Mismatch
Page 5
“Ethan never used to care about money.�
“I know. You two were a pair of hippies when you were young.�
I smile. “Artists.�
“I guess Columbia changed him.�
“I didn’t even know he’d applied.� I shake my head sadly. “I’ll never understand why he didn’t tell me he’d got in. I’d have supported him. I guess his mother’s death hit him harder than I realized.�
“You think that’s what changed?�
I nod. “She didn’t have health insurance. She kept her sickness from Ethan for as long as she could, and by then, it was too late. He was devastated when he found out she was terminal. He felt like if he’d only worked harder, he could have saved her. Like a high school kid’s part-time store gig would have paid for the chemo. Still, he never forgave himself.�
“That’s tough.�
“It was hard for him. I have to keep telling myself that when I want to hate him for taking off. His life was difficult.�
“Have you ever thought about getting back in touch? I mean, it’s hardly like his location is a state secret. It would be easy to make contact.�
I make a face and shake my head. “He must have left for a reason, and there must be a reason he didn’t come back. I feel like our time has passed. Besides, I bet he doesn’t even remember me now. He’s got that Valencia model, his skyscraper, and his billions. Like I would mean anything to him now.�
Ethan
It’s hot in the boardroom, and my mind is elsewhere. I’m sweating in my starched collar, and I take off my jacket. Stuffed suits—brilliant men and women—surround me, but I’m not in the mood for stats.
“As you can see, Mr. Steele, we’ve far surpassed our goal of one million downloads already. Destiny has overtaken the three leading dating sites and apps. It’s the number one choice for online daters.�
I stare at the chart projected onto the screen showing the figures rising. We’ve already made millions.
I look around at my team and smile. I hold up my hands to concede defeat. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m pleased to say you have proved me wrong. The app is a hit.�
Everyone smiles at one another. The team had a hard time convincing me to take up the project, but I always listen to the opinions of my experts—that’s what I pay them for.
“It’s not only Destiny sales, Mr. Steele.� One of my advisors is waving his hands excitedly. “We’ve seen increased purchases across a range of apps. This step into a more commercial, less niche area has increased our visibility among younger buyers. Everybody is downloading the free encryption program we’ve advertised, and purchases of the paid version are up by twelve percent. Phone security sales among that demographic are up. Destiny’s effects have rippled across all our products.�
“I’m glad to hear it.�
“Our surveys show the public’s perception of you has changed, also, Mr. Steele. Before, you were described as ‘cold,’ ‘hostile,’ and ‘distant.’ Keywords from recent interviews are ‘innovative,’ ‘fun,’ and ‘attractive.’�
I wince at both sets of descriptions. I rarely like what the public has to say about me, good or bad. At the end of the day, the public only knows as much about me as the press delivers.
“Well done, everybody.� I smile and nod my head. “This has been a valiant effort with some remarkable results. Thank you all for your initiative and hard work.�
I make a mental note to tell Jennifer that corporate mugs won’t cut it for the staff Christmas gift this year. I also tell myself that some bonuses are overdue for the brave members of my team who had the balls to push the Destiny idea. I was resistant, to say the least.
I finish the meeting and head to my office. Jennifer is sitting at her desk right outside my door.
I rap my knuckles on the surface to get her attention. “Lunch?�
She smiles. “I never say no to a free meal.�
Jennifer finishes writing an email and then grabs her purse. We head to the little bistro where we always do lunch. From the front, it looks like nothing. Inside, it’s even worse. But in the summer, you can walk right through to the courtyard in the back, which is spectacular. There’s a waterfall feature built into the back wall and rose trellises all around. It’s a hidden gem of a place, where paparazzi never find us.
We order, and I give Jennifer a rundown of the board meeting. “Apparently Destiny is a raging success. Who’d have guessed?�
“Welcome to the twenty-first century, Ethan. This is how people do it now.�
“It’s taken me by surprise. I thought all that soulmate stuff sounded like complete bullshit. There’s no science for romantic chemistry.�
“Keep your voice down, or that’ll be the headline quote in some magazine tomorrow.�
“I’m saying they’ve proved me wrong. People obviously love it.�
“Thomas was showing me some feedback yesterday. Users are raving about how successful their matches are. We seem to be onto something.�
“What—helping people to get their heads out of their asses?�
Jennifer’s smile is exasperated but amused. “What do you mean, Ethan?�
“I mean, this online dating thing makes it too easy for people to set criteria. Love doesn’t work like that—it just happens. Besides, most of the time, what people think they want and what they actually want are polar opposites.�
“There, I can agree with you. It’s too easy to overthink when you’re looking for ‘the one.’ When I met Bill, I never would have put us together, but I took a chance. I’d always gone for a bad boy. Who’d have guessed that Bill, with his lame jokes and dad jeans, would be the one for me?�
“How long have you two been dating now?�
“Almost three years.�
“Jesus. Has it been that long?�
“Goes quickly, doesn’t it?�
Since leaving Arizona, time has become abstract. Each day passes in a blur, and yet the years seemed to have dragged by. Sometimes, Payson feels like a distant memory; other times, recollections come back with acute and sudden vividness. It seems like just yesterday I was a daydreaming drifter in Rumsey Park.
“You met Bill online, right?�
“I did.� Jennifer smiles at the memory. “I’ll be honest, I almost didn’t reply to his message.�
“Why not?�
She makes a face. “Because he looked too boring. I couldn’t imagine someone whose interests were golf and bait-fishing was ever going to get my heart racing.�
“But you were wrong?�
She smiles down at the coffee and nods. “Very wrong. Bill is perfect for me. I thought I wanted excitement and passion, but what I needed was security and companionship. Bill isn’t some biker or a rock star, but he makes me feel like I’m the most incredible woman in the world. He loves me.� She shrugs and catches my eye. “I didn’t know that excitement and passion could grow from those things, but it does. That’s why I think Destiny is great. It stops you filtering based on what you think you want, and gets you to give someone new a chance. People surprise themselves when they open their minds a little.�
Jennifer takes a bite of her salad and raises her eyebrows like she’s challenging me. “Who knows? Maybe the Lorinas of this world aren’t what you need. Maybe if you tried the ap
p, it would match you with some rural homebody, and she’d blow your mind.�
Lily strips down to her underwear and runs toward the lake. It’s almost midnight, and I can’t believe what she’s doing.
“Come on, Ethan!� she shouts over her shoulder. “Get in here with me!� Her laughter rings through the empty golf course.
I catch up with her and pull her toward me. I’m trying to scold her, but she’s incredibly beautiful in the moonlight. I can’t wipe the wonder off my face. “Lily! We are stargazing, not skinny-dipping.�
“Why not both?�
She pulls away from me and runs to the water’s edge. She shrieks when her body submerges in the coldness, then moves deeper into the lake. She dips her head under the water, and comes back up with her hair wet and smoothed back. She’s grinning and beckoning to me. “Come on, Ethan. You know you want to.�
I look around and strip down to my briefs. Lily paddles in the water, waiting for me, her arms making circles on the surface of the lake.
I try to dip into the water quietly, but I twist my ankle on a stray golf ball and tumble in with a splash. Lily laughs and swims over to me. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me deeply.
Four days ago was her eighteenth birthday. In two weeks is her prom. We agreed we’d wait until then when everything would be perfect. Yet with the starlight and quiet of the night, combined with her semi-naked body pressed against me, I’m not sure I can keep my promise.
“You look beautiful right now.�
She beams at me, her eyes full of love. She fiddles with the wet hair at the nape of my neck, her legs kicking beneath the water next to mine.
“One day, it won’t be the dirty lake at the golf course. It will be the hot springs in Iceland.�
I don’t know how to tell her. I’m not sure if I’ve even made up my mind. For two years, since my own graduation, I’ve worked dead-end jobs, waiting for her to catch up so we can live out all the adventures we’ve promised to each other over the years. But things are different now. What I want has changed, but how can I tell her and break her heart?
My Columbia acceptance letter sits in the desk drawer, filling my crummy bachelor studio apartment—my home since I left foster care.
I want to tell Lily that this dirty lake on the golf course is all there’ll ever be. I’m leaving.
But she’s carefree tonight. She’s beautifully liberated, and all I want to do is watch her floating in the water and staring up at the stars. Her smile is almost enough to make me stay.
Almost.
I swim toward her and pull her body against mine in the water. We kiss, and I tell myself to treasure the moments we have left.
“I wouldn’t know what to do with a rural homebody,� I tell Jennifer. “Girls like that want more than what you can buy them. I’m not sure I know how to give a woman anything else anymore.�
Jennifer’s face fills with pity; it’s not a look people often give me these days, but Jennifer knows the person I am behind the cameras. She’s been a good friend for a long time.
“Don’t be stupid, Ethan. You attract the gold-diggers because you don’t want to commit. If you wanted a real, down-to-earth girl, you’d be able to find one.�
“And then bring her to my penthouse and watch New York corrupt her? My life isn’t as simple as it used to be.�
“You might be a billionaire, but you work each day and come home each night just like everyone else. How complicated is that?�
“I guess it’s hard for you to understand.�
Jennifer frowns at me. “You think I don’t understand ‘complicated?’ My kid’s dad ran off before I’d even given birth. When I started dating again, I was a single mom with trust issues. I know what complicated is. What’s complicated about Ethan Steele? Ditch the Italian chick, and you’re completely available. You could have whoever you want. Maybe you could forget the PR strategies and actually fall in love.�
“I think my time for love has passed.�
“Pfft. Come off it, Ethan. Are you telling me you’ve never been in love? Ever?�
She wears the white dress that I’ve tried so hard to capture in paint on countless rainy Sundays.
It’s not formal enough for a prom, but Lily doesn’t care. She’s wearing a pair of white wedge sandals and has worked crystal flower clips into her hair. Her eyes are brushed lightly with a dusky purple eyeshadow, her mascara-covered lashes long and dark. She has a gaze that won’t let me go.
The only other makeup she wears is a light, sheer gloss on her lips. She hasn’t hidden a single freckle. Her hair is loose to her shoulders, a natural, warm blonde. The chiffon dress floats from her hips and elbows. She looks like an ethereal creature from a fairy tale.
The other girls must have spent hundreds of dollars on their floor-length gowns and jewelry. Their hair is professionally styled into elaborate designs. They look expensive, but that’s all. I see them sneering at Lily, who looks like she’s wandered in from Coachella, but her beauty is incomparable.
I couldn’t afford a limousine, so we meet on the steps at the front of the school. I bought my suit from the thrift store. It doesn’t fit well; the sleeves end about three inches from my wrists, and the bow tie is too loose, hanging like a wilted flower. Yet when Lily sees me, her smile is pure delight. “Hello, handsome!�
“Lily, you look beautiful.�
No limo. All I have is a corsage. White, like her dress, with pink ribbons. It’s her favorite color.
I slide it onto her wrist, and she looks like she’s about to burst from happiness. I hold my arm out to her, and we enter.
At first, I feel awkward on the dance floor. I’m older than these high school kids, but soon, all I see is Lily.
We dance until midnight. When the last love song has played, we head to the hotel I’ve booked. I’ve saved for months to pay for it, but I want it to be perfect.
The door clicks shut behind us, and we’re alone.
Lily is standing there in her floating dress with something new in her eyes. I see her now, more as a woman than a teenager. She is headstrong and full of life, and I know I should walk away instead of leading her on when I know the plans I’m making.
Instead, I step closer and take her by the shoulders. “Is this what you want, Lily?�
She replies with a kiss, and I don’t doubt myself anymore. I pick her up in my arms. She wraps her legs around me; this time not a playful hello, but a beckoning.
I shrug, nonchalant. “No. I’ve never been in love.�
Lily
I call Ethan for the thousandth time and it goes straight to voicemail again. I try once more, and this time an automated voice tells me this number is no longer in service.
My heart sinks, and panic sets in.
Where is he?
This morning, I went to the place where he rents a room, and they told me that he doesn’t live there anymore.
It doesn’t make sense. Ethan wouldn’t just leave.
I wonder if he’s in trouble. Maybe he couldn’t afford his rent—but he’d tell me if that was true, wouldn’t he? He knows that my family’s door is always open to him. After his mom died, he was always staying at our place. None of us liked to think of him alone in a stranger’s home.
I’ve been everywhere I can think of to find him: Rumsey Park, Molly’s Café, where we go when it’s too cold out to wander around Payson—even his mom’s grave. I can’t find him.
For the last two hours, I haven’t be
en able to stop crying. I’m terrified that something has happened to him. This isn’t like Ethan.
I go to the police station. They ask me questions about Ethan. The woman police officer’s face is condescending when she tells me that a missing person doesn’t end his lease and pack his bags. “Sorry, sweetie,� she says. “It sounds like he’s moved on.�
I add the finishing touches to the sculpture—a bust of a woman, her hands trailing across her face. I’m not sure whether she looks seductive or lost, but I’ve sculpted something in her expression that came from my own.
Wiping my hands on my T-shirt, I switch off the light to my living room. The bust is on a turntable set-up on some dust sheets, right in the middle of my space. I can’t afford an art studio, so this is where I work. There is modeling plaster everywhere. My eyes wander to the thin crack snaking up the inside wall, and I wonder whether the plaster could fill it.
It’s nine at night, and it’s time I finish working. The people downstairs complain when I work the turntable too late; my foot on the pedal sounds like I’m dancing with lead shoes, apparently.
I head into my tiny kitchen, switch on the light, and smile when Biscuit comes running toward me, purring. She knows it’s time for dinner.
I set some food down for her and look inside my tiny under-counter refrigerator. Empty, apart from a splash of milk and a handful of chili peppers that Chloe grew on her balcony. She swears they cleanse the chi or something like that.
“Looks like I need to get some groceries, Biscuit. You’re a lucky girl, you know that? I never forget to get food for you.�
I open my top cupboard and pull out a box of cookies. I change into my favorite pajama shorts—the ones with the cartoon paint splotches—and an oversized knit sweater.
Cross-legged on my bed, I’m about to turn on the TV when my phone beeps. “Oh, look, Biscuit—it’s Destiny calling.�