Winter Soldier (Mills & Boon Vintage Superromance)

by Marisa Carroll

“It’s me, Aurelia. Adam Sauder, remember? I’m sitting with you tonight.”

  “At the hospital?” She moved her head restlessly on the pillow, lifted her arm to peer at the IV inserted in the back of her left hand, touched the oxygen tubing as though to reassure herself it was there, then spoke again. “What time is it?”

  “It’s very late. You should be sleeping.”

  “I heard a baby crying. It’s not my Juliet’s baby, is it? I’ve lost track of time. The little ’un hasn’t come, has he?”

  “No, it’s another baby—with an earache.”

  “Why is there a baby here? Isn’t this the place they put dying old women?”

  “We’re still in the emergency room, Aurelia. It’s a baby with an earache, that’s all.” Because she was going to be discharged without being formally admitted to the hospital, she hadn’t been transferred to a conventional room, but remained under the care of the emergency-room staff.

  “Cut a twig from the hickory tree outside my bedroom. Hold the branch over the fire until the sweet oil runs out. When it cools down some, put a couple of drops in the baby’s ear and he’ll be right as rain by morning.”

  “I’ll tell them, Aurelia,” Adam promised. “But you need to go back to sleep.”

  “I don’t want to sleep. I want to talk.”

  Adam scanned the monitors beside the bed. He had long ago become inured to the sound of their beeps and blips, and the eerie green glow of their screens. He touched the screen pad of the computerized nursing chart and checked the display. The readouts were as good as could be expected. Aurelia was one tough lady. He smiled down at her. “All right, let’s talk.”

  “I was dreaming,” she said.

  “That’s the medication,” Adam told her. “Sometimes it causes you to have bad dreams.”

  “Not a bad dream exactly, but a sad one. I saw my Juliet walking off into the hills above the house. Her and her baby. But she was alone, and sad. I called out to her, but she didn’t hear me. There was an angel beckoning to me to follow her. I wanted to be with Juliet. But...I wanted to go with the angel, too.”

  “Perhaps the baby crying triggered your dream.”

  She shook her head. “It’s the dying. I’m gettin’ preoccupied with dying, but Juliet still needs me. I can’t go and leave my poor Juliet alone, no matter how much pain this cancer eatin’ away inside me brings. To think she’s having to make such a terrible decision all on her own. To give up her own flesh and blood to strangers because I can’t do what’s right by her.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I’ve failed.”

  Almost against his will, he reached over and folded his hands around Aurelia’s cold, skeletal fingers. “I promise you, Juliet will not have to give up her child to keep a roof over her head, nor will she have to sacrifice her education to keep him with her.”

  “Thank you. You’re a man of your word. I believe you and it comforts me.”

  “Now get some sleep.”

  “Not quite yet. I haven’t had my say. Leah loves you.” She paused to get her breath. “She loves you with all her heart Do you love her back?”

  “I don’t know, Aurelia,” he said truthfully. “I care for her, but I lost the knack for loving a long time ago.”

  “You can get it back if you open your heart to Leah and that baby you’ve got comin’.” She turned her hand palm up beneath his and squeezed weakly.

  Adam didn’t answer.

  Aurelia closed her eyes, whether in determination or exhaustion he wasn’t sure. “I have the faith. Go to Leah and let me rest so I can do some hard prayin’ that’ll make you see the light.”

  “I’m staying here with you.”

  “No. Go. I can’t sleep with a strange man in my room.” Aurelia opened her eyes and smiled, and he saw a fleeting glimpse of the strong, loving woman she must have been. “Go on. Let me rest so I can go home bright and early tomorrow.”

  THE CLOCK ON THE MANTEL struck one as he stepped into Leah’s living room. She’d left the front door unlocked for him, as though she knew how badly he needed to be with her, if only for a little while. He stood quietly just inside the door, getting his bearings. The smell of wood smoke drew his eyes, for a moment, to the pale flames of a dying fire in the fireplace. The glow of a night-light came from the loft where he assumed Juliet was sleeping. He took off his damp jacket, hung it over the back of the desk chair and turned to see a figure in white standing in the shadow of the stairway.

  “Adam? Is that you?” Leah’s voice was little more than a whisper, barely audible above the sound of raindrops on the roof.

  “Yes.”

  She moved toward him. “You’re soaking wet.”

  “I walked from the hospital.”

  “Oh, Adam, it’s raining. Let me get you a towel.”

  He reached out and circled her wrist with his hand. “No, don’t bother.”

  “Why did you leave Aurelia?”

  “She sent me away. She said she couldn’t sleep with a strange man in the room.”

  His words caused her to laugh, a low chuckle that almost brought a smile to his lips, as well. “How like her. Is she comfortable?”

  “Yes. She was sleeping when I left. I asked the nurse to keep an eye on her until I get back.”

  “It was a near thing tonight.”

  “I know.”

  A sigh sifted past her lips. “I talked to Juliet about arrangements for hospice care. It was hard on her. But I still hope we’ll be able to grant Aurelia her wish to die at home.”

  “So do I.”

  “You must be hungry. When was the last time you ate?”

  “I honestly don’t remember.”

  “Can I fix you something?”

  “No, I’m fine, thanks. I just wanted...” What did he want? To be with her, to hold her in his arms, to feel the movement of their child inside her, to lose himself in her serenity. All those things and more. He wanted to tell her he loved her. But when he opened his mouth to say the words, the cries of dying children pounded in his ears, and the screams he never let himself utter all those years ago fought to be free. “I can’t stay, but I wanted to make sure you two were okay.”

  “Juliet’s sound asleep, but I’m worried about her. She’s uncomfortable, and she’s retaining a lot of water. I’m glad she has an appointment at Lex General tomorrow. I think the sooner they deliver this baby the better.”

  “Would she be more comfortable if Margaret went with her, instead of me?”

  “Possibly,” Leah said. “But I’ll be more comfortable with you there. I love Margaret dearly, but she isn’t a doctor. You are. I’d go myself, but I’ve neglected my patients more than I like these past couple of weeks.”

  “Then it’s settled. I’ll be here at ten to pick her up.”

  “I think she wants to stop by the hospital and see Aurelia first.”

  “Of course. Shall I meet you there, instead?”

  He sensed her smile more than saw it in the darkness. “Yes. Maybe that’s best.” It was cool in the darkened room, and he saw her shiver.

  “I shouldn’t have come here. It’s the middle of the night and I got you out of bed.” He opened his arms. “But God, I needed to see you.”

  She closed the small distance between them in the blink of an eye. She went into his arms and he held her close. “I’m glad you came even if you can’t stay.”

  Adam kissed her silky hair and found the strength to force the screams in his mind aside. “I wish I could, but we’ve got your reputation to think of, and there’s Juliet...”

  “I’d rather she didn’t find us in bed together in the morning.”

  “Me, too.” He cradled the back of her head in his hand, increased the pressure of his mouth against hers. When the kiss ended, he rested his chin on the top of her head until the beating of their hearts slowed and steadied. He stepped away. “If I kiss you again, I won’t be able to leave.”

  She took a step back, too, smiling a little. “My willpower isn’t any stronger tha
n yours.”

  “Aurelia said I should take the risk of loving you and the baby we’ve made together.”

  Leah lifted her fingers and pressed them to his lips. “Not tonight, Adam. Don’t try to force yourself to say the words.”

  “You deserve so much more than what I can give you right now.”

  “I love you,” she said simply. “I can wait.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  BRIAN STARED DOWN at the cashier’s check in his hand. He’d gotten a good deal on the car, but now what was he going to do with the money? It had suddenly occurred to him, while he was imagining himself handing it over to Juliet with a flourish, that the IRS wasn’t going to think it was such a magnanimous gesture. They were going to consider it income, and tax her on it. Big time. And him, too.

  There had to be some way to shelter the money. He needed to save as much as possible for Juliet and the baby, the way he’d intended to in the first place. But how? He couldn’t call Elliot and his mom, not today. Elliot might understand, but his mom was still plenty steamed about what he was doing. There had been half-a-dozen messages on the answering machine when he’d arrived at the condo two days earlier, all from his mom, each one more frantic than the last.

  He’d phoned her right away, even though he was dead on his feet. He’d spent eighteen hours on a bus on top of hitching his way to Cincinnati in an eighteen-wheeler with a guy who liked to talk politics and religion way more than Brian did. His mom had been happy to learn he was okay. He’d spent a good couple of minutes talking to his little sister, Megan, all the time thinking in the back of his mind that pretty soon he’d have another little brother or sister to talk to. But oddly enough, when he thought of doing things with little kids, even Megan, he thought of Slate Hollow as the place they’d be, not Boston.

  After his mom came back on the line, he’d fended off questions about whether or not he was ready to return to Harvard. Then he’d taken a deep breath and told her why he’d called. She hadn’t been happy to hear what he intended to do with his car—and why—and grilled him until he’d told her the whole story. And once he’d started telling her about Juliet and her baby, well, he’d ended up telling her about Leah and her baby.

  That revelation had gotten his mom’s mind off his selling the Lexus, but not for long. Then Elliot had come on the line and he’d had to tell the story all over again. His mom had called twice since then, trying to get him to change his mind and come back to Boston, but he’d held firm. The last time she’d told him he was as stubborn as his father and hung up the phone without another word. He was going to have some serious fence-mending to do the next time he saw her.

  Brian got up and walked into the kitchen. He laid the check on the central island and opened the fridge. It was empty, or darned close. He should have thought to get some groceries before the guy who bought the Lexus came to drive it away. He grabbed a jar of peanut butter and one of pickles, and sat down on a stool. He scooped peanut butter into his mouth with a spoon, pulled a pickle out of the jar with his fingers and stared at the cashier’s check. He supposed he could take it with him to Slate Hollow and then ask Caleb, or his dad, the best way to handle it.

  Except he remembered some of the not-so-upstanding citizens he’d come across on the bus trip north. He wasn’t sure he wouldn’t get his pocket picked or his luggage stolen on the way back to Kentucky. Maybe he should deposit the check in his bank account here. But then, he might have to fill out a bunch of forms, which would start the whole tax ball rolling.

  Maybe he should just call his dad, tell him he was sorry for the things he’d said on Sunday and ask his advice.

  He washed down the peanut butter with a can of soda and went to the phone. After all, what he was trying to do for Juliet was more important than his hurt pride. He called directory assistance and got the number for the Hideaway. The clerk said his dad had checked out a couple of days ago. For a moment Brian felt a squeeze of fear around his heart. If his dad had checked out a couple of days ago, where was he? Then he grinned, feeling like a fool. He’d gone to stay with Leah of course.

  He tried there next. No answer. She didn’t like answering machines, he’d remembered her saying, and so didn’t have one. He stood there, looking out at the bright spring afternoon and wondered what to do next. Then he realized what time it was—a little after four. Maybe Leah and his dad were both at Aurelia’s place. He punched in the numbers and waited a little nervously for the call to go through. It was going to be awkward apologizing to his dad over the phone. Maybe it would be better to have hopped the bus back to Slate Hollow and told him in person. He almost hung up the receiver, but just as he made the decision, the connection clicked through.

  “Cade residence,” Leah said.

  He smiled. He couldn’t help himself. It was good to hear her voice, with its faint hint of the South. He missed her and his dad—and Juliet—more than he’d imagined. “Hi, Leah. It’s Brian. Is my dad there?”

  “HE’S ON HIS WAY BACK,” Adam said, replacing the phone in its cradle. “He’ll be here late tomorrow afternoon.”

  “He’s taking the bus back?” Leah came from Aurelia’s bedroom, where she’d gone to give him privacy for his conversation with his son. Her arms were folded under her breasts, as though to give herself comfort. Her manner was serene, but he knew her well enough to detect the underlying concern in her eyes. Aurelia was slipping away from them.

  “Yes. I told him Juliet’s C-section was scheduled for a week from tomorrow, so he’s taking the first bus out.” He pulled Leah in his arms. They were alone for the moment. Juliet was outside, checking to see if Lancelot’s traumatized wives had started laying again. “He apologized for what he said last Sunday. I told him I was sorry, too...but the conversation was still awkward.”

  “It’s hard to apologize over the telephone, Adam. You’ve made a good start. It’ll be easier when you’re face-to-face.”

  “I hope so. I don’t want my relationship with Brian, and someday my grandchildren, to be limited to twice-a-year phone calls.”

  “You can’t have the kind of relationship you want with secrets between you,” she said.

  “I know, Leah. God help me, I know.” Coward that he was, he changed the subject. “Brian wouldn’t let me send him money for a plane ticket. He’s determined that every cent he got from the sale of the car goes to Juliet.”

  “How did he know you were here?” Leah laid her head against his shoulder and slipped her arms around his waist. She accepted his diversion, but he sensed her disappointment. He had squandered another opportunity to unburden himself, more frightened of the terrors locked inside him than of the specter of losing his son.

  He forced the memories away and focused his attention on the feel, the warmth, of the woman in his arms. “He called the Hideaway and learned I had checked out. When no one answered at your place, he figured we were all out here.” They had given up any pretense of maintaining separate residences after Brian had left, but they had yet to be alone together. Leah was spending the nights at Aurelia’s bedside.

  “Of course. A perfectly logical explanation. I’m not running on all cylinders this afternoon.” Leah looked up at him and smiled, but this did nothing to hide the dark circles under her eyes, the faint stress lines from nose to chin.

  “You’re spreading yourself too thin,” he said, his voice edged with concern. Luckily her blood pressure had remained within normal limits. If it hadn’t, he would have insisted that different arrangements be made for Aurelia’s care, even if doing so made him the heavy.

  Leah blinked away a sheen of tears. “It’s only going to be a few more days, Adam. I don’t think she’ll be here when the baby’s born.”

  “You know these last days will be the hardest.” He almost added that Aurelia was so heavily medicated now he doubted she would even realize where she was if they moved her to the hospice, but he held his tongue. Leah would know and Juliet would know, and the anguish that would cause them both did not outwe
igh the benefits of a few more hours of sleep.

  “I’m taking care of myself. Don’t worry. If...if it gets to be too much, I’ll do what has to be done. For the baby’s sake, for Juliet’s sake.”

  He bent his head to kiss her lightly, the merest brush of his lips, because there was no time or place to be more intimate. “I’ll be here for you.” It was all he could offer.

  “Thank you.” She bracketed his face with her hands and kissed him back, then smiled up at him. “You’re pleased Brian’s returning so soon, aren’t you?”

  “I meant what I said, Leah. I want to make things right with him.”

  “I know you do.” She made small, circling movements on her stomach with her hand, as much to soothe herself, Adam thought with a deep sense of disappointment for not being the man she deserved, as to reassure the infant sleeping inside her. “I want that, too—for all our sakes,” she said.

  “IF IT DOESN’T STOP RAINING soon, I’m going to...” Margaret Owens shook raindrops from a plastic rain scarf and hung it next to her raincoat on one of the brass hooks inside the door of Leah’s office.

  “Do what?” Leah asked while she went on typing case notes into her computer. She refused to look out the window at the steady downpour that had gone on without stopping for the past forty-eight hours.

  Margaret threw up her hands in exasperation. “I don’t know. Something. It won’t be pretty, and it might very well be criminal.”

  Leah laughed. “This weather has really gotten you down.” A huge low pressure system, drawing moisture from the Gulf of Mexico up into the Ohio River valley, had stalled almost directly over Slate Hollow, and it didn’t look as if it was moving out of the area anytime soon.

  “Of course, I’m depressed, and worried—the sun hasn’t broken out from behind the clouds for a solid week. Have you heard any weather reports at all today?” Leah shook her head without looking up from the computer screen. Margaret went on talking. “The TV station says the National Weather Service has issued flash-flood warnings for the whole county. They’ve already called out the National Guard up along the Ohio River. There’s no end in sight. We could get six or eight more inches before it’s over.”