Star-Crossed Rascals

by Patricia Puddle



  Star-Crossed Rascals

  Book One

  Patricia Puddle

  Copyright © 2011 Patricia Puddle

  Written & Illustrated by Patricia Puddle

  Cover Designed by Patti Roberts

  Patricia Puddle’s Facebook Fan page for Polly and Gertie https://www.facebook.com/pages/Patricia-Puddle/192607907437444?ref=hl

  All rights reserved, including the rights to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever without the prior written consent of the copyright holder.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  DEDICATION

  A huge thank you to Patti Robert for creating my wonderful book cover. You’re awesome!.

  A big thank you to my adorable little models,

  Star Rose and Zoe Charlotte

  To my fans, young and old, thank you so much for reading my books. You inspire me and make it all worthwhile.

  To Zac, a big hug for laughing so hard at Star-Crossed Rascals and nagging me to hurry up and write Rascals Sing at The Opera House. You’re amazing and you inspired me from the other side of the world!

  To my dear mother, thank you for letting me read my rascals stories to you over the phone for years on end before I finally published them. To my husband, thank you for the endless support and encouragement, and for cooking almost every night so that I could write.

  To my old classmate, Michael, thank you for creating such a wonderful website for me.

  And a big thank you to my critique group at Critique Circle and Absolute Write Water Cooler. I couldn’t have done it without you.

  Contents

  1 Polly Loves Bubblegum

  2 Liver

  3 Bread and Jam

  4 Jenny

  5 The bicycle

  6 The Bog Hole

  7 Germs

  8 The Brickfield

  9 Rolled Up Carpet

  10 The little Tinnie

  11 Bull Shark

  12 The Hero

  Review of Star-Crossed Rascals

  5***** Stars: “Oh my word! Ms. Puddle, you are a genius! Finally, a "child’s" tale which is appropriate for boys and girls of all ages. I'd highly recommend for everyone to read this book, from Senior Citizens to the youngest readers. Star-Crossed Rascals is the funniest tale I've read in years! I will never look at "play-dough", "gobstoppers" or mops the same. *****10 stars!**** Polly is such an endearing little girl, whose best intentions always seem to land her in a mess. She has come to life in the pages of this book, which will have you laughing and crying at the same time. Gertie, who is Polly's best friend, is the child your mother always warned you about, except she's not cruel or mean, simply adventurous. She's the best friend we all want to have! I found myself cheering on Polly (and Gertie), in their antics against Great Auntie Mabel who was an utter crank. I'm keeping this one for my grandchildren, as it will be re-read many times again. Thank you for the fun Ms. Puddle and for Zac's new favourite book! Please, please write many sequels! ”

  Chapter One – Polly Loves Bubblegum

  After wiping my sticky fingers down my T-shirt, I ran into the lounge room. Great Aunt Mabel was sitting in Daddy’s armchair, watching TV.

  I tapped on her shoulder. “Gertie’s gone home now, Auntie, but guess what? She’s invited me over to see her new bike. Can I go to her house?”

  Auntie didn’t even answer me. She just grunted and kept watching her program. So I hollered in her ear. “Did ’ya hear me, Auntie?”

  She whacked me with her newspaper. “Don’t be rude, Polly! I’m not deaf.”

  “Ouch!” I rubbed my arm and pouted. “But … but Gertie’s waiting for me.”

  “I don’t care,” she said. “You’re not going. Look how grubby you are. And I hope you haven’t brought that filthy play-dough indoors.”

  “It wasn’t play-dough,” I said. “I’m seven, not three.”

  “Really?” she said. “Well, what was it?”

  I giggled. “Bubblegum.”

  Auntie dropped her paper on her lap. “Pardon?” she said. “It was as big as a bloomin’ golf ball. How could it be bubblegum?”

  “Umm, well,” I said. “It was like this. Gertie and I wanted to make a giant gumball. So we collected bubblegum from the pavement. But most bits were stuck to the ground like tiny pancakes.”

  “What?” Auntie pulled her glasses off and stared at me. “Pollyweena Grubble, don’t tell me you picked them up?”

  I grinned. “Yeah, only we had to scrape them up with our fingernails. But some pieces were easy. They were like big juicy raisins just sitting on the kerb saying, “Pick me, pick me!”

  “That’s disgusting,” said Auntie. “Why would you do such a dirty thing?” She shook a knobbly finger at me. “You better not have put any in your mouth.”

  “Err … well …” I mumbled, twisting my hands together. “We had to mould them together, didn’t we?”

  Auntie looked horrified. “What do you mean, mould them together?”

  I shrugged. “With our teeth. We chewed them up good. But it took me ages, ’cause some bits were full of grit and my jaw started hurting.” I smiled. “But guess what, Auntie? I had a much bigger gumball than Gertie. Mine was so big – I couldn’t even close my mouth. And I won the prize.”

  That did it. Auntie Mabel’s eye twitched. She grabbed the back of my T-shirt and dragged me to the bathroom. My heart thumped and my legs couldn’t even keep up with her. I was running in mid-air. What had I done wrong?

  She squeezed a blob of paste on my toothbrush and shoved it at me. “Now, clean your teeth!” she ordered. “You weren’t brought up that way. You could get really sick doing that. It was bad enough when you picked up mouldy dog poo and ate it.” She folded her arms and tapped her foot on the tiles.

  “But I didn’t swallow the dog poo,” I said. “I spat it out as soon as it burned my tongue. It tasted horrible, like the chillies in Daddy’s garden.”

  Auntie banged her hand on the sink. “But why did you pick it up in the first place?”

  I chuckled. “’Cause it looked like one of Granny’s coconut toffees.”

  “It’s not funny,” she yelled. “I should wash your mouth out with soap.”

  Yipes! Not soap! I brushed my teeth real fast. As I rinsed my gums, I peeked out the corner of my eye. Auntie was still scowling. Why’d she have to come and stay at our house? Mum and Dad should’ve taken me to Granny’s with them. Too bad for me, ’cause Auntie was no fun. Crikey! I didn’t dare tell her my giant gumball was stuck to my bed post.

  “Gargle,” she snarled, shoving a cup of mouthwash at me.

  Yuck! It looked like wee-wee. Wrinkling my nose, I took a little sip. It tasted horrible. I gagged and spat it out, but I missed the sink and spluttered it all over Auntie. “Bleuuughh!”

  “Oh, you clumsy little idiot,” she said, rubbing her dress with a cloth. “I’ll be glad when your parents come back. You’re a walking disaster.”

  I made a grouchy face. Mum and Dad wouldn’t be home for a whole week. And I was stuck with that grumpy old crab-apple. All she did was read and watch horse races on TV. She never read me stories like Granny did. And she never smiled at me.

  Auntie pressed her lips together and gave me a towel. “Polly,” she said. “Why on earth do you do such filthy things?”

  I gave her a teeny smile. “’Cause Gertie dares me.”

  “Really?” she said. “Well, in that case, you’re never to play with Gertie, ever again.” She leaned towards me. “Do you understand?”

/>   Not play with Gertie? No way! She’s my bestest friend in the whole world. I scowled and stuck my bottom lip out. Spit trickled down my chin.

  “Did you hear me?” she snarled.

  I nodded, but huge tears filled my eyes. Everything went blurry. Great Auntie Mabel now looked like a big bloated toad.

  “There’s no point crying, Polly,” she said. “And you can put that lip away. It’s not going to work with me. You know when you’re doing naughty things, but you do them anyway. And I’ll be telling your parents how Gertie puts stupid ideas into your head.”

  Sniffing, I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. Mum and Dad wouldn’t ban me from playing with Gertie. I scrunched my face at that mean old woman.

  “Pulling faces will get you nowhere,” she said, heading out the door. “Now, hurry up and have your shower before dinner.”

  What a grizzly old grouch. I was hoping to have a ride on Gertie’s new bike.

  On her way down the hall, Auntie turned back and squinted at me. “By the way,” she said. “What was the prize?”

  I smiled, kind of nervous. “Gertie’s gumball,” I said. Then I slammed the bathroom door and locked it.

  Auntie didn’t try to open it. She just grumbled and stomped down the stairs.

  Frowning, I pulled my grubby clothes off and jumped in the shower. As I washed my hair, I thought of a real good plan. I could meet Gertie at the park. Auntie would never find out.

  Chapter Two – Liver

  Back in my room, I pulled on my favourite animal pyjamas. My tummy growled. I was real hungry, so I stomped downstairs to the kitchen.

  Auntie was stirring a pot on the stove. “Dinner’s almost ready,” she said.

  I pulled my pretty apron out of my backpack. It was green checked with a big wide pocket. After putting it on, I twirled around. “Do you like my pinny, Auntie? I made it at school.”

  “It’s nice,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “But I bet your teacher made most of it.”

  “No, she didn’t,” I said. “I sewed it all by myself.” I sat at the table and scowled at the back of Auntie’s head. Why did she have to be so mean all the time?

  She plonked my dinner in front of me and sat in the opposite chair. “Eat up,” she said.

  I sniffed. Yuck! It smelled like rotten belly guts. I wrinkled my nose. That wasn’t food. It was puke. I peeked at Auntie from the corner of my eye.

  She sighed. “Come on, Polly. You’ll love it. It’s spaghetti and liver.”

  Spaghetti and liver? Ugh! They don’t go together. What about tomato sauce and cheese? I hate liver. How was I gonna eat that?

  Auntie grinned. “Dig in,” she said. Then she crinkled her lips like a cat’s bum and slurped up a string of spaghetti. Gravy dribbled down her chin. Eww! I wanted to throw my dish at her, but I didn’t dare.

  I was already in trouble, so I took a tiny bite. Yuck! My tongue stuck out and my head jerked forward. Those slimy white worms felt horrible. And the liver stuck in my throat. I gagged and held my mouth. I was going to be sick right on the table. “Bleuuughh!”

  “Oh, stop it,” said Auntie. “Have some water and eat your food. You won’t get anything else.” She gobbled the rest of her own dinner, then carried her plate to the sink.

  Well, poo to her, ’cause I wasn’t eating that slop. I’d rather starve. I guzzled my drink to get rid of the yucky taste. Then I grumbled, “Mum never makes me eat liver.”

  “Liver is good for you,” said Auntie. “Just eat it.” She grabbed the dog food and headed outside to feed Mange. He’s our little terrier. I could’ve given him my dinner, but Auntie sent him out the back. Mum never did that. She fed him in the kitchen. I did a huffy breath and poked the liver with my finger. Eww, it had veins in it. How gross!

  Just then, I had a super-duper idea. I could chuck my dinner in the garbage. I sprang off my seat and grabbed a plastic bag from the pantry. As I peeped out of the window, my heart thumped. Auntie was hanging her huge knickers on the washing line. I giggled. They looked like big pillowslips with holes.

  Hoping she wouldn’t catch me, I ran over to the table and poured my dinner in the plastic bag. But before I got to the bin, the back door slammed. Yipes! Auntie was coming back. Quickly, I stuffed the bag of slop in my apron pocket. Then I sat down speedy fast. She couldn’t see the bulge ’cause I hid it under the table.

  Auntie stared at my empty dish. “Oh,” she said. “So you ate your meal after all. I’m glad you liked it. Here, have some more.” She plopped another pile of that nasty slop on my plate.

  My tummy did a big flip-flop. No way was I eating it. I just twirled it around my fork.

  She nodded her head and smiled. “It’s yummy, isn’t it?”

  Boy, was I happy when she went to the lounge to watch the news. I let out a big sigh. Then I poured the rest of my food in that soggy bag in my apron pocket. I peeked around the door. No way could I take it outside to the wheelie-bin. Auntie would see me.

  Holding my pinny, I charged upstairs. That liver stank like Granny’s farts. I didn’t want it in my room. I carried it to the linen cupboard and stuffed it under the towels and sheets. Auntie would never find it. I brushed my hands and smiled. I could take it to the wheelie bin later.

  I did my happy dance. Shaking my butt, I twirled around. Then I boogied to my bedroom. Now, I didn’t have to eat that rubbish.

  No way was I watching telly with Auntie. She never watched cartoons. I yawned and climbed into bed. Gum hunting is hard work for a kid. My tummy growled. I was super hungry. How was I gonna sleep? I couldn’t ask for more food. Auntie would call me a pig.

  When I fluffed my pillow, I saw it.

  My eyes went crossed.

 

  Sitting on my bedpost like a huge grey bogie – was my giant gumball. Mine and Gertie’s bubblegum collection moulded together. Now we were bonded forever. I smiled my biggest grin. But before I could pop it in my mouth, I heard footsteps.

  The door flung wide open.

  Auntie Big Bloomers marched in.

  Holding my soggy apron in the air, she bellowed, “What’s this?”

  My heart did a big thump. Nooo! I was in bigger trouble now.

  “Well, speak up!” she yelled.

  I didn’t dare answer. Trembling, I moved down under my covers and peeked out.

  Auntie shook my smelly apron at me. “I went to get a clean towel,” she said. “And what did I smell? Liver!” She glared at me. “And it leaked all over the clean sheets!”

  When she stomped towards me, I squealed. Uh-oh! She was gonna see my prize. Then real quick, I reached out and flicked the gumball with my fingers.

  It shot across the room.

  Ooooaah! My eyes nearly popped out of my head.

  Auntie Mabel’s mouth was wide open.

  And in it was my gumball.

  Chapter Three – Bread and Jam

  Crikey! Auntie looked like she had a frog in her mouth. Holding my breath, I sat up straight. Would she choke on my bubblegum?

  Her eyes bulged as she tried to spit it out. But the gumball was way too big. It stuck to her teeth. She coughed and gagged, then spat it on the floor.

  I peered over my bed to see where it went. Whoa! Auntie’s dentures were stuck in the middle of my gumball. I covered my mouth and stared at her. Her lips were puckered like an old sock. She had no teeth and her chin touched her nose.

  I gulped. Now, she really did look like a mean old witch.

  Hoping to rescue my prize, I leaped off my bed and snatched the false teeth off the floor. But Aunty grabbed them off me.

  I pouted. “Can I have my gumball back?”

  Her face went purple. “No, you can’t!” She pulled the bubblegum from her dentures and tossed it in the bin.

  Just then, Mange appeared in the doorway and stuck his head in the rubbish. He grabbed my gumball and galloped downstairs.

  “Mangy mutt,” yelled Auntie. Then she turned towards me. “And you …”

  Screaming
, I jumped into bed and darted under my doona.

  She pulled my covers back and leaned over me. With no teeth in her mouth, her head had shrunk. “Polly,” she said. “Not only are you banned from seeing Gertie – you are now grounded.”

  Grounded? I sat up and scowled. “No, no!” I pleaded. “You can’t ground me, Auntie.”

  She gave me a gummy smile. “Oh, yes, I can.”

  “How long for?” I asked.

  “All weekend,” she said. Then she marched out and slammed the door.

  I folded my arms. All weekend? That meant I had to stay indoors. How was I gonna sneak to the park and see Gertie? What a cruel Auntie. She knew I hadn’t eaten my dinner, but she still didn’t give me any supper. It wasn’t fair. Mange got fed.

  I threw my pillow at the door and shouted, “Anyway, Auntie Mean Bum. Grandma’s kind. She isn’t a grumpy grumbler like you. She wouldn’t starve me. Even prisoners get fed.”

  Auntie bellowed up the stairs. “I heard that, Polly.”

  Too bad, cause I wasn’t even bothered. I climbed beneath my sheets and chewed my tongue. But I couldn’t fall asleep. My tummy kept growling. I sighed. If only Auntie would hurry up and go to bed, then I could sneak downstairs.

  Thinking about cookies and cakes, I tossed and turned. It seemed like forever before Auntie went to her room. Then at last, her snoring rattled through the wall.

  Hooray! I bounced out of bed and peeked into the hall. The night lamp shone from the bathroom. I tiptoed across the landing and slid down the banister. After padding to the kitchen, I switched on the light. I did my happy dance. Shaking my butt, I shimmied to the pantry. Food! Yummy food!

  Ooooh, now what to have? I tapped my mouth with my finger and looked around. When I spied a brown crusty loaf, I grabbed four slices of bread. Smothering them in butter and jam, I licked my lips. Then I took a huge bite.

  Sticky strawberry jam dribbled down my chin and plopped onto the floor. But before I could wipe it up, the stairs creaked. Oh, no! Auntie was coming.

  Holding my stack of bread, I hid inside the pantry. I left the door open a teeny-weeny crack and peeked out. Auntie shuffled into the kitchen wearing her underwear. Her bra looked like two huge swimming caps. But I tried not to giggle.