himself.

  “You’d do that for me? You hardly know me. I could be a real nutcase for all you know. Maybe I’ll run off to Hawaii with the money or something, and give my baby away, anyway.”

  He stopped the truck just before the bridge and leaned both arms on the steering wheel. “I know you well enough to know you’d never do that.” He looked at her with a mixture of respect and concern.

  Two more tears rolled down her cheeks, but she was smiling. “No, I wouldn’t. Thank you. That’s a nice compliment.” Her smile died away. “But I can’t take your money.”

  “Sure you can. I’ve got enough stashed away for an old beater to get me back and forth...”

  She looked away from him again, staring off into the distance at something only she could see. “It isn’t just the money. Leah would help me with money if I asked her. So would Doc Owens. Or I could get welfare, I guess. No, it’s me. What’s inside me. I don’t know if I can do it all—take care of a baby and go to school. I’m scared.” The tears were falling again. “I don’t want to be like my mom. She didn’t want me, not really. She let her boyfriend beat up on me, and then when Leah and Doc caught him at it, she hightailed it out of town with him and left me behind. Wouldn’t my baby be better off with those nice people if I turn out to be like my mom?” She swiveled to face him once more.

  “You’re not like your mom,” Brian said. He reached over and wiped a tear from her cheek. She had so many things to contend with. It wasn’t fair. He’d just wanted to make it easier for her. He probably shouldn’t have offered her the money, like his dad said. Dammit, what was a guy supposed to do? Sit there and watch her cry? But Juliet was right and he knew it. No one could make this decision but her. “Trust me. I’d say you’re more like your granny. I think you’ll make a great mom.”

  “Thank you,” she said, attempting a smile through fresh tears. “I hope I will be, because I want to keep my baby with me more than anything in the world.”

  “WHAT’S THAT MAN OF YOURS up to now?” Aurelia asked.

  “He’s tinkering around under the hood of your truck.” Leah turned away from the window. The sun had dropped below the hilltops on the far side of the valley and twilight was settling over Aurelia’s yard. The old woman was sitting in her rocking chair, her hands folded loosely on the quilt covering her legs. There was no sign of tension or anxiety in her posture or her voice. The new combination of medication was working, keeping her comfortable and alert.

  “Seems like layman’s work for a big-city brain surgeon to be doing.”

  “He promised Juliet he’d take a look at it before she and Brian went off to the softball game.”

  “He’s a good boy, taking her off for a treat. She doesn’t spend enough time with friends.”

  “She wants to be with you. And she’s getting awfully close to term. She tires more easily,” Leah reminded her.

  “I have a bad feeling about the baby,” Aurelia said, resting her head against the high back of the rocking chair. The visiting nurse had helped her wash her hair that morning. It floated around her head like puffs of dandelion fluff.

  “What feeling, Granny?” Leah asked. She respected the old woman’s feelings and her observations on medical matters, the result of a lifetime of experience.

  “She’s not carrying it right. That baby should’ve started to drop. It ain’t. And she’s all the time got pain in her back.”

  Leah frowned. “I’ve noticed that, too, although she hasn’t complained to me of any pain.”

  “Juliet’s not a complainer, but I worry about her just the same. I don’t want nothin’ to happen to her or the little ’un. They’re all I cherish.”

  “I promise you, Caleb and I won�
�t let anything happen to her. I’ll speak to Clint Fackler about her in the morning. Does that ease your mind?”

  “A little.” Aurelia fell silent and closed her eyes. The room was quiet except for the slight hiss of the oxygen tank.

  Leah turned back to the window. She couldn’t seem to help herself. She was drawn to Adam’s presence, as though they were tethered by some invisible force. He’d taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. He was dressed all in black today, a match for his mood on their silent drive up the mountain several hours earlier.

  “Your man’s in a world of hurt,” Aurelia said.

  “I thought you’d fallen asleep.”

  “I sleep too much these days with all the medicine you give me. Do you know what’s gnawing at his soul?”

  Leah didn’t try to sidestep the question. “I think I do. He was in Vietnam. Even though it was the end of the war, something happened to him there that he can’t, or won’t, forget and he refuses to talk about it. Going back made it worse, not better.”

  “And whatever it was keeps him from giving of himself to you.”

  “And his son.”

  Aurelia nodded. “And your baby. Is that why you’re holding him at arm’s length?”

  “It’s getting late. Do you want me to bring you your Bible to read?” Leah asked, not wanting to answer the difficult question Aurelia had posed.

  “You can bring me my Bible, but I don’t have to read it. I’ve read that book every night of my life. I know it by heart, but it’s a comfort to have it in my hands.”

  Leah went to the dresser and picked up the big, worn Bible and set it on Aurelia’s lap. The old woman folded her hands around it and smiled. “My granny gave me this the day I turned sixteen. It was her mother’s mother’s before her. Soon I’ll pass it on to Juliet. My granny never learned to read, but it didn’t stop her from memorizing most every verse in the good book. I got enough schooling to read and write. My daughter, Lizzie, too—Juliet’s momma—she went all the way through high school. But what good did it do her? I want more for my Juliet.”