Dare to Love

by Penny Dixon

  I wonder how I appear though his shades. If he’d been here at seven he’d have seen me fresh in my black leggings, red vest and black running shoes, my hair neatly tied back, face bright and glowing, full of expectation. What does he think now of my wet and sagging vest, hair falling about my face, sweat dripping from me. His lips are parted in a big grin, but what are his eyes saying?

  He‘s got a small bag slung over his shoulder. I feel the cord as he wordlessly hugs. He’s dry and certain. He apologises for being late; problems with his alarm clock. I tell him I’ve finished, just about to do my stretches. He offers to stretch with me.

  I’m feeling more confident in the light and the business of the beach. Joggers, walkers, martial arts students, all focused on improving their bodies. Despite this, I’m acutely aware of his gaze as I bend, stretch, make figures of eight with my hips, circles with my shoulders. His press-ups are impressive. As I watch him pumping up and down, I know I’m not the first woman he’s performed for.

  ‘What now?’ he asks, brushing sand from his hands when we’ve finished. ‘Going in?’ he tilts his head toward the sea.

  ‘Didn’t bring my suit.’ I look apologetic, not adding that I deliberately left it behind in case he wanted to go into the sea with me.

  ‘Go in as you are,’ he looks me up and down. ‘After all, you wet already.’

  ‘I’d have to walk back squelching.’ I wish I could see his eyes, see if he’s finding me as amusing as his voice suggests.

  ‘Don’t have to. I’ll take you home.’ Then he laughs out loud, throwing his head back in the process. ‘You still don’t trust me?’

  ‘It’s not about trust. I don’t know you.’ Even to my own ears it sounds weak.

  His voice drops. ‘Come in with me and I’ll show you all you need to know.’ He laughs at me again as he sees the look of uncertainty in my eyes.

  ‘Come on Joseee, it’s only water, I’ll take you home after. If you want we can wait till you dry out. You in a hurry? I’m not. I got all day if you want.’

  ‘I’m not that confident with the big waves,’ I confess, mentally kicking myself for not taking the swimming lessons I’d promised myself.

  ‘I’ll take care of you,’ he says, pressing his body against my back and wrapping his arms around me. He kisses the back of my head.

  ‘Come ooonnn,’ he pleads, and I know I’ve given in.

  ‘OK.’ Maybe the water will cool me down, loosen the knot forming in my stomach, release the tension building in my groin.

  He holds my hand and we run into the waves laughing like five year olds. The first one hits us unexpectedly. I begin to fall but he holds me close.

  ‘Stay with me baby,’ he whispers in my ear, ‘you’re safe with me baby. That’s it baby, relax, it’s easier to ride the waves when you relax; everything’s easier when you relax. That’s it, relax.’

  He kisses me hard as a wave washes over us. He holds me steady. I feel safe.

  He raises me up above the next big wave. I feel exhilarated, high on the sea and the danger and the spray and the… As he lowers me slowly, I feel him hard against my stomach. He kisses my ear, my neck, my chest. His tongue finds my nipple. I wrap my legs around his waist and arch my back and moan as he sets off my Christmas lights again. He knows instinctively when the next wave is coming and lifts me over it.

  I don’t resist as he guides my hand into his shorts. With nothing to constrain him, it slips easily into my hand. Now it’s his turn to moan. He’s hard, and despite the water, hot and pulsating in my hand.

  He finds my nipple again. It’s delicious. His tongue hot and soft; now slow, now fast, now long, now short, snaking over my nipples. My hand rides his shaft. He holds me tight with his left hand and slides his right hand over the top of my leggings so quickly and deftly I hardly notice… till I feel his finger on my clit. I jump as electricity shoot through my body.

  ‘Oh baby,’ he says between mouthfuls of nipple, ‘oh baby.’

  We ride the waves like this for what seem like hours. I get to the brink of climax but can’t get over the edge.

  ‘Come on baby, let it go,’ he says, ‘let it go for me baby.’

  ‘It’s too public,’ I say finally.

  ‘You want to go somewhere private?’ he whispers.

  ‘Yes,’ I hear myself say above the crash of the wave. ‘Yes please.’

  We sit on a rocky outcrop drying out. Our bodies still taut, still eager. I wrap his palm around my cheek and nuzzle my head into his shoulder; then take his middle finger into my mouth and suck it, like a boa constrictor applying pressure as I move from tip to hand. I feel him swelling.

  ‘Do you do oral?’ he asks me tentatively.

  ‘Aahh hum,’ I answer, still sucking on his finger.

  ‘I need to go and get showered,’ I’m feeling sticky and salty, and the image of Richard’s oral has just popped into my head.

  ‘In the shower here?’

  ‘No, at home.’

  ‘You not running out on me are you?’ He sounds suspicious.

  ‘Pick me up in an hour,’ I say when he drops me at Celia’s apartment.

  Grant

  Of all the days to be stuck in traffic. I told her I’d meet her at seven and its seven thirty already. It would have been easy if I didn’t have to take Mel to work. This morning she seem to take her time getting ready, we leave fifteen minutes late, and that fifteen minutes make all the difference. It’s like she purposefully slowing me down. For such a small island, it take such a long time to get across town in the mornings. I wonder how they would manage in a place like New York, but I don’t even want to think about that. Now it’s eight o’clock, just praying she still here. I grab my bag with the towel and spare shorts I put in the car last night before I go to bed.

  She not hard to see in her bright red vest, the waves lapping her ankles as she walk toward me. I watch her for a minute before she see me. Her vest wet and sticking to her body, showing all her curves, her skin glistening with sweat. I think, this is how she look wet, and I like it. My heart start beating faster straight away. I give her a hug when I catch up with her.

  ‘Sorry I’m late babes. I had some problems with my alarm.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Set it for six thirty and forget to switch it on,’ I lie. ‘Didn’t wake up till seven thirty.’

  ‘You got here quickly,’

  ‘Just throw a few things in a bag and run down here. Sorry I keep you waiting babes.’

  ‘No wait, I’ve finished. Just going to do my stretches.’

  ‘Let me stretch with you. Is the least I can do.’

  I do a few stretches and some press-ups, but most of the time I’m watching her. I wonder if she know how much she turning me on when she bend over to touch her toes and I can imagine entering her from behind, or when she do that strange twist with her hips and I can feel her riding my cock. It hard to hide an erection in beach shorts so I ask her if she wants to go in the water. She full of excuses, stupid ones about getting wet; she wet already, a bit more not going to make any difference. I have to use my little boy ‘pleeasse’ on her, tell her I will take care of her in the water before she say ‘OK’.

  We run into the waves holding hands like a couple of kids. She’s nervous of the big waves and when one hit us I have to hold her tight to stop her panicking. She like a frightened animal. I have to talk to her gently, tell her to relax. The more I talk to her, the more I feel her relax, the more she turn me on. I kiss her, taste the salt on her lips, feel her nipples hard against my chest. I’m ready for her to resist me when I move to her breast but instead she wrap her legs round me and offer herself up to me. She like a ripe mango. Soft, succulent, smooth. Her nipple, that part where it was once attached to the tree, hard against my tongue.

  I move her hand into my shorts. No struggle. Her hand find my cock and begin to work it. She experienced. Her hand riding my cock, we riding the waves, me riding a cloud s
omewhere way above us. And when I move into her panties she open up to my touch like a flower. We moving together, moving with the sea, with the sky and the clouds, with every creature who live and breed in the sea. I’m ready to let my seeds join the millions of others swimming in this great ocean but I want her to come first, want her to know I’m a gentleman. But she holding back. I feel her get to the brink, like she look over the edge and decide it too dangerous to jump.

  ‘Come on baby, let it go, let it go.’

  ‘It’s too public,’ she say, and although I can’t understand who in all this sea going to see what we doing, I pull back from firing my cannon.

  ‘You want to go somewhere private?’

  ‘Yes please.’

  I rush round the house putting Mel’s things into the wardrobe. Her clothes from the bathroom and bedroom floor, her shoes, hair stuff. I put all the face things in the bathroom cabinet, put a clean sheet on the bed. All the time I’m thinking about how Joseee’s mouth feel when she suck my finger and how I feel everything in my groin, how my cock jump to attention as she slide her warm wet mouth over my middle digit. I can’t wait for the real thing.

  I bathe and put on a green and white plaid pair of shorts Roxanne give me for Christmas with a white vest and a cap. With my dark glasses and sandals I know I look good. I just hope it’s to her taste. I look round the house, all trace of Mel gone. I’m feeling proud of myself when my cell ring. It’s Mel, can I pick her up at three o’clock, she finishing early today. DAMN! Today of all days! I can’t bring Joosee home, fuck her and push her out the door. It might take time. Damn Melissa!

  I wrack my brain trying to think of something. I don’t have enough money to go to a hotel. I can’t ask her to pay for a hotel, ask her to pay for her own fuck. Even if she say yes, there’s not enough time. Maybe we can go to her place, but she definitely say ‘pick me up’ not ‘come back later’. Damn Melissa!

  I start putting all her clothes back where she left them, her shoes, toiletries, everything. I’m just thinking I’m going to have to phone Joseee and tell her I can’t make it, think up some excuse when the answer come to me in a flash.

  I’ll pick her up and tell her I just get a call for a business meeting at two o’clock. Sound like a good opportunity, one I can’t afford to miss. It work with Mel yesterday. Maybe we can stay at her place. I put a business shirt, trousers and shoes in the car, and my hard hat. That will make it more convincing. I’ll have to play it by ear when I see her. Damn Melissa!

  I watch her lock her door and walk across the road to the car. Easy, sure steps. She wearing a bright pink skirt that cling to her hips and a pale pink top with lots of straps across the back. She got on the sandals she was wearing last night. Her hair loose over her shoulders. Although I know she must be at least forty, she look a lot younger. She open the passenger door and slide into the seat. I don’t just see the experience with her. I feel it.

  ‘Where to?’ I ask her as she shut the door, taking in everything about her.

  ‘Did you know the eyes are the windows to the soul?’ she say, looking me straight in the face. It take me a couple of seconds before I realise what she mean.

  ‘Oh sorry,’ I take off my shades.

  ‘Where to?’ I ask again. This time we can see each other’s eyes. She look away.

  ‘You decide.’ I’m hoping she suggest somewhere that don’t cost much, like going for a drink.

  ‘Make a suggestion,’ she say.

  ‘You want something to eat?’ I know a cheap place we can get snacks and drinks.

  ‘No, I’m not hungry. I just ate breakfast.’

  There’s a little silence while I wrack my brain to think of somewhere.

  ‘How about we go back to the beach?’

  ‘The beach?’ I’m puzzled. We just come from there and it was too public.

  ‘Yeah. We could just sit and talk for a while.’

  This really isn’t what I want to hear but as I can’t come up with anywhere private to take her and she not going to invite me in, I agree.

  ‘OK.’ I begin driving slowly back to the beach. If I park under the trees on the other side to the car park we might get a little privacy as not many people park over there. That’s if I can persuade her to stay in the car. She might want to go back and sit in full view of everybody.

  I shoot her a sideways glance. She seem distant, like she seeing something in her head that she not sharing with me. I park under a tree, crack the windows and switch off the engine. I bless the day I get this car with the black out windows. We invisible from the outside. She saying something about the car sliding down the hill when I take a chance and kiss her. She hesitate for a second then she part her lips and let me in. I feel like I’m starting all over again with her. Like everything that happen between us already rub out and the slate blank again.

  I slide my hand toward her right breast. She use her right hand to stop me. I pull back and look her in her eyes; or at least I try but she look away.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ I ask her quietly. She confusing me. An hour ago she on the point of climax with me and now she won’t even let me touch her.

  ‘Did I tell you, you look fabulous?’ She look me up and down and I can see she appreciate what she seeing.

  ‘Thanks. But what…’

  ‘That cap really suits you,’ she cut me off. ‘In England we call them Andy Capps.’

  ‘Why Andy?’ I’m not one little bit interested in what they call caps.

  ‘Because there’s a cartoon charact –’

  ‘What’s the matter?’ I can’t handle this chatter.

  She take a deep breath, sit back in her seat and look at the windscreen.

  ‘I’m not going to have sex with you.’ So matter of fact. No emotion. No looking at me. That’s not what I’m expecting to hear. I’m still hot for her. Is she playing games or just teasing me.

  ‘Do you mean today, or ever?’

  ‘Ever.’

  I don’t know what to say. I don’t think she teasing me, she wouldn’t let me go that far with her in the sea if she was teasing. I know I feel something between us in the sea and it wasn’t just the excitement of riding the waves. Like if she saw me drowning she would try to save me, even though she afraid of the sea. Like if I gave her my heart to look after she would keep it safe. She look very tense. Still looking out the window, hands on her lap, turning her wedding ring round and round. What happen in the last hour to change her? The silence between us getting longer. I still don’t know what to say. She look like she need a hug.

  I lean slowly toward her and slide my arm behind her shoulders. She don’t move, don’t stiffen, don’t push me away. I keep leaning till my lips touch hers. I let them rest there, don’t try to kiss her. We breathe each others air, inhaling and exhaling in time, mixing oxygen and carbon dioxide, uncertainty and confusion. I want to say ‘Come on baby, tell me what’s wrong,’ but I know I have to wait for her to come to me or I will lose her. I don’t understand why she matter so much. I only meet her three days ago. I don’t know what happen to make her change her mind. The only thing I know now is that I have to think of some way of changing it back. She not going to be an easy nut to crack and that excite me even more.

  Eventually she kiss me. A little kiss on my bottom lip, soft and full of doubt, like she don’t trust herself. I want to take her tongue in my mouth, press hard on her lips. I want to kiss her eyes, her nose, her cheeks but I know I have to play it cool. When I feel her slacken a little I try to pull her closer to me, try to wrap my other arm round her but the gear stick is in the way. I can’t believe it when she suggest going round to the back seat.

  ‘I’d hate for the car to go sliding down this slope into the sea,’ she laugh a nervous little laugh as she look at the handbrake.

  She watch me clear my laptop and some books off the seat. That’s when she see the business clothes hanging from the hook on the back seat door.

  ‘Do yo
u always carry spares?’ Is she suspicious or nervous? I can’t tell. I tell her about the phone call and the meeting. She don’t seem to mind.

  Although I still want her like crazy, I tell myself that nothing going to happen when she in this mood so might as well relax. She lay on her back, put her head in my lap and her feet on the seat, knees bent and pointing at the car ceiling. Like we at home watching TV on a sofa. She ask me to tell her all about me. How long I been with my girlfriend? Does she know what I get up to with other women? How long I been out of work? What do I want for my business?

  When she start with the girlfriend thing I think, Here comes the interrogation! But after I explain again that me and Mel not serious, that we only have a causal thing and that she only spend time at my house because she feel lonely at hers, she move off the subject. There’s something about the way she listen. Like I’m the only person in the world that matter, like she really care about every word I say. She don’t jump in with her own opinion about what I’m saying. Like for some reason I’m important to her.

  ‘Anyway, that’s enough about me.’ She lighten up a bit now and tell me about her work, her real work, and tell me I’m pronouncing her name wrong. ‘It’s a short i not a long e.’

  I ask her if she analysing me. She say no, she on holiday, and laugh. She tell me about her friends, her wine bar, her gym, everything but the one thing I want to know about. Her husband. Last night he didn’t matter, but after what happen today, and because of what I’m feeling now, he matters.

  ‘So how come you husband not with you?’

  She shrug. ‘Things not so good with us.’ That’s music to my ears. Better than she saying he working or something like that. That mean I’m in with a chance. All I have to do is get her to tell me about him, find out what his weakness is and make it my strength. I just hope his weakness isn’t money. To God I hope it’s sex.